


The Accidental Sensei (old version)

by The Raven Sennin (The_Raven_Sennin)



Series: Team Anko [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: A Lot Like Canon, Action/Adventure, Basic Training, Except When It Isn't, Fantasy, Friendship, Gen, Near Full Rewrite, Ninjapunk, Other, Team Dynamics, Teambuilding
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-05-25
Updated: 2014-05-25
Packaged: 2017-11-06 00:25:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 92,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/412689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Raven_Sennin/pseuds/The%20Raven%20Sennin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One little mix up in the Hokage's office sends Mitarashi Anko to the Academy with a vague mission-- one she takes to mean teaching Genin Team Seven! From one mix-up comes headaches for a copy-nin, a coming revolution in ninja education, and a far too amused Hokage! But as the fall out from this opportune mistake shakes out, things come to light that will rock the Hidden Village of Leaves and lead to a revolution in training!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Opportune Mistake/ Chasing Awesome! A Prelude to Hell!

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Accidental Instructor (a part of What If...?)](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/8746) by Rorschach's Blot. 
  * Inspired by [In Memoriam](https://archiveofourown.org/works/864249) by [Shockz](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shockz/pseuds/Shockz). 



> Disclaimer: Unfortunately, no mimes were harmed during the making of this fic.
> 
> Stolen-- actually, no, he said we could take his ideas. I'm sending him a link. Inspired by a bit from Rorschach's Blot's What If... Naruto fic file. The Blot is Hokage of the Hiden Village of Crack. Blot-Crakakage-sama, I do this... FOR YOU! There might be bits and piecies of your genius in my blather.
> 
> But... while my inspiration is cracky, and I'm trying to keep my winning humour about me (since you all appreciate it, or tell me you do anyway) I take the base concept in a different direction. I want to explore a few things.
> 
> It's also because of how I like playing the Professor. And because it lets me be evil to Kakashi in a way I can't be in my OTHER fic. 
> 
> More to the point, some comments make me recognize that I need to state this out front. While the germ of this story comes from Blot's ficlet, the fullness of it comes from the fact that Naruto disappointed me. It seemed to promise so much, and then everything that interested me got sideboarded. The way certain things were handled annoyed and bemused me. Which requires a near full re-write.
> 
> This is the Naruto I kinda wished for. I am not so silly as to claim I am a better writer than Kishimoto. This is just me actually doing a lot of the things I wish he had, adding some world building via deep thought and patch working in other things I love.
> 
> I am going to repeat/ paraphrase the Fair Warning Sparkz gave at the beginning of the excellent In Memoriam (available here on AO3): When I say "near full rewrite", I mean it. I wanted this to be recognizable as Naruto. The setting is the same seed planted in those early chapters, but I'm grooming the tree a different way. Character personalities, motivations and histories may or may not have been shifted drastically. Details of the setting, especially those introduced after my starting pont... they may not turn out the same. 
> 
> Make no assumptions based on canon. It's in the Manga and Anime. If it isn't in Team Anko, it's not part of Team Anko.
> 
> Ahem. ON WITH THE SHOW!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A mix up in the Hokage's office sees Kakashi suffering at the hands of Academy Genin and Team Seven recieving an unexpected sensei-- Mitarashi Anko! But wiill Sarutobi-sama's gamble in seizing this opportune mistake spell success or ruin for the Academy and Team Seven?

"I think there's been a mistake," Iruka confided, as he took the seat his ruler offered.

### Hi-bi, 1 Neko, 12th year of the Sandaime's Second Reign, 3043.

How... opportune, Sarutobi Hiruzen thought. He'd been about to call the chuunin.

"Oh?" the Hokage asked, setting aside the latest copy of Adult Refined Tales Monthly. Because everyone is a pervert in Konoha.

"You assigned Hatake Kakashi as Team Seven's jounin sensei, correct?" Iruka asked.

"Yes, it was felt Kakashi could best train Sasuke in the Sharingan, and his focus on teamwork would stabilize the Uchiha. We went over this, the bell test thing--"

"Mitarashi Anko has taken responsiblity for them, Hokage-sama."

The Hokage sighed, though without much surprise. He drew deeply on his pipe, Konoha's "special blend" helping keep his cool. They grow all kinds of leaves in Konoha.

"And Hatake turned up to demonstrate summoning jutsu to a class at the academy..."

"I found him bordering on hysteria at the Broken Tool, with Tani Mako providing sanity release..."

"Decent bar to do it in, decent nin to do it with," the Hokage said with a smirk.

"How did this happen?" Iruka wondered. "You gave the orders yourself, of course!"

The Hokage sighed. "Well, to be honest..."

* * *

Anko walked into the Hokage's office and bowed.

"You called for me, Hokage-sama?" Anko asked respectfully.

"I have a new mission for you," the Hokage replied, "go to the Academy and . . ."

"Hokage-sama," one of his aides rushed in, "the new issue of ARTM is out in stores!"

"And I'm sure you'll figure it out," Sarutobi called over his shoulder as he rushed out.

Anko blinked. "I... figured he'd have his delivered... I do..."

* * *

"... you were rushed because of the new issue of Adult Refined...?" Iruka managed.

"It's finally got the second part of 'House Mates'," The Hokage said serenely.

"That was this month?" Iruka said, a bit of panic in his voice.

"Yes," the Hokage said. "In which... well, it's enough of a twist I've got the ANBU Spoiler Squad on duty." They took spoilers very seriously in his village. At Iruka's long face, the Hokage chuckled. "You can borrow mine if they're sold out. Until the second printing gets out, when I'll want mine back."

Iruka sighed in relief. "Thank you, Hokage-sama. But still... there is the matter of the... side effects your zeal for good literature caused."

Sarutobi took another draw on his pipe. "Tell me, Iruka... did you happen to find out how things went with the... miss-assignments?" he asked, in that manner that said he had an idea but wanted Iruka's perspective.

Iruka frowned in thought. "Well... "

* * *

The newly formed Team Seven was sitting in a classroom waiting for their absent jounin-sensei.

"Our stupid instructor hasn't gotten here yet," Sakura groused.

"I'll go find him! Believe it!" Naruto volunteered.

"Naruto you . . ." her eyes darted to Sasuke, "...occasionally have good ideas..."

Naruto caught the glance. "On second thought--"

 _*NO!*_ Inner Sakura growled. _It's time for SakuSasu one on one time!_

"No, it's a great idea!" Sakura said, her grin far too broad as she hustled him towards the door.

"But... I... I don't even remember his name! How do I find him?" Naruto asked.

_Oi! That's rather sexist! I should pummel him later!_

"I'm not even sure it was a guy, idiot! Just.. grab the first jounin you find walking around the academy!" Sakura advised, "I mean, we're the only team without our sensei, so whoever you find will be them for sure!"

"I... guess that works," Naruto grumbled. "But what if--"

"Go!"

* * *

"Stupid Sasuke-bastard," Naruto grumbled. "Stupid jounin sensei. Stupid pubescent crush that may or may not bear fruit but is the closest I've got to a romance angle. Stupid fangirls." Naruto wandered the halls in search of their team's new commander. He'd find whoever it was, bring them back, and cock block that bastard Uchiha!

He wasn't sure why the noble rooster was the bird in this particular incarnation of the birds and bees, but damn it-- he should get the peck! Especially since Sasuke looked more like a peacock than a rooster.

Naruto stopped, undergoing the familiar feeling of his thoughts colliding like two nin making a ill timed roof jump.

Ninja slapstick is the best, he mused, chuckling. Now, where was his--

He blinked.

The woman had light brown, pupil-less eyes. Her violet hair was done up in a short, somewhat spiky ponytail. Her modesty seemed preserved solely by the tan overcoat she wore over a... very well fitted bodysuit of mesh. Her mini skirt was held up by a dark blue belt and was itself a dark orange-- thus proving to young Uzumaki-kun she was a woman of taste. Her forehead protector was actually on her forehead, and she had a fang shaped pendent hanging off her neck by a thick cord. She was adjusting one of her shin guards, and then checked her watch, frowning.

More important than all that, however, was how she was giving off the twin vibes every good jounin did. The vibe of "Don't fuck with me," and the vibe of "I don't give a fuck."

"There you are," Naruto shouted, "you're late!"

The woman's head snapped up to look at him.

* * *

"Whoza whatsit now-- hey, you're the Uzumaki brat, aren't you?"

Anko's growl went friendly. Under the guise of chasing him over his pranks, the ANBU on his protection rotation had often played with the boy.

Because, honestly, why would ANBU be bothering with the village prankster otherwise? Let the chuunin handle it.

She's been assigned a few times between serious missions and the kid-- was a kid. A ninja kid, but a kid. Happened to have a huge natural disaster level chakra being contained in him. Bit fixated on ramen. For all those faults, a good kid.

Which made turning idiots who didn't realize the Hokage did indeed mean "Don't fuck with the fox brat" into paste all the more fun.

The boy took her hand. "We've been waiting for you for hours, Jounin-sensei-neechan!" Naruto shouted, starting to pull on her.

Anko stood stock still, letting the blond brat pull on her with all his might, not moving as the full realization of what the Hokage had been ordering her to do hit.

"Go to the academy and I'm sure you'll figure it out."

A genin team.

The Hokage had given her a genin team.

Her.

"Who's we, anyway?" she asked, chuckling a bit at his efforts.

"You should know! Me, the Uchiha bastard and Sakura-chan!"

The student of the Hokage's traitor of a pupil. Her. **Trusted** with three young nins. One of whom was the much ignored vessel of the Nine-tails, another the only loyal survivor of one of the Founding Clans, and... "Haruno Sakura?"

"Who else?"

And the girl whose brilliance, Umino Iruka had asserted one drunken night at the Tool, only needed to be brought to practical application.

She was teaching them.

Her.

In a flash, she had the blond boy bundled in a firenin's carry over her shoulder. "Well, why didn't you say so! Chop-chop! Where's our team?"

"Oi! put me down, Sensei!"

"Uh-uh, brat! I'm keeping you hostage till you get me to my team! Time's wasting!"

"We're in our old classroom, of course!"

"Which is? C'mon, Anko-sensei wants to see her new minions! Fufufufufu!"

"Oi! Who are you calling a minion!"

"It's a term of endearment! Accept your destiny as an extension of my crazed will! Ka-Fufufufufufufu!

As she carried off the protesting boy, she was bubbling over inside. Her! Hiruzen-sama had trusted HER!

She vowed that she wouldn't let the old man down.

This was going to be so much fun.

* * *

Kakashi lazily wandered into the academy a few minutes later on his way to meet his new team. It was always nice to be chosen as a Jounin-sensei, he thought to himself, just like having a couple paid days off . All he had to do was show up for a few minutes on the first day and an hour on the second, not to mention how enjoyable it was to crush a group of brats that didn't understand the meaning of teamwork.

A chuunin stuck her head out of a room and, meeting his eye, sighed with relief. "Ah! Thank the kami, you're here, jounin-sama--" The green-black haired woman blinked. "Wow. We are honoured, Hatake-sama."

Well, he thought, this was an unusual greeting. Was the chuunin that eager to rid herself of this trio?

Kakashi grew confused as the chuunin lead him into a class room... filled with cadets. That was odd-- was he, horrors, earlier than even Kurenai? But... this group seemed a bit young to be genin ready. Rowdy as hell, too.

"Now class," the chuunin-sensei said.

No one was listening. Were they trading Chocobomb cards in the back?

"Class," the chuunin-sensei announced a little firmer.

The hubbub continued, and a practice shuriken barely missing the chuunin's head.

"CLASS!" the petite woman roared.

Instant order. Damn, she was good. Hatake smirked. Now, to get his failures-- er, team.

"Yes, Mako-sensei," the class chorused.

"Thank you. Now class, as a special treat today, the Hokage has sent one of our most respected jounin, Hatake Kakashi, to demonstrate summons," the chuunin said with a grin.

Immediately all the student's eyes were on him.

Hatake blinked. Demonstrate... "Uh, wait--"

"Everyone say good afternoon to Hatake-sensei."

"Good afternoon, Hatake-sensei," the class said. That was actually rather eerie.

"Actually I'm . . ."

"Now, I'm going to leave you in Hatake-sensei's hands," the chuunin said, bowing to Hatake and somehow keeping a step beyond his reach as she backed out, "and I want you to respect him like you respect me, understood?"

"Yes, Mako-sensei."

"You can handle this yourself right?" the woman asked as she stepped out the door, not bothering to pay attention to the jounin's attempt to escape. "Thanks for covering for me."

The door closed like the door to the Hokage's tower when the latest Melonpan Sweet Romance was released.

"Wait, I . . ." Kakashi shuddered at the amount of 'mischief intent' the students were letting off. When the Hokage had told him that he had been chosen as an instructor, he'd been sure the old man just been giving him another team to fail. He'd never expected this.

As the students collectively narrowed their eyes, a slow terror hit the Copy-nin. Maybe it hadn't been such a good idea to fail all those genin after all?

"Summons!" he said quickly. "After signing a contract, you can, by making the right hand signs, like so... and using a little blood while you call to your intended ally--" he bit his finger, and slammed it to the floor. "Bull!"

The big bulldog appeared, and looked around almost meditatively.

"Demo for the academy," Kakashi explained, "Hokage's orders."

Bull wuffed understanding.

"Wow," was heard from a few students, a couple close to the front reached out to touch the huge dog, and Kakashi allowed himself a slow, calm exhale.

"Show us more!" someone shouted, and that seemed to be a cue to the whole class to surge foreword.

In the split second before the wave hit, Kakashi looked at Bull.

The bulldog sat on his haunches and scruffed behind his ear.

"Traitor," Kakashi hissed as the students engulfed him.

This was going to suck.

* * *

Anko entered the room with Naruto in a bundle of rope over her shoulder. "... the amount of paper work involved?"

"First thing he told me!" Naruto said boldly. "Then he said if that didn't scare me off, maybe I would be Hokage someday, y'know?"

"Yeah, the old man's a good one. Well, if you're game for that-- Hello, other minions!"

"Minions?" Sasuke murmured.

"Think of it as a pet name, guys!" Naruto suggested over her shoulder.

"You're late!" Sakura groused.

Anko had the grace to blush. "Yeah, sorry about that. The Hokage decided to surprise me with this. I just found out I was going to be your teacher a half hour ago-- they called me in just to teach you three. Wow. Anyways, Mitarashi Anko. Special Jounin. Infiltration and assassination specialist."

"Hmph. Caught the dead last easy enough," Sasuke said.

And faster than you could make a jump cut, let alone _say_ it--

"... what... just... happened?" Sasuke said from where he was now tied up and over Anko's other shoulder.

"You cast doubt on Sensei's Awesome," Naruto deadpanned. "She had to show you her Awesome to reveal the error of your ways."

"... you really are a thin hammer, aren't you?"

"Shut up, bastard!"

Anko smiled to her remaining student. "Okay then. Pinky, you get to walk with dignity. We're going to training ground 43, but we're going to stop for some Dango on the way."

"Ramen!" Naruto protested.

"Dango," Anko corrected gently.

"Ramen!" Naruto insisted.

"Dango," Anko said firmly.

"Ramen!" Naruto whined.

"Dango! I'm paying."

"Dango!" Naruto said joyously.

"If you insist," Anko gave in.

"Yay!" Naruto crowed. "Uh... do we get untied to enjoy it?"

"Mm... haven't decided."

* * *

"Kurenai! (Fufufu) Met my minions!"

Yuuhi Kurenai blinked at her friend's greeting. Shino raised his eyebrows. Hinata seemed a bit flustered and worried. Kiba... was far too young for that lecherous look.

"Anko-chan?"

"Yes, Kurenai-kun?"

"Why do you have the Last Uchiha and the Master Prankster--"

"Please," Naruto interrupted from where his head was hidden over Anko's shoulder. "I have a long way to mastery yet..."

"-- I stand corrected, Prankster Adept?"

"Thank-you, yes."

"-- over your shoulders?"

"We doubted Sensei's Awesome," Naruto said matter of factly.

"... she then had to show us it. The Awesome." Sasuke added flatly.

"I would never doubt Sensei's Awesome," Sakura chipped in, grinning broadly.

"Sensei?" Kurenai said. "When... that meeting with Sarutobi-sama today...?"

"Sent me right to them," Anko said, grinning.

Kurenai smiled. "Insert girlish squee here. Amazing!"

Anko smirked. "Why, yes, I am, I think that's why Hiruzen-jijisama gave me them."

"A-ano," Hinata said. "You-- are not hurting Naruto-kun, are you, Anko-sensei?"

Anko smiled at the Hyuuga. She turned around. "Naruto, tell Hinata-chan you're okay."

"I'm great, Hinata-chan!" Naruto supplied. He looked at Sasuke. The Uchiha gave him a non verbal "what?", and Naruto jerked his head at Hinata, frowning.

Sasuke sighed. "I am also... fine, Hyuuga-san."

"Good," Hinata said. "The ropes..."

"Yeah," Naruto said brightly, "Anko-sensei did a great job! Sensei, can you show me how to do this rope setup? It'd be great for non-lethal capture!"

"That's the idea," Anko said, turning back around. "So, how'd they do?"

"Passed," Kurenai said with an evil grin. "Decided what you're doing to yours?"

Anko grinned.

"Passed what?" Sakura said, blinking.

"Oh, nothing," Anko said in a way that conveyed it was everything. In a flash, Sakura found herself bound in a piggy back position to Anko's back.

"Hey, Sensei! I never doubted your Awesome!"

"You're a flight risk now, Pinky! Fufufu! Dango! Training Ground! Test! FUFUFUFUFU!" Anko said.

And the prospective Team Anko was off again.

"Wow, their sensei's hot," Kiba said, and squawked as a kunai flew past his face, nicking him. The other jounin was now behind him, and Anko licked the blade.

"Mm. Someone whose blood tastes this good shouldn't tempt me, Kurenai. Teach him some manners."

And she was off again, fufuing all the way.

Akamaru gave a little whine.

"What do you mean; you have more control over your hormones than I do?"

Shino grunted. "Also better mannered."

"Oi!"

"Please," Hinata pleaded as Kurenai shepherded them ahead of her. "Let's not fight..."

Well. Kurenai thought. Anko. A sensei. She'd pegged the old man to go the easy route and use Hatake...

* * *

Bull huffed to himself. He and the others had tried to warn their partner he wasn't being as clever as he thought with all these genin tests. Now, half of this class of academy students were giving ANBU's legendary Hound a run for his money, a third did whatever the hell they wanted, and the remainder...

Roughly half of them had settled around and even on Bull, petting or playing with him and even talking to the old dog. The other half (who smelled like trouble or worse, washouts to be) were held back by his growls.

Kakashi was calling again. Bull considered the situation, and huffed. Honestly, you'd think someone with Kakashi's life would be the last to hold back on nin children.

* * *

The bindings cut, Team Seven (aka Team Anko, aka Minion Squad One, aka Team Noble Woman's Evil Laugh) sat in the surprisingly peaceful training ground next to the Forest of Death eating the skewered dumplings their sensei favoured.

A squirrel started over the barrier into the peaceful zone, and the containment seal threw it back, where it exploded in mid air.

"Now, for starters," Anko said, finishing off her last skewer and tossing it in the ground before her, completing the spiral. "I'm Mitarashi Anko. I like dango, drinking with my friends, and having happy sex. Stop blushing, Pinkie, you're legal in two years and the boys will be all over you. Learn to deal with it now. Oh, I also love tea ceremonies. I hate traitors and oath breakers, people who judge me because of who my sensei was, and being hit on when I'm too drunk to be up to it. My dreams are to kill a certain man-- the bastard sensei in question-- settle here in the Leaf with a man that respects me, and to be the best jounin sensei ever. Blondie?"

"I'm Uzumaki Naruto. My dream--"

"Only one?" Anko said with a partly-mock disappointed look. "I gave you three of mine."

Naruto's lip jutted out as he thought. "I'm going to be Hokage. I'm going to be the best ninja ever, so that people here see me as a person. And... I want to be able to protect the village I love. Believe it! I like ramen... uh, oh, taking care of my plants. And training! As long as no one's trying to hold me back. I hate being told I can't without a good reason. I also hate how long a kettle takes to boil for instant ramen... and, uh... being ignored, I guess."

Anko smiled and mussed his hair and nodded. "Good. Pinkie?"

Sakura looked thoughtful. "Haruno Sakura. I like . . ." she blushed, then frowned, and closed her eyes a moment. "I like to read to learn. And looking at my mom and dad being happy together. And... romance novels," she managed. "I hate..." her eyes flickered toward Naruto a moment, but she caught Anko's frown and seemed to think better. "I hate people that mock my forehead, losing, and... uh... Well, hate may be strong, but I find the way mother nags me annoying. She doesn't yell, or anything. She... 'suggests'..."

"All sweet and 'this is for your own good, dear'?" Anko said, smirking.

"Yeah!"

"Pointless," Sasuke said, startling the girl, "if she respects you enough to let you go to the academy."

Sakura smiled lightly. "Thank you, Sasuke-kun!"

Anko nodded to both. "I hate that sort of thing too. Dreams?"

"My dreams..." Sakura bit her lip and was quiet for a bit. "I... want to be strong enough to be worthy of respect. I'd... like to have a family someday, too--" Anko noticed her eye the Uchiha none-too-subtly-- "And I want to be a good kunoichi... like you, Anko-sensei!"

"Nice sucking up," Anko complimented the girl with a big smile that Sakura returned shyly. "Just wondering, you're civilian born, right?" At the girl's nod, Anko asked, "So why did you enroll...?"

Sakura smiled. "Well... when I was little, a man tried to mug my mother. A genin... a kunochi, she stopped him. I wanted to be strong enough to help people like that." Her eyes had grown a bit unfocused as she spoke.

Anko smiled. "That's a good reason. Now you, broody."

"My name is Sasuke. I dislike many things. I don't like anything, and my dream ... my ambition is to kill a certain man."

Anko nodded, and waited. After ten very long seconds of silence, she clapped her hands briskly. "Well! Okay then. Pinkie-minion, Orange-minion, c'mon. Sasuke-kun, you'll want to report back to the academy after the break."

Sasuke blinked. "Wha-- pardon?"

Anko shrugged. "The tests at the academy are just to make sure you're a good prospect. Every jounin-sensei administers the final test when teams are assigned. Everyone emphasizes different things. You failed stage one of mine-- and stage one is the make or break with me."

Sasuke blinked, then rallied. A haughty smirk formed on his face. "You need three for a genin team," he said.

His smirk fell rapidly as Anko ruthlessly shot him down.

"Eh, there's always nin on apprenticeship that need team experience to be eligible for the exam to make chuunin. There's even a waiting list of one or two we haven't found a suitable team for, and that's not even touching the ones who need reassignment when there are deaths on missions." Now it was Anko who smirked. "I can even get a chuunin and say we're co-training these two. You aren't our only option. Anything else?" she finished brightly.

Sasuke's jaw tightened. "What. Was. The right answer?"

"It's an attitude check," Anko said flatly. "The right answer is the one the gives me an attitude I can work with. Right now, the attitude I'm getting is of a hurt little boy taking it out on everyone else-- someone who doesn't even know if his clan was really worth avenging."

"What...?" Sakura asked, then noticed Naruto smiling at Sasuke's turn of fortune and punched him.

Anko would have a talk with the girl about hitting teammates later.

"What... why wouldn't..."

Anko sighed. "Fugaku wasn't exactly popular when he died, and your mother was seen as a shadow of the jounin she was when she retired to have your brother. The only one viewed as being worth a damn by most at the end was the one that killed everyone but you. Probably have lots of folks wondering why. I am now."

Sasuke stood there, speechless.

"Nothing else? Good. Come, minions. Take care, Sasuke-kun--"

"Wait," Sasuke said, with an edge of desperation.

Anko turned and growled. "Don't waste my time, I have genin to teach."

"I **must** become a ninja! I have to!"

"Then act like one," Anko countered, her eyes narrowing. "You're trying my patience, _cadet_."

The Uchiha gritted his teeth. He took a deep breath, and schooled his features to their normal detachment. "May I please have another chance?"

Anko's glare held him for a full minute. "You have a week. Spend it thinking. Join us here at 0700 a week from now. Be on time. And I only give one second chance Uchiha-kun. Understand?"

Sasuke's bow was stiff and formal. "Yes, Anko-sensei."

He turned and walked off without a word.

"Oi... Sensei..." Sakura said. "Sasuke was the top of our year--"

"That was class room," Anko said, trying to curb her temper. It seemed the little Uchiha had fanned up his pride far too high, and that kind of attitude always rubbed her wrong. "My job is to prepare you for real life. As stands... I would worry about my own life, let alone you and Naruto, if we took him out for a mission with that attitude."

She walked past them, as if the boy behind her did not matter. "C'mon. I want to see your practical skills."

* * *

Kakashi was in hell. If he used his training to fight back, he'd be nailed for using excessive force. These kids weren't like him at that age! Though... The team work the class showed made him feel like a bear facing a wolf pack as they dodged and distracted him with expert skill.

He glared at Bull from where the ninken had finally acquiesced to a massage and tummy rub led by an Inuzuka. "Fat lot of help you were."

The bulldog looked at him lazily and huffed.

Kakashi bit back a growl. Here he was, bound to a desk by ninja wire, surrounded by horrid children younger than the ones he had spent years failing...

His copy of Icha-Icha was being read and riffed on by two boys and a girl. Two boys were targeting the Hokage Monument picture in the corner with his duty-ready kunai.

"Could you at least stop trying to put me on fire?" he asked the little girl by his feet.

The girl smiled sweetly. "A real jounin could put it out before he got hurt." She resumed her work.

Kakashi bit back a curse.

* * *

Anko-sensei looked slightly disappointed when Naruto sent a dozen clones directly at her in an unorganized mob. That look of disappointment disappeared when she saw that two clones had used the distraction the others provided to launch the original into the air.

Naruto braced for impact as he plummeted towards the earth, his clones having used more enthusiasm than skill. This was going to hurt.

Surprisingly it didn't, in fact it seemed much softer then he expected. He reached up to feel the objects that had broken his fall. They seemed to be round and squishy, his hands reported. He gave them a squeeze.

"Enjoying yourself, ecchi?" His sensei drawled.

Naruto looked up nervously from his place between his new instructor's bountiful breasts. Well, he thought to himself, may as well be hung for a ram and all that. "Honk honk?"

"Heh," Anko laughed, "ecchi little brat."

Naruto let go, looking vaguely offended. "At least I have taste in my perversity."

"Oh?"

Naruto gave an embarrassed chuckle and stuck a hand behind his head. "Jiji... sorta taught me to read on Icha-Icha."

Sakura gasped. "You-- the Hokage-- the orange, red and--"

"You do have to admit," he said earnestly, "The text was at the right level. But the characters... yeesh... Gimmie Shiirakansu or Jintai Mokei or Yutaka."

"Yamatogawa?" Anko asked

"Eh, his early stuff is good. Then he got fixated on pure perversity. No emotional core," Naruto said, blowing a raspberry.

Anko snorted. "You are a romantic and a connoisseur. As long as you remain an honourable pervert, that's fine."

"Hon- honourable pervert?" Sakura finally managed. Her jaw had been working for a bit, hadn't it?

"A gentleman or lady who's only perverse with the willing," Sensei said, and Sakura looked torn between outrage and laughter.

"Yeah!" the blond said, seizing on the excuse. And then his brain caught up with him, and he realized that actually sounded rather awesome. All the fun the other-- er, the raging pervs had, and no women out for his blood. "Yeah..." he said, and then he took a step back and bowed. "Sorry, sensei, but... such a-- " he gave her a exaggeratedly sly once over, and damned if that didn't get Sakura chortling-- "golden opportunity--"

"Eh, I'd be offended if you didn't take it," Anko said. "But," she said, waging her finger, "that's your one free feel. I have knives to deal with perverts without manners."

Naruto's bottom lip jutted out. "What if I innocently enjoyed the marshmallow hell while hugging my sensei on occasion?"

Anko blinked at him, then roared with laughter. Sakura collapsed, chortling even louder.

As Anko gestured for Naruto to sit and called for 'Pinky', he smiled. He kinda liked how Sakura was without the bastard around.

* * *

"Hold on. Sakura, you've got the basics down, but haven't you developed your own style any?"

"My... own..." Sakura blinked at her Sensei.

"You know. Didn't anyone point out your strengths in spars, suggest styles you might want to look at...?"

"Uh..." Sakura frowned. "Mizuki-sensei said he guessed I was more a cerebral ninja..."

Naruto spat to one side.

"What?" Sakura asked.

"Mizuki was arrested as a traitor," Anko explained, eyes narrowing. "Details are classified, but Naruto's right to spit. And I now need to tell Iruka and the Hokage he wasn't just fucking with Naruto's education. Okay, Pinky, I want you to throw your strongest attack at me--"

Anko blocked Sakura's kick with no visible effort and sighed.

"And we have a lot of work ahead of us."

Sakura frowned, taking a step back.

"Is that you saying you aren't willing to do it, Pinky?"

"No, Sensei!" the girl said loudly.

"Good girl."

* * *

The Chuunin instructor returned to the class a few hours later with a grin on her face.

"Looks like you guys had fun," she said after she'd taken in the scene of pandemonium.

"Yes, Mako-sensei," the students chorused.

"Akane, don't think I didn't notice you trying to start that fire. Two hours of Chakra exercises for everyone every day followed by two more of Jutsu practice until everyone can set fires."

"Awww," the students sighed.

"Arson is an important ninja skill," she lectured, "and I wouldn't be much of an instructor if I let you graduate without making sure that you'd mastered it. Isn't that right, Hatake-sama?"

"She came close a few times," Kakashi managed. Thank god he'd remembered that one chakra control exercise Kushina-hime had taught him!

"Now then." The instructor said, pulling out a knife and approaching Kakashi. "For homework, I want everyone to write a report on different kinds of summons."

"Yes, Mako-sensei."

"And thank Kakashi-sensei here for helping out."

"Thank you, Kakashi-sensei."

"Class, dismissed."

With a great din and ruckus, said class stormed out.

Mako looked at the masked nin bound to her desk, balancing her knife on the back of her hand. "If I cut you loose, will you get me a drink?"

"I will buy you a bar if you free me and get me a newspaper."

"Newspaper?"

Kakashi glared at the dozing Bull. "Traitors must be punished."

Bull whoofed lazily.

* * *

"So Kakashi is being subjected to the task he's been handily avoiding, despite my intentions, and Anko has the surprising gift with young nin I only wish all our jounin had..."

"And the way she handled Sasuke..." Iruka sighed. "Frankly, it was the best response she could have given him."

"And Naruto?"

"I expect, from the way he calls you Jiji and he's slipped into calling me niisan once or twice..."

"She'll be Anko-neesan in a month or so?"

"Less," Iruka said, as he realized they were sharing a grin. "And Sakura... she told me that story, about the genin. Back when she enrolled."

"And now, she has a positive example-- for all the eccentricities Anko has, she's our unofficial head of Infiltration and Reconnaissance for a reason."

Iruka smiled warmly. "I noticed her talking to Yuuhi-san at her favourite dango stand after she fed the kids a decent meal at Genta Sushi-ya. She was so touched you trusted her with a team... all from a simple mistake."

Sarutobi tapped his pipe lightly on the desk between them. "You know, Tobirama-sensei taught me something about mistakes," he said. When Iruka leaned closer, he continued. "One must be ever alert for when a mistake... becomes an opportunity."

Iruka looked to the side, the grin reclaiming his face. "So... we should expect Hatake tomorrow?"

"And for the foreseeable future," the Hokage said. "I'll be affirming his new assignment today, in fact..."

Iruka stood and bowed. "I will inform the other instructors, Hokage-sama."

"Please do."

* * *

Anko arrived at the Hokage's office several hours after the other instructors had left.

"Sorry I'm late," Anko said as she stepped in for the meeting, "I took the kids out to get something to eat after the test, and spent an hour lecturing Naruto on nutrition."

"Really? We can only hope your words take..." the Hokage noted, his tone light. He never would have thought that Anko of all people would be good with children, but from what Iruka had said and he had scryed...

"Yeah," Anko agreed, "But buying dinner... had to reward the perverted little brat somehow and Pinky didn't do too bad either."

"Confession, Anko-- for all he protests perversity, I did teach Naruto to read on Icha Icha," Hiruzen chuckled, lighting his pipe.

Anko laughed. "So he mentioned. Not to his taste."

"Meh. It's light reading."

"But yeah... I think this'll work."

"Wonderful, when do you think you'll be ready for your next mission?" he asked lightly.

Anko smiled hopefully. "I'd really like to get in some training before I take any missions. I mean, Pinky's an encyclopedia, but her practical... it's horrid. And I ... conditionally failed the Uchiha."

The Hokage raised an eyebrow.

"He... I decided to start with a bare minimum ANBU style attitude check. Hold them to the same level I hold myself."

Hiruzen nodded. "Back when I was training, I found that wise. And Sasuke...?"

"Was almost at the level we punt the headcases over to Inoichi's clanmates in psychological ijutsu."

Hiruzen blinked.

"He hides it well until you start looking," Anko assured him. "But yeah... even if I eventually pass him, I need to grind a few more rough edges off fan-boy. I'm going to retest him in a week. If he fails then..."

At her apprehension, Sarutobi Hiruzen smirked. "You are the jounin. If you have such doubts on his readiness for the field that you don't think can be handled in a team setting... then Iruka awaits. And, should you deem it, the mind-nin. But... do you mind if I arrange some... nudging in the right direction?"

Another smile. "Thank you, Hokage-sama." She frowned. "The way he acts... Makes me wonder what the Uchiha were doing in that compound before Itachi flipped-- let alone what happened that night. Now, Naruto... "

"You see some of yourself at that age in him, don't you?" The Hokage smiled.

"... he's different enough to surprise me. He's a late bloomer, I can feel it. Takes after... his mother. He doesn't know anything beyond his... status, does he?"

The Hokage took a draw on his pipe. "You knew Minato and Kushina fairly well, didn't you?"

"I... Hatake-senpai likely knew them better, as did Maito-san--"

"Anko. The Fourth and his wife both adored you."

Anko had the grace to not surpress her blush. "I... thank you, Sarutobi-sama."

In for a ryo, Hiruzen thought. "I leave it to your judgment whether Naruto is ready to know the truth. All I ask is it is his choice if anyone else knows and you notify me as soon as possible afterward. Understood?"

Anko blinked, then her look turn focused and determined. "Yes, sir."

"Now... as to missions?" Hiruzen prompted with a smile.

Anko returned it. "Mind if I hold off for a while? That is, if you don't mind--"

"Of course not," the Hokage agreed, "A bit of time off active duty would do you good, and should let the Sasuke issue settle enough you can go operational."

"Thank you, Hokage-sama."

"And when you're ready..." the Hokage said, and paused as an idea took him. He'd intended her to take it anyway, why not push her. "I have a few nice recon and infiltration 'C' ranks for their milk run, just to get the kinks out. Not as involved as your usual... but I think even with you training them, we should be careful jumping more than one rank."

"Really?" Anko asked with sparkling eyes. "You're the best, Hokage-sama."

"Really," he agreed. "Just on the edge of a promising genin team's skill, and not too time sensitive, so I can build a few up. Of course, if you don't think they can be up to snuff, we could do the usual 'D' rank run around--"

"Are you kidding?" Anko said, her smile growing. "Naruto alone has so much untapped pontential, and Sasuke-- I don't think he realizes it, but he has hints of that protective streak all our best Uchiha operatives had." She tilted her head, considering. "It needs cultivation, but you know, little acorn, big tree. If I can get him operations ready, he'll be a big asset. Sakura's so damn eager to learn... though..."

"Yes?"

"Well... I've already noted some... gaps in their skills I don't think I had when I started my apprenticeship with... him." She frowned thoughtfully. "Makes me wonder about the academy, Mizuki apparently gave Sakura some really bad advice..."

"Mm. One of my finest instructors, Umino Iruka, has raised similar concerns. I'm wondering if Mizuki was our only bad egg. I've... actually already started a pilot program to remedy this. Perhaps, after your first week or two with them, you and he could meet with the head of it and compare notes?"

Anko grinned. "Sure! Anything to keep ours ready and able," she said, growing serious. "Especially if Kumo goes after the Hyuuga again or... he comes back."

"If my mistake in not being able to deal with Orochimaru comes back to haunt us," Sarutobi said firmly, "I can think of no one better to prepare our village. Dismissed."

"Thank you, Hokage-sama!"

Anko skipped out of the office with a gigantic smile on her face as a defeated looking Kakashi slumped in.

"Reporting in, Hokage," Kakashi said in a tired voice. At least he had sobered up before coming.

"How'd they do?" the Hokage asked, with a cheerful air he knew made even his elites feel doomed.

"When you said I was going to be an instructor, I never thought it would be like this," Kakashi said, exhaustion and a little fear lacing his voice.

"They did well then?" Sarutobi asked hopefully.

"They . . . they tied me up and took my book away," Kakashi sobbed.

"I'll take that as a yes then," the Hokage agreed, "enjoy your new assignment."

"How . . . how long do I have to do this?"

The Hokage grew serious. "Kakashi," he said, pulling out a thick file and dropping it on his desk with a substantial thud. "This is a record of all the genin teams you have failed."

"I... see..."

"And these," Sarutobi said, leaning down and bringing up a two stacks of files nearly three feet tall each, "are the files of all the ANBU you've trained. Several with notes praising you. Including the repeated phrase, 'a great teacher'. Now, comparing the genin file to all these ANBU files, Kakashi-kun," he said, and was pleased as the jounin bowed his head like a chided academy student, "how do you think I regard the first in view of the second?"

"I... understand, Hokage-sama. So... is it an..." the Copy-nin swallowed. "indefinite posting?"

"Oh, no!" the Hokage said. "Kakashi! I would never assign an elite jounin to such a mission without a deadline! No, I have simply found the academy lacking the standards it should have. Who better than one of my elites to raise the standard, mm?"

"Of course," Kakashi said, relief evident. "So... my deadline?"

The Hokage took that as his signal for the "kill".

"Let's say... until our little pilot class all become chuunin."

"Until... that's... beyond their academy years, Hiruzen-sama."

And relief... stifled! Gad, almost as satisfying as giving Jiraiya, Tsunade, and Ori an attitude adjustment back in the day. And all the kami knew Minato had needed several before he was Hokage material. "Of course, once they get their own genin teams, you'll shift to advising those jounins, and I don't expect a 100% pass rate. Say... oh... 75%?"

"But . . . but that'll take years," Kakashi protested. "And... the average is three genin teams per grad class..."

"Yes," Sarutobi said gravely. "I'm counting on you to improve that, Kakashi. That's a piss poor record; I don't care if it's peace time. And besides... I'd say that if they were able to defeat you then they're already well on their way to passing the exam, mm?"

"But . . ."

"How old were you when you became a chuunin?" Sarutobi pointed out. "I don't expect them to match that, in fact there's laws to prevent such abuses, but..."

"Yes, sir." And Sarutobi could see the thoughts in that one exposed eye of his.

I really, really shouldn't have gotten on the old man's bad side.

Sarutobi felt a slight twinge. Throw him a bone, part of him that sounded suspiciously like his sensei said.

"By the way," the Hokage said cooly. "You will be working with Umino Iruka and Mitarashi Anko on this."

Hatake's head snapped up. "... from what I hear, Umino-san is one of our finest instructors and part of why Mizuki's treason was uncovered. But Mitarashi-san...?"

"She's been given a genin team this year, and has mentioned there seems to be gaps she did not have."

The eye narrowed. "...gaps? Who is on this team?"

"A promising but unchallenged civilian named Haruno Sakura--"

"Mm. Mother's on the Citizen Council. Nice, bit of a nag, but well intentioned. Says her girl's a bit... fixated on the Uchiha heir."

"Oh? Perhaps it's good Anko conditionally failed him, then. Topple the pedestal."

"She... failed Sasuke?"

"Conditionally. Subjected him to an ANBU style attitude check."

Hatake thought a moment. "... brilliant. It never would have... but after what he's been through... yes, that was sensible. Start hacking away at any Uchiha isolationist tendencies, too."

Hiruzen nodded. So the nin before him could be guided to see his blind spots. "Her final student, she finds great promise in. Says he takes after his mother."

"Oh?"

"Uzumaki Kushina."

The Copy-nin's breath caught. "She is... Naruto's sensei?"

Hiruzen simply let the man stew on that.

"When should I next check in?" Hatake finally asked.

"A week. "

"Yes, Hokage."

* * *

"Anko," Ibiki drawled. Then the head of Torture and Interrogation caught her shell shocked look, and looked at the other ANBU department heads.

Taka Enji (head of Intelligence and Counter Intelligence, made the best damn tea and the most perfect omelets in Konoha and probably the oldest serving ANBU) pulled out a chair. Anko's position as Head of Infiltration was unofficial, but that was like the unofficial policy that put Shimura Danzou out of the loop for more than he realized. Even with his "little helpers". So Anko was the master infiltrator and one of them.

"What's wrong?" Enji asked, pouring her some tea.

"I just channeled Maito Gai to get my genin in line."

Tani Konohako (head of Sabotage and one who knew the pain the Hokage's grandson felt) grumbled as she handed Aihara Den (Head of Government Security, good with kids and secretly the writer of 'The Love Ninja' in Hi no Mainichi Shimbun-- Hi no Kuni's National Daily-- every Sunday) several ryo. Den didn't smile as he pocketed the money, focused on Anko. "Ouch. You okay, kid?"

"I was ranting about 'the Awesome' like Gai going on about youth."

Konohako chuckled. "Want us to watch you for signs of spandex?"

"I'd watch that," Den noted.

"Ow," he added, as Enji and Konohako each stomped a foot.

As this was nothing unusual, Anko continued. "Don't get me wrong, I like Gai. Gai's great. I sleep with Gai."

Every other head grumbled as Morino Ibiki gestured for his cash. "Gai is Konoha's Taijutsu Master and I'd want him in my corner any day. But I wouldn't want to _be_ Gai," Ibiki agreed, gesturing firmly at Den, who coughed up the rest of his wager.

"Exactly!" Anko said.

"Can he really do 100 push ups with his tongue?" Konohako asked.

"I've never let him get further than 25," Anko murmured back. "If I just ape the other sensei, what does that say about me?"

"That you're just getting the hang of it," Ibiki said in his usual direct manner.

"I don't have time to. The old man--"

"The Hokage," Enji said with his usual cheerful grin, "trusts you to do the job right. Which means figuring out how you'll teach as you go, as this is your first team."

"Enji," Anko said, with a shy smirk-- the sort few saw on her, "I was laughing like the henchwoman in _The Gutsy Shinobi_."

"See? Inspiration from great literature!" Enji said. "Heck, I was a sensei for a spell before I joined ANBU and--" he looked around warily, "Don't tell anyone I told you, but my team's why the Kana Lady's bath is tinted fuchsia to this day."

Anko roared. "That was you? That was--"

"An event we know nothing about," Ibiki murmured with a smirk.

"Right," Anko agreed, smiling.

* * *

* * *

"It was a standard ANBU attitude check," the masked figure who landed by the gate said.

### Kaze-bi (Wind Day). Really fucking early, but still Kaze-bi.

Sasuke blinked. His insomnia had driven him to walk first his clan's lands, and now on to the streets of Konoha. The Leaf, like all hidden villages, never totally slept. Still, being greeted by the boar mask at the compound's door-- unless there was a curfew he had not noticed...?

"You are the sole survivor of the Uchiha," Boar explained. "Of course we watch you." A moment of silence. Then, "You cannot understand your failure."

"... no. No I do not," Sasuke admitted.

"Did you expect to succeed because you are Uchiha?"

Sasuke gritted his teeth and took a deep breath. The elite nin was of his own volition trying to help. There was none of the sarcasm he sometimes found lurking under murmured "Uchiha-sama"s or really anything beyond the offer of help. Iruka-sensei had been the same way, even if the academy chuunin's attempts to be brotherly had grated a bit.

Sasuke met the masked gaze and sighed. "An Uchiha should have passed."

"Ah," Boar said. "Having so many other Uchiha to compare to."

Sasuke glared.

"Only three Uchiha passed that test on attempting to enter the ANBU first time. Itachi was not one of them."

Sasuke frowned. He was enough off base that he didn't merely snarl.

"We call your response, 'Non-committal role-based evasion'," Boar continued. "The subject commits no personal information, and falls back on a role they believe is expected or required of them. Such roles tend to be shallow, which is why the subject is asked to repeat the profile with new statements if there is any doubt. There is no magic response. It is, as Anko said, a means to get a read on your attitude."

Sasuke sighed. It felt odd, but he allowed it. "Was she telling the truth? About how my clan was seen?"

Boar was silent a long moment. Then: "In the past generation or so, or so, only three Uchiha were seen as truly living up to the clan's noble history-- and there is nobility to your family, Sasuke. They were Itachi, Obito, and Mikoto."

"A murderer, a failure, and a housewife?"

Boar snorted. "Is that what the rest of the clan called them? Kami, you people were tuned out..."

Sasuke scowled. "Are you saying my brother did not murder all but myself?"

"I am saying that what we are told and what there is to know can be widely disparate, Sasuke-san."

And Boar leapt away, leaving a scowling, off balance Last Uchiha.

* * *

Sarutobi Hiruzen blocked his grandson's practice kunai with his brush. He looked up at Anko, who smiled at him.

"Thank you for coming to me with this concern, Anko. If Sasuke becomes a member of Team Seven... you may tell him what you know. If I trust you with the one..."

"Yes, sir," said Anko. She gave Konohamaru a very Anko smirk. "Try not to kill the old man, brat. We still need him."

As the jounin slinked out, the Hokage looked at his daughter's son. "I thought Naruto convinced you to lay off this...?" Hiruzen said with a sigh.

"... this is the only way I get to spend time with you," Konohamaru said with a scowl. "And Mom's on a mission."

Hiruzen studied his grandson a moment, then pulled the boy into his lap. "Moon Bear! Grizzly!"

The ANBU appeared, as ANBU do. "Yes sir!"

"See to it that my daughter's spawn's idiot tutor is... delayed."

There was a smile in Moon Bear's voice. "Of course, Hokage-sama."

"How... delayed...?" Grizzly wondered.

"Don't injure him... but it would not be tragic if he got one of his stress headaches."

He knew the two bears had given each other a look before their "Yes, Hokage!" and leaping away.

"Now, on the surface," Hiruzen said, continuing his calligraphy, "This is a boring status update to Yagi-sama, the Jounin-Oyabun of Kusa."

Somehow, almost everyone in Konoha finds their balance.

"What is it really, Ojisan?"

"I'm telling my dear friend Subaru where to pick up the latest Gotcha Gotcha Sweetheart Album for him and his wife without his sister in law moralizing at them."

And they're all perverts, as mentioned.

"I don't get why you read those, Ojisan."

"You will, Konohamaru. You will."

Well, when nature takes its course, anyway.

* * *

"Minions... welcome to Hell Week," Anko said, as they stood on top of the building Anko lived in.

Her grin was not encouraging.

"Hell... week?" Naruto said. "What? What? What? I thought we passed!"

"I did say stage one, yes?" Anko said, grinning even more maniacally.

Naruto looked at Sakura. She was biting her lip.

"What's... Stage 2, Anko-sensei?" Sakura asked, her voice tepid.

"Well, now," Anko said, rubbing her hands together. "What did we all learn not to doubt yesterday?"

Naruto heard Sakura swallow before the girl carefully answered, "Sensei's... Awesome?"

"Yes. Hell Week is where I find out if you have your own Awesome we can work with."

"Oi!" Naruto said, excitably. "I'll show you--"

"I know, Kage Bunshin," Anko-sensei said mildly, and Naruto stopped short. "Mildly... interesting, I suppose. But the Awesome is not a Jutsu, or a trick, or a bloodline."

"Oi, Sensei! What is it then, the Awesome? What, what, what?"

Sakura smacked him. He rubbed the bruise, and sulked at her.

"How un-Awesome of both of you."

Sensei's dry words stopped their old routine short. They looked at her-- and her look seemed not merely disappointed, but heartbroken.

Naruto found himself unable to meet his sensei's eyes.

"Hm. How to explain the Awesome. Hm-- AHA! FUFUFUFUFUFU!" And now the cackling parody of a lady of the Fire Daimyo's court was back, drawing their eyes to their sensei's face. "Of course! Osmosis! Examples! Experience! FUFUFU!" She looked at them with that half crazed look in her eye. "Starting tomorrow, I will visit one of you at 4 in the morning. At random. And it might not happen. And we will talk or spar or something. Worry about the something. Oh yes. FUFUFUFUFUFU!" After recovering her breath, the jounin continued. "At 0700h-- seven am, Naruto."

"I knew that."

"I expect you to be here, and we will go see someone displaying their own Awesome. You will watch. After that, you will spend time trying to get past a task of my choosing, made to draw out the Awesome. Succeed or fail by noon. Then... you go to lunch... and are left... mostly to your own devices."

Naruto heard himself swallow this time. "Sensei... you gonna maybe... y'know... pop in on us?"

"Fufu. Maybe. Or I may send someone to pop in on you. Or attack you or abduct you or assign more work or sing Mizu style opera or something."

Naruto and Sakura looked at each other. Naruto saw the same thought in Sakura's eyes. _The Awesome better be worth it._ They shivered.

Because, c'mon. _Mizu_ style opera?

"After a week, we'll meet. And we'll decide if you have the potential for the Awesome. FUFUFUFUFUFU!"

"Sensei... if Sasuke passes the retest--" Sakura began.

"Aw, don't worry about Sasuke," Anko-sensei, a sudden wisdom in her eyes. "He's going through the Hell Week he needs to find his Awesome right now."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PERVERTS  
> I've read too many fics where Naruto is a prude. He isn't. He just mocks his targets for letting it be a weakness. So here, EVERYONE is a pervert in Konoha-- and the village would not have it any other way.
> 
> Yes, even Iruka.
> 
> SARUTOBI KNOWS  
> Perhaps my biggest break from Blot's original is Sarutobi knowing. While him being oblivious can be fun, my serious plots needed him aware-- and his awareness is more than likely, given the tools he has at hand.
> 
> THE SPOILER SQUAD  
> Perhaps the only more feared force in the universe is the villageless COPYRIGHT AND TRADEMARK INFRINGEMENT SQUAD.
> 
> ANBU CHASING NARUTO  
> It being some sort of game between him and his "babysitters" is the best way I can justify this bit of fanon.
> 
> PROTECTING NARUTO  
> It never fails to amaze me how many folks assume Naruto's childhood was filled with random mobs. Sarutobi Hiruzen is going to Sarutobi Hiruzen anyone that so much as touchs the kid.
> 
> Yes. The God of Shinobi's name CAN BE VERBED.
> 
> FUFUFUFU  
> Because Ohohohoho is too /common/ for Anko.
> 
> CHOCOBOMBS  
> Here in tribute to Shawny Wong's sadly incomplete "One Small Step".
> 
> BULL  
> I hate dogs.
> 
> I love Kakashi's Ninken, and think they along with many others got the shaft.
> 
> THE AWESOME  
> I capitalised it purely as Naruto being Naruto, then noted that Anko's official profile says she's a lot like Naruto. Now, my betas nail me if it isn't capitalized. Evolution!
> 
> THIN HAMMER  
> Best translation I can find of what Sasuke used to call Naruto. The implication is that if a hammer's head is too thin to properly strike a nail, it's useless.
> 
> FOREST OF DEATH  
> DO NOT WORRY. The squirrels in the forest of death do NOT explode on their own.
> 
> They are merely too badass to be allowed out of the Forest.
> 
> SASUKE'S FAILURE  
> For the record? At this point, we are not dealing with Prick!Sasuke, either here or in canon.
> 
> We are dealing with DamagedDistant!Sasuke.
> 
> It was only later, when Kishimoto began listening to his editors too much and indulging his character preferences in the wrong way that Sasuke got truly intolerable. 
> 
> That said, if we acknowledge that Sasuke /could/ become that prick, and decide he's salvagable... let's fucking salvage him /proper/.
> 
> KAKASHI IN CLASS  
> Kakashi is a favourite character mishandled in canon, IMHO. If the guy's a potential kage... by plot, let's show him earning it.
> 
> CHILDHOOD READING MATERIAL  
> One of the first things I ever read on my own was Lolita.
> 
> I was five.
> 
> I'm imagining Jiraiya's work as /much/ tamer.
> 
> ACADEMY FUCK UPS  
> If Naruto's education suffered, so did everyone else's. I've seen teachers play favourites and unfavourites. It's never isolated to the targets.
> 
> OC's  
> Want to know how OC's become cast members?
> 
> Because they're fun to write, in my case. Mako's fun. Over indulge in this fun, and you get Canon!Sasuke.
> 
> SARUTOBI  
> The many faces Hiruzen has to wear to live up to his canon rep begin to show here. He's everybody's grandpa... and also a Awesome teacher himself.
> 
> ON KAKASHI AND NARUTO  
> His sensei's son. If anything, I think canon Kakashi was trying to juggle /too many/ things he cared about. So yes, he's disappointed he lost his chance to be Naruto's jounin-sensei.
> 
> Note the lack of sama on the last "Hokage". He's still hurting.
> 
> ANBU  
> Needed staffing.
> 
> THE UCHIHA  
> All Sasuke knows about how the Uchiha were seen was likely from Uchiha and his limted social interaction after the mass killing of his clan.
> 
> Boy needs some perspective.
> 
> KONOHAMARU'S MOM  
> Kishimoto forgets many characters the existance of other characters implies. You'll met Hiruzen's daughter at some point.
> 
> ANKO'S THREAT  
> Mizu style opera is like free jazz-- an aquired taste. It's really hard to aquire.


	2. Hell Week 1 / Mistakes Were Made! Face Your Flawed Dynamics with Youth!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hell Week begins, and Team Anko all face the grind in their own way... Plus, Kakashi gets a kick in the rear, ANBU plots, and GAI-SENSEI!

### HELLWEEK

#### Kaze-bi, 2 Neko, 12 Sandaime 2nd Reign

GOOD MORNING

0400 h(ours)

"HA!" Naruto said, up in an instant. The kunai he had under his pillow was blocked easily by a grinning woman whose hair and skin was tinted a little more green than usual. "Sensei! The dye trap by the kitchen got you?"

"Yeah. Wasn't expecting it," Anko admitted, grabbing the boy's walrus like night cap and tossing it on the bed. She ruffled his hair affectionately and smirked. "Will be next time. You're good at traps for your age. The concussive in your dresser nearly got me too."

"Keep it down up there!" The downstairs neighbour shouted, hitting the ceiling.

"Genin testing!" Anko shouted back.

"Oh," the neighbour replied. "Good luck, Uzumaki-kun! Carry on!"

"Thanks Sho-san!" Naruto shouted back. Then he grinned at his sensei. "The spring loaded one? Took me a while to get used to it. Triggered it twice on my way to the bathroom one night."

"Good work. Get used to the traps, don't try and adjust them for your comfort."

The boy nodded excitedly, then frowned. "Oi, Sensei, why are you in my apartment at..."

"4 am," Anko supplied helpfully.

"Yeah, 4 am?" The boy blinked. "4 am! Sensei! Are we talking or sparring or... something?" he asked, putting on his best dangerous look.

"You're cute when you're being vicious. I have a special hell week instruction for you, Orange-minion! Listen carefully, and remember-- refusal is just another way to quit..."

Naruto's eyes went wide at his sensei's order.

* * *

0500 h

"Gai."

The fit man in green spandex turned and grinned at Anko. "Anko! And these are the most Youthful genin you are training! Tenten, Neji, Rock Lee-- meet Naruto and Sakura!"

Anko didn't miss the forbidding glance Gai gave Neji as he introduced his team. Anko was grateful for it. She had no doubt Hiashi would understand her beating the Bunke prodigy if he were to step out of line, but she'd prefer not having to do so. Too many in the clan's other Bunke houses would be assholes about it, and she had a feeling her therapy no jutsu was not strong enough to extract the stick up the poor boy's ass.

"Minions, this is Maito Gai and his team, Team 13 aka Team Gai aka Team Punishment."

"Team... Punishment...?" Sakura managed. "Eto... Sensei--"

"Team Seven will be joining us in our most Youthful morning exercises from now on!" Gai announced grandly, drowning Sakura's questions out. "A third member will be joining us soon enough, but for now... regrettably, we must cut back on some of our exercises to avoid squashing their Youthful flames! What would make sense to you in this case, Rock Lee?"

"Perhaps, Gai-sensei," "Gai Junior" mused, "... we shall spend a few days at the beginner level you set for us a year ago, and then see where Naruto and Sakura's general fitness places them?"

"Indeed!" Gai agreed. "Truly, Rock Lee, you are becoming a genius of hard work!"

"Oh, GAI-SENSEI!"

"ROCK LEE!"

When Anko noticed Sakura's hands rise she reached out to firmly put them down "Using the 'Kai' on the Sunset of Youth is like stealing my dango. In that we don't."

Sakura blinked. "R-right, Sensei."

Tenten sighed but gave an indulgent smile to her team mate and sensei. Neji just scowled.

Anko took in Naruto's wide eyed smiling face.

"He is going to train us like we've never been trained before, isn't he?" Naruto said, voice wavering.

"Yes, Naruto, he is," Anko confirmed.

Tears of joy streaming down his face, Naruto stumbled over to his sensei.

"You do the **nicest** things for us!"

"Nothing's too good for my minions," Anko assured him, returning the hug.

"Ecchi," a blushing Sakura chided, noticing how Naruto's head was... ahem... framed. "So, Maito-sensei. What first, some stretches...?"

"Ah, Sakura-chan," Gai said in what for him was a serious manner. "Stretching, on its own, is actually of dubious merit as a warm up. Better to do gymnastics later, as we do, to get used to stretching in motion. No, to warm up... we shall do 30 Youthful laps!"

Sakura looked around the large training ground they were on. "I.. can manage that..."

"He means of the town," Tenten supplied helpfully.

Sakura whimpered.

* * *

0630 h

There were several nin who paused in walks, shunshin, and roof top travel to gaze at the sight before them.

Hatake Kakashi. 

No book in hand.

Walking to the Academy like a condemned man.

* * *

0730 h

"Pinkie. Drink."

Sakura managed to take Anko's offered water bottle and drank-- to her credit, at a moderate pace. Swallowing, she eyed her sensei warily. "Two and a half hours of this every day... 251 klicks..."

"You only made 22 laps. That's short 54 kilometres or so."

"And that's just the opener?" Sakura groaned.

"Well, unless you want to join Lee and Gai's three hour afternoon session too--"

" _Can we_?" Naruto asked eagerly.

"No," Sakura moaned. "Why did you even stop? You look like you could outlast Lee."

Naruto blinked. "Because my team did."

Sakura wasn't sure what to say to that.

"Don't worry, Pinkie, I don't peg any of you for a Taijutsu specialist. And that's the workout of a Taijutsu specialist." She snorted as Sakura bowed from her kneeling position and Naruto let out a sad sigh. "Never bow that low to me. And you're welcome. It _will_ get tougher. You'll need to make that 30 laps before I'm comfortable taking you out of the village."

"Oh, good," Naruto murmured. "I'd be worried if that was it."

"Idiot!" Sakura hissed. "Not everyone has your stamina."

"And not everyone has your chakra control," Anko countered. She met Gai's eye as he passed (six minutes, already?) who nodded and continued running his own team through their laps. "I'm guessing that's something you weren't shown in the academy? Boosting your physical abilities with chakra...?"

"... I was told it was beyond me. Would I be right in assuming that's _another_ thing Mizuki lied to me about?" Sakura asked, her voice getting a little harsh.

"Ayup. Okay, then. Let's say I want to give myself an extra boost of speed to get to a target before a foe does," Anko began.

* * *

1020 h

The Hokage looked out the window at the nin on the Academy grounds currently "supervising" a break. As in, sitting there doing his level best to ignore all interactions. He smirked.

"Chiaki?"

"Yes, Hokage-sama?" his adjutant replied, gathering signed papers from his desk.

"Did you send out that memo to the chuunin-sensei?"

Chiaki hummed. "Yes, sir. As soon as I had enough copies."

"Good. I'll be taking lunch at home today, Chiaki," the Hokage said. "And clear an appointment slot this evening for Hatake Kakashi."

Chiaki sighed. "You're so cruel, toying with him like this. It's... inhumane."

"Mm."

"You're truly the God of Shinobi."

"I try, Chiaki."

* * *

1030 h

"Tell me about Obito," Sasuke asked. "I know you made his goggles. Please, Isobe-san."

The opti-inin blinked at Sasuke, then slowly sat down in his chair. He gestured to the nearby chair for consulting customers. "Please, sit, Sasuke-kun," Isobe Eitoku said.

Well. That, oddly, made him feel more respected than the "Uchiha-sama" he had gotten on arrival. Sasuke had been at the inin's office at opening, and had forced himself to be unfailingly polite-- mainly by reminding himself how the optician likely valued his time no less than he did. 

And now, here he was, getting what he wanted-- by respecting the wants and needs of others. Never mind something as nebulous as humanity, that was just sound tactics.

Sasuke sat in the offered chair.

"If you don't mind, what brings you to ask?" Isobe asked, eyes surprisingly gentle.

Sasuke took a slow, measured breath. "I'm... trying to understand my clan better. I've been told Obito was one of the few in it that people truly respected, alongside my mother and..." he swallowed, but the lump that stopped him from speaking persisted.

"There is a reason your brother's act was such a shock," Isobe agreed. "No offence to you, Sasuke-kun, but some of your clansmen... often, a nin picks up eccentricities as they get more skilled. But there is a difference between that and insanity. If your father had not been shielding them... I am sure half the Keimu Butai would have been subject to psychological evaluations and most of them suspended."

"Half..." Sasuke murmured.

"Perhaps I over estimate," Isobe offered.

"You have not offended me," Sasuke said. He wanted the man's honesty, even if it would not be polite. "I'm just... I was a child then, and now I am attempting to pass my sensei's genin test."

The eye doctor smirked. "Ah, yes. Surprised you, did it?"

Sasuke shrugged. "I have a second chance in seven days. She did... I'm told it was a bare standard ANBU head check."

The doctor nodded knowingly. At Sasuke's frown, he smiled and rolled up his left sleeve. The purple tattoo that revealed said much. "Some of us do live long enough to retire," said the rest. "I failed that first time my friend hit me with it. And my friend now heads up T&I, he takes mental stability very seriously. Nearly lost my nin status before I got my head on straight. But you wanted to hear about Obito..."

* * *

1043 h

Naruto blinked. "Spar? With... Gai-sensei? _Us_?"

Gai grinned broadly.

Anko-sensei let out a, "Ka-fufu."

"So help me, Naruto, if you--" Sakura began. But too late. 

The sound Naruto emitted could only be called a squee.

"Sakura first," Anko said.

Instant depression struck Naruto. "Aw, no fair. She doesn't even like sparring!"

"Indeed, my Youthful friend. And her taijutsu needs more work than yours. You have an instinctive grasp of combat even the most Youthful and Awesome Rock Lee lacked when I began training him. Thus, I must attend to Sakura's Flames of Youth first, and properly inflame them."

Naruto blinked at him. "Do people ever assume that's a... euphemism for--?"

"That's half the fun," Gai assured him.

"No wonder Sensei likes you," Naruto said, wandering to the side of the sparring area where Anko sat. "Spare a dango for a poor orphan, _Pofesa_?"

"Nice Keltic accent. Your box is there, don't gobble it down, you're not getting any of mine."

Sakura flew into a nearby tree.

"Six skewers! Look, Sakura, Sensei got me six skewers of dango! Awesome!"

The girl groaned. "That's nice, Naruto. Sensei, as a note?"

"Mm?"

"I'm going to start hating you now," Sakura said, stumbling to her feet.

"Ah, as expected. Thanks for the warning. Good job cushioning the impact with chakra. Go get 'im, Pinkie-minion," Anko said, then turned back to Naruto. "Have you tried the green tea ones?"

"Mm," Naruto said, frowning, as Sakura stomped back toward Gai. "I find the ones from Usada's a little too bitter."

"Must be an age thing," Anko said as with a screech and groan, Sakura skidded to a stop in front of her team mate and sensei. "He's pullin' his punches, kid."

" **A most Youthful try, Sakura! Come, again!** "

"Be right there, Gai-sensei," Sakura called. "Seriously. _Hating_ you. Want a jutsu that can kill you with my hate."

"Won't be the first, get back in there, champ," Anko murmured. "Oh, and remind me we'll need an inin to re-break and set your nose."

"Right," the girl said, and there was a rather promising fire in her eyes.

* * *

1100 h

"Anko," Nara Shikaku murmured. "A good choice."

It was a sort of informal club. 'Parents with Genin.' _Genin o motsu oya,_ Tsume mused, as she moved ever so slightly closer to Hiashi and enjoyed his sudden flush. _Gemotsuya, maybe?_ "Mm. And if anyone can get Kiba to stop trying to Alpha Male through life..."

"He's a fine young man," Hiashi assured her. She found him handsome, and more of a man than the one she'd first married. No one commented on the way his arm often ended up across her shoulders in informal settings, or how in formal ones they were often side by side. This was Hi. This was Konoha. If you wanted really rigid social structure, you went to Mizu.

"Who occasionally needs a big damn stick to whack him and remind him we're not our ninken," Tsume shot back.

Hiashi nodded slowly. "Granted. Hinata will keep an eye on him." _Because they're practically siblings,_ was the unspoken truth underneath. "And Shino," he noted, earning a nod from the stoic Pride of the Aburame who sat at the head of the table as a sort of chair. That, and it _was_ his home. The man wore the high collar and shades typical of his clan, and wasn't exactly noted for his sparkling conversation. But damn, the man put together a good brunch.

"Shino... can be withdrawn," Aburame Shibi noted. "I hope he does not allow established friendships to atrophy." 

"Gen," Hyuuga Hiashi said, and the Aburame gave a brief hum of amusement at the nickname. "Given _who_ he is friends with...?"

"Your boy is not getting a chance to be a hermit," Nara Yoshino assured the Aburame, reaching out to pat his shoulder. Anyone who thought of Yoshino strictly as a harpy haranguing her husband had never met the woman.

Not that she wasn't good at lighting a fire under the fool's butt when needed.

Shikaku smirked. "The Hokage has chosen exceptionally well this year-- though I do believe Umino Iruka had a great deal to do with that."

Akimichi Chouza coughed, swallowed his food, and finished laughing. "Poor boy doesn't even realize what being in the Hokage's company as often as Sarutobi's old team mates are _means_." There was a collective laugh as the red head grinned. Chouza was a large and genial man, but as with all Akimichi you'd be an idiot to assume he was soft. 

"Once Kakashi settles in, we should suggest making him a Tokujou attached to... whatever Kakashi's position gets called," Yamanaka Inoichi said in that calm way of his."Keep him in the academy, but give the man some of the recognition he deserves." Inoichi frowned, his hand running through the blond spikes on top of his head. "What _are_ we calling Hatake?"

"Any time I ask the Hokage, he just smirks. And then chortles," Shikaku sighed. "As he does."

"We're all doomed," Inoichi murmured.

Chouza patted his old team mate's shoulder. "Naw. With Asuma ironing the kinks out, our kids'll be a better Ino-Shika-Chou combo than we were!"

"If they don't kill each other," Yoshino agreed. 

"Mm. Problematic," Shikaku noted. "Much as I'm glad Shikamaru will be part of a new Ino-Shika-Chou, I also dislike the idea of him losing touch with his friends outside the team. Kiba and Naruto were good influences, making him do things beyond just passing."

"Amusing too," Shibi noted.

"That, and you could convince your wife to make that lovely barbeque pork ramen whenever you had Uzumaki over for dinner," Inoichi shot back.

"That too," Shikaku mused, ignoring the mind-nin's eyeroll and his wife's-- actually, no. Shikaku had not once yet managed to avoid the glare of his wife. "Uh. Er. Ahem. Hmm. Shibi... perhaps you could put a bug in Kurenai's ear--"

"Pun noted and appreciated," Shibi murmured.

"Thank you, about inter-team training. This is a promising group, after all. They make chuunin, they're practically a mission pool on their own."

"Add Team Gai, and they are," Hiashi mused. "And you can mention it to Asuma, who loves team building anyway..."

"And we get a nice social and military dynamic among a promising group of genin," Shikaku agreed.

"Why, Shika-kun, it's almost as if you intended to emulate an Uzushio style Genin Pool," Tsume noted lightly.

"Imagine that," Shikaku drawled, but there was that undercurrent to his voice that made everyone stop chuckling and pay attention to the Jounin Hanchou. "Engineering things so that Minato-kun's son is being trained the way he wanted."

Yoshino reached around her husband. "It'll make them all stronger."

"Mm."

Hiashi sighed, and leaned forward. "Shikaku--"

"He was being sabotaged. At the Academy. How'd I--" Shikaku closed his eyes. 

"You are a brilliant man, my friend," Hiashi said sternly. "But you are not omniscient."

Shikaku shook his head. "One of us should have adopted him..."

"And what?" Hiashi said, leaning back-- incidentally to where Tsume's arm waited. "Subject him to Hyuuga clan politics? Have to explain why he can't bond with the kikaichuu like his brother?"

"He would have been fine with us," Shikaku said.

"Yes. He would have fit in with any of us, Hiashi's concerns not withstanding," Shibi noted. "And we would have denied him his future."

Shikaku sighed. "What a drag. It's so... problematic."

* * *

1230 h

Sakura blinked, sudden panic in her eyes as she stood over the downed Gai.

The man sat up, prodded his newly bruised cheek and winced, and gingerly moved his left leg.

He looked at Sakura, and took in her look of horror.

There was a gulping sound.

And then Konoha's Great Green Beast roared with laughter.

"Hebi-chan," he chortled, "you may be teaching the next Tsunade! That was most Youthful, Sakura!"

Sensei had a look of pleased surprise on her face. "I'm... noticing that."

Sakura looked at Gai, puzzled. "I just--"

He met her eyes, still smiling. "You just took things with the passion and seriousness this Youthful exercise deserved! You allowed yourself to actually fight!"

Sakura blinked. Then a slow understanding dawned. "Sensei mentioned Mizuki's line about being a 'cerebral nin', didn't she?"

"Yes," Gai admitted. "Sakura, surely you see your actions _were_ well thought out. You sized up your opponent-- me-- and quickly figured out a most Youthful strategy to deal with me. In this case, you destroyed my vertical base-- something that gave me a major advantage over you. In this Youthful and I dare say Awesome manner, you managed to get past my experience and take me down. Well done!"

Sakura blinked, and slowly gave a very enthusiastic grin. "Thanks, Gai-sensei."

And then came the bear hug. "SAKURA-CHAN!"

Caught up in the moment, what else could Sakura do? "GAI-SENSEI!"

As she walked toward her sensei, Naruto's wide eyed stare caught her attention.

"What? Didn't expect a girl to hit that hard--"

"Fuck, Sakura, I know you can hit harder than anyone in our class. No, he just-- didn't do the sunset."

"What?" Sakura asked.

"Naw, it was like that one park we use for cherry blossom viewings, and the blossoms were falling all around you two all dramatic like, and... it was Awesome."

"Naruto!" Gai called. "It is your turn!"

"YATTA!" Naruto exclaimed, and charged in with wild abandon.

He promptly went flying face first into the tree. Sakura snorted.

"Well, at least I'm not the only one with a broken... nose..."

Naruto reached up, righted his nose with a crunch, and blinked away his tears as it noticeably... _settled_ back in its proper place. With a determined grin, he charged back in.

Sakura growled. "That is _so_ unfair!"

"I know!" Anko growled in sympathy. "I wanted to torture _both_ of you!"

Sakura cast a wary eye at her sensei.

"I mean... I am highly concerned in regards to the well being of my students. Inin's on his way! Yep!" Sakura tried to edge away, but Anko's arm reached out and pulled her close. "I've got a dango box for you, Pinkie-minion."

"Dango is _not_ a cure all, Sensei," Sakura whined.

"All of them have chocolate."

"I will follow you to the End of Time, Anko-sensei."

"Good girl--" Anko began, but then Naruto slammed to the ground a short distance away. He rose, winced as he flexed his wrist, and sighed.

"Naruto--" Gai began.

"Just a sec, Gai-sensei," the blond called.

The crunch was even more sickening, but a few moments later he was testing the mobility with only a bit of discomfort. He charged back in with a bellow.

"I have got to read that kid's file," Anko muttered, as Sakura blinked in shock.

* * *

1206 h

"He bangs her."

Hatake looked up. He was allowing himself his reading at lunch, at least. Here in the teacher's room... most of the chuunin-sensei had spotted him and gone elsewhere.

The woman before him had no such reluctance to join him. "Mako-san."

"Kakashi-san. I've been told you'll be gracing us with your experience for the next while," the woman said. Her dark green hair was in a neat ponytail.

"Punishment for my transgressions. I failed too many promising genin teams while waiting for the one I wanted. What hurts is I think the one who got the team I was holding out for... might actually do well with them."

"Oh? Teaching here is really that bad?"

The two looked up. "Umino-san," Kakashi said.

"Hatake-san," Iruka returned. "Really? You're doing that badly? 'Man Down' Hatake? 'Sharingan' Kakashi?"

Kakashi lowered his book. "They spent today trying to force me to teach them that cool 'hard bunshin' move the Hokage's grandson's 'oyabun' showed him-- because, thank god, Naruto realized it would kill the boy if he actually attempted Kage Bunshin unsupervised. I summoned my dogs to help." He palmed his face. "I never thought I'd see all my ninken exercise their 'I told you so' clause at once. I would have sat on the wall outside the classroom if I thought the class would have remained intact. As stands, I traded some low level Doton jutsu for my sanity. This is my punishment march, and I am going to fail it and prove the old man right."

Mako frowned. "Not at all the impression I got from the Hokage's letter. After this week, he's... basically put you in charge of the Academy with his utmost trust."

The book was pocketed. "... in charge...?" Was that why the Academy chuunin were so wary of him?

Iruka sighed, opening the fridge. "Well, the words were 'entrusted to return the Konoha Academy to the standards set by the Second'." He tossed Mako a can, and Kakashi as well. "Good as. Look, this year's grad class already has a rep that we're not sure we prepared them for. You've got a trio who've been training to be the next Ino-Shika-Chou since birth-- and they drive each other nuts." 

"The Hyuuga heiress, Inuzuka Tsume's only son, and an Aburame from a respected family of the clan in a team well balanced for tracking..." Mako noted. "... but Hinata has confidence issues, Kiba's far too impulsive, and Shino can retreat into the most stereotypical Aburame-speak when he feels socially awkward and nurse a grudge like no one's business." 

"We're already hearing that outside the village, everyone fears the last Uchiha will lead a team of fearsome genin," Iruka said, a smirk on his face.

"And inside our walls?" Kakashi asked, sipping the tin of cold Kusa coffee.

Mako sighed. "We hope he gets his head out of his ass, that Sakura's potential hasn't been totally stymied by social pressure... and those of us who've read more than one book pray their teammate keeps loving the village. Given... I understand... that is... that there are parallel cases in other villages--"

"Jinchuuriki tend to be abused," Kakashi agreed, acknowledging what they all knew. 

"He's just another young man who wants to be a ninja," Iruka grumbled, not noticing the smile (well, smile and eye twitch) that Mako and Kakashi shared.

"Whenever I hear people mutter we should make him a weapon like other villages do," Kakashi said, sobering, "I have to ask myself-- and barely manage to hold back from asking _them_ \-- if they've seen how the Kazekage's son has ended up. Naruto... sad as it is, the fact that the law forces him to be ignored by idiots that would catalyze action against him or in order to control him did stop that."

"He was wronged the most by how we've slid in peace time. All nine of them were," Mako muttered. "Iruka... how often were you cursing like a Line Pirate when the Bunshin was 'randomly' selected to be Naruto's exam jutsu?" 

"That being every. Single. Time," Iruka growled. "The boy doesn't have the knack for genjutsu! If they had asked him to do a henge..."

"So I've heard," Kakashi laughed. "But... in charge?"

"We're all nervous for our jobs," Mako admitted, sitting beside him on the window sill.

"I can't even get one class in order!"

Iruka smirked. "I'm impressed, if they can stand up to the Copy-Nin's killing intent."

"You... use killing intent on them?" Kakashi said, blinking.

Mako looked at him as if he was mad. "How the fuck else do you tell a bunch of expectant nin you're serious? Some of us use a genjutsu to soften it, yeah-- I do my voice, Iruka has his Big Head-- but we don't hold back. Didn't your academy teacher do the same?"

"I was barely in the academy," Kakashi said, shaking his head.

"Point," Iruka grumbled.

Mako blinked at Kakashi. "And you're my new boss. Great." She took a breath. "Look, I've heard how your life's gone, Kakashi-san. It's not normal for a Konoha nin. But it's blinded you to what you hold in common with others. These kids... they've grown up around survivors of the Shinobi Wars and the Fox. They know what that intent means. They have the 'advantage' - if you want to call it that - of living in a hidden village. They grew up where life is cheap, and war is Tuesday. And right now, you're some guy pussy-footing around that."

"More than that, most of these kids have _heard_ of you," Iruka said. "Giving them a face that doesn't match the lazy mask hiding the Nin of a Thousand Jutsu... they'll begin to doubt what they heard."

"At least I can count on your candor," Kakashi said, a bit of his dry humour returning.

There was a moment of silence.

"How do you drink that without me seeing you move the mask?" Mako asked.

The Last Hatake's eye narrowed in a smile. "Clan secret."

* * *

1339 h

Sasuke adjusted the glasses he now wore on his face. The old ANBU turned inin had practically insisted on a check up, and he had picked up the results just after lunch. The seal work to allow his own chakra to easily keep the glasses on his face ruled out the usual 'glasses in an hour' service. He also had a set of prescription goggles.

Apparently, his eyes focused at different rates-- lazy eye, Isobe-san had said. Though Sasuke was unclear which eye qualified as lazy. The inin had noted his eyes would adjust to the "curves" at the edge of his vision, and that the problem may actually correct itself over time.

The eyes of his village were different this time, Sasuke realized. Some of them. There was the wariness from many, one that had been there since That Man had committed familicide. There was a bit of that upsetting distaste he had only begun to realize had been there for years. A sense of-- opportunism? Yes. Some eyed him like a general in Shogi about to be captured, or territory to take.

But every few people--

"Sasu-kun!"

Sasuke stopped and turned, only realizing he was sneering when he saw the saddened look on the speaker. Maehata Kuri. Owned the restaurant his... mother used to take him to.

"Sorry, Maehata-san," Sasuke said, bowing. "I was lost in my own thoughts and did not notice who was speaking."

The plump woman smiled. "You... look rather smart in those, Sasuke-san. Your cousin, Obito-- he wore goggles, but a few of us knew it was so no one in the clan could complain about glasses making an Uchiha look weak."

Sasuke managed a small smile, but inside cursed. This sweet woman, a friend of his mother's... he would not mind her being familiar. But if he asked her to, it would be even more awkward.

"Kuri-obasan," he heard himself say. "Do... you still serve the Dashi Tomatoes? With the four varieties from the Bungee and the soup and onigiri...?"

The woman's smile fully bloomed in her eyes. "Yes, yes! Come in! Come in, Sasu-kun!"

* * *

1340 h

"Damn," Naruto said, dusting himself off and scowling slightly at a blood stain that marred his orange jacket. Then he looked up and grinned. "That was fun."

"... he considers spending over an hour taking blows that would hospitalize most people fun," Sakura murmured.

"No accounting for taste," Anko noted.

"Now, now, Sakura," Gai chided, patting her shoulder. "The nature of Naruto's Youth (and Awesome) merely allow him to indulge himself in pursuits others would find... taxing in the extreme."

"Hey, hey, Gai-sensei," Naruto said. "What do you call the way you fight? It's not the stuff they taught in Academy."

"Ah, Naruto. The foundations that should be laid in Academy allow you to build into your own style. Mine for example is Konoha no Gouken. It was founded by Kobayashi Aki, an ancestor of mine and Rock Lee."

Sakura blinked. "Rock Lee's--"

"My cousin," Gai said. "His parents did not follow in my mother and uncle's footsteps, but Lee has chosen to become a splendid, Youthful nin of Konoha in the manner of many Kobayashi before him. Our forebearer, Aki, codified the basics of Gouken during the reign of the Shodai while recovering from a pair of broken arms."

Sakura blinked. "Her arms were broken when she... wow. So... it's a Hard External Power Style?"

"A whosa whatsa?" Naruto asked.

"Good question," Anko said. "And Gai-kun is the perfect one to ask."

Gai's eyes lit up. "Hebi-chan! If your students do not understand enough about styles to begin building their own Youthful styles--"

Anko yanked the taijutsu master close and whispered in his ear.

Gai's blush was unstoppable. "Well, if you wish to take the, uh, most Youthful and Awesome _reward_ route over, er, penalties," he managed, "I will not argue."

"Gah. Is nowhere safe from perversion?" Sakura wondered to the heavens.

"Not in Konoha. We're all perverts," Naruto reminded her.

"I'm not!" Sakura insisted.

"Hah! You constantly perv over at least one target!"

"That's _not_ perving! I'm merely showing my faith in my destiny to be Uchiha Sakura!"

"Fucking stupid destiny to want..."

"What was that...?"

"You wanna go? This is sparring time, Sakura. I've got nothing to keep me from hitting you back."

"Was that a threat?"

"Better to warn you now then--"

"Ahem...?"

The two looked up to see Anko and Gai looking at them patiently.

"... sorry..." the genin muttered.

Gai smiled and gestured them closer, grabbing a branch that had fallen off the tree that had been his target when sending genin flying. He drew two intersecting lines in the shape of a plus sign. At the top of the up and down line, he wrote the Hi script for "internal". At the other end, "external". The horizontal line was marked "soft" to its left and "hard" to its right.

"Taijutsu is defined by its method and its focus," Gai said. "The more focused on raw physical power a style is, the more 'external' it is. The more focused on offence and over powering, the 'harder' it is."

"So.. Gouken would be... here?" Naruto said, pointing to the bottom right corner of the little diagram. "And... that stuff Hinata and the other Hyuuga use, Juuken?" At Gai's nod, the boy looked thoughtful. He placed his finger on the left edge of the top left square, about halfway down toward the horizontal line.

"Very good, Naruto!" Gai said. "Many people miss that Juuken is not all sitting and waiting. If a good Juuken user sees an opening-- I was once on a mission with Neji's uncle-- Hinata's father. A Kumo nin we were facing had the bright idea to assume a reactive stance, forcing Hiashi-sama to act first. Hiashi's first blow paralyzed the un- Youthful fool's heart."

"Wow," Sakura murmured. "So... what about us?"

"Mm. Indeed. Understand, both of you-- a good taijutsu style is seldom 'pure'. I no more practise only those strikes taught in Gouken's kata any more than you two practice a pure 'academy' style. But, as a starting point..." Gai considered Sakura. "Your attitude when you Youthfully immerse yourself in combat and excellent chakra control suggest a good base style would be Zoukyouken, as practised and perfected by the Slug Sannin Tsunade. It is a true internal style and also _quite_ hard, with users augmenting their bodies for great offensive feats."

"A Reinforced Fist master can look totally innocent and even weak," Anko said with smirk. "And will then punch their foe into the sky."

"Twinkle effect optional," Gai noted. Gai then considered Naruto, and his grin slowly grew. "For you... a style right here, on the inside corner of the Hard Internal square. A style both powerful and flowing, as suits your massive chakra and ability to... well. There is a rhythm to every battle, Naruto, and you seem to find it and force it into a new time signature."

"You fuck with expectations," Anko explained, and the orange clad nin grinned.

"It comes from a sadly departed ally of Konoha called Uzushio. It was a wonderful village, and among its many gifts to ninjutsu was a taijutsu style I can see you mastering."

There was a hint of mischief in Gai's eyes that seemed to infect Naruto. "What's it called, Gai-sensei?"

Gai's smile actually grew a bit nostalgic. "Rasenken."

Naruto's bottom lip jutted out thoughtfully. "Spiral fist," he mused. "It sounds... Awesome."

* * *

1416 h

"Not trusting me to do the job, Red Cat?" Bat asked as his fellow ANBU made her presence officially known.

"This is for my own curiosity," Red Cat said in turn, watching the two genin go through kata on the training ground below. She gave a little hum as Naruto grinned at Gai's correction, and then a pleased sigh as Naruto went through the movements again under Gai's approving gaze.

"Sixteen Attackers, Four Winds," she noted, recognizing the kata "The first of the fifteen basic kata."

"Must be interesting seeing someone else begin to learn your base style," Bat noted.

"It suits him. Kushina-hime would have taught him that, and Minato-sama would have helped him add in other influences."

Bat looked at Red Cat. "Yuugao-sempai," he began, knowing using his comrade's actual name while she was masked was not so much forbidden as highly rude, "I've often wondered--"

"Everyone who cares for him has tried their best while staying within the limits of law and custom, Murata-kun," she interupted firmly.

Bat considered the boy, who was asking Gai a question while varying his stance a little. Gai actually took the shift in footing a bit further, and then nodded approval. "Would the Hokage's Law have made taking a more active role in his life that hard?" 

"I am not referring to the Tail Law," Red Cat said. "At least, not mainly. You must understand, Kushina-hime wanted her son to be an Uzumaki, and to be recognized by the scattered peoples of Uzushiokagure someday. To allow that, certain customs and laws must be followed by those looking to reestablish the traditions and alliances of the Dead Village."

"... Customs and laws of Uzushio...?" Bat wondered.

"Consider whose line he is the last of in Konoha."

Bat sighed, bowing his head. "Ah. I see. In him lies a chance for unity for all the Uzumaki."

"And the Yo, if any still live," Red Cat said. "And the Bungi, the Yuki, and all of those clans tied to the Whirlpool. Naruto is the future in more ways than I can briefly say."

Bat nodded slowly. "To give him that future... you must wait."

"Of course," Red Cat said with a sniff that Bat politely ignored. "Otherwise... do you think anything would have kept me from my cousin?"

* * *

1422 h

Naruto closed his eyes as he moved. Rasenken... it felt right. The postures didn't feel forced, as the Academy kata often had. 

He was rather surprised to hear a cheer as he finished the first kata of Rasenken.

"That was _awesome_!"

Naruto settled his hand behind his neck as he noticed Kiba standing near where that inin in the glasses Sensei said was the hospital head's son was fixing Sakura's nose. Shino and Hinata were there, too. Hinata looked... kind of spaced out and focused on him all at once, and Shino...

"Was I that good?" Naruto said, indicating the bug-nin's raised, arched eyebrows.

"That... and I am pleased you have finally found a style that works," Shino said, and his tone made the smile Naruto saw suggested in the hair over Shino's shades certain.

"I didn't think you two knew each other that well," Sakura said, walking up and gingerly prodding her nose.

Shino turned his gaze to her. "How can you trust your instincts on your year mates' interactions, when they are flawed by the filter and focus on amorous intent you and Ino so willingly embraced?"

Sakura blinked, and seemed to reflect on this before her eyes went wide. " **Why is _everyone_ accusing me of perving on Sasuke-kun today?** "

"Sakura," Kiba said with a grin. "Naruto and I couldn't have pulled off _half_ the schemes we dragged Chouji and Shikamaru into without this guy here."

Sakura blinked. "What."

"He was their look out."

Sakura turned to Hinata, mouth dropping open.

Hinata was giving her a look of gentle disbelief. "I thought everyone knew that."

Sakura looked from Hinata to Shino.

"I am rather proud of the chili pepper toilet paper in the teacher's washroom," the Aburame noted. "Using one of Ino's little... rants as a distraction was my idea."

"Was someone talking just now?" Naruto wondered.

"I... might have heard something," Kiba said.

"Must have been an Aburame," the three boys chorused.

Sakura looked from Shino to Hinata, to Naruto, and back to Shino, then turned to Kiba for clarification... only to see he'd turned to speak with Gai as Anko and Kurenai talked nearby. What was odd was how Akamaru seemed to be putting his two ryo in... and Gai was responding to the little white ninken.

Had the world been slowly going mad while she was per-- _pursuing_ (she was not a pervert!) Sasuke-kun?

* * *

1545 h

"It's true," Ibiki affirmed blandly, interrupting the flow of gossip.

There was a moment of silence in the Unseen Bar, and then the head of T&I found himself joining the normally boar masked Otomatsu Shotaro at a prime spot at the bar's counter. "How'd you confirm it?" asked that member of the three man team nick-named "The Pottery".

The Unseen Bar was located on the top floor of a building that was just another place in Konoha, and was exclusive to those that could figure out how to get in without the regular patrons keeping them out.

"Talked to Anko. Went to the Hokage." Several attendant nin groaned. Second guessing the Professor's willingness to at least take a question had made many a nin curse themselves. "You?"

"Heh. I live under Naruto. She slipped into Uzumaki's apartment this morning and triggered that dye trap near the kitchenette," Shotaro said with a grin.

Several of his fellow ANBU gave rueful chuckles. More than one had needed a quick excuse when checking on the Fourth's son and falling victim to the kid's quite devious traps.

"Oh...?" Grasshopper asked from one end of the bar. "I thought she hadn't even affirmed them as genin yet."

"Nope," Shotaro said. He turned his stool to face the crowd. "She's putting them through an adjusted ANBU vetting."

"Started with the head check," Ibiki confirmed to the disbelieving murmur that swept through the crowd. "Gave the Uchiha a conditional fail. She's also introducing them to a few of our fellows. Going to the Happy Couple and the Plus Three today, she said."

Another wave of murmurs.

"Yamada and Yamada?" Grasshopper muttered. "Well. Tough Love Sensei Style it is... They going to meet the log?"

"She might assign that later," Ibiki said. 

"Ibiki," a voice called from one of the window tables.

"Yuugao," Ibiki answered.

Uzuki Yuugao rose from her seat, taking up her red striped ANBU mask. "Anko-chan's team... two of the members interest certain people, and the third has potential..."

The room went silent.

"Heido's already keeping an eye on Broody," Shotaro noted, and Grasshopper nodded. "You think The Darkness will try and nudge Anko?"

"Idiot if he does," Bat said, draining his glass.

"Politics," Shotaro muttered, to an agreeable grumble from the others. No nin in the room doubted either the Hokage or Shimura Danzou's devotion to the good of the Leaf. The two men's dramatically opposed views on how that good was carried out... that was the problem.

Everyone knew the tension between the two old friends, even the civilians.

"We know he's got some tricks up his sleeve we haven't placed yet," Ibiki growled. "You got an eye on Orange?"

Shotaro nodded. "I'll talk to the folks on his rotation. And Raito's been bored lately. He can set watches on Pinky."

"I'll tell Viper my concerns," Yuugao said, putting her mask on and arranging her violet hair as she preferred. "Keeping the fact we're watching her and her team from her... isn't going to happen. Best she knows we're there."

"Keep it out of the root cellar, Red Cat," Shotaro murmured, and there was another murmur from the rest of the bar.

"Danzou would be stupid to go that far," Ibiki noted.

"Or he'll do it when he thinks he's won," Shotaro countered.

The head of T&I's eyes narrowed.

* * *

1603 h

"Anko," the woman who opened the warehouse door said softly, reaching out and hugging their sensei. Naruto found it amusing how much Anko-nee-sensei blushed at this, but held himself to a smile.

The man beside her laid a hand on Anko's shoulder. "It has been far too long since we have seen you," he said.

"Only a week," Anko protested.

"Far too long. And apparently, word that you had been assigned genin was correct," the woman said, a note of pride in her voice.

"Though," the man question, "have you lost one?"

"He's carrying out a task," Anko said, smiling. "Minions! These are my dear friends, Yamada Kei and Yamada Kenji. Introduce yourselves!"

"Haruno Sakura, a pleasure!"

Naruto mimicked Sakura's bow and high hand clasp, or wai. He didn't know why Hi added the wai to an especially respectful bow, but if Sakura thought it was needed... "Uzumaki Naruto!" He righted himself, and caught a whiff of something. He had nothing on Kiba or any of his old "slackernin club" friend's clan, but he got by. "Is... someone working a forge?"

Kei smirked. "How alert of you."

Kenji stepped aside, gesturing them in. "Indeed, one of our students maintains and repairs all our weapons and tools."

"I think she'll be rather pleased to see Uzumaki-san here, actually," Kei noted dryly.

Naruto's eyes narrowed, and then something tickled his memory-- the faint smell of wood orchids and sweat mingling with the forge's metallic tang. 

Led through a maze of steel walls that looked like shipping crates, he grinned as he saw the fit young woman dunking a knife in water. Tempering, Naruto's mind supplied. The heavy apron and short shirt she wore were almost an exact replica of the ones her parents and smith-sensei used. The chuunin raised the protective goggles and hazel eyes studied the blade.

Matsushika Keiko looked every inch the tomboy even when not working metal-- black hair cut short and rendered spiked by untamed cowlicks, clothes you'd find on the men's rack, subtle ways of using Hi's dialect. Her choice in clothes and her wide, toothy grin screamed tomboy. Her exacting smith work would have put most professionals to shame.

Keiko was a tomboy. But it was not the standoffish tomboy some girls wore as a mask-- Keiko was who she was, and was settled with it.

All the people of Konoha, Naruto would defend. But if they were part of a select few-- the Hokage, Iruka, even (already!) Anko-nee-sensei-- who didn't ignore him as the village's uncomfortable fact of life... Naruto knew he would cherish them forever.

And the young women who passed the first time he failed, who had spent a good year walking him home and encouraging him (it had taken Keiko _three_ tries to pass, like him!) and brought him a bright new orange outfit the next day... they were on the list. Though not just for the offit.

The woman nodded at the blade, then her eyes caught the twin blue eyes under the unruly blond hair held back only by a cloth band with a leaf symbol on it watching her in awe.

"Naruto-kun?"

"That's still amazing, Nee-kun, y'know?"

Nee-kun. It was odd, but suited her. Keiko placed the blade on a work bench along with tongs and hammer. One of the protective gloves was shucked, and Naruto grunted as a hand prodded his hitai-ate.

"Well. Look who's made genin, Gutsy-kun. Only took you a year more than me, too."

The Academy ran in six month sessions, Summer and Winter (not that Hi no Kuni really got Winter around Konoha). Anyone could start going at any point between the ages of ten and fourteen.

There were usually three classes starting at 24 to 36 students per class. Those could lose between three and half their number to children changing their minds, injury, or expulsion. On average, a class settled on between 18 to 24 students by mid session.

Genin Exams were held every four weeks. You were allowed to take the Genin Exam once a session. Pass, and you got posted to a jounin-sensei (either a new team or to make up lost numbers) or could seek out an aprenticeship. Fail, and you either stayed for more training or dropped out.

Keiko had passed on her third try. Others took as many as six, though beyond that the chuunin sensei began councilling toward another course in life.

"Iruka-sensei gave me his, Keiko-kun!" Naruto said with pride.

The woman smirked, taking off her other glove and apron and taking his hand. "Permission to embarrass my old kohai?"

"Mm, not as amusing as us embarrassing you three," Kenji noted dryly.

"And embarrassing him is now Anko-san's job," Kei added, looking up at Sensei.

Keiko looked at Anko with narrowed eyes. "There's two of us that know him here. We'll tease him like proper o-nee-san."

"Oh, go ahead," Anko allowed. "Embarrassment is entertainment."

And Keiko was dragging the younger nin off. "The Gutsy One prevails!"

"Oi!" Naruto protested, as his sensei, his team mate, and the other two followed his half-airborne form. Keiko-kun could move when she wanted!

"Harumi! Naruto-kun not only finally passed," Keiko related as she entered the main room of the team's residence, "But Iruka-sensei gave him that hitai-ate."

Naruto did indeed blush at that, and the look the two sensei and third chuunin of Team Yamada gave him.

Harumi-chan's gleeful tackle didn't help.

The refined looking young woman-- well, Naruto still found Nakamura Harumi refined, even with the old kimono traded in for jeans and work blouse, and her shoulder length brown hair in a practical bun. He was engulfed in a hug that made him happy and safe right after Keiko's announcement. Then Harumi-chan started laying the cooing and the "oh, look at the genin" talk on thick, with Keiko providing snark. Some how they managed to introduce Naruto to their laughing team mate in all this.

The third member of Team Yamada, a pink eyed brown haired Goroudoko who Naruto didn't know named Ryoutaro, had passed one of the exams during the second session Naruto had attended. He had replaced another who was a disappointment, according to the married couple that shared the post of sensei. Ryou-san was making Chai no Kuni style udon (a lesser form of noodle, but Naruto was not one to turn down food). He might not know Ryou-san, but he knew that the "Golden Hearted" clan was good as their name. He'd often been let into the most precious of Konoha's forests by the heritary guardians, and Ryoutaro seemed cut from that cloth-- open hearted and steel willed.

As Naruto watched, he saw how easily things-- well, flowed between Team Yamada. Like the co-sensei who did not finish each others thoughts, but each had the next thought ready. The newly minted chuunin acted as if they'd been a team for decades-- Keiko using the unglazed bottom of the coffee cup Ryou offered to hone a pair of their scissors. Ryou having the scissors ready to cut the thread after Harumi tied it off. Everyone knew their place, and the three chuunin already had the air of jounin in waiting.

Here, he wasn't the dead last. He was "that little gutsy genin to be" Harumi and Keiko spoke of.

"So then, you finally managed a bunshin?" Kei asked.

"Harumi noted you always had the 'luck' to be tested on a weak area," Kenji noted, and he, his wife, and Anko-nee-sensei shared a look. Kei raised an eyebrow, and Sensei slowly nodded. Naruto found himself worrying his lip.

"Gutsy-kun?" Keiko prompted.

"Well, not exactly..." Naruto said, and he looked around nervously. "I-- kinda..."

"Orange-minion!" Anko said. "You can tell them. Just remember the big law. That's up to you."

Naruto grinned, and began (with little embellishment, but much hyperactive gesturing) the epic tale of his and Iruka-sensei's showdown with the traitor Mizuki. There were questions along the way-- and the fact that Anko-sensei echoed some of the ones that he still wondered about was pretty cool.

But he did notice Sakura getting more and more annoyed as the story went on, and a little alarm went off in the back of his head when she started expressing doubts in her usual cruel fashion. And Naruto had no illusions on that. Sakura could be quite cruel. 

He noticed when her question was based on her own misunderstanding, like when Kei-sensei clarified the henge actually physically changed you (it was bit more complex, but yeah) and was not in fact genjutsu, it seemed to annoy her more.

When he got to the part where he noted what Mizuki taunted him with was an S-class secret about Naruto himself, he heard her squawk "Baka! Who'd believe--"

Naruto knew a second later that Anko-sensei had been right with her orders this morning. None of the other nin in the converted warehouse moved to help Sakura when he caught her incoming fist. No one told him to ease up when he twisted her arm. In fact, Harumi seemed to relax from reaching for a kunai. Wait, why was Harumi-chan reaching for a kunai, and Keiko getting the cup from earlier in a throwing grip...? Even Ryoutaro seemed ready to jump in, and they'd only just met!

Sakura screeched a moment in rage, and then gave a more pitiful cry of pain as he ratcheted the arm bar he had her in a little harder.

Anko-sensei was looking expectantly at him. He frowned. He was doing what she said-- oh. Right. The other part.

"Stop trying to hit me, Sakura-chan. This isn't a spar," he said. There. That made the point, right? He frowned as a thought occurred to him. "I'd do the same to Ino, or an allied nin, or Sasuke if I had to. I'm a nin, I defend myself, y'know?"

He let her go, and she wheeled on him, swinging wildly--

This time she ended up on her stomach, arm even harder behind her back and his weight hard on her, a Rasenken grapple pinning her. He heard her struggle to breathe, but now-- now he was a bit angry. Sensei was right!

"If we're going to be team mates," he managed, clamping down on the rage the way a lifetime of harsh glares and ignored attempts to connect had forced him to, "we need to respect each other. And if you don't respect me, I don't got a reason to respect you. Believe it!"

This time, when he let go, Sakura was slow to rise. She clutched her arm, but luckily didn't come at him again. He really didn't want to have to get any... meaner with her. Sakura opened her mouth, but suddenly Sensei's hand was on her shoulder.

The look on Sensei's face-- Naruto had seen a shadow of it on Anko-nee's face once or twice when the jounin had spoken of things that... displeased her. But this was like that, laced with a little of that killing intent Iruka-sensei had talked about using with his big-head jutsu in class.

"Stop," was all Sensei said.

Sakura shut her mouth and swallowed.

Naruto didn't look up. He didn't want to see Team Yamada's faces as Anko murmured about meeting Team Eight for dinner. And he really didn't want to see Sakura's face right now.

* * *

1645 h

"I did mention not wasting my jounin when last we met," Sarutobi said, one eyebrow raised.

"... and the assigned class?" Hatake Kakashi asked.

"You are not used to teaching in a class room," the Hokage said simply. "This is your test class, how _you_ will learn." Hiruzen sighed, reaching for his pipe and lighting the waiting leaves with a small flame on his fingertip. "Kakashi, this need only be as much a punishment as you make it."

Kakashi inclined his head slightly in thought. "You... trust me that much?"

"You are not the boy who became jounin, now are you?" the Hokage said with a grin. "The child may be the father of the man, Hatake, but children are rarely total clones of their parents." He gestured to Chiaki, who strode forward from beside Sarutobi's desk.

"These are details on the standards the other Hidden Villages use for their academy-sei," the adjutant explained. "And also, files on the teachers and our official curriculum. I... thought you might find them useful."

Kakashi considered them carefully, and then took them. "Thank you, Tani-san."

The chuunin bowed, and Kakashi bowed to the Hokage, who nodded in dismissal.

* * *

Mitsuruka's was a nice place near the tower, and the owner's glare was entirely earned.

"I assume Uzumaki-kun is not going to dye any of the food tonight...?" Mitsuruka said, his right eyebrow twitching.

Naruto gave a weak laugh, hand behind his neck. "Never pulled the same prank on the same person or place twice, Mitsuruka-san. Besides--" and here was the fox grin in force-- "you've already seated two of the three gents that helped me pull that particular prank off, y'know. We'll be joining them."

Mitsuruka blinked, then smirked. "Well, if I have your word, Uzumaki-san."

"Yatta!"

"Besides, seeing you trying not to go mad in a formal kimono is sweet revenge in itself."

With a theatrical scowl, Naruto waved his fist at the restaurant owner. "Curse your dinner time dress code, Mitsuruka-san! Curse it!"

"Ah, yes. There it is," Mitsuruka murmured, smirking. "This way."

"At least it's _orange_ ," Naruto mumbled.

"As it should be, Uzumaki-kun," the owner agreed gravely and earnestly. "And the spiral on the back... suits you."

That earned a shier grin.

Their table was near the open kitchen. The four people already there rose and gave the new arrivals a nod or bow, and everyone sat.

"Welcome, Naruto," Shino said, as the blond settled to his right.

"Did you hear something?" Naruto asked Sakura. Sakura shot him an annoyed look.

"Shino... just said... hello to you--"

"Shino, Shino," Naruto wondered. "Kiba, do we know a 'Shino'?"

"I... vaguely remember a guy by that name," Kiba offered from his seat between his sensei and Hinata. "Maybe, same year as us...? Akamaru? Buddy?"

Akamaru gave a small, uncertain whine from the floor.

"Mm. Must have been an Aburame," Naruto decided.

"I can never tell those guys apart," Shino deadpanned.

"I know!" Naruto groused. A giggle drew his attention to Shino's other side (and gave him a convenient excuse to ignore Sakura's _very_ deliberate deep breathing), and he leaned forward past the bug-nin. "Hey, Hinata!"

The girl blushed prettily. "H-hello, Naruto-kun."

"Hey, Akamaru," Naruto noted as the ninken wandered up. "Looking good."

The ninken gave a happy bark.

"Shame about Kiba dressing down."

A sad whine answered that observation.

"Oi!" Kiba grumbled. Kurenai shot him a look, and the Inuzuka subsided in time for the waitress to arrive. She wasn't much older than them. The owner's daughter, Naruto recalled as she introduced herself as Karena.

"The usual," Sensei said with a small smile. "Eat what you take, kids, but it's on me."

"The Ami Spicy Peanut Chicken, then," Kurenai-sensei ordered. "Double order, and extra veg.

"The Special Meat and Veg with Almonds," Kiba said, "And the Kusa-style chicken cutlet for Akamaru."

The ninken whined.

"No. Last time you had it, bud, you got the pepper on your nose and whined all night."

The white dog gave a little huffing woof of resignation.

"The Nami Fish and Rice Bowl," Hinata said softly. "Two. Chai style please, and an order of mixed vegetables with it."

"Hi grilled steak, extra veg," Shino said. "Chicken and vegtables with almonds, double portion. Grilled salmon, no daikon. No honey tonight, Karena-chan."

The waitress nodded. 

"The 'special' dishes-- that's where you put anything that used to breathe into it, right?"

"Yes," Karena agreed with a small smile.

"One of each of those, and a double order of any with noodles. And a double order of the Veg and Almonds."

"Triple," Sensei corrected.

"Right," Naruto said with a sigh. He caught Sakura's disbelieving look as Karena took his menu. "What?"

"You'll eat all that?" Sakura said, shaking her head.

"Heck, it's less than Chouji can tuck in at one sitting," Naruto noted.

"Yeah, but Chouji's fa--"

"Do not finish that sentence," Shino said.

Naruto joined Kiba and Shino in glaring at the girl, and she quietly ordered the Vegetables and Almonds... not noticing the disbelieving looks the light meal got her.

* * *

Snippets from a Nin Dinner:

"Crap civilians say," Kiba prompted.

"'How do bugs help you in war, oh sweet kami why do they sting when they land on me,'" Shino said in his typical inflection.

"'So...'" Anko said, doing a pretty good impression of a random guy, "'You must be a... seduction mission specialist.'"

"Seduction missions-- where do the civilians get that?" Kurenai wondered.

"Cheap novels," Kiba and Hinata said.

"... 'Can't you just _skip_ the violent parts?'" Sakura offered.

Kiba winced. "My aunt married a civilian born. Keep your kunai up."

Sakura raised her juice in salute.

"'How can you be stealthy in orange?'" Naruto said.

There was a pause.

"Win," Anko declared.

"Same way we're stealthy in anything," Kurenai grumbled.

"So orange isn't a problem...?" Sakura offered.

"Sakura, how many of your academy-sensei could _catch_ Naruto when he was evading them?" Kurenai asked gently.

"...Iruka. That's it," Sakura admitted.

"As of about a year ago, Iruka was the only one even when the ANBU pitched in," Anko noted mildly.

Sakura was doing her check of reality again.

* * *

"I was excited as can be, of course-- first C rank and all-- but there was one problem," Kurenai said. "The client would. Not. Stop. Flirting with me. He's leering at me, and... gah. The onsen in the town we were going to was even mixed, so I couldn't fully enjoy my bath or flirt with the people I'd prefer to, since he insisted on joining us."

Naruto's eyes narrowed. "You were... 14?"

"Yep."

"Client was in his, what, 40s? Couldn't hear a no if you screamed in his ear?"

"Oh, at least."

Naruto closed his eyes. "Kami, protect us from the idiots who give perverts a bad name."

Anko leaned over from a conversation at the other end of the table. "Well, at least he didn't ask to hire you for an additional 'solo' mission at the end."

"Who said he _didn't_?" Kurenai sighed.

"... what did Jii-jii do?" Naruto asked.

"Ever hear of the Tachibana Corporation?" Kurenai asked lightly.

Naruto furrowed his brow in thought. "I... don't think I've ever-- oh. Oh," Naruto said, grinning. "I see. Jii-jii's Awesome, y'know?"

* * *

"... right into the warehouse where they were doing mass explosive tag production," Anko said.

"... that was that boom last year?" Sakura managed.

"I remember being among the first on scene, since I was meeting Yakumo that day," Kurenai said, smirking. "We got there just as Hiashi and the Sandaime were looking things over. Sarutobi-sama looked at the mess, looked at Hiashi, and stroked his chin.

"'Perhaps rent the company a warehouse further from the open jutsu practice grounds?'"

The collected nin laughed.

* * *

"O-tou-san told me that Chai is raising tarriffs on Tetsu no Kuni iron," Hinata said.

"Hm. Rather hoped they wouldn't. There goes the price of steel and tea."

"Whatsa now...?" Naruto asked.

"Pinkie," Anko warned even as Sakura opened her mouth. 

* * *

"Now, as to this 'diet' idea you seem to have," Anko began, a hard gleam in her eyes. 

Sakura gulped.

* * *

2000 H

Sakura was about a block from her home when Team Yamada's seamstress landed in front of her.

Nakamura Harumi's hazel eyes stopped her in her tracks. The chuunin had an elegant bearing that slipped through. She no longer dressed the part, but she could tell the young woman before her had once acted with the sort of social grace Sakura only dreamed of. The skill was there, the genin candidate realized-- but Harumi had long ago learned to call on it at will rather than wear it as a constant mantle.

"A year and a half ago, before I passed the academy exam," Harumi said coldly, "a freshly minted genin found out that S-Class secret about Naruto. I still don't know who told him, or that person would be dead. At the time, Naruto did not know of the secret. Keiko and I were only briefed that there was one because of what happened. I do not, to this day, know that secret itself. I do not need to. Naruto is not the only one among my fellow nin with that kind of secret after all."

The woman before her took one step closer, and it took all Sakura's will not to take a step back.

"All I needed was to see that--" Harumi closed her eyes a moment, and there was a look of infinite sadness on her face. "He tried to kill the cute little brat who Keiko and I had taken to walking home every day. The one with a ready smile even for the teachers that seemed to hate him for no reason. The one that'd clock you if you called that Akimichi kid fat, and knew damn well how smart the Jounin Hanchou's son was. The one Iruka-sensei looked at with something between brotherly love and endless worry. The one that hung out all hours at the news stand with Keiko and I. The one my parents told me had burdens even he didn't know. And my parents are not nin."

Harumi met her eyes again. "To this day, I know... Naruto hates hearing about this. Not because he's ungrateful, but because he still thinks not killing the bastard himself means he failed Keiko and I. Not because he thought we aren't strong, but because he hates seeing the people he considers his in pain."

"You..." Sakura tried, but swallowed and stopped.

"I wasn't even a genin. Keiko pinned him, and I killed him," the thread-mistress said, matter of fact and professional. "She got him grounded with a basic hold, and I drew a kunai and drove it into his liver, like in that textbook Daki-sensei gave us."

The girl's hazel eyes... Sakura couldn't comprehend the emotion on that face.

"It took the ANBU that have guarded Naruto from such things since _birth_ seconds to contain the scene," Harumi said with a small grin that had that something else Sakura couldn't pin. "It took a year to get my head straight enough to pass the exam, but I had to. Because Naruto had faith in me. That was when Kei-sensei and Kenji-sensei noticed me, they tell me.

"Naruto has put up with enough bullshit from everyone else. He doesn't need it from you, genin-candidate."

And the young chuunin leaped to the roof tops and vanished.

GOOD NIGHT.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEJI  
> You honestly think he "gets away with it"? No. The people who are sick of his fate shit either distance themselves, or drive him off. Hinata and the rest of his family? His sensei and team mates? They /have/ to deal with him.
> 
> TEAM PUNISHMENT  
> Gai's team name freely stolen from a season of The Ultimate Fighter.
> 
> ETO  
> Beta Michael Waite pointed out that "Oi" is considered a more manly thing to say in Japanese... perhaps more manly than Sakura would be willing to use at this stage in her development, what with her already-recognized desire to be considered the "perfect girly-girl." He suggested Eto to set the tone.
> 
> My use of Japanese is actually setting up a plot point.
> 
> THE SUNSET OF YOUTH  
> It's part of dealing with Gai, and disrupting the Genjutsu makes Gai sad.
> 
> LAPPING THE TOWN  
> Discussion with Beta Nielin Gage hashed out a few things. 
> 
> We pegged the average genin (and this is, admittedly, pulled from air) at 48 miles per hour. I converted this to the metric 77.2 km/h.
> 
> I've settled on Konoha's walled perimetre being 8.4 km around. Thirty laps, then, is a suitably punishing 251 km. Assuming the speed Niel did, I adjusted the distance actually ran by Sakura and naruto to 192.2 klicks-- 22 laps. Definitely stretching Sakura's capabilities at this point, though as shown later not even capable of phasing Naruto.
> 
> Sakura's got work to do.
> 
> THE GOD OF SHINOBI  
> He's earned the name /some/ how.
> 
> OBITO'S GOGGLES  
> Amazing what over thinking a background detail brings you to.
> 
> THIS IS HI:  
> Spectrum suggested, tongue firmly in cheek, "This was Hi. This was Konoha. If you said anything bad about the Hyuuga, you got shanked in the street."
> 
> Yes, the other betas did have words with him about giving me ideas.
> 
> BUT IT'S TOO LATE! MHAHAHAHA-- Oh, damn, David Ford got me with the emergency syringe Genus set up. *collapses*
> 
> TSUME AND HIASHI  
> Seen this in one or two fics. Then I wondered... what if it just wasn't a big deal?
> 
> UZUSHIO GENIN POOL  
> Lifted with eagerness from Marquis Black's [Legacy of Uzushio](http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7745648/1/Legacy_of_Uzushiogakure).
> 
> MAN DOWN!  
> This particular nickname of Kakashi's is borrowed from Sarah1281's madness, [It's For a Good Cause, I Swear](http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5409165/1/Its_For_a_Good_Cause_I_Swear).
> 
> SASUKE THROUGH KONOHA'S EYES  
> One thing I wanted to avoid was the "mono reaction". Do plenty of people try and coddle Sasuke? Yes. Do plenty still murmur that the Uchiha set the fox loose? Yes. Do some see a boy who just needs a fucking break? Hell yeah.
> 
> ZOUKYOUKEN AND RASENKEN  
> Of course Tsunade's using an actual form of Taijutsu. If Gai's style gets a cool name, so does everyone else.
> 
> I had to look up a word for "spiral" before I realized that Naruto's taijutsu could fit right along the name of one of the Fourth's signature techniques.
> 
> MY COUSIN  
> The idea that Uzuki Yuugao is an Uzumaki comes from Orrunan's rather excellent [Uprooted](http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5288868/1/Uprooted).
> 
> NARUTO'S FRIENDS  
> Naruto is already noted in anime canon as hanging out with Kiba, Shikamaru, and Chouji. I decided since I was skipping the whole "oh, woe my social isolation" bit to keep those bonds explicit. Shino wormed his way in there, and I get to poke fun at one of the sillier post time skip character bits.
> 
> ANBU AND NARUTO  
> Naruto's relationship to the village's elite will be fleshed out as we go. I mainly feel that if you follow the fanon saw horse that the ANBU are all up in Naruto's life, at least think it out. As well, the trend of naming and using background characters continues.
> 
> HARUMI  
> Once again, we are reminded Naruto does not live in a vacuum, or a world solely dedicated to his suffering. Team Yamada adapted from the "Real Shinobi" bits of Blot's What If...? file.
> 
> THE CHILD IS THE FATHER OF THE MAN  
> An old proverb. It means both that we all have bits of our essential nature we'll always have to live with, and that the things we chose as children are things we deal with for life.
> 
> MITSURUKA'S  
> Borrowed from Uncle Stojil's sadly incomplete [All is Relative...](http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4475403/1/)
> 
> Naruto's aversion to formality is fun to tease.
> 
> IT MUST HAVE BEEN AN ABURAME and CHOUJI'S JUST HUSKY  
> Yeah, I do rather roll my eyes at the canon bit where everyone forgets Shino and his dad.
> 
> ORANGE  
> It's already been noted I find forcing Naruto out of his trademark orange rather cliche, as cliche as trying to make the cast more like "real ninja". Unless you're named Blot.
> 
> BAD CLIENTS  
> It happens. And yes, Awesome Hiruzen continues to be allowed to be the Badass Shinobi no Kami.


	3. Hell Week 2 : What Keeps You Going? Feeding Your Deep Needs!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> food-- for body, thought, and feeling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Minor update Oct 31, adjusting Gai's travel log. Major update, Dec 25-- thanks, Andrew; Bunke/ Souke issues corrected.

### HELL WEEK

#### Kaminari-bi, 3 Neko, 12 Sandaime 2nd Reign

GOOD MORNING

0143 h

"Hebi," Boar greeted her.

"Do we need a refresher course on manners, Shotaro?" Anko replied with a tone that was two parts sexy, one part dangerous and three parts crazy as she gave him Scary Playful Look #23.

"No, Anko-sempai," Boar whimpered. Then he joined her watching the young man a distance off.

"Insomnia?" Anko asked, looking on as Sasuke went through a Yuukanaken kata. The Graceful Fist movements lacked the deadly meditative flow that normally characterized the style, and the Uchiha stopped partway through the Crane and Snake set and slammed his palm into a training post.

"It's rare he goes a week without it," Boar confirmed with a sigh. "Interestingly, he has an aversion to medicinal intervention in this matter--"

"One of his caretakers after the massacre tried to get him hooked on alcohol as a kid to shut him up," Anko said, wincing. "He's hated drugs that affect the mind since."

"You're kidding me."

"Wish I was, but I just finished his file. Inuzuka Obu. Bastard's own dog turned him in."

"Our Kage feed the bastard to Tsume?"

"With some Nami parsley. "

"Yum," Boar said, looking down at the lone Uchiha. "I've... you need a good pretext to give him company. He doesn't trust outright altruism. I had to approach him as one of his watchers. He'll trust past connections, though. Personal or clan based--"

"I noticed the glasses. Isobe?"

Boar nodded. "You know another guy that specializes in nin eye wear? And there's a restaurant his mother used to take him to, Maehata. He went there and spent hours talking to the owner. I don't know there's many others he'd consider even that close."

Anko shook her head. "Damn it, Fugaku..." She managed a smile as the boy went over to where a thermos waited. "The tea...?"

"Most likely some of the chamomile we got in from Chai no Kuni this week. He'll have a bit of sashimi when he goes in."

Anko nodded. "Going to sleep food."

Boar sighed. "And the poor kid may well be up thirty minutes later, for all the good it does him."

Anko frowned again, looking down at her would-be student.

* * *

0500 h

Glorious summer. Hiruzen got up early on days like today, so he had a few hours to just enjoy Konoha. Barring a village level emergency, he could sit on the porch of the Hokage's residence, or take a walk through the city, or join some of his most trusted nin for a breakfast meeting more informal than any Chiaki scheduled before ascending the Tower and starting his Kage Bunshin on the day's paper work while he handled the vital matters of state directly.

Today, Morino Ibiki, Yamanaka Inoichi, and Taka Enji joined him in his home for breakfast.

He loved to cook, when he got a chance-- though he always let Enji handle the eggs. His dearly departed wife had gotten him so used to having them over hard and tromped on (so to speak) he had a hard time making them any other way.

"Shikaku's upset," Inoichi murmured, settling in to the rice omelet with bits of Keltic bacon and Taki onion.

"Is the next Ino-Shika-Chou still not gelling?" the Hokage sighed.

"More. He's concerned about the whole lot of them. We all are," Inoichi said, sighing.

Sarutobi shared a glance with Enji. The jounin (who was about Jiraiya's age, wasn't he?) had taught his share of teams before taking over Intelligence and Counter Intelligence-- Ibiki had been on one of them, leading to a near seamless link between the Interrogation and Torture subdivision and its parent department.

"Any particular teams?" Enji asked, sipping at his tea.

"It's more a matter of the dynamic within the Rookie Nine," Inoichi clarified.

"Already, a nickname," Sarutobi chuckled.

"Might as well be the Rookie Twelve. Konoha Twelve?" Ibiki mused.

"Ah. Team Gai," Enji said with a nod. "Mm. Many of us consider them with the rookies as well."

"There were... bonds formed in the Academy," Inoichi noted pausing in his eating. "The cell structure can cause those to wither, Sarutobi-sama-- and being too insular isn't good either."

"Mm. Indeed," Hiruzen said, sighing as he thought of three promising young nin... and what his surrogate children had come to. "And did the Brunching Parents come up with any ideas...?"

Inoichi smirked. Hiruzen was glad for the lack of surprise-- as if the Hokage _wouldn't_ know about that little group.

"He wants to nudge the jounin-sensei into more group training," Inoichi explained.

"Hell, Anko's already getting Gai's help with Team Minion's taijutsu," Ibiki murmured, snatching a bristling from one of the dishes and slipping the small, soft boned fish into his mouth.

"Team... Minion...?" the Hokage gasped, mirth dancing in his eyes.

"Orange-minion and Pinkie-minion," Enji said with a smirk. "We're all wondering what Sasuke's going to be, if she passes him. Speaking of, has anyone--"

"No complaints worth speaking of," the Hokage said lightly.

"All civilians?" Enji asked, grinning.

"As I said, Enji-kun," the Hokage innocently confirmed.

"But as I was saying," Inoichi noted, stirring his miso soup, "Shikaku-- well, it's one part ensuring established friendships continue, and another--" The Yamanaka sighed. "Minato-sama and Kushina-hime aren't here, so we all tend to dwell an extra bit on what Naruto's missed out on. We've all seen what some citizens think is acceptable. I know you can't break out the staff for every little glare," Inoichi noted, "so we try to figure out positives to balance it out. One of the things Minato planned was to shift us closer to Uzu style genin pools, but maintain the mentor-ship Tobirama-sama instituted the cells to foster. So if we do this..."

"It neatly solves many concerns," Hiruzen mused. "Creating, in effect, a hybrid system. But I'd need a jounin to head it properly, co-ordinate things... at least a special jounin with leeway, as Ibiki has... Oh."

All three guests of the Hokage took in the look on Sarutobi's face.

"Hokage-sama?" Enji asked. "May I enquire...?"

"Oh, I just realized someone's overdue for a promotion," The Hokage said.

"...and...?" Enji prompted

"And he's been annoying my grandson more than actually training him."

The three men before him stared at the Hokage in open awe.

"Damn," Ibiki finally with awe in his voice said. "And I thought I was expert at torture."

"And we love him for it," Inoichi noted.

The Professor shook a finger at them all. "Children, children, children. You all have so much to learn, and I so do enjoy teaching." The Hokage leaned back, took a sip of his tea, and smirked. "And that's why it's good to be... _me_." He said smugly.

* * *

0730 h

Sakura drained her canteen, noting the change a single day had made. Not only had she added ten kilometres to her run, she wasn't a shaking wreck barely able to focus on the unwrapped ration bar Gai had pressed into her hand. Curiosity (well, that and the taste from yesterday) brought her head up to gaze at her sensei. "What's--?" "Eat it," Anko ordered.

"I'm just--"

"It's inin approved, and there'll be times that's all you have. And going without will be stupid. Eat it, Pinkie-minion."

Once it became apparent Anko-sensei was not looking away until the ration bar was eaten, Sakura did so.

She'd look up the contents later.

"Kata," Anko announced once that unpleasantness was done, "Then, sparring. Tenten, would you mind pairing with Sakura? No weapons for now."

The older girl nodded. "Of course, Anko-sensei."

"Rock Lee, see if you can't wear Naruto out. If you can't," Anko added, sensing the upcoming 'Youthful pledge', "you shall spar him again tomorrow."

"YOSH! I thank you for this most Youthful challenge, Anko-sensei! Come, Naruto, to the far end of the field!"

"Lead on, Caterpillar Brows!" Naruto agreed.

"... they do rather look like that most Youthful insect, don't they?" Rock Lee mused.

"Mm," Naruto agreed. "Family trait?"

"You should see my father. His are quite Youthful," Lee grinned. The two jogged, moving out of easy earshot. Odd, seeing them move so slow. "He just chose to apply his Youth to being a merchant..."

Gai and Anko turned to Neji. As Tenten led her to their own area of the training grounds, Sakura noticed his gaze got rather haughty.

"I see you choose not to waste my time with fated failures," the Hyuuga said flatly.

Tenten put a gentle hand on her shoulder, stopping the younger girl from whipping around in outrage. "He's... got issues."

"Kafufufu," Sakura heard Anko answer. "Neji... spar me."

Sakura swore she heard the Hyuuga gulp.

Tenten grinned. "And he does pay for it when he takes them out on others."

"Anko-sensei's that good?" Sakura murmured.

Tenten smirked. "She flirted with Gai-sensei by ambushing him. Successfully. Three times."

Sakura blinked as Neji went flying past them into the same tree that had broken her nose yesterday.

"Tch," Tenten muttered. "He mentioned Fate a second time. When will he learn?"

"They learn?" Sakura asked with an innocent look.

* * *

0905 h

Of all the things Yamanaka Sumika expected to deal with when she was staffing the open door counselling rooms at the hospital, the last Uchiha was low on the list. Hoped for, yes. Expected, no.

Sumika wasn't one for intelligence work, but her skill with the Shinranshin and her clan's other hijutsu practically demanded she do something. So, psychology it was. She was an inin, and one that made her clan proud.

The young man was asking for help, and he would get it. They sat in one of the rooms set up for such sessions, Sumika opening a fresh new notebook. Even if the client never returned, each one got a fresh notebook.

"Uchiha-san," she began, "by order of the Inin Hanchou, I need to give you some information before we start." At the boy's "Hn," in reply, she began the usual spiel. Confidentiality, methods, expectations, where they'd go from here.

"Finally, as a Yamanaka, I have to give you a warning and a reassurance that are the same thing. I can only use my clan's hijutsu in rigidly prescribed circumstances."

The young man thought for a moment, then nodded. "So you will not impinge upon my mind unless absolutely necessary or requested as part of the treatment, and I should not expect those arts to be a quick fix."

"Exactly," Sumika agreed. "Any questions?"

Uchiha Sasuke shook his head.

"I have one, then. What brings you here now, Uchiha-san?" Sumika asked as she poised her pen to take notes and looked at the boy expectantly.

The young nin actually gave a small smile. "I failed my sensei's initial evaluation. And while waiting for my second chance, I've noticed... the way the village reacts to me. I want to figure things out. So I can meet my goal. Goals. I... for the longest time, I thought I only had one."

"That was?" she asked with a quirked eyebrow.

"The death of my brother," he answered simply.

"I see. I'm not trying to be facile when I ask this, but why?" Sumika asked as she made a quick note on her chart without breaking eye contact with Sasuke.

The Uchiha took a deep breath. "Because he wanted me to. I mean, yes, the clan massacre, but... the more I look at it..."

"Do you feel comfortable going into detail about that night, Sasuke-kun?"

The change in address was a risk, Sumika knew.

Sasuke took a deep breath. "I was just returning home. Something seemed off. I... found the first dead body near the store I used to buy candy at. I... remember reaching home-- my brother was there. Over my... parents..." Sasuke winced, and his face grew strained. It relaxed to his usual child-going-for-composed look. "After that, the next thing I remember clearly is the hospital..."

"That's a rather large gap," Sumika noted.

"I know. I can... get muddled bits of it-- if I force myself--"

"Don't. Not yet," Sumika said. "Sasuke. I think our best course is continued counselling. And with your permission, I'd like access to your medical records from after your brother's attack."

"It was more than--" Sasuke began.

"I am referring strictly to what he did to you," Sumika interrupted firmly. "Until we deal with whatever he did in the middle there, the before and after has no context."

Sasuke frowned. She almost thought he'd leave then.

After a long moment, he instead asked, "Do you need an official signature on anything? Hyuuga Hiashi is handling such until I'm of age..."

* * *

1000 h

Naruto looked down at his chipped and worn kunai and shuriken, and Maito Gai found his own Youthful Flame flare in anger, but maintained his kind smile for the sake of Naruto's Youth and Awesome. The sole stand out was a pristine kunai with a dragon's head on the side.

"No one taught me how to take care of this stuff. Jii-jii said they'd teach us in the Academy when he got me my first set... but I guess I missed that class..." Naruto said. "So, so I just buy new stuff when I need to, y'know?"

Anyone who had spent enough time around Naruto could tell one of his earnest smiles from a forced one. Right now, his smile was forced as all hell.

The shame was how few let themselves get that close to the boy.

"I see," Gai forced himself to say before he turn to look at Sakura's more meagre and much better kept collection. She had the bare academy minimum, a dozen shuriken and a dozen kunai of varied sizes.

"Sakura, these are in good condition."

"Nice, huh? And I didn't get to attend that class either."

This time, Gai could not hold back a bit of his anger from seeping into his voice. "Explain."

"She told me I had a bye," Sakura said, and there was an edge to her voice that was not usually there. "Mio-sensei. At the academy. That bitch told me, Hinata, Shino, and a few others we could miss that class after she kicked Naruto out. Ino had to show me and Hinata how to maintain our gear. I still have a few kunai she bought me that day."

He picked up three of her selection, two small ones and one a bit larger. Not even enough to fill a standard thigh holster. "Would these be the most Youthful weapons in question...?" Gai asked, holding up the blades in question.

"Just the large one and one of the others. Bought the other a week later myself. Though they did come from the same shop-- what?" Sakura blinked.

"Because these three are duty quality... and the rest suitable only for training. In fact... one or two I'd say are only suitable for decorations. You got them... elsewhere?"

Sakura's eyes grew wide. She turned and slammed her palm into a nearby rock. It cracked, little lines radiating out from where her palm hit. No impression yet, but Sakura had just started her Zoukyouken training. "Damn it. Bastards."

Anko's hands were clenched tightly. Neji... well, yes. Seeing his rather un-Youthfully rigid worldview hit a snag was always encouraging. That said snag involved young Hinata's instruction being compromised was not a welcome thing, of course; despite his attitude, though, Neji did care for his cousin-- regardless of how his anger at the Hyuuga Clan's system made him lash out. Lee's face had grown flat and tight in a manner that reminded Gai of their mutual uncle. The taijutsu prodigy's features relaxed in a sympathetic look as he rested his hand on Sakura's shoulder and mouthed, 'me too'.

He'd need to have a word with Lee to get details later. Kakashi would want to hear this.

Tenten was turning her head between the weapons and Naruto, her eyes watering.

"That bitch," she finally said, and Naruto gave a stunned little yelp as she snagged the blond in a hug.

"On what un-Youthful pretext were you sent away?" Gai asked Sakura.

"Pretext? Certain chuunin made it very clear that certain students were not exactly welcome in their classes," Sakura said with a shrug. "They'd make up an excuse. Usually with Naruto it was some kind of prank. You really didn't steal Mio-sensei's chalk that day, did you?

"Is that what she said I...? Why would I do that?" Naruto pulled away from Tenten's Youthful comfort to stand, as irate as he had been distressed. "That's a chump prank! It's not my style, I tell you, not my style at all!" Naruto declared.

"Sit," Anko suggested gently.

Naruto looked around and smiled a bit more honestly. "Sorry, Nee-sensei."

"You can demonstrate your style on her later, I'll even give you pointers," Anko said with T&I grin #5-- a grin rather close to Naruto's returned fox grin, truth be told.

Tenten pulled out a scroll and rolled it out, and applied a dab of blood to the seal matrix there. "I want you two to put your weapons in there. Even the good ones, Sakura. My mother is a weapon-smith."

"Oh, so she can fix them?" Naruto questioned. At Anko's nod, he began piling his weapons on to the seal. Tenten held up her hand to the dragon-embossed one.

"Not that one. But the rest." Once Sakura's had joined Naruto's weapons, Tenten sealed them in. "She'll give you money for the scrap metal, anyway," the young woman noted lightly.

"Oh," Naruto said, then blinked. "What? Hey, I might not have been able to take care of them, but I bought good stuff, damn it, *good* stuff!"

Gai saw his chance to drive the lecture home. Time to stir those Youthful flames! "Naruto! Since you and Sakura have certain..." _fucking unacceptable_ he thought silently... "un-Youthful gaps in your training regarding your gear, and have started adopting your own fighting styles... Anko has most Awesomely decided to start you with a Youthful fresh slate!"

Anko stroked Gai's shoulder. "I seem to recall someone mentioning that since he was outfitting his Awesome Punishers, the Youthful Minions might be ready for the same."

Gai knew he was blushing. "I, um. Yes. Well, yes. Tenten, your mother furnished you with the... Youthful items in question for Sakura and Lee...?" he managed as he passed Neji a scroll himself.

Tenten smirked at him as Anko ran her hands through his hair and murmured rather... distracting things in his ear. She pulled out a scroll and tossed it to Rock Lee. "You've been waiting for this."

The boy had already cut open his thumb. His eyes grew wide at the nunchaku that emerged alongside a fresh kit of kunai and shuriken, and wider still at the brass knuckles and climbing claws-- shuko for his hands and ashiko for his feet.

In keeping with time honoured tradition a round of "GAI-SENSEI!" "ROCK LEE!" followed. Some things were just done.

Neji looked about to turn his nose up at his scroll.

"That was your father's," Gai said simply. "Your grandfather entrusted it to me. You may open it in private, if you wish."

That brought silence and an odd look on Neji's face. Children always thought they hid emotion better than they did.

Sakura blinked at the staff that emerged from the scroll Tenten tossed her. It was inlaid with a simple but elegant seal set, and stood out amongst the sharp standard gear.

"Ah. Sakura. Your Zoukyouken may be a Youthful Konoha style, but influences from outside are felt. That staff is a weapon from our Youthful allies in Kusagakure no Sato, the nin village of Tanima no Kuni. The seal work is based on the sealing arts of our lost allies in Uzushiogakure no Sato."

Sakura furrowed her brow in Youthful contemplation, and must have focused a bit of chakra into it. The staff split in three, linked by chains.

Sakura blinked at it. "This is a... Kusa Sanjiegun. Based on a threshing tool."

Gai nodded. "The seals allow it to be used as a bo staff or three section staff at will. It's not suited for a Nara to extend their shadows for their hijutsu because the chain is too short. Staffs fit well with Zoukyouken, and many masters add a short chained flail like nunchaku or the sanjiegun. This Youthful tool gives you both."

Sakura smiled, and Gai could almost see her mind turning over ideas on how to use the staff in battle..

"Sakura-chan!" Rock Lee declared. "We simply *must* spar together!"

"Let me learn how to use this thing, and you're on," Sakura assured him.

Anko was the one to give Naruto a scroll. She looked at it fondly as she handed it to him. "These were given to me by a very dear friend from Uzushio. These are the traditional weapons of your clan, the Uzumaki. They're old, but have been sealed since before you were born. I need you to take what Gai-sensei's going to teach you today and use it so that these last to be passed down to your grandchildren. Okay?"

Gai saw Naruto grow more serious than many would give the blond credit for. "Yes, Sensei."

Anko unrolled the scroll a bit, until a seal was revealed. At her nod, Naruto applied a dab of blood and... well, Gai was sure for Naruto that was a little bit of chakra.

The staff was shorter than the bo Sakura's sanjiegun could serve as, and not as large in diameter.

"This," Anko said, "is a bankowaru, the staff of Uzushio. Pick it up."

"Ba-n-ko-wa-ru," Naruto said, sounding the word out carefully. Considering the new weapon carefully, his bottom lip jutted out. "It's... short," Naruto murmured, not disparagingly to Gai's ear. More thoughtful.

"Suits you, then," Sakura snarked, as she moved closer along with Lee to get a look.

"Oi..."

"It's made," Anko said, smirking, "out of rattan, the main stem of of a vine that grows in the main land area that used to be Uzu no Kuni and now forms our border with Nami. It's naturally chakra conductive. In fact, it's prized for taking a _lot_ of chakra."

Naruto grinned and Gai _felt_ this burst of chakra in his Gates. The young boy's eyes went wide as the stick re-sized itself-- still shorter than the good foot a bo was usually on its wielder, but still a little taller than he was. "Awesome... oi, sensei, can this do what Enma-san does in his staff form?"

"Naw, sorry kid. The seals on it are made to hold the extra mass for fitting only," Anko said, and patted his head when he pouted.

"Enma?" Tenten wondered.

"Jii-jii's walking stick is actually his summons," Naruto said with a grin. "He can re-size himself at will, becoming a bo or even longer! It's in all Jii-jii's biographies!"

"Enma-- the monkey king...?" Sakura wondered. Then she palmed her face. "Trust Naruto to call one of the most respected summons 'Enma-san'."

Naruto rose his pinkie to his right eye and scowled, sticking out his tongue in a Hi child's gesture of disdain. The boy's eyes settled on a seal at the centre of the staff's length, bisected by a ring around the weapon's circumference. He gave a foxy grin, and pumped chakra into that seal... and grinned as the staff split in half at the ring. "Oi! So that's the waru in the name-- it's a _dividing_ staff!"

Anko nodded. "Now, you're holding pea yantok-- or tsuin keibou as we often called them here in Hi."

"Twin batons," Naruto repeated, waving them around. The boy blinked, and began moving again. Gai chuckled as he recognized Rasenken's second kata-- Eight Seals, Eight Trigrams: First Trigram. The wonder in the boy's eyes was clear. When he finished the eighth move for the third time-- _One day, Kushina-nee-sama,_ Gai vowed to himself, _He'll know all 64 moves._ \--- Naruto met Gai's eyes with wonder, and Gai nodded.

" _All_ Rasenken kata are made to be used armed or unarmed. Some sensei will even teach the armed style first-- or as we will be doing, side by side."

"Put it back together the same way you took it apart," Anko said, and smiled as he did so. "Good. Now, remember to run your chakra through it daily for at least a week to bind it to your chakra signature." Anko tilted her head. "Ever make a container seal?" she asked and Naruto nodded.

"Iruka sensei said I was _really_ good at it!"

"Can you... imagine one in your head, and focus on your bankowaru?"

Naruto closed his eyes, and started to nod-- then opened his eyes in time to see the last of the smoke. "What--?"

"Look at your right forearm," Anko said, grinning

Naruto rolled up his sleeve and grinned. "Oi! Self sealing weapon!" he said, showing off the small fuuinjutsu marking that read *Staff Holder!* "Awesome."

Anko unrolled the scroll the rest of the way. "Now, the Bankowaru is made as a multi-purpose tool. Rowing staff, planting tool, war staff. This next item... same thing. This was in Uzu no Kuni what a tanto is here."

Naruto unsealed it, and smiled. "I got..." he said, lifting the item up, "a knife."

"No," Anko said firmly, frowning. "You have a kukri."

Naruto blinked.

The curved blade was about three of Naruto's hands long. The cutting edge, on the inside of the curve, was obviously made for chopping. The handle fit nicely in his grip.

"It's... not that heavy," Naruto noted. "I mean, the blade's got some oomph behind it, but..."

"See the groove in the side?" Anko said. At her student's nod, she smiled. "Fullers. One on each side."

"Oh!" Naruto said, nodding. "Keiko told me about those. You shape it with hollow spots in it that let you use less material but keep the strength. What's with the notch at the blade base?"

"Makes fluid drop off the blade rather than running onto the handle," Anko said. "The handle's hardwood and it's got a rat-tail tang, understand?"

"So-- the end of the blade narrows as it enters the handle?" Naruto asked.

"Doesn't that make the connection between handle and blade weaker?" Sakura wondered.

"Poor craftsmanship does that," Tenten corrected. "Is that a tinder pouch on the end?"

Anko grinned. "Yep. And sealed in the handle are a karda-- a smaller knife for back up and sharpening the kukri-- and a steel-flint striker."

"You said it wasn't just a knife," Naruto reminded her.

"It isn't. The kukri is a multipurpose tool. Farmers and nin both considered it their go-to for so many things. The heft is such you can use the flat as a hammer. It can clear a path or chop firewood. Dig a trench with it. Skin an animal. Open a tin. Slaughter our enemies." Each item was added in the same matter-of-fact tone-- as fitted the Youthful work of nin.

"Its size and shape make it equally suitable for slitting throats and full decapitation," Tenten noted. Her face scrunched up. "Don't recommend using poisons on it."

Naruto snorted. "Be hard enough to sanitize it after a kill so I can open my rations."

"Aw," Anko pouted. "Now who will I teach that to?" Her gaze fell on Sakura. A speculative gleam developed in her eyes. "Sakura... how's your thrown weapons skills? Blade handling?"

Sakura looked vaguely worried. "Uh... just Academy passing, Sensei."

"Excellent. I can teach you the _right_ way," Anko said in a smoky tone that made Gai's blood boil.

"... if we're going to do those special tasks you mentioned when we started, will we have time?"

Gai scowled. "Sakura! Such evasion of offered training is un-Youthful and hardly Awesome!"

"I'm not evading," Sakura said defensively and stamped her foot. "She laid out the schedule! So what about it, Sensei?"

"I wasn't sweating it," Anko said blandly.

"Wasn't--" Sakura suddenly looked aghast, and Gai suddenly saw to the core of many un-Youthful issues Sakura had.

Sakura wanted things pat, predictable and easy. According to schedule and as planned.

Nothing like a nin's life in other words.

Lee caught his sensei's eye. The young man covered one eye, then tapped his wrist, then rolled his eyes back and waggled his head.

Yes, Kakashi's habit of being late on purpose would have driven the girl mad. Gai managed a smile as Naruto sealed his kukri in his other arm.

"You laid out a lesson plan for us on our first day, got our expectations up about what we'd be doing, and now you tell us the syllabus is changing because--"

"Because I changed it to teach you _better_."

This mild statement, as if it was obvious, stopped Sakura's rant short.

"If we hadn't taken this time," Anko said with calm patience-- the kind Ibiki chuckled over when it shocked those that didn't really know her, the kind that let Gai himself know that while she was her sensei's student she would never be him--

"If we hadn't taken this time," Anko said calmly and patiently, "I would never know about the gaps in your education. Now that I do, I can correct them. Gai and I can also tell the right people, so the Academy gets fixed."

* * *

1005

One of those "right people" was under a cloaking jutsu, trying hard to unclench his jaw. He had to relax, or he was going to crack a tooth. And even ijutsu assisted dentistry was still dentistry.

But so many little things made it grow tighter. It appeared Naruto wasn't the only 'unfavourite'.

There was a boy, whose pedigree Kakashi did not know or care about. He deserved a chance to be a ninja. He had his hand raised each time the chuunin opened to questions. Each time, ignored.

Another girl was possibly less lucky. By her hair and eyes, she was a Goroudoko. Any question she asked was met with a scathing remark. That the girl was dedicated enough to keep trying spoke well of her.

Ignored raised hands (hands the teacher's blatantly active Byakugan should have spotted), sarcastic replies to basic questions-- If Ebisu were here, the master of basics would clock the chuunin in question.

The kicker was when the Hyuuga started wandering the class and selectively correcting the hand signs for a simple camp fire jutsu-- and ensuring some of his students were doing it ever so slightly wrong. Kakashi did not need to activate his Sharingan to note a few would be firing-- or worse, misfiring a more powerful Katon jutsu instead.

He heard Pakkun growling beside him. The ninken usually delighted in hanging upside down unseen with him, so that proved their annoyance was mutual. Kakashi looked at his partner, and they shared twin looks of sadistic glee.

"Now," the 'teacher' said as he strode to the front. If the man had been any more a stereotypical Hyuuga jerk, he'd topple under the weight of his own pomp and arrogance, "I expect you all to--- What?" the chuunin said, as the class froze and went silent.

"They are perhaps wondering how myself and my messenger could sneak up on an active Byakugan, Hyuuga Nomura-san," Kakashi said with dark humour from behind the man.

The nin in question spun around in shock. "Hatake-sama! I--"

"'--am fired, and know that your cute little pug dog is already on the way to tell Hiashi-sama why. Boy, explaining the sabotage of Academy-sei enough that he doesn't turn me over to T&I with my eyes sealed is going to be tough!'" Kakashi mimicked with sarcastic naivete. Then he sighed. "Sorry, I thought the conversation would be rather boring so I skipped ahead." He nonchalantly opened a window. A second later, three ANBU in cat motif masks appeared. "Ocelot, Red Cat, Tiger. Please, help Nomura-san collect his things and get safely to the Hyuuga compound."

"You are within--" The Hyuuga stopped, noticing Kakashi's kunai at his throat and the purple-haired Red Cat's tanto poised to destroy his heart.

Well, it was rather a bad choice of words for a Hyuuga with his doujutsu operating.

"You... are... acting within your rights to fire me, Hatake-sama. But not everyone will agree--"

"You will be escorted to the Shinobi court tonight to make such arguments," Kakashi replied lightly. "I believe the Hokage and his old team mates are sitting in panel. I do not think the Hokage will particularly care what Bunke you're in or if Hiashi favoured you before."

"The... Hokage...?" the Hyuuga managed, slumping as the blades withdrew.

"Well, unless Ibiki decides to pick you up first," Kakashi said cheerfully.

And as their former teacher was cleared away, Kakashi turned to the class in question. Later, he would have to have someone reevaluate all the skills taught to certain students by Nomura-san, but for now...

"Attend. I'll now show you the appropriate hand signs to light a camp fire. There is only one known variant, and it is for the Aburame to avoid harming their partners. Since there are no Aburame here..."

After ensuring that all of the students had the technique right he could set about addressing each question that their former instructor had ignored for as long as his and their patience allowed.

* * *

1030 h

Neji stomped down his initial reaction. In light of what he'd heard earlier, not only would Gai be extra stern in his reprimand... but maybe, just maybe his cousin's fate deserved a bit more... consideration.

He nodded a greeting to Hinata's murmured, "Nii-san."

"Kurenai! What brings Team Eight here this Youthful morning?" Gai asked, grinning.

"Anko suggested we visit, Maito-san--" Kurenai began.

"Kurenai!" Gai chided. "I would think we were beyond un-Awesomely deferring to me as a Sempai! We are both not only jounin, but sensei to our own Youthful genin! Besides... I'd like to think we're friends as much as Anko and your Youthful self are..."

The Great Green Beast's over dramatic pout made Kurenai cover her mouth and turn away, before she turned back composed. "Alright, Gai--" And whatever the wild haired woman was going to say was lost in her laugh as Gai engulfed Kurenai and Anko in one of his patented hugs.

"Mm, perhaps Team Ten may join us later, Sensei," Shino suggested, and Neji caught how Kurenai stiffened and blushed at the mention of the last session's third genin team.

"Whoever you are, that'd be Awesome," Naruto agreed. His grin only widened when he caught Kurenai's blush and met the Aburame's eyes. Odd, Neji had thought the blond boy a total outcast-- but Shibi-sama's son and Tsume-nee-sama's son treated him like an old friend.

Released, Anko grinned at Kurenai, who seemed to be giving Hinata a run for her money in the flushing-to-red category. "Who knows what the future holds, eh, Red-Eye?"

"I'm... sure Asuma... and his team... would benefit from some co-training."

Ah. So it was something between Team Ten's sensei and Kurenai that had the woman blushing.

He had his own concerns to address, and that is why he stepped in. That's what Neji told himself.

"Yuuhi-sensei," Neji interjected. "I... it is fortuitous that you join us today. Hinata-sama was apparently made to leave class while dealing with our topic. And while Inoichi-sama's daughter tried to cover the gaps, it might be prudent to join us in a review of weapons maintenance." He look down at the jitte and sai (his _father's_!) in his hands. "I am learning to care for... this. They belonged to my father. I know that Hiashi-sama hopes to give Hinata-sama her mother's hankyu at some point..."

The fact that it felt so... jarring whenever Hinata hugged him was disconcerting. He managed to pat her back and give her a small smile when she backed away.

"Tenten," Gai mused. "Do you perhaps have a spare bow and some arrows that--"

Tenten gave Neji a smile as she grabbed his cousin. "Let's get you fitted with a trainer so you can use your mom's when you get it!"

"Ano... Shokan-sempai, I couldn't ask--"

"You aren't, I'm insisting! C'mon, over here, we need room for your test shots..."

Neji composed himself (he had _not_ smiled at that, merely quirked his lips) as the Aburame drew a sickle and a side blade. Shino settled beside the orphan and Lee to work his blades, and started answering the boisterous boy and Neji's team mate quietly-- though why Uzumaki's repeated questions of who Shino was drew a smile, Neji did not know. Kiba-kun started questioning Gai-sensei.

“Your father was a master with those.”

Neji met Yuuhi Kurenai's eyes. “Oh?”

“Enough of one to strike tenketsu as ably armed with as barehanded,” Kurenai said. "They called him Hizashi of the Gentle Steel. I was a genin. He was one of people you just... looked up to at my age."

Neji looked down at the sai and jitte in his hands. "Mm," was all he said, but Kurenai was giving him that same look Gai often did. She had seen the hope he'd allowed himself.

Neji hoped he outgrew being so transparent to them. His chagrin rapidly doubled when he heard Anko-sensei chuckle.

* * *

1130 h

Sasuke wondered idly if every nin under Sarutobi's command felt like an open book under the Old Man's gaze. Then it occurred to him that the few that didn't were the ones Sarutobi worried most about.

Sasuke resolved at that moment to be open as all fuck to the Hokage. He didn't want to be seen as the next Snake Sannin, after all.

The Hokage accepted a menu from Maehata Kuri. "What's good?"

Sasuke sighed. "Everything. Which is why it is so hard to choose, even with my inclination toward tomatoes."

"Oh? Ah," the Hokage acknowledged. "My, you do have a lot of Alabastan Pasta on menu, Kuri-san."

"My... husband was from there, Hokage-sama," Kuri admitted. "I learnt to cook them because he missed the food from his homeland. And with Hi having certain allies..."

The Hokage nodded. "Then, the Angel Hair Vivi, please, Kuri-san."

"Of course, Hokage-sama. Sasu-kun?"

"The Thick Hair Nefertari, with plenty of ham, please, Kuri-o-ba-san."

The restaurant owner bowed slightly deeper than usual, and strode off.

"You... seem to know your Alabastan cuisine, Hokage-sama..." Sasuke offered.

"I know the Queen of Alabastan," the Hokage said, smirking. "She always acts so annoyed when I order that dish in front of her. She should be honoured that her people care enough. Though... given how likely Naruto will have a hand in naming any honoured dish..."

Sasuke smirked. "What would the Sarutobi Ramen have in it...?" A few days ago, he'd have been more annoyed at how easily the Hokage set him at ease. But... that seemed petty now.

One session and a pair of new glasses had done that much for his perspective.

"Hokage-sama, I am honoured... but surely there is a reason that you join me today..."

Sarutobi Hiruzen looked at the young Uchiha with a touch of sadness in his grandfatherly expression. "Because I worry about all of you, and will use whatever time I can muster to help. Your entire graduating class are being watched closely. I received 18 complaints after Anko failed you on your first try at the final exam."

Sasuke blinked. "I... know that despite being my regent, Hiashi-sama would not object to it without me asking."

Sarutobi smiled. "Both your parents did that. The implied question thing."

Sasuke blinked, and before he could stop himself asked, "Which do I sound more like?"

"Your mother. Fugaku always made it clear he did it out of arrogance. I think he twisted the way your mother did it to suit him. Mikoto... it was partly out of politeness and partly a way to be low-key. Your mother was one of our best interrogators. And she almost never asked a direct question."

Sasuke smiled wistfully at that. "Then... the complaints must have a source..."

"All civilians."

That jarred him a bit. "What... why would they have any interest...?"

The Hokage sighed. "Illusions, Sasuke. Something I was once told by one of your kin that an Uchiha must understand deeply in his quest to master his talents..."

* * *

1130 h, elsewhere.

A pair of arms wrapped around her from behind. "A little early for the weekly letters, isn't it?"

"I'm doing preemptive damage control," Yuugao said, a bit of steel in her voice. "Civilians are already spreading stupid rumours, and the ANBU brought some shinobi who tried to start something. Then there's the five Inuzuka that were... 'inspired' to turn themselves in by Hana and a few other clan mates."

"You'd think they'd know her brother's friend was off limits," Hayate sighed. The flat cough that accompanied that statement just made Uzuki Yuugao relax further into her lover's embrace.

The cough was a sign that the careful regime of chakra and breath control exercises paired with an inhaler was keeping the chronic bronchitis in check. For not the first time Yuugao silently cursed Gekkou Hayate's family. With more attention to the particular man in question and fewer attempts to force him into the mold of a "proper" Gekkou, the ailment could have been treated and done with years ago. But thanks to ijutsu, her lover could live his life punctuated by light coughs rather that suffering constant hack attacks.

Hayate was now the only named model of a Gekkou in town. Because the old man would no more stand for that shit than he stood for a Souke member punishing family for trivial bullshit in public or one hand raised directly against Naruto. This was Konoha, for log's sake. Ibiki had some quality time with the idiots, and the others... a place was found for the innocent.

They had agreed on her clan name when they married. Well, first it had been his statement he'd let the Gekkou name die with him. Then, it was the hypothetical-- _if_ they got married.

Now, it was a matter of when.

Hayate read over her shoulder as he rubbed little circles on her back. "So we're adopting a bit of Uzushio wisdom and making a genin pool?"

"More adapting it," Yuugao corrected. "The Sandaime was a student of the Shodai and Nidaime, after all. He's loathe to give up the one on one bond that can form in a cell."

Looking over her completed missives, Hayate's eyebrows rose. "You have clan in Gelel?"

Yuugao shrugged. "Much as they hate to admit it now, Gelel and its territories were once a penal colony for Kells and a sanctuary for refugees from the Shinobi Wars and the Noble Wars. Some of the clan runs their one open port. And keeps an eye out to see if anyone tries opening the Gelel vein again."

"And this one? How do you get something out there in a timely fashion?" Hayate said, frowning at the marked destination on the missive atop the finished pile."

"The Nara have a friend deliver it for me," Yuugao said dryly, bowing her head back to look up at him. "He's currently that far east, I think."

"Nara..." Hayate blinked, coughed once, bowed his head stunned, and smirked at her. " _He's_ on their contract?"

"And his boss is a friend of Konoha, so..." Yuugao shrugged.

"And they say our kind and his can't get along," the swordsman murmured, leaning in for a kiss. Her arms stretched up to tangle in his hair.

Paper work was put off for a while.

* * *

1200 h

"Lunch time!" Anko declared, pulling out a bento.

"Oh thank kami," Sakura said. "When are we going to meet back here?"

"Meet?" Anko asked. "I thought we'd all eat together."

"Oh," Said Sakura quietly. She joined the others in pulling out bento, and began picking at her food.

"I regret, I forgot to pack a lunch," Neji said with a scowl.

"I t-told you, Ni-san," Hinata said, producing an extra bento. "If someone bars you from the kitchen, tell me."

"There is no need," Neji replied, and the words had the ritual of old argument to them.

"Wait. Wait," Naruto said, and there was a growl to his voice Sakura found... rather out of place. But then, the past two days had made clear she didn't quite know Naruto as well as she thought. "Members of your _clan_ keep Neji from making a lunch?"

Hinata swallowed and took a deep breath. "It's not so much a forbidding of access as that sometimes when Neji tries to go in to make his bento, the kitchen is coincidentally filled with members of the Hakumei Bunke who take so long at it that he has to leave or be late to duty. It's petty, and stupid, and we let it slide because they know barring him completely would... displease my father, and we know Father acting without proving it was deliberate would just make them change tactics and insist it was a misunderstanding."

Neji took the offered bento and looked embarrassed. "It is part of my fate as Bunke--"

"You know what that is?" Naruto said. "Bunk!"

"No it's--" Neji began.

"Different word!" Naruto declared. "They call _that_ sort of idea _bunk_ out on East Blue."

"Oh? And have you been out on East Blue, Uzumaki-kun?" Neji shot back.

"Hi has allies out there! They visit Jii-jii!"

"Who are you to call the Hokage 'Jii-jii'?" Neji asked, standing and smacking Naruto's shoulder in a school yard sempai's rebuke.

Sakura knew Sensei was wincing, too. To do that now, after Sensei had made clear how a true ninja should react to such posturing....

Neji promptly stumbled back several paces as Naruto shoved him. Though, shoved did not do it justice-- Sakura recognized part of his Rasenken forms in the motion, but changed. _Naruto-tized_ to fit his default brawler's style.

The veins by Neji's eyes bulged-- but Naruto had apparently taken Gai's earlier words on giving a Byakugan user time to act to heart, and Neji backpedalled wildly as he blocked. Then, he let out a yowl of pain as Naruto hit right where his veins swelled.

"It's un-Youthfully sad how many people don't think of that," Gai noted lightly as Neji blinked, his eyes returning to their 'rest' state. "Neji! You may damage your doujutsu if you re-activate it too soon!"

"Yeah, and why d'ya need that, Neji-san? I'm right in front of you!"

"You're right-- I don't need Jyuuken to show you your fate!" Neji swung out, striking Naruto's nose. There was a crack, and Neji smirked. "I may be a Bunke, but as a Hyuuga my destiny is still grander than--"

Neji blinked as Naruto pointedly righted himself, reset his nose, and glared at him. "That. Has happened so damn often it's boring. You gonna actually try and hit me, Neji- _kun_?"

Neji was fast on his feet. Sakura watched the Hyuuga rush forward, and Neji's frustration was evident as Naruto didn't so much block as half dodge and let his scary ability to heal do its work.

Neji paused, watching as Naruto pointedly popped the shoulder he'd dislocated back in its socket. "What... are you, Uzumaki?"

"Me?" At Neji's nod, Naruto shrugged. "Just me. As much of me as I have to be," he said, crossing his forefingers in a 'plus' symbol.

"And what's that gesture--" Neji grunted at the sudden kick to his back. Stumbling forward, he turned and saw a trio of Narutos smiling at him.

"Hey."

"Oi."

"We're distracting you."

That last line made Neji blink... just as an arm clenched across his throat.

"I'm the little Uzumaki Jii-jii would keep in his office when some idiots decided to flout the laws and tried to kill a kid," Naruto growled in the Hyuuga's ear, then grunted as Neji smoothly slamming his elbow into Naruto's sternum and slipped his other arm into the hold and broke it. Neji stumbled away.

"So what's an Uzumaki to me?" Neji said, turning to face Naruto. Sakura noticed Gai hold Kiba back. Hinata, she got. Why was Kiba wanting to step in? And that line, 'what's an Uzumaki to me?' seemed to make a flash of pain hit the shy Hyuuga Heiress.

"Someone didn't pay attention in history!" Naruto crowed.

Neji blinked-- "History?" and barely reacted in time as one of Naruto's clones charged in. He was further vexed as his first hit sent the clone stumbling. Neji swung twice more, an open palm finally dissolving it in a puff of smoke.

"A solid-- Kage Bunshin is kinjutsu--"

And then he was on the defence again, as the other two Bunshin charged in. "I know I did when I heard my clan name!" one said. He met Neji's punch with a kick that made Neji stumble and sent Naruto's double spinning-- a spin that lead into a perfect version of the Rasenken's Crescent Kick. Neji stumbled to the left, barely rolling with the strike-- and the second Kage Bunshin shoved him back in the other direction as the first circled the kick into an elbow.

"I ran off and asked Jii-jii if I was really a member of a clan so Badass it took four Villages to wipe out the one that we founded!" The second announced with a grin as it circled in with a right cross. Neji managed to nail it with a hard right kick of his own that dispelled it-- but the first got his arm and twisted it into an arm bar.

"Hell," the clone panted, "the spiral most of Konoha's nin wear? It's my clan symbol. There's one on my back. Jii-jii said it stops Uzumaki from hurting each other. All proper clan members have it." The hold spiralled into a release suplex. The clone puffed away. With a huff Neji performed a kip-up, getting to his feet just in time to block the true Naruto's follow-up strike.

There was an odd look on Neji's face. It took Sakura a moment to suss out the grudging respect. "I may have misspoken, Uzumaki. Only Rock Lee has been this able a sparring partner."

Naruto gave his patent pending foxy grin. "So who's sparring?"

Neji's eyes went wide as Naruto nailed him right in the groin.

"I'm fighting like I did when some arsehole tries something and I need to give the ANBU just a second to get the bastard-- or bitch. Women-- just as bad." He gave Neji a double fist to the back. "I'm fighting the way I do when someone decides my birthday gift is going to be them and their drunken friends 'teaching me a lesson'. Civilians. Go figure." He zigged to the side as Neji had managed to stay standing and was still swinging. "This isn't a spar, this is a _fight_." Naruto closed again. "And _bunk_ ," Naruto said, sighing and peppering Neji with palm strikes the young Hyuuga was blocking well-- until her teammate started curving them at odd angles. Gai was right. Once Naruto found a fight's tempo, he just instinctively changed it. "There's an awesome ma-ja-- _major_... a veteran of the Noble Wars. Coby."

"Major Coby?" Neji blinked as Naruto caught a twin hand strike. "He's... visited my uncle."

"Short guy with glasses? Pink hair? Doesn't look like much, but could look at you and either put you at ease or flood you with intent?" At Neji's nod, Naruto sighed. "Yeah." He head butted Neji, and released the older boy to fall to the ground before sinking to sit beside him. "He doesn't make it this far inland often, let alone this side of the Near Red... too far from the East Blue, he says. He brings Line Tobacco for Jii-jii and Asuma-ni, and salt water toffee for the kids. He told me about _bunk_." Naruto's face went confused a moment. "Thing is, it's also a place to sleep... but it's like how ki with one kanji is life force, and ki with another is killing intent, y'know." He glared at Neji. "Don't try and treat me like a civvie again, 'kay?"

Neji shook his head. "Little danger in that-- oh, my head." He blinked as Hinata pushed a willow bark extract capsule and a bottle of water in his hands.

"Take it," she sighed, and Sakura could tell Neji was fighting an embarrassed blush at Hinata's 'what am I going to do with you" look.

"So... what's ... bun-ka?" Kiba asked, and Sakura blinked. Was he shooting Neji a similar look?

"Bunk?" Naruto gave a sad little smile. "Let me put it this way. The first time I met the Major, he wondered what a four year old was doing in Jii-jii's office. When jii-jii told him that I was in his office while the ANBU took care of a bunch of idiots that thought I kinda shouldn't be alive... you've seen Iruka lose it when one of us did something _really_ dumb in academy? Like, do it again and you'll be banned from being a nin stupid?"

"Oh, yeah," Kiba said, and Sakura saw even Neji was nodding.

"Picture that in someone... well, we'd consider him a Kage," Naruto said with a chuckle. "The next hour was all about how that was _bunk_." And just as suddenly, 'not taking this shit' Naruto was back. "I think accepting how those bastards treat you as a Bunke is _bunk, Neji!"_

Neji winced but scowled. "It is... the way of my clan--"

"It's bunk!" Naruto insisted. "It's bunk the way people try to ban Chouji because 'he'll eat me out of business', it's bunk the way people treat Shino like a monster because of how he's bound to his bugs! It's like how... " Naruto stopped short. "Well, you get the point. Bunk."

Neji blinked as Naruto took several breaths, then leaned back to lay on the ground.

"Maybe we _could_ all do with some breathing space," Kurenai suggested.

Anko slowly nodded. "Or at least, smaller groups?"

* * *

1215 h

This time, when he strode into the staff room, he did it properly. He entered like he was entering enemy territory, concealing his chakra signature and reigning in his ki.

He entered, quite simply, like a _boss_.

It was time to make clear they were dealing with Hatake fucking Kakashi.

So when the chuunin-sensei looked up, most of them were suitably shocked. By him and the ANBU with him.

Umino Iruka and Tani Mako shared a look, then returned to what they'd been doing-- Iruka his lunch, Mako her marking.

They continued to do so as their new boss clocked Konoyama Hiroshi, sending the man sprawling to the floor from his chair.

"What--"

"Shut up," Hatake barked at the muscle bound fallen chuunin. "Ocelot, would you call what we saw before lunch today a 'spar'?"

"Not by any stretch of the imagination, Sempai," the ANBU said.

"I was--"

This time, Ocelot clocked him. "No. You listen, _boy_. That was _not_ a spar. A spar does not involve stripping a child of his glasses, letting two boys hold him while the other works him over, or scaring off kids trying to help their classmate. Only the fact Onishi-kun was able to get loose prevented me from descending and doing what you did not."

"That Onishi boy--" Konoyama growled. "He's like his parents--"

"What, like the parents that discovered your parents and uncle were smuggling restricted items?" Kakashi said far too lightly. "A fine example to follow. Why am I wasting time? The Hokage will sort this matter out tonight," Kakashi said, turning his back to the downed teacher. "Ocelot, take him to Holding." His back hand when the idiot started a ram seal was calculated to be off-hand and casual, for all that it knocked Konoyama out. "You have this?" He asked Ocelot.

Ocelot was already opening the window, allowing two of his fellows to enter. "As it seems I must."

"Your kids stop mixing up the Shodai and Nidaime's contributions to law yet?" Iruka said, idly raising an onigiri to his mouth.

"I wish," Mako said, then looked around at the others. Taking in the assorted shocked looks and dropped jaws, she turned to Iruka and smirked. "Looks like reality's intruding."

"Mm," Iruka said, swallowing. He offered his colleague one of his rice balls. "It's got spicy tuna mix inside."

She gave him a wry look. "That was not the kind of reality I was talking about."

"No crunch in the mix."

"Oh. In that case, yes thank you."

* * *

1221 h

"Spying on my genin, Shokan-kun?"

Tenten _just_ managed to stop from jumping at the sound of Anko's voice. "Depends. Are you?"

"Yes," Anko admitted flatly.

"Then I am merely joining you in looking in on my kohai," Tenten explained.

"You were here first," Anko noted.

"I merely knew where to meet you," Tenten said.

"Right. Report."

"She just sat down. She's missed any number of public trash cans or discrete drops to empty the bento out in, so I think she's actually going to eat it. That's the big worry, right?"

Anko looked from her concealed perch in the Hi Maple the two sat in. Below them, Sakura sat on a bench at a picnic table and had her bento before her. "Partly. The other is... we went to Mitsuruka's for dinner last night, and she ordered the Vegetables and Almonds."

"And...?"

"And that's it."

"That's _it_?" Tenten said. "No wonder she was so tired yesterday, if that's her usual diet!"

Sakura opened her bento and smiled at the contents, lifting the divider and sitting it beside the bottom half.

"Let's see..." Tenten's eye sight was excellent, as her speciality suggested. "Looks like top layer has two onigiri-- one coated in crumbled dry Red Shiso Leaves, and one simply wrapped in nori. I'm guessing red bean paste in the first and.. maybe dried tuna in the other? It's popular. Beside that, looks like some Nami bristling and an apple cut to look like a rabbit. Bottom holds... something wrapped in a tamagoyaki, honey glazed squash, Keltic Potato Salad, a Cherry Tomato and some Chicken Karaage-- looks like she used Nami kimichi to make it."

Tenten and Anko watched as Sakura began to tuck in with obvious gusto.

"Appearances," Anko murmured. "She doesn't want to look like a glutton."

"Don't see why she'd think that would make her look like a glutton. I mean, it's a good meal... for a civilian; for a nin it's a starvation diet. I mean, with you and Gai training her-- her calories in isn't going to equal her calories out."

Anko turned to Tenten. "Huh. There's a thought..."

* * *

1300 h "Right then: Chakra. Shaping. Nature Affinity," Anko began, looking over the assembled Team Punishment, Minion and Gardener (and she was going to get Kurenai to explain that one). "Sakura. Explain."

Sakura blinked.

"Or did they make you skip that class too...?"

Sakura blinked, then smiled. "No, no. Just-- okay. Ahem--"

"And Pinkie minion? Try not to just recite the text," Anko said with a wry grin.

Sakura looked offended. "I was the top academic in my class for a reason, sensei."

Anko laughed. "Sorry, sorry. Go ahead."

"Right," Sakura said, smiling. "Naruto. Show us a henge. Not the Oiroke No Jutsu version! I don't want half of us passing out because of it!"

"Only half? I make it three quarters," Anko drawled.

"I'm surrounded by... gah," Sakura grumbled. "Naruto. Henge, no ecchii. Go.

Naruto pouted, but complied. "Henge!"

Gai-sensei grinned at the twin of the Hokage's aide before them. "An exact copy of Chiaki in a single seal. Most Youthful."

Kurenai smirked. "Nicely done, Naruto."

"Heh. Henge's always been one of my best, and since I suck at genjutsu..." Naruto's trademark embarrassed hand to the back of his neck looked odd coming from the normally professional Tani Chiaki's body.

"What Naruto has just done-- what the 'Academy Three' all have in common is that they use our raw chakra. This is called Ohmyouton, in reference to the fact-- you can drop the Henge, Naruto-- that in its basic state chakra is a result of the physical (Yang) and mental (Yin) energy we all generate just by living. Fittingly, the Academy Three also show us that even without adding advanced teachings chakra can do amazing things. The Kawarimi is all Yang, physically swapping you and your substitute-- though if the substitute can marshal chakra, it can resist. The first genjutsu we learn is the Bunshin, showing us how controlling our Yin side works. And as I was reminded recently, Henge is a true Ohmyouton jutsu-- taking an image formed of yin and creating a solid form with Yang-- even allowing ourselves to change our size and mass, making it a doorway to space time manipulation. That's why they're used as our first jutsu-- they illustrate the nature of chakra and are dead useful for our whole lives."

"Someone brushed up after yesterday," Anko singsonged.

"Someone can admit her mistakes and learn," Sakura shot back. "All three also get us used to the concept of Keitai Henka. Of molding our chakra into the form we want, beyond just pumping it around our bodies. The next vital transformation, we learn via the Travelling Ten, the camping jutsu."

"Seishitsu Henka," Hinata murmured.

"That's when you take your chakra and add an element, right?" Naruto mused with his lip jutted out.

"Not quite," Tenten said, laying a hand on his shoulder. "It's when you transform your chakra into an element, or infuse it into an existing element."

"Wha... so it's a henge...?" Naruto decided.

"Well--" Tenten paused. "That's... actually a good way to look at it."

"It's combining the two Henka-- transforming the shape and the nature of chakra you release-- that creates our more powerful jutsu," Sakura picked up. "We're all naturally inclined to use an element or two easier than the others. That's your nature affinity. In the Shinobi nations, the most common natures are Fire, Water, Lightning, Earth, and Wind."

"Ano... Sakura-san... what about things like the Shodai's Mokuton?" Hinata asked.

"Yeah," Kiba wondered. "Isn't that controlling wood by mixing water and earth?"

Sakura sighed. "That's an old theory, and inaccurate. For one, we're not even totally sure Mokuton was a kekkei genkai. If it was, why don't the remaining Senju show signs of inheriting it? Also, some think that the Shodai was doing more than elemental manipulation with the more esoteric uses. And finally, it starts from a false premise."

"... they start with the wrong idea, so whatever they come up with assuming that's right is wrong...?" Naruto reasoned.

"Indeed," Shino said, and raised one eyebrow, then nodded to Sakura's 'go ahead' gesture. "Is it not folly to confuse something that is rare with something that we understand a different way? The claims that 'advanced' elemental releases are created by combining those we consider more common can be seen as false simply by looking around a broader context. If one travels east to Kells and meets their 'knights', what we call Kaminari is only a little more common than the Shodai's 'Ki'-- in this case meaning wood or life force. The control of wood-- which they call... 'L'Art du Bois de Controule'...?'"

"Correct, and nice accent," Kurenai said,

Shino nodded, but his just noticeable blush made it clear what his sensei's praise meant to him. "We find that transforming raw chakra or 'tass' as they call it into Wood is one of their basic five elements... one they consider related and complementary to Water and Earth, but no simple synthesis. There are others-- swamps, ice... they call Kaminari 'Alleegement' and it is limited to the McClane Clan, founded by a man named Liam."

"Kinda like how only Shika's family are the only ones that have the knack and skill to do shadow stuff?" Naruto offered, bouncing from one foot to the other.

"The founding knight who controlled water?" Sakura asked, obviously getting into the sharing of lore. "He was from a place even further east called Moor, which consists of a good part of the south part of Zemli Ra-y-onou, what the East Blue natives call "Earth Land". It's the large island that forms the northern part of the Far Red Line. There, they call their common affinities Sea, Savannah, Desert, and... 'Jun-ga'?"

"Close enough, it's a hard word," Kurenai noted. "We just don't have certain sounds other languages do. Then again, I hear our compounds give non-Elements a headache, so all's fair."

"They only have four common ones?" Lee wondered, eyes wide.

"I'm officially as confused as Naruto usually is," Kiba noted.

"Oi!"

"Go East of here, past Kells, over the Emerald Sea, and a little south of Gaul," Gai said, eyes far away as if remembering or imagining, "On your way to the East Blue Islands (or Moor, depending on your goals), you'll reach the Democratic Union of Barsaive. They rebelled against the East Blue based empire of Thera. Thera's might is gone, but the union of once scattered city states and its former territories that became a nation remains strong. There once again the elements are Fire, Earth, Water, Wind, Wood. There, 'adepts' practice their 'disciplines'."

"It is said that the chakra found in nature there has actually caused at least four distinct types of human to appear in numbers too vast to be a mere kekkei genkai," Shino said.

"Nonsense--" Neji began.

"I have been there," Gai said firmly. "When I was apprenticed after the Academy, my Sensei Hyuuga Ranma and I travelled far. From the age of eleven until our return two and a half years later."

Neji raised an eyebrow in question.

Gai sighed. "Neji... is it any more strange than the Fishmen of East Blue, or the Reindeer Doctor that stands alongside the King of Pirates? There is more to our world... in Barsaive alone, and I have been further still. I have shared meals with the Thief King of Kratas, and I was with him when he stood down a Horror. Barsaive is real. That terrible creature gave off a youki of such horrible intent. My friend the Thief King? Garlthik is a man, but if I showed you a picture of the Senator... heh. He is to his beloved city what Sarutobi-sama is to us, and he may be older. He's... rather cagey about his age."

"Wow..." Naruto and Kiba breathed.

Neji scowled slightly, averting his eyes.

Shino gave him a look, then turned to Gai. "Maito-sensei. You said you have been further?"

Gai grinned, and allowed the topic to change. "Indeed! I have many stories of the places I saw in my travels, but Naruto's Awesome is making him fidget."

There was a collective bit of giggling and chuckling as the young Uzumaki froze and Lee exclaimed, "Most Youthfully so!"

Hand once again at the back of his neck, smile wide and eyes closed in embarassment, Naruto missed Shino and Kiba steadying Hinata as she softly eeped. "Er, sorry. It's more... I mean, you must've seen so much and I dunno what to ask first-- and I wanna know about making your chakra fire and stuff-- but, I mean-- what does all this stuff about affinities actually /mean/?"

"Ah, indeed. The point in bringing up my Youthful walkabout is this," Gai said, crouching and draping an arm over Naruto's shoulder as he addressed the group. "In my travels, I learnt that chakra is merely a form of energy. Philosophers around the world will tell you... energy cannot be created or destroyed. It can only be Youthfully transformed. And what it can become is limited only by what or who is transforming it. Your talents will guide you, and we will help you train them. I know a man in far off Fiore who has such a strong affinity for fire, he eats it. It is transformed into chakra, and flames that hold his will. And humbled foes."

"So, wait, Hold on, hold on," Naruto said, a deeply thoughtful frown on his face. "Is this 'affinity' one of those things we got screwed over being taught at Academy?"

Anko shook her head. "In this case, no. It's like other talents you can have-- sometimes, the ability just isn't there until you get older. It's the responsibility of we jounin-sensei to test you. Around the age of twelve is a common time, though I'm going to repeat your testing a year from now. I tested as adept at Raiton at twelve, and a year later it turned out my talent was stronger at Katon. Some test earlier-- the Uchiha did. Half of it is chakra control-- the better you can control your chakra, the more your natural talents manifest."

"So... testing too soon may give a false result?" Hinata mused, pressing her fingers together in a manner that was rather thoughtful.

"Exactly," Kurenai said, patting her student's shoulder.

"Oi! Sensei, Sensei-- how do you test it?" Naruto asked with an eager look in his eyes. "Can we test for the ones we don't have in Konoha? Do nin ever get affinities like in Kells, or Fiore? Oh, oh, can I have a metal affinity? That'd be Awesome! I could chew scrap metal and spit out kunai, and make armour in a blink, and seal stuff in my Awesome metal skin--"

* * *

Umino Iruka took the fact that Hatake Kakashi allowed himself to be noticed as the respect it was. The assassination specialist was often mentioned on the same list as Momochi Zabuza, Demon of the Mist and Master of the Silent Kill.

"Did someone have a spare moment between paperwork at the Academy and helping the Hokage at the Mission Desk?" Kakashi asked lazily.

"Wanted to see how they're doing," Iruka admitted, looking down at the group below. "I send them out into the world and start worrying about them."

"Teacher's curse?" The Copy Nin wondered.

"One we bear with honour, Boss-sama."

"Boss-sama, I like that. Let's use that instead of whatever the Old Man's planning."

Iruka snorted. "No, you're doomed. He's chortling too much whenever anyone asks."

"Is it like this in other villages?" Kakashi sighed, but his eye had narrowed in a telltale indication of a smile. "Oh. Here goes your favourite troublemaker."

Iruka didn't deny the comment as Naruto held the testing paper. A moment later the two observers were treated to said paper fluttering to the ground in two pieces.

"Now that's interesting," Kakashi murmured. "Hard element to master, but..."

"It's perfect..."

The newly appointed head of the Academy was giving him a look. Iruka could sense it.

"I... have a jutsu--"

"Your echo-location trick. Yes, I've heard. You once used it to track that assassin Kiri sent after Tsume-sama-- Ah."

Iruka smiled. "Two elements are suited to it. I've... Wind is hard, but I wasn't going to leave my secondary alone just because Suiton came easier. Both lend themselves well to augmenting my jutsu."

"So you intend to teach Naruto it?" Kakashi asked.

Iruka looked up to see Kakashi had some reading material out. He raised an eyebrow. "Rather the basics before the advanced things you could teach him."

"Oh? I suppose I could teach him one or two Fuuton jutsu I've copied--"

"No," Iruka said lightly. "The really advanced stuff. The ones you've been saving for someone uniquely suited to inherit--"

Kakashi instantly made a hand sign. _Not here._

"I have some paper work you should go over, Boss-sama," Iruka said.

"Your office?" Kakashi said, a cool edge to his voice.

"Yes."

A few shunshin later, Kakashi was adding another privacy seal on top of the ones built into the door.

In truth, Iruka's office had once been a large closet. But at least it was a large closet he had chosen. There was just enough room for the two men, one behind the desk and one in front.

"You seem rather interested in the boy that holds your sensei's killer at bay," Iruka noted.

"Mm. When did you figure it out?"

Iruka chuckled. "First, let us be plain with each other. He is Minato-sama and Habanero-hime's son."

Kakashi's exposed eyebrow raised. "To the point. How long have you known?"

"Since the forest. When Naruto saved my life... Sometimes it takes one little fact... the Hokage cleared me to learn my third year teaching. I can manage four and can't use the Tajuu version at all. I can do the normal Bunshin at the drop of a hat. You?"

Kakashi frowned. "Thirty. 100 with the mass version, before they get too weak and incoherent. I've heard Naruto can manage... much more. Without Tajuu, even. But--"

"Before I was in Academy, when Mom, Dad, and my other serving relatives had missions, they'd hire genin to babysit me and my cousins, along with some of the other kids. Genin who would help tutor us. Our favourites were this odd trio. A Bunke Hyuuga named Kou-- he's Hinata's bodyguard and tutor, or maybe Hanabi's now. The Hokage's daughter, Akane-- one of our best field trainers. And this far too stuck up guy in shades who would never, ever cop to trying to peek into the ladies only onsen."

"And their teacher," Kakashi realized with a small chuckle. "A red-headed Uzumaki who could use Kage Bunshin like few others."

"My three favourite subjects are ninjutsu, law, and history. Even if her significant other _hadn't_ stopped by to get bopped on the head for annoying her, even without his face on the mountain... I know what the Yondaime looked like. There are other clues, once you look. Most don't."

"Is the Hokage aware...?" Kakashi asked.

"I informed him during my debriefing on the Mizuki incident. It's going to hit him hard," Iruka said soberly. "Naruto. When he hears his prisoner killed his parents. That his hero is his father."

Kakashi sighed, closing his book. "The Kyuubi did not kill Minato-sensei directly. Kushina-sensei, yes, but even that was because she got in the way of its intended target."

"Why his son?" Iruka said.

"There was really no one else."

"Mm. He was the only one young enough--" Iruka mused.

"Age was not the issue," Kakashi said firmly. "Kushina-sensei was a teenager when she became a jinchuuriki."

Iruka blinked. Rage bubbling under his surface became to push through. "Then... I met Minato-sama! That does not sound like him! If there were other options, why curse a child? His own son?"

Kakashi bowed his head. "There were constraints, just not of age. Well, not purely of age. For the seal my two Sensei used, younger was better. The longer the life, the longer it has to do its work."

"What made Naruto such a good choice, then?"

"Let us say it was a matter of trust," Kakashi said opening his book again. "You'd want to give such a duty to one you could trust. Mito-hime gave it to Kushina-sensei. Who would you trust to take on such a responsibility?"

"... their own flesh and blood," Iruka realized. "But... he is your sensei's son. How can you just stand by, with some of the things that have happened to him?" Iruka wondered.

"Who says I have?" Kakashi said. "Store owners who push 'I serve who I like' too far have a habit of being shut down and disappearing. I wager if I was in front of him without this," he tapped his half mask, "he'd be calling me 'Inu-san' in seconds. ANBU raised him until he was old enough to complain if anyone tried to seriously harm him, and we went unmasked so he'd know human faces. And he has complained, believe me. Naruto may let a lot slide, but he has his limits. There was a near wholesale turn over at the orphanage he stayed in before joining the Academy because he reached one of them."

"But... I mean, I know you adopting him, or one of Uzumaki-hime's students would have been a big flag, but couldn't one of the others of Uzumaki blood in town--"

"Being Kushina-sensei's son has as much weight as being Minato's."

Iruka blinked, and then long ago history he'd read for fun hit him. "He's the next clan head. The Uzumaki clan head. He's... the Uzu clans will expect certain things..."

"Yes. Kushina-sensei would have made her claim after his birth."

"An heir in place, and family here to guide him," Iruka said. He realized he was rapidly reaching where Kakashi was with this, that this last outrage had shoved him past simple anger to the point were anger was a beautiful and useful friend. "He doesn't know yet."

"The Hokage has put it in his sensei's hands," Kakashi explained.

"Good hands to put it in," Iruka reflected.

"She's family but for a few legal signatures," Kakashi agreed, and there was a deep sadness there. Iruka could bet it was the same for the last Hatake.

"I want to go over his test scores," the chuunin said. "All of them. He was an average student his first year..."

Kakashi slowly nodded. "We go over all of them, for all the students over that time."

"No. You delegate some staff to do it for you. You are the boss-sama."

"I should--"

"Kakashi-san. Trench digging," the chuunin said with a grin, and it got bigger as Kakashi chuckled.

"Right. My job to find where we need to dig, yours to do the digging. Mako-san?"

"I trust her, yes. Though that's hardly a ringing endorsement..."

"Mizuki stunned us all. I would like to call on the Fisherman."

Iruka slowly smiled. "I would not object to that, Boss-sama. It's been a while since he babysat me, after all."

Kakashi chuckled. "No need for sitting, now. Though perhaps the staff could do with some basic training..."

* * *

1415 h

Anko smiled as Naruto flew over her shoulder. "Good block, but--"

"I let you have contact for too long, yeah, yeah," Naruto grumbled. "I can take the hit!"

"As your sensei, I've seen your medical file," Anko said, closing in and giving him a firm punch to the shoulder. The other two teams had left awhile ago to take missions. "There is a point where you do get hit too much, or too hard. Remember falling out of the Professor's window trying to imitate the older nin? Remember the five months in hospital, mm?"

Naruto mumbled.

"Well?"

"...yes, Sensei. But-- I was four, I'm a lot tougher--"

"Against an unknown opponent out for blood, you're setting yourself up for a killing blow. If you face one of the Legendary Nin out there-- hell, even a powerful enough weapon, even your _ace_ may not help."

Naruto bowed his head, looking at his stomach.

"Ace?" Sakura wondered. "Does Naruto have a kekkei genkai or something...?"

"Gee, I'd like to answer that, Sakura, but for three things. One, only Naruto can legally tell you. Pain of death legally. Two, I'm not sure Naruto trusts that you respect him enough to keep his confidence--" Here Naruto glared at his team mate obligingly. "-- and finally, well, you reminded me you need a _task_ today..."

Sakura blinked. "But-- I thought you wanted us to work on our chakra control today-- you said--"

Anko sighed. "Ah, but you reminded me we have a schedule to keep. It's unfortunate, too, who knows when we'll have time to get back to it. I guess it's important to give you some stability; Kami know the field isn't going to."

Sakura blinked at her sensei, a wounded look forming.

"Yes," Anko said, twisting the knife, "thank you, Sakura, for reminding me I need to interrupt your training."

Naruto was glaring at Sakura again.

"Now, then. Your task..." Anko draped an arm over each minion's shoulder. "Tonight, we will meet at Gai's family home. Gai will be there. So shall his team. I'll be there. And you'll be there. And we'll all eat a meal you two cooked together."

Sakura blinked. "Eat... dinner together...?"

Anko smirked. "Yep. Hey, look at this pre-arranged distraction," she said, pointing across the field.

Sakura shot a look at Anko, but then turned at Naruto's whisper: "The Pottery."

Sakura blinked as three ANBU stood a few metres away.

She was pretty fucking sure they hadn't been there a moment ago.

The trio bowed, and the one in the Boar mask raised a hand-- perhaps to show it was him speaking. "Personal jutsu. Lucky Cat?"

The one in a feline mask stepped forward even as the boar masked one announced, "Doton: Bunshin."

A form emerged from the ground nearby. It was vaguely humanoid. Obviously, Boar had decided not to waste time on giving it fine details.

'Lucky Cat' made a single ram seal. "Raiton: Shichuu Shibari."

"A good example of one element being made subservient to another," Anko lectured as four pillars raised from the ground. "The pillars are a carefully channelled D-Rank Doton jutsu, actually made mostly of conductive ore. Many nin are thrown off their game seeing its natural counter used in a Raiton technique.. Watch as the main jutsu, the Raiton: Shibari, a C-Rank, is added."

It was obvious when the Lightning Restraint kicked in-- each pillar sparked off a continuous storm of bolts, targeted on the bunshin at the technique's centre. The clone flinched under the electricity, and as Lucky Cat slowly made a fist it eventually broke apart under the restraints.

Boar did not even declare his next use of Doton: Bunshin-- and summoned what had to be forty of them, easily. "Parrot."

"Attend, Naruto," the bird masked ANBU said. His hands carefully and expertly went through a full set of seals. Tiger. Rabbit. Dog. Ram. Dragon. Ram. "Fuuton: Fuumakiri."

It was as if thousands of invisible fuuma shuriken were fired at once, shredding all but three of them.

"Drop that last ram," Anko said as Naruto's eyes widened, "and you get the anti-personnel version, Kazekiri no Jutsu. If you were to practice both..." she added airily.

Naruto blinked, then his face turned serious. "That's his personal technique...?"

Anko nodded. "He's shared it with the few other Wind users in town, including Asuma-sama."

Naruto turned to the ANBU and bowed deeply. The masked nin nodded in turn, then turned to Boar. "I missed three."

Boar grunted. "Naruto has seen the Otoshibuta. So has Anko."

"But his team mate has not," Lucky Cat noted.

"True," Boar agreed with a chuckle. He made a single snake seal.

"Oshi...buta?" Sakura wondered "Pig Drop?"

"Mm," Boar agreed. "That's one way of reading it... Doton: Otoshibuta!"

And a giant earthen lid embossed with a boar motif dropped from the sky, trapping the remaining bunshin.

Sakura blinked, then winced. "It's only pronounced _buta_ because it's after..." she grumbled. "It's futa-- Dropping _Lid_... Boar-sama, that's terrible."

"I regret nothing," Boar said flatly. "Gentlemen?"

"Let's bake it," Parrot said in seeming agreement. Lucky Cat grunted.

Boar gestured, and his lid collapsed into a sticky mass of mud. "Kombijutsu!"

"Hi no Ishi no Kama!" the three shouted.

Sixteen pillars rose from the ground, lightning striking the three targets below. The air seemed to change, and Sakura found her breath getting raspy. She felt her sensei pull her back.

"We're too close," Anko noted. "Parrot is oxygenating the air around the pillars, and creating a breathable bubble in the middle."

"Oxygen toxicity," Sakura realized.

"Too much oxygen is bad...?" Naruto wondered.

"We're breathing something that's about a quarter oxygen and three quarters nitrogen," Sakura said. "Too much of either of those in the mix is poison."

Naruto took an extra step back.

With a gesture, Boar called more mud down upon the pillars, even as Lucky Cat flashed through Rat, Dragon and Boar.

The two genin candidates stood in awe as the Kiln of Fire's Will fired.

* * *

1539 h

"This fool," Hiashi declared, as he directed two of his fellow Hyuuga (one from the Park branch of the Bunke and one from the An Man branch, Hiruzen noted with pleasure-- two branches that didn't traditionally get along made an excellent statement) to toss Hyuuga Nomura before the Hokage, his advisers, and the head of T&I, "thought he could evade your displeasure by committing seppuku."

Mitokado Homura shared a glance with his Hokage. Hiruzen smirked as his law-loving team mate rolled his eyes. Neither was the least surprised Hatake had let slip who would make up the judgement triad.

Utatane Koharu raised an eyebrow, which had the effect of slightly widening her near-permanent squint. "I do not believe even the Tetshogun accepts such these days-- ?"

"At least not before a trial," Homura agreed, "and given the custom originated in Kagayakutoshi-kou no Tanzou, Hokage-sama..."

"Indeed. Following their lead only makes sense. Chiaki, please note that as well as the fact Hiashi has regrettably felt the need to seal Nomura-kun's doujutsu and deliver him unconscious."

"Yes sir, Hokage-sama."

"Sedated," the Park member-- Kushina's student Kou, Hiruzen recalled-- corrected.

"Sedated?" Hiruzen wondered.

"Sedated," the Hyuuga head confirmed.

"Sedated," the An Man Hyuuga sighed, shaking her head and she and Kou shared a look. Noriko, Hiruzen remembered suddenly, often called on to aid in crime scene investigations.

Hiruzen shook his head. "Make that correction to the record, Chiaki."

"Yes, Hokage-sama."

"Ibiki," Hiruzen said.

"Special processing," the scarred man agreed.

"As for you," Hiruzen said, turning to Konoyama Hiroshi and holding up a three-page document, "You are sure you wish to represent yourself, Konoyama-san?"

"Yes, Hokage-sama," the chuunin said. "And I trust the brief I have submitted will serve as all the defence I need."

"As we believe the testimony of Hatake-sama and the ANBU called Ocelot submitted to Tokujou Morino serves the prosecution, Hokage-sama," Shiranui Gemma drawled from where he stood, trademark senbon in place in his mouth. "We have no wish to waste the panel's time."

"The panel appreciates it, gentlemen. Konoyama-san," Koharu said with a sigh. "We will give your plea for clemency due consideration."

Mitokado leaned over and thoughtfully lit said plea on fire with a seal-less ninjutsu. "Was there a plea worth considering submitted, Hiruzen?"

"Now that you mention it, Homura..." the Hokage said with his 'you were doomed the second I heard your sin' smile as he released the neatly written plea to finish burning and Konoyama fell to his knees, "No. No there was not."

"Oh," Koharu said, brightening to 'Scary-Grandmother' levels. "Well, as one has attempted to evade his crimes via suicide, and the other has plead no notable contest to the charges, I'm saying guilty. Homura?"

"I would say that is a fair verdict," Homura concurred. "Hiruzen? Any sober second thoughts?"

"None," Hiruzen said. "We find the defendants guilty of sabotage, treason, and endangering the youth of Konoha. However, we have been asked by the Leaf," he nodded to Gemma who smirked and bowed back, "to show some mercy. Rather than death, we sentence you both to life in the Konoha Strict Correctional Facility."

Hiroshi's eyes went wide. "Hokage-sama, I would plead that I be allowed to skip the introduction to the prisoner officers or at least the announcement of my crime--"

"Denied. With a sad acknowledgement this paints a big target on your traitorous little neck. Ibiki?"

The head of T&I nodded, and his people gathered the two up.

As Hiroshi started to cry, Hiruzen did not have to look to know Homura was slowly gaining a rather nasty smile. Hiruzen understood completely; the tears of the guilty did so add to the sweet taste of justice.

* * *

1617 h

Sakura was waving their sensei's note. "'Gai likes Hambugu Steak, kay thanx bye!'" she muttered. "Disappearing while we were distracted..."

Naruto smirked as he walked up to the counter. "I need ground beef and pork. Pound and a half of each, please."

"Right away," the butcher said, polite if not friendly. Better than some gave him anyway.

"Sakura, are we going to whine, or get this done?" Naruto asked.

Sakura turned toward him, and he saw her stamp down her habitual shouting before she nodded slowly. "So, we'll need panko from the dry goods store?"

Naruto shook his head. "Too expensive. We need to watch the budget Sensei gave us." He jingled the coin purse in his hand. "Since we don't have the time to make our own decent bread crumbs, our hambugu will use Tsuchi style potato crisps."

"Chips...?" Sakura asked, warily. He didn't blame her; it wasn't the normal ingredient for a Ki no Kuni hamburger steak.

"Yes. In Tsuchi no Kuni," Naruto explained, "the crisp is formed out of a mixture of potato flakes and other ingredients, rather than just fried potato slices."

"... and they come together to make a good panko alternative. You've thought about this," Sakura said, giving him an appraising look.

"I keep my food budget tight, y'know?" Naruto admitted, one hand behind his head. "And even I like more than ramen, though the instant is cheap and fast."

This earned him a curt nod after a moment. "And Sensei said..."

"No ramen, right."

"Well, we've got carrots-- purple, to stick it to those Chai bastards that say they should be orange," she said, smirking lightly at Naruto's grin. "Broccoli and garlic. Onions. Soy, egg, black sauce, and ketchup. We get our spices and rice together with the 'crisps', and that covers a good hambugu meal."

"Is she... making you eat together?"

Naruto saw Sakura-- well, she seemed to clamp down on herself. She slowly turned, and bowed slightly. "Uchiha-san. We're on a timed task today that happens to be cooking a meal together," she said. After a moment, she... allowed? Yeah, she was allowing herself that small smile. "Hopefully, you'll be joining us soon. Naruto is rather good at mission planning."

"Like you didn't poke a dozen holes in a simple menu," Naruto grumbled.

There was a bit of ice in Sakura's response. "Your enthusiasm may have made your first few ideas a bit flamboyant. You were able to re-plan easily."

Well, at least she wasn't hitting him. "Yeah, yeah. Nice glasses, bastard," Naruto noted, off hand. "So, we need the dry stuff. Better get moving, we want time to cook them proper. Can't disappoint Sensei and our guests."

"Right. See you, Sasuke-kun," Sakura said, and followed Naruto away. Wow, Naruto thought. No attempt to linger or anything.

"Sakura..." he began.

"I want to be more like Sensei," Sakura answered simply.

Naruto smirked. "Ah."

He couldn't see Sensei mooning over a guy either.

* * *

1621 h

He did not acknowledge her until Lee and Tenten had shot off. Neji's earlier reflection had sadly given way to one of his tantrums-- even that composed, it was a tantrum-- and the Hyuuga left early. Lee was off to train and maybe catch his sensei's youthful rival in a good mood, and Tenten wanted to get some scrap metal to her mother. Now it was just himself and the woman who'd been quietly watching them.

"What is it, oh flower of Youth?"

Maito Gai loved it when Anko got this particular look in her eye. It usually meant a night of at least cuddling, if not indulging in a favoured Youthful exercise.

"You're so... good with them! Don't think the Hyuuga even knows how much you're chipping away at him!"

"Neji?" Gai murmured. "I am merely lighting the way, so he may find his own version of the Youthful flames his father kindled so well! So that he may perhaps show the world a fire at least half as strong as his uncle's, and then stronger!"

She... Gai believed the term was squee? It would have been most immature in another woman's voice, but from his Anko... so Youthful! Anko had the sort of Youth that would be there in her soul even as her body showed the mark of age.

"My genin are making us dinner," Anko said, clamping down on his arm and pulling him along

"...ramen...?"

Anko giggled. "No, silly! Naruto can cook almost as well as his mom! They're making... hambugu. I've sent invites to your students' homes."

"Oh... you spoil me," Gai said, and meant it. Ki style hamburger steaks were among his favourite things in the world.

"Well... I need a gourmand to judge whether they've passed."

Gai was thoughtful a moment, then gave a little "Ahhh. 'Every ANBU should have at least basic skill at food preparation.'"

She gave him a thoughtful look. "Spotted what I was doing?"

"Of course. I would expect your Youthful cleverness to lead you to actually test your genin as I do-- rather than some singular trifle that focuses far too much on one thing."

"Youthfully clever, am I?"

Gai gave her a considered look. "Hebi-chan. If Hokage-sama's trust in you is not proven by your actions with your team, if at least some of those that refuse to truly see you do not reconsider, if they do not see the intelligence that dances so obviously in your eyes... then I shall take 300 laps around the entire village--"

"Mm..."

"--climb up the Hokage Monument on my hands--"

"Oh..."

"And there do 150 push-ups. True form and... modified. Each."

And she grabbed him by the collar and pulled him close and kissed him soundly.

"I," she hissed, "Am. Spending. The. Night."

"If you insist," Gai managed.

* * *

1636 h

The day had been getting better-- and then Neji found himself spouting the same old words about destiny and fate and other things he said to himself to make his world make sense. Even though it was rapidly becoming clear they did no such thing, he clung to them. And then rushed off to salve his bruised ego.

He wondered if over time he would forget he hated himself for this. Would it take effort? Did he want to...?

"You're back early, Neji."

Neji was unsure if it was a jutsu or just mother's intuition that let his mother always be there to greet him when he came home. More often than not as of late, he'd retreated to grunts and silence with her-- the one time he spoke of fate to her, she had gave him a hurt look and left the room.

Today, he looked at his mother with new eyes. "Ka-san. Yes, I... I was not in a mood conducive to training. I... will have to apologize to Gai-sensei tomorrow."

A graceful hand was gathering his mother's red hair in a bunch. "Ah, Neji. At least you can admit it like a man, still. Hatake-san, the new head of the Academy... he brought Nomura in for sabotaging students. Your uncle was most upset. The idiot... well, he was sedated and sealed by the time it was time to present him to Sarutobi-hokage. I was going to the kitchens to make some food for myself and others, will you come?"

Neji blinked. His mother had a habit of using titles as honorifics most Hi natives would not. "Oh?" he said, neutrally as he could. "I... would like to talk to you on that matter, so yes." At his mother's nod, he followed her. "It came up today. Apparently, certain sensei have seen fit to exclude or badly train some of the more recent genin..."

"Indeed. Hiashi actually hired your cousin's team in on a mission so that Hinata and Kiba could address this with them. And given his friendship with Gen, Shino was closely questioned as well... He was quite pleased to hear you attempted to help cover any such gaps," she said, and her gaze held unguarded pride.

Neji held back several responses, some dismissive of the idea his uncle valued him, some wanting more praise from the stoic clan head. Instead, he pressed on. "One of those affected... did the Uzumaki really lead a hidden village once?"

His mother's face grew bright. "I wondered if you'd ever ask. Yes, it was before I was born-- but it's part of your heritage you can be proud of. It took four villages together to take down Uzushio. They were scared of our sealing prowess." His mother froze in her tracks. "You said one of those affected brought this up...?"

Neji bit his lip. "Uzumaki Naruto."

His mother choked back a gasp and changed direction. "Neji, do you trust me?"

Neji blinked at her change in tone and pushed himself to match her stride. It was moments like this he was reminded his mother was a jounin in good standing. "I-- yes, O-ka-san, I do."

"Then understand-- we will not be able to tell you why, but any harm directed at Naruto... is harm directed to the Hyuuga. Your uncle will not be pleased to hear this for that reason, but his anger will not be at you. As well, I take it personally as an Uzumaki. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Ka-san," Neji managed. He bit his lip again, realizing they were heading toward the chamber his uncle held audience in. "Naruto... he mentioned a seal all Uzumaki share, a spiral pattern that keeps them from hurting each other..."

His mother paused before the chamber door, and turned to him with a small smile. "That seal, you can bear with pride. It is the Uzumaki no Ichizoheiwa no Fuuinjutsu. When we direct killing intent at each other, it... hampers us."

"The... Clan Peace Seal of the Uzumaki? I... have it?" Neji wondered.

Hyuuga Hina, born of the Whirlpool clan, bopped him on his head without turning. The fact she could do that even with his eyes at their fullest engagement had always miffed him. The fact his Uzumaki born mother did not have a doujutsu of her own was merely annoying. "You are Hyuuga. You are Uzumaki. Both matter as much as you let them."

She started to kneel, but a hoarse voice called out. "None of that, Hina. Come in."

She smiled again, and slid the door open. "Tou-san," she greeted her father in law with a bow, who had bade them enter. She turned to his uncle. "Hiashi." And then her face was steel again as she dropped into a formal seiza seating. "Neji has brought something related to the recent training concerns to my attention..."

* * *

1440 h

"I always pictured your apartment smaller," Sakura said, shaking her head as she paused in tossing one of the hamburger steaks from one hand to the other.

Naruto snorted from where he was chopping purple carrots (or, as he liked to call it, "helping the downtrodden in Na no Kuni stick it to the Chai Merchant's Guild"). "Sakura. I can walk in to Jii-jii's office, usually stepping right past civilians and nin that are waiting to see the old man, and I sometimes get in when he's in a meeting. I'm good with my money. I don't _want_ to live in some crappy place. Do you really think I'd be stuck with some hovel? Keep tossing the meat, we want all the air out."

Put like that, Sakura had to admit her preconceptions were rather stupid.

The apartment was on the top floor of a nice building in a quiet part of town. It was actually rather... equally distant from every major clan land. Since a roof-top courtyard for two water towers divided the last two floors, they had to take the back stairs to reach Naruto's home.

Sakura blinked, pausing. "Wait, did you just say--"

"Any entendres sensed," Naruto said with a wide grin, "are a result of my dear team mate's own perversity."

"I'm not a pervert!" Sakura shot back... but none the less, she was blushing when she resumed her one woman game of catch.

Naruto's kitchen was in a small bit that branched off the dining room; other than that, the apartment was a long rectangle that was all hubbed to the small entrance hall. Directly across from the entry door was the entrance to the washroom, with the hand washing and clothing area in the immediate entrance. To the left was the toilet, and past the entrance she'd peeked into a small but respectable bathing area, with separate Hi-style rinsing area and soaking tub.

She had not peeked into Naruto's bedroom, but it had to be of decent size since Naruto's apartment took up a fourth of the available space. His dining room/ entertaining room was spacious for a single person-- maybe even slightly bigger than her family's dining room. They wouldn't need it tonight, since they were eating at Gai's family home in the small district the families that made up Clan Maito (Maito, Rock, Lee, Chun and Chan) called theirs. It was a good thing, too-- like many a single, Naruto's dining room saw more use as anything but a dining room. The table alone was covered in training scrolls right now.

"That's good," Naruto said, breaking her thought process as he offered her some plastic wrap and a food storage scroll. "We'll cook it there, so it doesn't get dry."

Sakura started to nod, then froze. "What if Sensei fails us for not having it ready--"

"Sakura," Naruto said, with the patient but firm tone he'd taken at her anger or frustration since the "arm bar" incident, "she said Gai loves this meal. She will want it cooked _right_." He then bowed his head slightly as he set the wrap and scroll down, his hand finding the back of his neck. "At least, I... think that's how being a couple works. You'd likely know better from your parents."

Not for the first time since the Arm Bar of Therapeutic Whoop-Ass did Sakura realize just what Naruto had missed out on in life.

* * *

1500 h

"How was your day, dear?"

Kakashi met the salacious tone with a sad smile-- one that became evident when he removed his half mask.

"Hell."

There was a cuss. In a moment, a yukata was re-arranged and legs curled up underneath her rather than spread in invitation. The cigarette in the ashtray by the couch was put out, the scent of East Blue tobacco lingering in the air. This time when she patted the seat beside her, it was with an open arm offering support.

Given how aloof both partners could be, when she bade him "Sit," with worry in her eyes, he sat.

He did, and she just held him for a bit until the words came.

"Hiruzen-sama was right to post me at the academy," he said, his anger spiking. "The training there has been compromised by petty grudges. Naruto was affected... which sadly does not surprise me. But from what I'm hearing from the jounin-sensei and the chuunin-sensei I've cleared... Hiashi's daughter. Gen's son. Inoichi's daughter practically held tutorials for several of her fellow kunoichi to cover things taught in classes those girls were all but banned from. Vital things. The only weapon Naruto had worth keeping was that kunai that Oogakari Sayataro gave him when he was six because no. One. Taught him how to maintain his weapons. Umino Iruka is combing the files to see if there was any academic sabotage. Gai wanted me to turn him loose on the teaching staff. He only relaxed when he heard I had some of my 'old friends' on it."

She stroked his back and held him as he spoke, and when he was done she kissed him.

"The old man chose well," she said, her North Calm accent musical to his ears. "You will make the school the kind of place our children would want to go to."

And even though they knew the chances of having one was slim for both of them, they shared a hopeful smile. His faded first.

"I wish I could have made it the kind of school Naruto deserved. He's got so many gaps, Rin-chan."

She snorted and shifted to East Blue's Tongue. "His big sis will take care of that. You are making the ones that hurt him and the others pay. That's your part. The Empress had to do a similar house killing after the World Nobles fell."

He smirked, and changed languages himself. His accent was thicker than hers, he knew. "I thought the word was cleaning."

"I did not misspeak."

He turned to her, a thoughtful frown on his face. "You ever regret staying here? Not going back to Amazon Lily?"

She pulled back and smirked at him. "To stay here is my _duty_ under the treaty your teacher signed with Boa Hancock."

And then she shrugged off her yukata and sat there in nothing but the traditional black stockings of the Kuja.

"It is _your_ job to remind me of why that duty is pleasure."

He blinked, and wiped the small trail of blood from his nose. "Rindou... who's reminding who of what, now?"

"Ahem," Hatake Rindou, trusted intimate of the queen of Amazon Lily, large arms expert and damn fine dresser said pointedly, loosing her short hair from its bun, "Start proving you're a pervert like everyone else in town, you dog."

"Yes my darling flower..."

* * *

1545 h

Sarutobi Hiruzen turned off the view jutsu tied to his globe just that split second before Rindou exposed herself. Some things were between man and wife.

Besides, just contemplating what was under that damn yukata had given him a tickle of blood from his nose. Actually seeing it... he didn't want the inin to diagnose him with the most transparent anaemia alibi ever.

There was a knock on the door to his viewing chamber, and then it slide open to reveal the kneeling Chiaki. Hiruzen did not consider the boy impudent-- the door would not have opened had he been engaged. This was one of the most secure rooms in a very defensible area.

"Chiaki-kun," Hiruzen greeted his aide. "I had dismissed you for the day-- and much earlier than we usually manage...?"

"Yes, Hokage-sama," the young nin agreed, bowing as he slid in. Hiruzen did not miss the sword now at his adjutant's side. "If I may... I have a question and a request. The question is to satisfy my curiosity. The request is... in regards to my family's duty."

Hiruzen nodded. The man before him ranked as a chuunin-- but duties that came with his lineage made him something more. Duties such that not only would not allowing him his sword be a grave insult not even the Hokage's rank excused, but that Hiruzen would be offended if Chiaki did not come bearing his blade when he spoke of such.

"One of the recent complaints filed over Uchiha Sasuke not being promoted with no fuss offended you so deeply, you ordered the offender sent to Ibiki with little thought."

"Mm," Hiruzen nodded again, remembering the particular merchant who had lost his stall in Konoha's Bazaar for his insult.

"It... was the mention of your wife, I assume?"

"You are correct," Hiruzen sighed as his mind wandered to the one woman who regardless of age always knew how to strike that chord in him. "Biwako. Reading how casually the claimant tried to use her name to gain my support... you recall, he was also trying to get Naruto struck from the team."

"Indeed," Chiaki said, then smiled. "Biwako-o-baa-san's family came from Uzushio."

Hiruzen smiled back. "Yes. Not an Uzumaki, but of the Whirlpool. You were young when she died."

"Old enough to remember how she preferred to be addressed," Chiaki noted in turn.

"Mm," Hiruzen sighed sadly. "She should be here right now, Chiaki. She should be watching Konohamaru and Naruto grow, bugging Akane to have more kids, laughing with me as our son and Kurenai dance around each other... correcting me when I need it..."

They were both silent a moment. Chiaki took a breath. "... forgive me, Jii-sama, but while I understand you not blaming Naruto... you seem to not even bear malice to his prisoner..."

"Chiaki, how can I?" Hiruzen said, honest surprise on his face.

Chiaki's face made clear his confusion.

"I can not curse the fox for this; at least, no more or different then I'd curse a Suna sandstorm or one of the occasional forest fires that hit Hi's trees. The fox is what it is. Kushina once told me that the saddest irony of the Kyuubi is that it only had guaranteed clarity of thought when in a prison. Outside of its jinchuuriki, its own youki can easily overwhelm its sense of self to all but the most instinctive of levels."

Chiaki considered this, and his eyes widened at the implication. "You not only never see the Nine-tails when you look at Naruto... you see the only thing making the fox something that just may be be reasoned with."

"You understand well, Tani Chiaki, and are a credit to your family and clan."

Chiaki actually grew a bit bashful. "One tries, Hokage-sama. But that brings me to my request. As you know, my duty to you and my clan have occasionally come into conflict. You have both been accommodating in your permissions and generous with your guidance in such matters."

"Ah. You have noticed something that you feel duty bound to report to her?"

"... more I believe I have pieced something together that I would need confirmed to report. I have not even asked my cousin about this. And you are the only one I can have confirm it," Chiaki said. "But if it is confirmed and I do relate it to Hime-sama..."

"That important?" Hiruzen mused.

"Enough it may bring her back. Even if it does not, it still may... upset things."

Hiruzen leaned forward. "Speak to me as the regent of the Senju."

* * *

1430

"Speak to me," the man with a bad arm and eye murmured as he read a report on the new genin graduating from the academy. As high ranking and respected as he was, people would expect nothing less of him.

The encoded report from his agents in said briefing would be less expected, but reveal nothing untoward. Just the Hokage's rival, trying to slip stuff past the dear old man.

The real meat was under the fourth cipher and further encoded with pass phrases.

Anko's training would seem to be a modified ANBU regime, including the standards. He approved of this. Those three promising genin of hers demanded such rigour. He also approved of the ANBU already watching Uzumaki and Uchiha adding additional guards and giving the Haruno girl a watch. If they didn't, they wouldn't be doing their jobs.

He set down the report and picked up his copy of Konoha no Maishuu. No harm in the Darkness reading the civilian weekly, after all.

The Arts section brought a frown. He was breaking the cipher too easily, time for Sai and Mai to come up with a new one. The news under the cipher brought a smile to his face, though. Several civilians complained about the Uchiha's failure, or the jinchuuriki's promotion. Some of the complaints angered little Saru to the point Ibiki has become involved-- and a few of those have gone straight to the T side of the department. Good to see the Monkey still has bite.

He pulled out the insert holding the yonkoma, one page, and short manga and flipped to the second to last page. He frowned. To put a message into Forest Pals, his favourite four panel gag strip, things would have to be important. Team One officially failed... fine. Off the books, Shin and Sai were helping them get settled in. Typical so far, he even allowed himself a smile at it....

And then his frown returned and grew slightly deeper as he deciphered the last of Sai's message. "We were correct about Kwan-kun's family. It seems some of Taki birth do not share all the values of the Ravine."

The waitress, seeing him stop over this particular comic, approached. "Your usual Yakisoba, Shimura-sama?"

"Yes, Alisu."

"Light on the sauce?" she asked perkily.

Danzou turned to the waitress. He raised his exposed eyebrow.

"Heavy sauce it is," the Ne agent replied, smiling and going to get his order.

The Kwan clan was done as of today. Saru would be saddened until he heard the reason.

He and the Hokage shared a few of the same hot spots, after all.

* * *

1505 h

"Anko-nee-san!" Ino greeted brightly. Then her face fell at the serious look on the face of her father's one-time colleague. "What's up?"

Anko sighed. "Sakura is next to starving herself. Do you seriously hate her?"

Ino stood up straight. "I'd give my life for her as a friend. She's the Maito-san to my Hatake-sama. If I thought either of us had a serious chance with Sasuke, I'd drop it. Starving?"

Anko nodded. "I thought so. And it's a near thing. She's eating well... for a civilian."

"But she's a nin," Ino said, frowning.

"Yes. And I'm just wondering-- she mentioned you helped cover some things shoddy teaching didn't."

"Dad's annoyed he didn't probe me deeper on that when I mentioned it," Ino sighed. "Hatake-sama was by today..."

"You are someone she respects on matters of shinobi life, I think," Anko mused. "In that context, Sakura has done nothing but praise you."

Ino had the grace to blush. But Anko's next question changed the blush's character.

"I have to ask-- did you ever use the term 'diet' around her without context?"

Ino blinked, then winced. "Excuse me, I have to apply an ancient Yamanaka Correction jutsu to myself."

The young nin's left hand came up behind her head and delivered a light but firm smack. "*Ino, you idiot!*"

Then she lowered her hand and smiled at Anko. "So. How can I help you fix this?"

* * *

1657 h

"Do... you always try and fix these things yourself?"

Sasuke had to pause for a moment to catch up to the fact Boar was passing him another shingle, then took the offered item and continued working on the roof. "There are two classes of people that tend to want to help me with this sort of thing, Boar-san. There are the ones who honestly want to help but are freaked right the fuck out by being where my clan died--"

"And the ones that tend to want to take advantage of you somehow and are counting on it being easier where your clan died," Boar sighed.

"Hn. I used to help my mother with this, and I learnt a bit from the tradesmen that have come."

Boar looked over the Uchiha clan lands and made a little hum. He raised his hand then closed it.

The roofs of the old Uchiha district were covered in porcelain-masked nin before Sasuke could blink. It was the most ANBU Sasuke had ever seen in one spot, and certainly the most he had ever caught more than a glimpse of.

"D-Rank training mission," Boar announced. "Group A, join Uchiha-kun and me on the roof work. Group B, clear the yards and streets. Group C, perimeter repair. Recall Hokage-sama's orders. Respect Uchiha-kun's privacy. Yes, really Hopper."

"I wasn't going to *umph*... Yes Tachio."

Boar nodded to Bat in thanks. "Go."

He caught Sasuke's look. "On a home improvement kick?" the Uchiha asked, but continued hanging shingles with the ANBU's aid.

"The Hokage is worried about you. The Hokage wants us to train more. The Hokage is a sadistic bastard who expresses concern by way of horrible, wonderful lessons."

Sasuke blinked. "You know, I'm kind of realizing as of late he's the Old Man, Professor, *and* God of Shinobi all at once."

"Best figure that one out early," Boar agreed solemnly. "Better still to understand that the King of Pirates was right when he declared Sarutobi Hiruzen 'the most Badass Nin ever to come out of all the Hidden Villages.'" Boar snorted. "Then I hear he asked for more ramen-- but he was right. Ask some of the veterans of the last two Shinobi Wars. Iwa may talk up the Yellow Flash, but they all only dare murmur about Konoha's God of Shinobi. And he's just one. The Green Beast. The Elegant Ending. The Golden Fist. The Copy-nin. Outsiders gave our nin these nicknames when they dare not speak their given ones, Sasuke."

Sasuke paused in his work. "Then... why do the others call us tree huggers and pacifists and fools...?"

"The same reasons they can't stand calling Saru-jii-jii by name, and that only an Uzumaki calls him Jii-jii to his face," Boar chuckled. "Respect, fear, or both."

* * *

1730 h

It was odd, Naruto thought. But true. The thought of this simple meal at Gai-sensei's seemed to have Sakura on the edge of mad fear. Everything from his choice to finish the steaks in the oven to how much sugar he used to glaze the carrots to whether they should make tomato or miso based gravy... here was more worry than when she faced Gai-sensei in combat.

At one point, he and Rock Lee met eyes across the table, and the taijutsu specialist's naked concern was met with a nod.

While they were waiting for the hambugu to finish, Gai-sensei had with little prompting been convinced to share tales of his travels. Gai probably saw right through to Lee and Naruto's intent, but he went along.

"And as Lucy slowly turned to face him, poor Nasu's face grew most un-Youthfully pale... as it often did when he crossed his partner's ire. Lucky was flying off before the poor man could even ask for help escaping."

Naruto's snorted. "Prankster's second rule. Always have escape routes ready."

Anko smirked. "Rule one being?"

"Go big or go home," Naruto replied with a foxy grin.

"I feel the same way about thrown weapons," Tenten noted.

"Awesome," Naruto shot back.

Neji rolled his eyes. "Gai-sensei-- you used a word when you were talking about Barsaive and Fiore and the rest of Zemli Ra-y-onou-- nasazadayi?"

"Ah," Gai said, grinning. "It's actually two words, and it's the Youthful term the people of Barsaive use for a concept wide spread on the Sphere. Nazva Daye. In our words, Na no Kisousha."

"Giver of names?" Sakura mused. "I think Iruka-sensei touched on the idea when we talked about sealing..."

Naruto's eyes went wide. "'There is power in naming,'" he quoted. "The Yondaime said that. And it's not just having names, right?"

"Indeed," Gai said solemnly. "In fact, Nazva Daye is the term used in Barsaive for any being that can think for itself. When I introduced my summons to Garlthik, he addressed them as equals once he heard Ningame's children call me by their nicknames for me. We once came across two tribes of ogres--"

"Ogres?" Lee asked.

"A type of human, seen as un-Youthfully feral by many. The two tribes were battling outside Garlthik's beloved city. Garlthik asked one question: What are your names? One chieftain was puzzled. The second proudly announced himself as 'Ztedidecu' (Saver of children), and declared his clan 'The Hand that Guards the Children', or Ruka Koja Suva Decu."

"Interesting name," Tenten murmured.

"Theran slavers had tried to steal children from his clan to sate the most... un-Youthful desires of certain Theran lords, you see," Gai explained.

Naruto growled. Neji gave him a nod of approval.

"There's perversion and then there's sickness," the Hyuuga reflected.

"Indeed," Gai agreed. "Ztedi had named himself, 'so that those that harm our treasures would know who they feared.' Garlthik and his guards drove off the first group. Ztedi and his clan still live just outside Kratas, and are among its most Youthful citizens. Ztedi himself is an adept of the weapon smith discipline-- and given some still think ogres are clearly beasts who'll never be the equal of name givers, many find it rather... vexing when they witness his most Youthful skill."

Naruto looked thoughtful. "So... the _giving_ part is what's important?"

Anko smirked as she nodded and took Gai's hand. "I remember, a diplomat from Aysberg on Zemli's north coast once visited the Hokage, and I had a D-Rank of being his tour guide. The ANBU got the S-Rank of actually protecting him, of course. But he told me that learning how we named things was so fascinating, because our naming shows how we understand the world. Naming things is the first step toward describing your world. Knowing the story of a person or thing to understand its name is a common way to gain friendship or control."

 _By the time I am Hokage, Gai-sensei and Nee-sensei shall be married!_ Naruto vowed, putting on the face he used when he didn't want anyone to guess his plans. It was different from his 'taking credit without admitting anything' face, of course.

"Names matter," Sakura mused. Her deep thoughts were broken when the timer for the hambugu went off.

Naruto frowned as the nervousness returned to her face.

* * *

1735 h

Between the shogi master Tobi and the Mad Scientist Orochimaru sat Kabuto-- who really didn't regard his adoptive father's name as his own. It would have shocked many that he hid his dual allegiance from neither the hidden head of Akatsuki or the Otokage. Point of fact, he was remarkably open with both. They were not his masters, but clients. Any information the scheming Uchiha Tobi fed him was used at his leisure. If he _needed_ disinformation sown, or true information given to an agent in place... he knew the price.

Likewise, whatever Orochimaru may teach him was on a jutsu by jutsu, lore by lore case. He'd made clear he was ill suited to a true apprenticeship-- if only because his sense of self interest would not allow it.

If pressed, he might admit an odd fondness for the two. Tobi was older than he looked, and he made a grand drinking buddy-- especially since both knew not to expect the other to be so uncouth as to get drunk. The Hidden Uchiha was the old vet with great stories of his own and his parents to share. Though he rarely spoke of his mother.

The Snake Sennin... he was the nutty uncle the family rolled their eyes at. And if you didn't have the stomach to meet Ori-sensei's eccentricities with an eye roll, you were not family. Yes, if you forced him he might admit to feeling a bit closer to the Snake-- but that closeness included the admission one would gladly kill the other for their goals.

For now, his and Orochimaru's goals were a good pairing. The Snake wanted the Uchiha's eyes, the Poison Pill (Tobi's nickname) wanted to observe a high level in the field.

And so the current disposition of Tobi's little cousin interested all three.

Which is why he watched with interest as the apparent failure actually became... more at ease with the Leaf's elite.

This bore watching.

* * *

1745

Sakura knew how closely she was being watched as she prodded at the food before her.

She envied Tenten her obviously gifted metabolism. The way she was tucking in... it was either that, or a cheat day.

"Sakura," Anko said, and the bottom fell out of her stomach.

"Gai," Anko said.

She wasn't watching Gai. She didn't see where in the kitchen he was rummaging. She only knew he was grabbing a bento when she saw Anko pack it with Sakura's own leftovers out of the corner of her eye.

The bento was presented to her. "Calories in, calories out," Anko-sensei said solemnly. "'A Nin's Table, A Nin's Plate,' by Senju Tsunade. Buy a copy at Ikegami's on Maple Avenue, and read it tonight."

"Yes, sensei," Sakura said, licking her lips.

"Eat as much of this as you can-- tonight and for breakfast. Read chapters one through five. We'll talk in the morning."

"Yes, sensei."

"Go," Anko said, a gentle hand on Sakura's shoulder. She dared look at her sensei's face.

The sad smile she saw there was not the disappointed look Sakura expected. It hurt more.

"Yes, sensei."

GOOD NIGHT


	4. TEAM ANKO OMAKE THEATRE: LESSON #1 IRUKA-SENSEI, EXPLAIN THE ELEMENTAL CALENDAR!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A brief educational interlude

BEFORE RISE

KAKASHI enters stage right, his current book lowered so he can address us.

KAKASHI: And now, Iruka sensei will explain how the Elemental Calender works.

KAKASHI raises his book.

KAKASHI: Oh, my, what a yummy mommy.

He walks off, stage left, giggling.

CURTAINS RISE, to reveal IRUKA before a chalk board.

IRUKA: The calendar used throughout the Elemental Nations was refined by sennin-- in this case, meaning a nin that refines or uncovers knowledge-- in Uzu and Mizu in order to co-ordinate shipping. In fact, the twelve months of the Elemental Calendar are named after the Mizu Zodiac-- which has basically become the Elemental Zodiac. The calendar and zodiac are in fact Mizu's main contributions to--

SHOT OF THE KEKKEI GENKAI MASSACRE MEMORIAL ON WAVE'S SHORE. NEJI, SASUKE, AND NARUTO are superimposed saluting it.

IRUKA has his head bowed. He raises it, clears his throat.

IRUKA: -- its main POSITIVE contributions to Elemental culture. But that's another lecture. Note that the zodiac is where the names of the hand seals come from... so this goes further than you think! But that's also another lecture.

He flips the chalkboard. On its reverse is a three by four chart of the Months in the Elemental Calender, with a row of six days set apart between the top six and the bottom six.

Iruka: The year starts on the Spring Equinox and ends on the day just before the next one. Leap years are not based on math, but on simple astronomy-- when there's 366 days between Equinoxes, you have a leap year. Like this year we are in. (He indicates the first month.) Each month has 30 days-- five weeks of six days each. (he points to the row of set aside days.) Here, you'll see that one week is set aside as a special "non-month" of five days (six during leap years). The Months are:

Cut to INO surrounded by flowers and birds, making the Bird hand seal.

INO: Tori. It's SPRING!

INO inhales, even as CHIBI ASUMA comes in, sniffing.

CHIBI ASUMA: a/k/a the Season of Blooming Death. My Sinuses!

Now, SHINO, standing on a field beside a sign that says "Start in /Late March/ on your calender for rough equivalents" and making the BOAR seal. A boar roots through the earth behind him.

SHINO: I. It would be wise to till soil. Why? Because after first harvest comes late planting.

Cut to KIBA and AKAMARU. Nin and Ninken are in shades, with Kiba wearing shorts and a t-shirt and his partner in a sun hat. Of course Kiba makes the Dog seal.

KIBA: Inu. Ending in your unofficial start... of summer. (thumbs up)

Sakura, in a pretty sun dress, rolls her eyes. She does not notice that Anko in the background is slowly stripping from her own dress to an orange bikini. Sakura makes the Dragon Seal.

SAKURA: Tatsu. When summer /actual/ starts. Right Sensei-- (she turns, to see Anko proudly posing to show off her bust, waving a banner with a dragon on it) SENSEI!

ANKO: You're welcome. I'll teach you Fan-service-no-jutsu when you're old enough.

SAKURA: (groans, palms her face) Sweet Six Paths...

INNER-SAKURA appears.

INNER-SAKURA: If you got it, flaunt it!

Chouji sits on a cart laden with a fresh harvest, pulled by an Ox. He makes that animal's seal.

CHOUJI: Ushi. Get ready for the mid-season harvest!

The Ox stops moving. CHOUJI tumbles on to its back.

CHOUJI: Union break time, Ushi-sama?

Hinata, blushing, sits on a park bench with a familiar, yet surprisingly calm cat on her lap. She briefly makes the tiger seal, then resumes petting...

Hinata: Tora. Fall is coming soon.

ASUMA enters, looks at the scene, and gasps. KURENAI enters behind him.

ASUMA: Kurenai--

KURENAI: I have no idea how she does it.

SAI sits outside on an Autumn night, finishing a picture in black ink behind him on the paper wall behind him. It depicts a cat. He turns, and makes a Cat seal.

SAI: Neko, the month-less week. Sometimes... it has six days. (Creepy smile) Guess what we call Leap Day?

NARUTO, on a Konoha street as a set of dancers in an elaborate Kyuubi costume dance behind him. He makes the snake seal, as his sensei's python Kageko looks on.

Naruto: Mi. Around here, that means the Kyuubi festival.

He grins and switches to a thumbs up.

NARUTO: And your future Hokage was born on 19 Mi! 

KAGEKO... er "palms" her face with her tail.

NARUTO: Make note of the future national holiday--

An eraser hits him from off left.

NARUTO: GAH!

IRUKA: (off) Naruto, you idiot! Stick to the script!

SHIKAMARU, on his back on his favourite hill, looks up. So does the pet-store rat on his stomach. He lazily makes the Rat seal.

SHIKAMARU: Ne. Last harvest, where everything gets... uprooted. Get it? Gets colder. (he drops his hand and lays back to cloud watch with a content sigh, the rat also relaxing) But not /too/ cold in Hi.

TENTEN sits astride a horse, dressed in the just-warm-enough jacket of a Hi fall leading into winter. She makes the horse seal.

TENTEN: Uma. Here comes winter! Which just means winter crops here in Hi.

SASUKE Stands before a familiar desk.

SASUKE: Winter comes in full force with Saru.

The Chair behind the desk turns, and the Hokage makes the Monkey seal.

SASUKE: Thank you, Hokage-sama.

SARUTOBI: (shrugs) Meh. It's for the kids.

ROCK LEE perched in a Hi Maple with a jacket over his usual suit, his notepad on his lap. A bunch of rabbits graze under the tree, scrounging in the thin grass. He makes the Hare seal.

LEE: U. The Depth of Winter is a time of reflection and Youthful re-evaluation.

NARUTO: (off) And writing sucky poetry.

LEE: (scowls) And dealing with un-Awesome critics.

NEJI sits on the wall of the Hyuuga compound, looking over Konoha. A penned Ram stands in a pen behind him. He makes the Ram sign.

NEJI: Hitsuji. The death of Winter, and a new spring begins. (He jerks his head toward the Ram.) My mother's. Prize winner.

Back to IRUKA.

IRUKA: There are six days to the Elemental week. Five are named after our common Nature Transformations. It's odd, but day- names actually varied a lot locally until trade forced some semblance of a standard. The week starts with (he dodges a gout of flame) Fire Day, Hi-bi. Next is Wind Day, Kaze-bi (a gust buffets him, but he stands firm, then side steps so a lightning bolt can strike where he just vacated); Lightning Day, Kaminari-bi; (an earth wall raises beside him) Earth Day, Tsuchi-bi; and Water Day, Mizu (a stream of water pours on him from above) Ahem. Mizu-bi. (there's giggling from above) The Sixth day is Sennin-bi, Sage-day. Neko doesn't have a sage day. Even on leap years.

SAI pokes his head around the chart, creepy smile in place.

SAI: Can you guess what we call Leap Day?

A bandaged arm reaches from behind the chart and delivers a dope slap worthy of the Yamanaka.

SAI: EI-JA!

DANZOU: Does Sai want to be stuck on cat sitting duty without Hinata?

SAI: (pouts) Yomi-jii never lets me have any fun.

IRUKA: Sai! Illuminate our guests. What do we call Neko's sixth day?

SAI: Why, Bi, Iruka-sensei.

(silence. Danzou sticks his head out. )

DANZOU: Yes, it means day, and...?

(Silence.)

SAI: It's a pun. 

DANZOU: Bi. Tail. 

IRUKA: Bi. Day. 

(All three smile hopefully. Silence.)

SAI: Clever, no?

(Dead silence. The three Konaha Nin look disgusted.)

IRUKA: Like talking to a bunch of Gauls... 

DANZOU: Lowest form of humour my arse.

SAI: I so should have done the creepy bit.

SAI AND DANZOU retreat.

IRUKA: Interesting fact: Currently, the Elemental and Barsaive's Revised Theran Calendars are dueling to be the world standard. We are sure the sane choice will prevail.

NARUTO (pops in): Theran based stuff sucks! (shunshin out)

VOICE (off): But Iruka-sensei?

IRUKA: Mm?

VOICE: What YEAR is it?

IRUKA: Ah, an interesting question. You see, here in the Elemental nation, that varied by region. Then we all decided to start counting from when the Rikudou Sennin emerged. However, Sphere-wide trade after the fall of the world nobles and the work of archaeologist Nico Robin becoming widespread lead to most calenders now use the first emergence of civilization after the "Shattering" -- a lecture in itself-- in the distant past. 

An irate NARUTO charges back in. SASUKE, SAKURA, and Anko in his wake.

NARUTO: But, but then some places insist you date things according to their local customs--

SASUKE: Easy, Hammer.

NARUTO: and, and others date it according to the reign of the current Daimyo, Kage, or other bastard in charge--

SAKURA: He's losing it, Sensei!

NARUTO: and then there's the, the... *dicks* that think they've come up with a better calendar and will kill to establish it and (clutches head) OH SWEET LOG I'M SO CONFUSED!

ANKO grabs her minion and clutches him to her bosom.

ANKO: He's too far gone, he needs Ramen!

The four go off left. Iruka gives us a non-plussed look.

IRUKA (flatly): The Elemental year is 3043. Naruto is correct, however. Years are also referred to by their position in the reign of a noted leader.

NARUTO: (off) YOU SEE? YOU SEE? IT'S MADNESS! MADNESS! NEHIHIHIHIHIHI!

TEUCHI: (off) GET THE MISO RAMEN UNDER HIS NOSE, AYAME!

AYAME: (off) I'M TRYING FATHER!

IRUKA continues as the crisis continues off stage.

IRUKA: Konoha considers it 12 Sandaime no Dai ni Chisei-- the 12th year of the Sandaime's Second Reign. In terms of the Zodiac, every year one of the signs is considered "Ascendant", making it the "Year of the X". Cat is only ascendant in leap years. There's various myths of how this came to be, but that's another lecture.

ANOTHER VOICE (off): So, which sign is Ascendant right now?

IRUKA gives an 'are you kidding me?' look.

ANOTHER VOICE: What? What is it-- oh, wait, it's a leap year, so... Neko.

IRUKA nods, pleased.

IRUKA: The others all take turns, in order as by month, only interrupted by Neko. Next year will be a Year of the Ascendant Bird.

NARUTO comes back on, coat torn and headband askew, with two bowls of ramen.

NARUTO: I got you beef.

IRUKA: Oh, good. (takes a bowl). CLASS, DISMISSED!

tsudzuku


	5. Hell Week 3a: Do you deny the truth? The thin line between "determined" and "stubborn"!

### Hell Week

#### Tsuchi-bi, 4 Neko, 12 Sandaime 2nd Reign

0346 h 

The ache was the sort of dull, nagging thing that Uzumaki Naruto knew could become blazing if he let it. 

This was a Bad Day. 

The young nin sat up and closed his eyes quickly-- not that it helped with the dizziness much. 

Damn it. He'd pushed too hard yesterday. Decided to prove too many points. Had too much fun. And his body was only too glad to tell him this. 

He was fine, though. He'd just tell sensei he felt a little tired and sore. He'd take it easy and be back full force, future Hokage level tomorrow. He'd just lay back down and get some more sleep. 

He pulled up the covers. 

A few minutes later, he tossed them off. 

He massaged his temples and counted flying shuriken. 

It took ten stubborn minutes to admit the dull ache and slightly hot feeling were not going to let him sleep. He got out of bed, shucked off his night cap, shirt and boxers, and slipped into the bathroom. He opted for a quick hose down-- on a day like today, actually soaking in the tub Asuma-nii had helped him install was always more attractive in theory. 

In ten minutes the genin candidate had his jacket and pants on and his hitai-ate on his head. He took the back stairs of the building down to the lobby and waved at the owner as he passed her office. 

"Up early?" Ayakawa Yukiko asked, a slightly puzzled look on her face. 

"Can't sleep," Naruto said, off-hand and still moving. Last thing he wanted was the super to start worrying about him. Not that he minded the way she treated him as just another tenant, but she was still an active chuunin and he was pretty sure she was one of the people Jii-jii checked in with about him. 

"Well, don't wander too long," Ayakawa murmured as she turned back to her paper work. 

"I won't. I have training in the morning!" he said, and his joy was unfeigned. 

"Most kids would not... gah. Walk easy, Naruto." 

He slipped out, looked left and right, and crossed the street. Maybe some pretzels, the soft ones, from the all night mart down the street... 

0413 h 

"... alright, Naruto-kun?" 

Naruto blinked. Where was he? This was near the Hokage mansion. He had been rather pointedly heading in the opposite direction. 

"Wha...?" 

"Easy, Uzumaki-kun," another voice said, and he looked to his left. 

"Swallow-chan...? Whur..." 

"You seemed... rather distracted when Mio-sensei found you walking around with a half eaten melonpan," Swallow explained. 

Melonpan? He was planning to get a pretzel, wasn't he, and that was the other way from Jii-jii's. Why were this lady and Swallow-chan taking him to Jii-jii? Wait, was that Mio-sensei? There was something about Mio-sensei, he didn't want her around... 

He tried to jerk loose of the grip on his right side. "Na--meeyo--sesee..." But his movements were weak. Damn it, he wasn't weak, he could talk! 

"Naruto-kun!" 

"It's bad. Here, I'll--" 

Swallow gently but firmly touched his neck--

* * *

0400 h 

"You are not normally up this early." 

Sakura looked to her closet. "Eek," she said flatly to the masked man that emerged from it, "a nin is hiding in my closet." 

The man snorted, and his deadpan equalled hers. "What is the Leaf coming to?" His raccoon mask was carved out of ebony as opposed to ANBU ivory. "Wanting to be ready for one of your sensei's visits?" 

Sakura held up the bento she was eating from. "There has been some concerns raised over my eating habits. I managed half of this last night, I want to finish it before Anko-sensei turned up." 

He started going through the stack of paper on her dresser. "I believe someone has mentioned your eating once or twice..." 

"Yes." 

"I wonder who that was," the Ne agent said, then blinked. "Inin training request?" 

"Eh. I figure one of us should be able to patch the others up. Especially if Naruto and Sasuke do both end up on the team." 

"Admirable," the Ne said, and there was a smile in his voice. "Your chakra control has always been notable for your age... and, have you ever looked up the hair thing?" 

"Hair thing?" Sakura said, blinking. "How does the 'Ever Changing Love Blossom' factor in...?" 

"That's the name most use. You'll want to look under Kenkokuhensuna," the masked nin suggested. 

"'Ever Changing Blossom of health?'" Sakura repeated in disbelief. 

But when she looked up from the bento, her application was on the edge of her desk and she was alone. 

For about five seconds. 

Her window flew open and in tumbled a familiar purple haired woman. 

"Morning, Pinkie-minion!" 

"Sensei," she replied with a smile and a sigh. 

"Still eating?" Anko prompted. 

Sakura raised the copy of 'A Nin's Table, A Nin's Plate' she bought herself last night. "Page 35. 'When coming off of a limited sustenance diet or recovering from starvation, it's best to slowly ramp up your intake...' while, of course, still eating what you by all eight million kami well need." 

Anko smiled at her. "I've arranged for snacks to be delivered throughout the day. It's a good operating procedure, regardless." 

"And it lets you gobble dango," Sakura deadpanned. 

"That too," Anko agreed, then picked up the forms on her desk. "Inin application?" 

"I'm... when I started reading this, it referenced some books... so I went to the library and looked them up, and--" 

"Sakura. Just... remember to wait until you're confirmed as genin, okay?" 

Sakura couldn't help but smile. "Yes, sensei." 

There was a knock at the door. "Sakura? Sakura, who are you talking to?" 

Sakura sighed. "My sensei, kaa-san. She's here to pick me up for training." 

"... I didn't hear you let her in..." 

"She came in my window, kaa-san." 

There was an offended growl. "What kind of person enters another's house through the window--" 

"A _nin_ , kaa-san," Sakura half growled. "We're leaving, kaa-san." 

"Just one moment. Open this door. I'm having a word with this sensei of yours. We have standards here in this house hold--" 

Anko grabbed Sakura. "Strategic retreat, Pinkie!" 

"I'm with you, Sensei," Sakura agreed with a sigh. 

And out the window they went.

* * *

0416 h 

"So, half for dinner, most of the rest for breakfast?" Anko mused, a smile playing on her lips as they walked down a Konoha street. Sakura had closed the bento for the moment. 

"Naruto makes good glazed carrots," Sakura noted. Then she sighed. "I wish I could say the health classes were some of the ones I was barred from--" 

"Nah, nah, it's okay, Pinkie," Anko assured her. "I spent a year convinced I had come up with a miracle diet of energy drinks and bread. Even gave up Dango. Took one of my sempai to set me straight. Never piss off an inin." Anko paused, then added, "And since you want to be one, control your temper." 

Sakura grinned. 

"Work on that," Anko said critically, "it's more what-the-fuck-is-she-doing than my-god-my-balls-are-shrivelling." 

Sakura rolled her eyes. "Yes, sensei. Agenda today?" 

"I'll tell you as soon as I figure out where Orange-minion's got to." 

Sakura blinked. "He... wasn't home?" 

"No. Left him a note. He might've gone out walking, or had a bad nightmare and gotten an ANBU to take him to the barracks..." _Wonder if he knows Boar is his downstairs neighbour,_ Anko mused. _I'll ask Sho-kun next I see him._

"An... ANBU..." Sakura wondered aloud. 

"His story to tell," Anko said, and the pinkette sighed and nodded even as Anko turned, a tingling triggering her anticipation. A second later, a familiar masked form landed before her. 

"Moon Bear?" Anko asked the ANBU. 

Moon Bear held out a message scroll. "From the Hokage, regarding Uzumaki-kun. He is currently under Sarutobi-sama's care." 

"That bad?" Anko wondered, opening the scroll... and whistled even as the most junior of the Hokage's daytime personal guard nodded. 

"That bad," Moon Bear sighed. 

"Sensei?" Sakura prompted. 

Anko and the ANBU shared a look. Anko rolled up the scroll and lit it with a camping jutsu. Like all deliver-and-destroy scrolls, it gave a quick flash and left not even ash. 

"Let's just say... even with his deck stacked, and him dealing, Naruto goes bust sometimes," she finally said with a sigh as Moon Bear leaped away.

* * *

"... what's _wrong_ with him, Jii-jii? What's wrong with the Boss?" 

???? h 

Konohamaru's voice and the smell of the Hokage's pipe let Naruto know the he was quite clearly in the Hokage's residence. 

Which meant he was quite clearly busted. 

Naruto kept his eyes shut and listened. He hoped Jii-jii didn't just tell the brat what was wrong. He had an Awesome image to protect. 

"He's just taken a little ill, Konohamaru. The inin I summoned just left, you saw." 

_Go Jii-jii._

"But _what's_ wrong with him?" 

Naruto suppressed a sigh. _Of all the things we share, why did curiosity have to be one?_

"Now, Konohamaru-- I would not just divulge why and how you were ill to Naruto if he asked. Now... unless you want to stay with Asuma-nii until your mother comes back..." 

_Ew, Asuma-nii's cigarette's stink._

"Ew. His cigarettes smell funny." 

_Well, kid's got taste._

"Why don't they smell like your pipe?" 

_Because Jii-jii adds a special--_

"... different blends. Now scoot." 

_Yeah... that's what you'd go with, Jii-jii._

With a sigh, the younger Sarutobi said, "Yes, Jii-sama," and padded off. 

Good. Now he'd just lay here until Jii-jii left and then-- 

"Uzumaki Naruto... I know you are awake." 

Naruto sighed and opened his eyes. His gaze fell on the nearby wall clock. 

0429\. 

Great. If Nee-sensei had stopped by, he'd missed her. 

"Naruto... why did you stop?" 

_Because the next Hokage is too Awesome to be an invalid for life!_ Naruto groused internally. He wasn't ready to sit up yet. 

"It's vital that you stick to it, Naruto. I want to see you grow old as an Uzumaki should." 

_I'm fine!_ Naruto thought. He didn't say it, though. He and Jii-jii had said these words before, and the stubborn old man just couldn't accept-- 

"Naruto. Sit up." 

And there was the Professor-Bordering-on-God voice. 

Naruto sat up. Oh, great, the Three Bears were watching. Ice Bear even had a glass of water ready. 

Jii-jii had called out the Bears this early. It was before 0500. Even odds his night guards, the Three Mice, were also around. 

Jii-jii opened his palm to reveal the hated blue pills. Gel caps. For easy swallowing. 

If he got away, Naruto could avoid them all. Well, he'd have to outrun Jii-jii and hope he didn't call Iruka, Boa, or Hound. But his chances of getting away from the Hokage and six highly alert ANBU were close to zero. And that was assuming Jii-jii hadn't called in more of the elites. Which he wouldn't put past the old man. 

Best get it over with. 

"Once every five hours to get it going again," Naruto recited. 

"Three," Jii-jii corrected. 

"Three?" Naruto growled. 

"Apparently, the inin wants to err on the side of caution after your temperature had you passing out and delirious," Jii-jii growled back (who knew monkeys growled?). He leaned in. "Delirious, Naruto. Out of your head, barely walking, unable to talk to tell us anything was wrong." 

Naruto was-- scowling. It wasn't a pout. Pouts weren't Awesome. A scowl could be. At least, the Bastard's fan girls seemed to think. 

Naruto grabbed the pills, took the glass of water, stuck the pills in his mouth, took a swallow of water, and leaned his head back to help the damn things got down. He then started to gulp down the glass. 

"Oh, and I've already sent word to your Sensei so you don't miss another dose." 

The sadistic grin on Jii-jii's face and the chuckles of the Bears and the hidden Mice as he sputtered a mouthful of water all over the futon he was on did _not_ improve his mood.

* * *

0456 h 

The mood was melancholy in the Hatake household. The reason was simple: husband and wife would soon have to get out of bed and get on with the day. Waking up was not the problem; both were early risers by nature. 

The problem was that looking at each other disinclined either to get up. 

“Would that I had a quiet morning with you," Kakashi grumbled, rubbing his exposed eye-- what did it say about his life, that he had to sleep with an adhesive patch on his eye? The stubborn dying gift of his dear friend actually provoked his left eye to _blink_ even in sleep. His eye fell on his wife. Oddly enough, if one could observe Kakashi at this point one would notice not even a trickle of blood. At least, it would be odd to those who thought their marriage purely political spiced with sex. In some eyes, the Hatake were merely the Hatake because the Fourth wanted to appease the queen of some women only nation on the other side of the Sphere. 

The few that voiced this opinion to either learnt full well that both partners could project their killing intent. 

Right now, as she smiled with a slightly dopey look in her eyes (and who else on the Sphere saw this woman _dopey_ of all things?) the care, trust, respect, and yes, physical attraction that all came together to make their love just made him feel lucky. 

"Why can't we just lie here all day? I will get you _ice cream_... what do you say, Rindou-chan?" 

She raised one perfect eyebrow. "We'd get bored in three hours tops." 

He smiled-- and she was one of a select few that got to see it, that did not just have to learn to read his right eyebrow and the narrowing of that eye. He leaned in and murmured into her neck, "True." 

Then he decided he might as well occupy himself while he was there, as a good husband should. 

“And besides, we opted at some point to have lives. You've got an academy to fix, and I've got a busy morning..." 

"Mm?" he managed. Not stopping of course. He was truly a good and dutiful husband. 

"You know who are in town tomorrow, odanma-sama. Oh. Nice." 

"Hm? Mm. Mm-hm." 

"The trade and diplomatic mission." 

"Hm." 

"I have to do the 'good will ambassador' thing. You're humming when you do that on purpose." 

"Mm." 

"And 'Lil' Sis' is visiting today.” 

"Mm-hm," here he did break off. "All very good reasons we cannot spend the day in bed." 

"I thought so," Rindou said, nodding. 

"That said, I have an hour and a half before I have to leave to be unfashionably late at the Academy," Kakashi noted. 

Rindou considered this as he leaned in again. 

"Well, I could get a heeeeeaddah, that is, oh my sweet Calm Blue odanma-samahahaha!" 

A dutiful husband knew when to... migrate a bit. 

Especially one in a town where everyone is a pervert.

* * *

0510 h 

"... and after you all left, let me tell you-- the Green Beast thanked me properly. I mean, the man is a master of the human body--" 

"Sensei!" Sakura screeched, "I do not need to know how our cooking got you laid!" 

"Sakura--" 

"No! Even accepting everyone else in town is a pervert, I don't need to hear it!" 

"Sakura..." a familiar voice... grumbled. 

Sakura turned and blinked. 

"Naruto?" 

Hyper. Annoying. Knuckle-headed. Impish. Idiot. Slacker. 

Those terms, she was used to applying to Uzumaki Naruto. 

Drained? Not how she'd describe him. 

Naruto waved his hand downward at her. "Take it down a rank." 

"You look terrible," Sakura observed. 

Naruto avoid her eyes. "Didn't sleep well." 

Naruto, who could evade every teacher but Umino Iruka, who could con like a kid born in the floating world, who had pranked a Kage... was so transparently lying the nascent concern in Sakura's mind went full blown. 

"Are you sure you're up to training? Maybe you should rest today?" 

"Oi!" Naruto growled. "I'll have you know I'm fine. I'll keep up with you easy!" 

"I agree," Anko said, smiling broadly. 

Naruto grinned. 

"Well, as long as he takes his pills," Sensei added, pulling a bottle of pills from between her breasts. Sakura had to admit, there weren't many other _obvious_ places to put them in their sensei's signature gear. 

"Pills, I'll tell you what to do with those pills," Naruto grumbled. 

Anko's eyes narrowed dangerously even as she smiled wider. "If he doesn't, I may have to tie him up until he gets back on 'em..." she sing-songed. 

Naruto gave what might have been a scowl if his face hadn't softened it to a pout. "Oi, Nee-sensei--" 

"Jii-sama's orders." 

Naruto turned away from their sensei's 'scary face'. "Yeah. I know." 

Anko ruffled his hair. "Good minion." 

Sakura frowned. "Why are you--" 

"It's time for Gai," Naruto said, turning around to head toward where Team Punishment was waiting. He spoke in that far too cheerful manner that he usually adopted when Iruka-sensei caught him in the middle of getting a prank going. 

Sakura blinked at Anko-sensei. The tokujou sighed and stowed the pills away. "Let's go, Pinkie."

* * *

0535 h 

"Sai, I slept in five minutes." 

"Yes, Danzou-sama." 

"Today is Friday." 

"Indeed, Danzou-sama." 

"It is the one day a week I allow myself a bit of human frailty. I sleep in a half hour." 

"Every week, Danzou-sama." 

"I have-- stop doing your empty smile bit, or it's sparring with Mei for you." 

"Sorry, Danzou-sama." 

"I have the fried rice with bacon and ham and sausage and egg." 

"Yes, Danzou-sama." 

"Rice-omelet style." 

"With chives, Danzou-sama." 

"Yes, mustn't forget the chives. And yet that perfect indulgence has been interrupted by you." 

"True, Danzou-sama." 

"Now my whole wonderful Friday is thrown off, and what for?" 

"The report from Ame arrives today, Danzou-sama." 

"Oh." 

"Yes, Danzou-sama." 

"... Sai, have I mentioned what an extraordinary boy you are lately?" 

"No, Danzou-sama." 

"Consider it mentioned." 

"Thank you, Danzou-sama." 

"... I still get my omelet, right?" 

"Jun is working on it as we speak, Danzou-sama." 

"An extraordinary boy." 

"Thank you, Danzou-sama."

* * *

0530 h 

"It's only my third day on this regimen," Sakura growled even as she ran, "And you expect me to do the full run?" 

"Sakura," Naruto snapped back at her, "You're the big brain. Sensei's given you all the pieces to get through the run. Shut up and do it." 

Sakura blinked. All the pieces... 

Sakura swore her inner voice-- which Yamanaka Inoichi had assured her was not a clinical split personality, just a strongly voiced element of herself-- was face palming. _Not two days ago,_ it murmured, _what did we learn?_

Sakura sighed and started to pump chakra into her legs. 

Anko grinned at her glare. "You should start out with the boost as low as you can," she advised, mussing Sakura's hair. "It'll help your baseline endurance grow, and help build your reserves the same way." 

Sakura thought a moment, then nodded. "Keep a steady pace and a steady flow." 

Anko nodded. "Good. Now, that handled, let's catch up to Tenten and Neji!" 

"Oi, Nee-sensei--" Naruto began. 

"No trying to catch Gai and Lee until a certain someone is back on his meds. But you can pass Eyes and Blades." 

"I'm surrounded by masochists," Sakura grumbled. 

"Fine! I will!" Naruto groused, even as he winced in pain. 

_Oi,_ her inner voice said, _that's not tired pain. That's pushing too far pain._

_Yeah,_ her outer self agreed-- though these days, she was coming to think of them as 'Chokkan' and 'Suiri'. Her intuition would toss things at her reasoning side, or vice versa. Come to think of that, it seemed like she was just doing what the human mind did anyway-- though it wasn't so neatly divided into left and right as people thought... 

"Sakura!" 

"Yes, Sensei?" Sakura said, without an ounce of distraction. 

Anko nodded proudly. "Good. Running can help you think, but you need to keep a part of you alert." 

Sakura smiled. "I... actually find that easier than most." 

_I wonder if I could make other things easier,_ Chokkan-Sakura piped up. 

_...I'll get back to you on that,_ Suiri-Sakura replied, and filed it away to bubble in the deeper parts of her mind that both voices sprang from. 

And then both swelled forward to express an 'Oi' and an 'Oh, my!' of disbelief as Sensei called 'Naruto's name and he tripped on his own feet. Stopping beside the orange-clad nin, Anko gestured her to go on. 

Sakura did, but added something else to her 'thinking' queue.

* * *

0613 h 

The resigned look on Hirokawa Mio's face made Hiruzen quickly re-consider his approach. This woman was not going to plead, or beg; there was a chance for an explanation and honesty here. 

She was young for an academy sensei. Seventeen, and already a chuunin for three years. But she was field proven, equally able to use her curvy figure for "social work" and the unexpected muscle underneath for the harder side of a nin's life. That said, her academic record both during and after academy was stunning. Her twin passions were smith work and Hi folk tradition, and her articles and papers on both were widely read and appreciated. She'd practically raised two siblings and three cousins, and all five served with honour. She had a way with kids that made Hiruzen puzzled. After reviewing her files... she should have been an exceptional teacher. 

"So. Banish him from your classroom, but can't let him stumble around town sick?" 

Mio had the grace to grin wryly. "Context is everything. Out there, he was just a fellow nin who was in a bad way. At Academy..." 

Hiruzen settled on a cushion that one of the Mice had silently produced. He signaled for the three night guards to go, but sensed them stand as resolute as the Bears. 

He'd praise their loyalty, if he did not know: 

1) Every ANBU-- at least the ones that didn't end up subject of a court martial or a stalled career-- considered Naruto their much beloved, if slightly irritating, cute little cousin or brother; 

2) All nin are incurable gossips on any secret that their leader didn't classify once for each kami. 

Therefore: gossip about _Naruto_? _Prime shite_ , as they said in Kells, and something they'd want to know any way. 

Hiruzen considered Mio for a slow, careful ten count. "You have the look of someone who would offer an explanation. Such is welcome, Hirokawa-kun, but I must warn you-- excuses are not." 

"I will not ask for mercy," Mio agreed. "I cannot. Hokage-sama, I dealt with this wrong from the start. I should have reported it at once..." The young woman bowed her head. "You are aware of my origins." 

"I know that when you and your little brother arrived nearly falling down under the weight of every relative you could save, Minato spent his day being quite terse with some Kiri oi-nin. You are a refugee from the Kekkei Genkai purges. Nemuranou, if I recall correctly." Which he should, having read it scant minutes ago. "You even hold something of a record for its use, going a full six months without sleep." 

"Yes. It's sad, Mother warned me that one drawback of the Sleepless Mind is more time to worry..." There were tears in Mio's eyes when she met Sarutobi's gaze. "I can go days without sleep and risk spending them all turning a minor issue into a matter of life and death." 

He let her breathe, despite his impatience. Part of him was insisting he should have called in Inoichi to handle this. Inoichi was a patient oxeye daisy. Part of Hiruzen was still a curious young monkey. 

"I was approached when Uzumaki-kun joined the Academy. It was suggested that he and certain others were better off failing. It was implied that they were willing to do what you apparently had no heart to. I was reminded that jounin of certain levels could assign missions without need of your chop to approve them. I was reminded that I was still eligible for missions during breaks and that my family was likewise eligible at any time. It... I was told..." She bowed her head again. "They said they'd send us to Mizu, Hokage-sama--" 

His hands clenched around Enma's staff form. "Minato made clear when you and others fleeing the Bloody Mist settled here, you would not be sent back. I have continued that policy." 

"They said it would be easy to cover it as a simple clerical error, Hokage-sama, and why would you believe a foreigner over members of the Clans," Mio said. 

Hiruzen suppressed a growl. Right now, the Old Man was needed, Jii-jii. Her willingness to speak, given the chance, spoke volumes of Hirokawa Mio. He needed her to keep talking. 

"Do you know of others that were approached?" 

"Yes, and I know who approached them. I can give you--" 

He did not even need to gesture; Dormouse appeared as if from the air with a ream of paper and a brush. 

"Names," the Hokage ordered. "You will make a list, and then we shall talk further on this. And while amends must be made, Mio-kun... know that your circumstances will be taken into account." 

"Thank you, Sarutobi-sama," the young chuunin said. She took the hanky he pulled from his sleeve and returned the reassuring smile, and then took Dormouse's offered implements and began to write. Hiruzen hoped his smile and even temper saw her through it. 

Outside, Hiruzen remained calm. Inside, he was plotting exactly how to get the list Mio was making to the right people to ensure the full measure of his displeasure was shown. 

* * *

0620 h 

Naruto was wincing through the taijutsu drills, and Rock Lee found himself vexed. 

He did not know the younger nin well, but he found himself growing to care for both of Anko-sensei's genin (and if they weren't 'confirmed' at the end of this week he would run around Konoha on his hands five hundred times). The Rock clan and the families that made it were, well... clannish-- to the point that they acknowledged a distantly related branch in far off Ayesburg. Family-by-choice were by nature and nurture _family_ to Lee, and he was rapidly including Anko's students in that Awesome grouping. 

Watching his new family still struggle through a kata, suppressing pain and brushing off Tenten's open worry and ignoring Neji's-- _Neji's!_ \-- concerned looks, Lee felt distress stir in his belly. 

In Naruto, he saw someone who much like himself had to struggle to get at his genius. The blond may not have his lack of aptitude with external chakra manipulation, but Naruto still had his problem areas. 

From what the younger nin had confessed of his most un-Youthful treatment by some at the Academy, Naruto had a horrendous gap in his skills when it came to genjutsu; while he could not cast many genjutsu himself, Lee could deal with them easily by disrupting his internal chakra flow. With the amount of chakra that Naruto had, Lee had no doubt that with _proper_ training the Uzumaki's Youth would help him spot and destroy any genjutsu. For now, it was a gap. 

More immediately, it seemed that Naruto's Awesome healing was slightly less Awesome than they thought. Not that the major injuries from the past few days had re-opened. It seemed more to Lee's eye, trained as it was to analyze the human body, that either the healing was not as complete as it first seemed or it had its price. 

"You noticed too?" 

Lee turned to Sakura and nodded, knowing his prominent eyebrows made his face easy to read-- whatever his message was. "Indeed. So many questions. Have Anko-sensei and Gai-sensei--" 

"Said it's his to tell. And I doubt he'll tell it, even if an oni takes him on the five-ryou Yomi tour. He takes pills because of it." 

Lee frowned. "It seems that being the Hokage's surrogate grandson will make it hard to get around that." 

"Oh?" 

"Consider," Lee said, pulling out a notepad he had devoted to his new friend. "The Uzumaki are considered a Noble Clan of Konoha. How Amazing is that, Sakura-chan?" 

Sakura smirked. "Given that I could at least confirm his clan were once at the centre of their own hidden village?" 

"A village we were closely allied with," Lee said, checking his notes. At Sakura's raised eyebrow, Lee shrugged. "For the Hokage to give me a special pass based on my Youthful taijutsu potential, I had to keep my academic grades on Awesome grounds. Naruto's Youthful statements yesterday caught my interest. I couldn't get much further than confirming the basics, and that took the Public and the Shinobi libraries." 

Sakura blinked. "Sempai... if we were such close allies..." 

"Recall," Lee countered, pointing her to an underlined section of his notes. 

"Lee-sempai, this is gibberish..." 

Lee blinked, then chuckled ruefully. "Sorry, Sakura-chan. I'm so used to my personal cipher... What I wish you to remember is Naruto's actions and words indicate he has an unusually Awesome connection to our Kage." 

"... and only the Sandaime's own grandson is anything close to that cavalier about Sarutobi-sama's post." 

"Indeed. If Naruto is his honorary grandson in all but an official sense, and the Hokage respects his right to decide to share these things..." 

Sakura slowly nodded. "I know Naruto has an S-Class secret or two attached to him. Too many of those can be as much a red flag as having no secrets... I guess?" 

"Indeed," Lee said, noting the new knowledge that Naruto had S-Class secrets and smiled at her-- Gai had wanted them to mentor Anko's team, after all-- before growing serious, "information that might expose those secrets can be obscured-- not by classification, but by making it so one looking for them needs to know where to look for them. Most Youthful." 

Sakura's gaze fell on Naruto. "I don't like not knowing." 

Lee gave her a thoughtful look. "Just be sure it is the concerned kind of not liking not knowing, Sakura-chan. That is appreciated as Youthful among the nin of the Leaf." He leaned closer and gave her a smile and (he hoped) a firm glare. "Prying, on the the hand..."

* * *

0634 h 

Shimura Danzou sipped his tea. His omelet had settled in his stomach, he had received the routine updates from his agents, and now he sat seiza, Shin to his left and Sai to his right. Before him knelt a woman in an ebony mask that hinted at a nightingale. Her dark hair was bound in a tight bun. 

"This group is not petitioning Nagato and his advisers for membership in Ame's forces, then?" Danzou asked. 

"No, Yami-sama. If anything, they wish for the Pein to join them." 

"And you're sure Itachi was among them, Uguisu?" Shin prompted 

"Little chance I would forget him," the Ne said coolly. 

Danzou frowned. 

"I'm sorry, Yami-sama," Uguisu began, but Danzou waved her off. 

"It is not you that concerns me. And the other group that seemed to be taking an interest in Ame?" 

Uguisu sighed. "I made contact with Morino Idate." 

Shin caught her eyes. "Rokushou Aoi. So he has been gathering followers." 

"Idate wants the letter sealed at the bottom of my report sent to his brother." 

Danzou shot a glance at the seal, then returned to the matter at hand. "Where's Jiraiya?" 

"In Mizu, out of contact," Sai reported. 

"Get him in contact," Danzou said firmly. 

"Danzou-sama?" Shin said, his question implied. 

"Shin. I'm seeing the man that killed Waterfall and that Explosive freak Ounoki updated the Iwa bingo book for, and I don't like what the other data is suggesting." 

"At least one of our nukenin," Sai reflected, a small grin forming. "And his new associate... Kisame?" 

"It is the only possibly," Danzou agreed, "though he was not the only Kirinin to undergo the Shark Graft, his sword is unmistakable. And the Scorpion-- we will not be re-inserting you, Uguisu." 

"Sir?" the Ne asked. 

"I am not questioning your skill, but Sasori is a capable intelligence operative himself, Rin. Return to your roots when we are done here." The Ne agent bowed her head. "As you say, Yami-sama." 

"Ame is neutral," Shin noted, "but besides being Jiraiya's students, Nagato-sama and his friends certainly appreciated our reparations when Jiraiya reported the... criminal actions... of our nin in regards to his parents." Shin made a face. 

"That's one way of saying it," Sai noted coldly. 

Most of his Ne were orphans, and Danzou knew it... informed their opinions. 

Shin licked his lips. "Surely, if time is of the essence we can send a messenger now-- or even reveal the situation to Sarutobi-sama and let him--" 

Danzou held up his hand. "If this group is courting the people that destroyed the Salamander to get them to join some sort of Youhei-nin super group... I want their foster father here to extend Konoha's hand with our counter offer."

* * *

0645 h 

Hatake Kakashi look at Umino Iruka and nodded. "Excellent trench digging, Umino-sensei." 

"Thank you, Taicho," Iruka said, giving a small nod and smile. Since he was holding one of his fellow academy-sensei in a rather painful looking joint lock that was extended to that sweet spot _just_ as the joint began to separate, Kakashi found this more than polite. 

Kakashi walked up to the kneeling nin. "Fukuda Fumio. Nin registration #636309. Chuunin. 23. Taijutsu expert." The Copy-nin sighed. "Idiot. Someone explain to Fukuda why he is an idiot." 

"Sir!" 

Kakashi nodded as Hiruko Suzume stepped forward. 

"Perhaps it was the academy-sei level psychology of trying to goad you by mentioning your wife, father, and dead team mate, Taicho!" 

"Indeed, that is part of it," Kakashi agreed, as Ebisu's wife stepped back in line. "The other reason is he decided to shoot his mouth off before he knew the whole situation." 

Kakashi's knee met Fukuda's stomach. As Iruka let go, Kakashi latched on to the gasping chuunin's shirt collar. 

"I'd really rather not risk killing one of you before the code of conduct for my new position is fully fleshed out," Kakashi said, genially helping Fukuda up. "Oh, and Fukuda?" 

"Yes, Taicho?" 

"Don't let my wife hear you suggest she does that with her snake. She'll let Lily explain the whole relationship between a Kuja and her snake. And what said snake is trained to do when their mistress' honour is threatened. And then Lily will call my ninken, and well... I'd hate to have to explain a constricted, paw mauled staff member to Sarutobi-sama." 

Fukuda swallowed. "Yes, sir."

* * *

0710 h 

"Ah, Uchiha-sama! I did not think you were here... and as it seems your gate bell is out of commission--" 

"Shinobi gates seldom have a bell," Sasuke said, and at the moment he was relishing the detached mask he could call up at will. 

Well. It did the trick with civilians, any way. 

He would, if asked, admit to loving the unsettled look that appeared on the plump woman's face. Cherry blossom red hair, a Haruno in full bloom. Idly noting to ask Sakura if she could get her civilian relatives to piss off, he continued. "Instead of a bell, they have a sealing system holding a mild detection jutsu attuned to the guards, those responsible for taking care of guests, and the head of house." He allowed himself a smirk. "As I am the only Uchiha here, all those notices are tied to me. You have been standing here, apparently waiting for me to return. You have been standing here since six. You have essentially been 'ringing the bell' directly in my brain since you started standing there. Forgive me if I am disinclined to invite you in, as I have no interest in exchanging social niceties with some one who has come this close to giving me a headache." 

"... your thumb and finger appear to be touching, Uchiha-sama--" 

"What. Do. You. Want?" 

The woman gamely mustered a smile. "I just felt one of us should inform you that we will not stop complaining until the Hokage overturns this supposed 'sensei's'--" 

"My potential sensei," Sasuke ground out, "is one of the most praised nin in this village. Do not defame her in my presence." 

The Haruno blinked, and tried to recover-- _like when you threw a soup bone too big for him to Kiba's damn puppy and the little piss-bag tries to drag it off anyway,_ Sasuke mused. 

"Well, she must have some forethought, keeping my cousin as a potential mate for--" 

"Haruno Sakura, much as she annoys me to the point of ki projection, out did me in every academic subject," Sasuke spat out. "This is a genin team, Haruno-san. Not a match making project to re-establish the Sharingan. The inin have genetic samples from my clan, as with all bloodline bearing clans of Konoha. This is a cornerstone of the Konoha charter. The Hokage is simply respecting my wishes to select those that form the first generation of the new Uchiha, and to have the establishing family be of my own blood." 

The woman, despite his manner, seemed to take this as a challenge. Her tone shifted, almost to that of a parent addressing a child. A civilian addressing him as a child, the Shodai and Madara-sama were somewhere in the Shigami's realms embracing each other and weeping at the state of Konoha! "Well, surely you realize that Uzumaki brat would only drag you down! The Last Uchiha should not have to deal with the dead last--" 

He just barely held back the ki at that. "Haruno. Understand this. I may call him a thin hammer. I may rub whatever skill I have in his face. But that is not due to Uzumaki Naruto being anything like a dead weight. It is because I am an Uchiha, and am competitive by nature. And Naruto. He routinely evades ANBU, who seem to _play_ with him. His henge is so close to perfect I suspect he only creates smoke with it because it looks cool. He can out last me in any task of endurance. And he has somehow managed to be less neurotic than I am despite the fact that half the population of Konoha, nin or not, ignores him like an unfortunate fact of life. You are not worthy to say his name, or to intervene on my behalf on any matter. Kindly refrain from trying." 

He gave her his flattest, most disinterested look. 

And the idiot just _kept going_. 

"Sh- surely this is a misinterpretation due to your youth--" 

"You have obviously never talked to Maito Gai." 

Sasuke looked up as the Haruno woman spun. The ANBU wore a Parrot mask. 

"You talked to Gai, you would not be talking about Youth like that. Friend of yours, Sasuke-kun?" 

"Busy body," Sasuke said flatly. 

"Really?" Parrot said eagerly. "Goodie." 

"Goodie?" Sasuke prompted. 

"Yes. You see... Hokage-sama gave us some leeway with those..." 

Said body barely got to "Wha--" before Boar and a cat masked ANBU appeared. 

"Scenic route to Ibiki?" Boar asked in a bored tone. 

"Nah, he's busy. Shuuya?" Cat offered. 

"Meh, works for me." 

And they were gone. 

Parrot was looking at him. He could tell. 

"Heading out?" 

Sasuke nodded. "Meeting my regent. Hoping he can help me stop this wood-rot," he said pointing where the Haruno woman had stood. 

"Want company for the walk?" 

"N-- yes. Yes, thank you."

* * *

0730 h 

"... and, finally, all the rookie teams and Punishment have an Appointment at the Hospital tonight.” 

"What a waste of time," Naruto grumbled. 

Anko chucked his pill bottle at him. He caught it after it bounced off his nose. "And you'll waste it with the rest of us. Take your pills, Naruto.” 

"You're leading us past Jii-jii's tower and the Academy on purpose," he accused, even as he cast a wary eye at the combined complex. Was Jii-jii watching him right now? 

"What's a little peer pressure to promote health between friends, Orange-minion?" Anko drawled. 

"Yeah, yeah, fine-- oi. Nee-sensei," Naruto said, stopping to stare dumbfounded at the Academy Training Yard. "The guy in the tree with the red book-- why is he bossing around Iruka-nii and the other academy-sensei?" 

Sensei smirked. "I did mention the Hokage was looking in to things at the Academy. That's Hatake Kakashi. He's one of our most respected Jounin. He was a student of the Yondaime, and he is Gai's 'Eternal Rival' and best friend. He's helped more nin transition from chuunin to jounin and from jounin to special postings than anyone in recent memory besides the Hokage and his advisers. He's famous for never leaving a man behind--" 

" _That's_ Man-Down Hatake?" Sakura said, blinking. "And... is that his dog?" 

Naruto looked where Sakura was pointing, and found his gaze fixing on the small tan-coloured dog in a blue vest laying lazily under the tree. The little mutt seemed to keep the same half interested eye on the exercising chuunin . As Nee-sensei explained that 'Bisuke' was no mere dog, but a member of a ninken pack, Naruto knelt by the rail and post fence that separated the school's training area from the street. 

"Bisuke," he said, really trying to pin down a memory more than anything. The dog perked up, and turned toward him. It cocked its head, as if puzzled, then rose to turn and face where they stood about a meter away. It (he, part of Naruto's brain supplied) trotted over, brown highlighted lop ears swinging slightly. As he got closer, Naruto noticed the character for "shinobi" on his forehead above his dark-ringed eyes. The dog closed on the hand Naruto instinctively offered and Bisuke sniffed at it, then set about licking it thoroughly, before scrambling into his lap. 

"What's with the heno-heno-moheji on the vest?" Sakura wondered, allowing Bisuke to sniff her hand before joining Naruto in petting the little ninken. 

"His chop," Naruto murmured, mind finally resolving memory as he looked up and found himself meeting an exposed eye. The skin around the eye contorted, and his mind filled in the rest of his face, the 'crazy eye' hiding under the headband, the firm and narrow chin and jaw-line... "That's... Kakashi-sempai's chop stamp. It's another nickname of his, Scarecrow." 

_Just remember your manners, if you ever see me out there. My name here is not my name there._

"You know him, Naruto?" Sakura wondered. 

Naruto blinked as Hatake nodded. Nodded. That confirmed it. 

"Yeah. The old man posted him to help take care of me a lot, before I was old enough for the orphanage." 

"Don't they... take care of babies at the orphanages here in town?" 

Naruto met her eyes. "Not like me."

* * *

"Damn it, what's with the evaluation? I just had one!" 

"He's paying more attention to the Dead Last, the Fan Fan girl, and the _Hebi-bitchu_ than us." 

"Oh?" Kakashi drawled, leaping from the tree and allowing a slight touch of shock into his voice. "Uzumaki Naruto? Dead last? Is that what you said, Youko-san?" 

The two Academy-sensei who had been quietly griping to each other seemed to develop a case of the sweats. "Uh, that is," the shorter female with the blue-black hair said. Sakurada Youko looked to the taller Jin Ryuujii for help. 

"I assume it must be him, as you rather pointedly indicated the others with gender. And please don't call Anko-kun Snake Bitch. If you must insult her, don't resort to loan words from Kells-- it's like you're smacking my kouhai, my sensei, and a dear family friend at the same time. Naruto. Dead Last? Really?" 

"I-- that is, Taicho-- ah..." Kakashi turned the man to Youko's left. "Ryuujii? Help her out?" 

"Well, given his performance in class..." 

Kakashi walked over to the fence. "Bisuke." The dog slipped off Naruto's lap and trotted over to him. "Uzumaki-kun." 

Naruto stood, and flashed a grin that was all Naruto-- if it called anyone to mind, it was the Pirate King Monkey D. Luffy. "Yosh, Kakashi-sempai! How may I assist you this most Youthful and Awesome day?" 

With a sigh, he reached out and ruffled the younger nin's hair. "Yeah... you just came from Gai." The grin impossibly broadened. "Mind me borrowing your minion, Anko-kun?" 

"Is he going to be embarrassed, Nii-san?" 

"Hell, no, the bulk of the teaching staff is." 

"Oh. Continue." 

Kakashi lifted up the blond nin and hauled him over to stand in front of his staff. His staff. Heh. "Iruka-kun. How many Kage Bunshin can you manage, again?" 

Iruka somehow managed to keep to a smirk. "Why, four boss." 

"Suzume?" 

"One. A sickly one." 

"Youko? Ryuujii?" 

"... I am not cleared for the Kage Bunshin," Ryuujii admitted. 

"My only attempt when the Hokage offered put me in hospital," Youko said, blushing. 

"Ah. For the record, I can manage 100," Kakashi said. "Now, who here knows the exact reason Kage Bunshin is an S-Class kinjutsu?" 

"Doesn't it split your chakra evenly--" a voice to his left began, but the Scarecrow held a hand up and didn't even deign to look at the speaker. 

"Some one who's read their Hikakari Niiru, please." 

"The historian with a column in the paper...?" Someone murmured. 

Kakashi looked up at someone he knew would have the answer. "Yes. Iruka-kun." 

Iruka stepped forward slightly and bowed. "Boss-sama! A single Kage Bunshin requires as much chakra as a jutsu ranked 'A' to form. Each additional clone adds roughly 20% to the amount of Chakra used per batch to an average maximum of nine clones. Average, Naruto. Tajuu Kage Bunshin, which produces clones that are weaker yet has no upper limit of number per use, could be said to scale similarly per clone if the base jutsu was a 'B' Rank." 

"Mm," Kakashi agreed. "Anyone hazard to guess why Youko was hospitalized after her try at the jutsu?" 

"Chakra stroke," Suzume said with a sigh. 

"Chakra stroke...?" Naruto murmured. 

"Using too much chakra at once can make you dizzy and weak," Suzume explained, looking horrified. "I remember when Mom came home from a mission recovering from it. Really bad cases, or just using too much chakra over a brief time can lead to chakra exhaustion." 

"Running on farts until you fart out," Kakashi explained for the lost looking Naruto. 

"Oh." 

Kakashi nodded solemnly, then smiled and backed up. "Naruto, make 200 Kage Bunshin. Surround your old teachers, so every one gets a look." 

The grin turned unbelievably devious... if one had not known the boy's parents. "*Kage Bunshin*!" 

Exclamations of shock came from the teachers, and one or two protests and cries of "Abuse!" as clones were prodded. 

"Now, Naruto, I must ask you take your pills before this next bit, just so the Hokage doesn't decide to dangle us all from his office window--" 

"What did you do, Sempai?" Naruto asked. 

"Stole one of his signed Jintai Mokei volumes," Kakashi said, unsealing a bottle of water. "Your pills." 

Naruto didn't notice, but the taking of his required medicine hit many of the chuunin just as hard as the Kage Bunshin. Apparently, Suzume, Mako, and Iruka were the only ones to understand they had been teaching a _true_ Uzumaki. 

"You got off lucky," Naruto noted after swallowing. 

"Mm. Naruto... let us imagine that we have summoned you here because we need to ambush a group of nukenin. They are rather close--" 

"Henge." And with no smoke, the clearing was filled with trees, rocks, and one vending machine beside Iruka. 

Naruto rubbed his temples. "Iruka-sensei, would you mind? Every once and a while, one acts up--" 

The clone shifted back to Naruto's form and saluted. "I regret, I have but one hit to give my hidden vill--" 

Iruka's fist came down on the clone hard. He shook his hand out. "It's a really solid hit, mind. But, Boss...?" 

"Yes...?" Kakashi drawled. 

"Isn't 100 your limit with Tajuu Kage Bunshin?" 

Kakashi snorted. "Fuck, Iruka, we need room to actually move." 

"So the brat has a lot of chakra--" Ryuujii began. 

"Naruto, he's got less control than Ebisu," Kakashi advised. 

"Oiroke no Jutsu: Beach Bunny!" And suddenly Ryuujii was faced with a tall blonde vision in a rather nice bikini. 

"Ohaiyo... Ryuu-kun," the vision said, and blew him a kiss with a wink. 

The blood jet that toppled Ryuujii was epic, and several of the chuunin turned to prevent or deal with nosebleeds. There was also a rather interesting "Eeep!" from somewhere in the group. 

"And that," Naruto growled, hands on 'her' hips, "is for bragging about your vacation to Foosha. 'Birthplace of the Pirate King,' big whoop." 'She' glanced at Youko, who was twitching rather fearfully. The henge'd nin looked at the woman, then at her fallen friend. A light seemed to go on. "You don't mean-- you're the 'hot company who was open to both sides', Youko-sensei?" 

"Oh, yes," Suzume said with a small, evil grin. "Rubbed it in my face. Every chance she got. Sometimes while trying to make my Ebi-kun flirt with her..." 

"... you and Shades. Huh," Naruto mused. "I can see it." The young henge'd nin then gained an evil grin of 'her' own as several of the clones dropped their henge. The shared foxy grin made Youko take a step back. "If you and he share similar tastes, you might want to look away..." 

"Eto... Taicho--" Youko began, only to find Kakashi's face buried in a cover with the word 'Sweetness' and more that his left palm discreetly covered. 

"Huh, I do suppose that is the only honourable thing to do when you accidentally drug a lover with an aphrodisiac..." the Copy-Nin said, right forefinger tapping his mask thoughtfully. 

"*Harem no Jutsu: Mixed Beach Volleyball Team*!" 

Youko's lip trembled at the sight of the hard bodies and beach bunnies. She held up until a rather busty red-head draped herself on the academy-sensei's arm and a statuesque blond dude with a volley ball in hand leaned over to her ear. There was more head turning, many more hankies were pulled from sleeves, and that amusing "Eeep!" again. 

"So, how about a game, Youko-chan?" the red-head squeaked. 

The blond smirked as the sensei's gaze rolled over to him. "We'll even let you pick your team first... in full..." 

Youko really had no hope after that. 

Naruto's clones puffed away, and he henge'd to normal-- smoke included this time. "Sigh. Shady-sensei and Jii-jii at least _tried_ to stay composed." 

Kakashi ruffled his hair again, then turned to his erstwhile staff, raised his eyebrows (okay, so they only saw one-- both went up) and considered the teachers. 

Most of the chuunin swallowed and kept silent. Iruka was suppressing his smugness rather well. Suzume was scrubbing at the blood from her nose, obviously at Freak Out Level One. Kakashi once again wondered if Ebisu had cleaned up his act or Suzume liked cleaning up after him. 

"Hm. maybe if this evaluation turns out poorly, Suzume-- Su-chan, you got all the blood, scrubbing more will just lead to bleeding-- Suzume, if this evaluation turns out badly, I may need to call in a favour from your husband for... remedial training." 

The conscious chuunin blinked. 

"'Basics Kill' Ebisu?'" a panicked voice asked. 

"... 'Basics Kill'?" Sakura said, having slid over because it was were all the shit was happening. "How'd he get that name, Hatake-sama?" 

"Three things. One, Hatake-san is fine if you must. Two, you've got a bit of a..." He gestured on his own face under his covered nose. 

"What? What-- I'M NOT A PERVERT!" Sakura declared, even as she covered her face and caught a clean hanky from Mako. 

"Right. Third, your question... well, it's one of two reasons. It's either because you'll learn the basics from him or die trying..." 

There were several gulps. 

"Or because Ebisu has killed someone with every. Single. One. Of the Academy Three and the Camping Jutsu, either directly or as a key element of the kill. And most of the D Class jutsu, come to it." 

The two young nin blinked. "Even... even Jin'ei Hikari no Jutsu?" Naruto managed. 

"Ah, the Lamplight Kill. Poetry. I was there. I think maybe we need the master teacher to teach our teachers to teach." 

"Oi, Taicho," one of the sensei said. "You're... kidding, right?" 

"... Mah, you're right." 

Relieved gasps. 

"Not enough." 

Gasps of disbelief. 

"Him and... y'know, dear old Gai still owes me a favour for agreeing to no more coin toss challenges, I think..." 

"The Great Youthful Green Beast..." another voice moaned. 

"Oi!" Naruto grumped. "No fair! Gai-sensei's ours!" 

"Well, actually, Naruto..." his pinkette team mate piped up, "he's Team Punishment's, we just borrow him..." 

"He teaches us, he's our sensei!" 

"Well, I suppose you're right," Sakura allowed. 

"'Course I am," Naruto said with a victorious smirk. 

"But officially, he's Team 13's sensei," she added. 

"Oi!" 

"Act-ually, minions--" 

Sakura went board stiff as a hand rested on her shoulder. 

"--I think we can all agree--" 

Naruto gave his own amusing "Gah!" as a hand appeared on his own shoulder. 

And then their sensei appeared between them, smiling her best 'doom comes for thee' smile. "-- Maito Gai, first and foremost, belongs to _me_ ~" 

"Y-Yes, Anko-sensei!" the two students agreed hastily. 

"Oh look," Anko said, glancing at her bare wrist. "We're going to be late for the thing!" 

"Oh, dear. That won't do, will it Naruto?" Sakura said far too evenly. 

Hand on his neck, the blond gave a weak grin. "Heh. N-no. Probably not. Sensei, where's the-- thing?" 

Anko's grin got scarier. Several chuunin whimpered and-- yes, yes, one wet himself. 

"No time to explain, need to take the easy route!" 

"Easy--" Naruto began. 

"Oi, sensei!" Naruto moaned, finding himself once again tied up. "Did you have to bind us face to face? I'm getting fan girl breath all up in my sinuses, and the rope won't let me turn away!" 

"Uh, Naruto...?" Sakura managed. 

"What?" Naruto barked. 

"This isn't a rope." 

"What?" 

"It's a... python reticulatus." 

"A reticul-what-- wait, I know python, that's a type of-- s-s-s--" 

"SNAKE!" the two young nin cried, somehow managing to clutch each other despite the tight confines as said s-s-s-snake's head bobbed into view. 

"Don't worry, Min-nins!" the python said genially. "Kageko is a good snake. She'll only squeeze as hard as mistress Anko says!" 

"We're doomed," Naruto whimpered. 

"Naruto, I've never admitted this, but I've always thought your pranks are Awesome," Sakura confessed. 

Naruto sniffed and smiled at her. "I've always envied your eidetic recallllllll oh kami with the running and the not keeping us stable Nee-sensei!" 

"Sensei, have mercy--" Sakura yowled, "--oh, sweet ancestors preserve me, she's going to the roofs!" 

"WE'RE TOO YOUNG TO DIE!" the two cried. 

"FUFUFUFU! TEAM ANKO IS BLASTING OFF AGAAAAIIIIN!" 

Kakashi snorted and turned to his staff, amusement evident in his voice. "A working Genin team is so beautiful. Say... maybe I should just ask Anko for help with--" 

Oh, such glorious panic and pleading!

* * *

O745 h 

Sasuke made it point to thank the Bunke members that served him whenever he ate at the Hyuuga compound. Seeing one member of a rival Bunke use his supposed "displeasure" at their work as an excuse to belittle the unfortunate in front of him once was enough. Never mind that Hiashi had come down on said member like a raging oni, he would not be anyone's excuse to hurt family. 

Besides, they always had fresh tomatoes for him. 

“Some people honestly want to help,” Hiashi-sama said, after they ate in silence for a while. That was something he appreciated about the Hyuuga head. He would always think before he spoke or acted on Sasuke's behalf. 

Sasuke gave him the same courtesy, giving it just a bit more thought before shaking his head. “But, Hiashi-sama... civilians outside the chain of command, nosing in to nin business. This help, I do not need." 

"Mm. Agreed," Hiashi said, leaning back and sipping his tea. 

After taking a swallow himself, Sasuke sighed. "I trust your judgement, Hiashi-sama. How will you handle this?” 

Hiashi slowly smiled. "How do you want it handled?" 

"Hn?" 

"It's your life, Sasuke-kun," Hiashi noted. "I am here not to take it over, but to guide it. Many might try and suggest I should force you to be a certain way or try and direct how the new Uchiha emerge. Such thinking is foolish. If I will not do it to my daughters, I certainly won't do it to you. In that light, I am trying to show you control. You have input, and I listen to it more and more as you grow older." 

Sasuke met the older man's eyes a moment and slowly nodded. "Thank you, Hiashi-sama." 

Hiashi nodded back. 

"As to your question..." Sasuke pursed his lips. "Going by my instinct... I want as many of the idiots in one room as possible, so I can tell them all off at once." 

Hiashi considered this. "... doable."

* * *

0800 h 

"... sex change is the easy part," Naruto was saying as they walked up. "Anyone can, with a little thought, switch sex. Most people have somewhat of an image of a sex swap of themselves, even if it's only on a subconscious level." 

Ino had to suppress a sigh as she and her team mates and sensei walked up to the little group. How did people miss this? Uzumaki Naruto obviously had more to him then first brush. Most of the others, though-- even Kiba and Shino, who really should have known better-- look surprised as the Uzumaki held court on one of his favourite jutsu. 

"But that's just the outside, right?" Tenten asked, pursing her lips. "I mean, most of us don't have working bits when we henge, right...?" 

Naruto shook his head. "You ever done a cross sex henge?" 

"Er, no," Tenten allowed. 

Naruto smirked. "Do it nude or in boxers, unless you wish to understand male pain." 

"Good advice," Anko noted with a wince. "Hey ya, Asuma. Brats." 

Naruto nodded to the genin and sensei joining them. "It's one of those odd things, but our bodies just instinctively fill out the details. Some people over think it, and get into... Shika, what are those bits of protein that make us up called again?" 

"DNA," Shikamaru offered as Team Ten started to settle in with the group. 

"No, the bigger bits," Naruto groused, waving a hand impatiently. 

"Troublesome," the Nara grumbled, then sighed and added, "Chromosomes." 

"Right. People over think it and think, oh it's this one chromosome that controls what gender we are--" 

"Sex." Yuuhei Kurenai corrected gently. 

"Eh?" Naruto said. 

"It's one of those fine points-- sex is your physical form. Gender is your mental identity." 

Naruto furrowed his brow for a second. "So... sex is the equipment, and gender's what you're inclined to do with it?" 

The sensei shared a laugh. "There's more to it than that," Asuma said, patting his head, "but that'll do for the basics." 

"Yatta!" Naruto exclaimed, then frowned, "Where was I?" 

"Chromosomes and over thinking," Chouji supplied. 

"Oh, yeah, yeah. So people go on about how this one set of chromosomes decides what gen-- er, sex we become in the womb. And they'll make a whole bunch of guesses-- males can become females because that's just taking away a chromosome, or you should only be a shell because unless you know biology how can you shape it right... But then they do a cross-sex henge and wonder at the fact they've completely gender-- damn it, I mean sex flipped. The Shodai's wife and some of Jii-jii's ancestors spent a good part of their lives proving the point with inin helping. You change sex when you henge. The why and how we're working on...but we're shaping things with our mind via chakra focused through the jutsu. So the image of ourselves as female in our mind shapes us from there. " 

"Do... other things change when you become girl-you?" Ino wondered. 

"Like what?" Naruto asked. 

"I guess I'm wondering if you want to... er, use the equipment in new ways...?" 

Naruto blinked. "Eh. I dunno about other nin, but let's just say, I'm not the least bit interested in fooling around with boys as a girl. My sex changes, but my gender--" here Naruto glowed at Kurenai's nod and smile-- "is still 'guy who likes gals'. If maybe I was, I'd have to take every precaution you do." 

"There's whole chapters of ijutsu psychology books on that," Anko said, which seemed to get Sakura's attention. Ino was glad-- she'd worried Sakura would have no next step in mind. "It's very personal. And since everyone-- yes, Sakura, every last one of us in this town-- is as pervy as can be, Konoha has provided a unique environment to understand that side of it in." 

Being a friendly bunch, not even Naruto commented on her blush or the look she and Maito Gai shared. 

"... Ano... Naruto-kun," Hinata murmured. "Has... Naruko... ever had to deal with a period?" 

"Oh, yeah. She even has a cycle. See... once the Henge's done, its actually not costing you anything. It's getting it there that's drawing your chakra. What forces you back to your original shape isn't chakra drain, it's not being able to stand the-- what did Jii-jii call it? Dismop-- dismoe--" 

"Dismorphia," Kurenai offered. 

"Yeah, that's it!" Naruto said, beaming again. "As for the period thing. I'd like to say I toughed it out that one time I noticed it..." Naruto admitted, "but... y'know, not wanting to bleed from there? Sorry." 

"Most of us don't either," Ino managed, almost matching Hinata's blush. 

"Hah!" Sakura said triumphantly. "The poor men can't deal with a little blood down there--" 

"Sakura," Anko said, a bit of the 'scary sensei' in her voice, "if you want to devolve the dialogue to that, I can get the men to start discussing the ins and outs of having an erection." 

"Just to cover a few bases, I stink just as bad after training as Naruko, calling your gut instincts 'women's intuition' to be all mysterious is _really_ shitty, and they've got no proof your period gets you any more sensitive or in tune or anything. Didn't do jack to my senses. So don't try to say it's more than irritability. Which you're entitled to. Also, chocolate doesn't taste any different when I'm female," Naruto reeled off. 

Chouji turned to Ino, looking stricken. "I let you go through my Cocoa-Trail-mix picking out the Chocobomb bits based on a _lie_?" 

"Am a bit more flexible," Naruto noted. 

Ino bowed her head. "... yes." 

"How can I ever trust you again?" 

"Triple chocolate madness cake at Asuke's?" 

"A piece of cake isn't--" 

"I meant the entire cake." 

Chouji wrapped an arm around her. "It's good we can talk about this stuff like adults." 

"Troublesome," Shikamaru muttered. 

"Uh... Eto..." Sakura blinked. 

Kurenai smiled. "As a female nin, it is very very very stupid to try to use your menses as an excuse or threat to the males." She patted Sakura's head. "Especially clan males." 

"And besides, we know about that jutsu Tsunade created that they teach all of you at the academy," Asuma added. "You don't bleed if you don't want to, and you'll only have kids when you want. Hell, Dad made me teach it to Naruto when he panicked over the blood." 

"Oh, I... see... but-" 

Hinata patted her shoulder. "Sakura-san?" 

"Yes, Hinata-san?" 

"Perhaps it would be best to let it go?" 

Sakura sighed. 

"Forehead's mind blown," Ino said with a grin, "Sensei, I am here at Anko-sempai's request." 

Asuma nodded. "Ino, lecture. Teams Gardener, Punishment, Minion, Second Hand: Attend. Kurenai, Gai, Anko--" he wrapped an arm around Kurenai-- "rampant flirting and such on the sidelines." 

Kurenai's skin nearly matched her eyes. "Asuma!" 

"Okay, and making out. But we need to pay the kids some attention." 

"Most Youthfully so," Gai agreed. "Anko, no further than Toe Curling." 

"Aw, no Pulse Pounding?" 

"Too close to Clothes Ruffling and Shunshin Away For Awesome Sexing, my Youthful darling." 

Anko sighed. "Yeah," she murmured as she walked away, Gai in tow. 

"Sakura," Shino said. She blinked at the offered hanky, then quickly grabbed it. 

"I'm not a pervert!" she said, blotting her nose. 

Tenten sighed and shook her head. "You were born here, you're a perv, get over it." 

"They tease because they care," Shino assured Sakura. 

"You're awful helpful for a stranger," Naruto said warily. 

"Now Naruto," Kiba chided. "I'm pretty sure he's an Aburame." 

"Oh, well then--" Naruto blinked as with a puff Ino unsealed something and handed it to him. "Hey, soba!" 

"It's from Jan's, that stand in the market that actually uses a proper buckwheat ratio," Ino said, passing Neji a helping too, which had the Hyuuga blinking. "Yours is anchovy, and Neji has herring." 

Neji looked at Ino a moment, as if trying to classify her. Then he murmured a thanks and set to eating more sedately than Naruto. 

"Rock," Naruto managed through a mouthful of the cool noodles. "Not ramen, but..." 

"High praise from you, Dead Last," Ino said without malice as she passed Shino some winter melon and Rock Lee some curry flavoured chips that she was assured were "most Youthful". 

"But... how'd you know what the new guy wanted?" 

Ino blinked at him. 

"It's a thing," Sakura sighed. "Apparently, Aburame are rather forgettable." 

"Hard to tell apart, too," Chouji sighed. 

"Maybe if we find one, they can help," Shino said dryly. 

Ino smirked, "You are an Aburame." 

Shino lowered his shades slightly, gave her a look, looked down at himself, then met Ino's gaze again with eyebrows raised. "That explains so much." 

"You were wondering about the bugs?" Kiba asked, and yelped as Ino smacked his hand when he tried to 'sample' Hinata's zenzai. The Hyuuga heiress smiled at him, but turned away to enjoy the red-bean soup without another probe of his fingers. 

"No, the hair. How is it this Awesome with no effort?" Shino ran a hand through his hair and adjusted his collar. 

That he said it in his normal even tone just made the others laugh harder, with even Shikamaru chuckling. 

"Gotta admit," Naruto said with a sigh, "I envy that hair." 

"Heck, I envy that hair," Tenten said, smiling at the offered sesame dumplings. 

"Whoever you are, you do have nice hair. Hey, how come Akamaru gets more beef steak jerky?" Kiba growled. 

"Because he's the cute one," Ino noted coolly. 

Kiba opened his mouth, closed it and sighed. "You've got me there." 

Akamaru barked. 

"Not helping, bud." 

A whine. 

"Say, that's right-- who are you, Mr. Nice Hair?" 

Shikamaru gave a sigh. "Why do you think that troublesome bit is funny?" 

Sakura grinned at him. "Even I have to admit, it kinda is. What's your problem?" 

"We suspect him of Kumo blood," Kiba said sadly. 

Sakura blinked. "Shika can't get sarcasm?" she said with great shock and sympathy. 

Naruto grinned at her, getting one in turn. "There you go." 

"Troublesome," Shikamaru grumbled. Then he blinked at the bento Ino produced. She gave him a sharp smile. 

"Both your parents will be checking to see we saw you eat this," Ino advised. 

"Mother hen," Shikamaru murmured. 

"Yes, because part of us wants you to live long enough to settle down with a nice girl like you plan," Chouji said flatly. "Oh. Kimchii chips, thanks Ino." 

Shikamaru met Ino's steely eyes. She nodded. He sighed and opened the bento. 

Sakura met her eyes. "Pig." 

"Forehead. Anko-sempai got me a message about your recovery diet, this should fit as a snack." 

Sakura opened the bento and gave a small smile. "Umeboshi Onigiri and anmitsu." 

"Still like it, then?" 

"Bitch." 

"Whore." There was great affection to the exchange. 

"Anko-sensei wanted you to talk to us about eating...?" Sakura offered. 

"Originally," Ino said. "But you seem to be on your way and Shika-baka's always going to be a work in progress." 

"Troublesome." 

"Yes, you are. Instead... let's talk perceptions. For example... Sakura, as recently as yesterday what did you think I mean when I say 'diet'?" 

"Starving yourself to lose weight," Sakura admitted immediately. 

"Oh, dear," Hinata said, obvious worry in her voice. Tenten winced and wrapped an arm around the pinkette. 

Sakura nodded in thanks for the concern, then turned back to Ino. "And when you say it..." 

"... being a clan raised brat, I mean eating what is suitable and needed for the training and tasks at hand. Perception. As simple as the space between civilian and nin. And if we pull back further... Naruto, you hang around the Hokage office a lot, right?" 

"Sometimes even under innocent circumstances!" the blond nin assured the group. 

There was a moment's silence. 

"What?" 

"No, we believe you," Kiba said, placating. 

"Sometimes I'm just visiting Jii jii!" 

"Oh, yeah. Sure," Shikamaru said, indulgently. 

"Chouji--" Naruto began. 

"Boy, these pickled cabbage flavoured chips sure have a kick!" Chouji decided to relate. 

"Bastards, all of you." 

Ino snorted. "Ever been around when the Hidaimyo visited?" 

Naruto grinned. "Sure. Nariakira-jii's a nice guy. His second wife lives here in town; though from the way she and Wife One get along, it's more to maintain his properties here than to keep the peace. She keeps cats-- most of them pretty sweet, but the one called Tora is a terror. That... thing is a big justification for Asuma-nii's not liking cats. She's too nice to notice it plotting her death..." 

Ino leaned forward as she opened a rice pudding cup. "And how do the Hokage and Shimazu-sama get along?" 

"They're good buddies!" Naruto said. "Way they talk, I'd think they grew up together-- but Jii-jii says they didn't." 

Ino nodded. "What if I told you right now, in Mizu no Kuni, the Mizukage is more in control of the Country than the Mizudaimyo?" 

"... I thought the Daimyo ran the political side, his generals the Daimyo's guard, and the Kage the Nin?" Kiba wondered. 

"Here in Hi," Ino agreed. "But Hi is not the world. In Mizu right now, Hinata and Neji would be targets because they have a kekkei genkai. People like that are killed on sight, and they could care less what branch you're in or what variant of the limit you have." 

Hinata got very focused on her soup. Neji's bites got more precise. 

"Turn to Kaminari no Kuni, and we find many people considering nin alongside undertakers, crematories, and slaughterhouse workers. They are called Burakumin." 

"...Village people...?" Naruto puzzled out. 

"That's the literal meaning," Ino agreed. "But in context, it's akin to calling someone unclean. Nin are considered unsavoury in Kaminari, even as the Raidaimyo enjoys being head of one of the five great shinobi nations." 

Naruto set down his empty bowl. "That has got to be the stupidest thing I've ever heard." 

"Takigakure has a similar issue with the Eiyuchiji over in Eiyu no Kuni, despite the nin of Taki insuring the Land of Heroes has never been invaded by outside forces," Shino noted with a shake of his head. 

Ino snorted. "And Taki, of course, changes oyabun like Chouji changes socks." 

"Hey..." 

"As any nin as concerned for hygiene and aware of how hard he is on his feet would, Chouji-dono~" Ino said. 

"Ah, shucks, Ino-chan~" 

"Troublesome." 

"He even misses _their_ running gags?" Kiba wondered, leaning in close to Naruto to stage whisper. 

"He may have Chai blood, come to think," Naruto offered. 

Shikamaru grumbled and at Ino's prompting he kept eating. 

"Why's that one funny?" Sakura wondered. 

"It isn't," Shikamaru declared, but he was smirking. 

"Originally," Ino said, cuffing him playfully, "The Nara and Yamanaka were retainers of the Akimichi." 

Naruto frowned. "So, wait, this unclean thing-- I dunno, Ino. It doesn't make sense." 

Ino shrugged. "No more than the Hi idea of Taigan no Kaji," she said, and couldn't help but look at Naruto sadly at that. 

And Naruto's sad smile back was all the thanks and confirmation Ino needed. "Your parents and you never ignored me." 

"Yeah," Chouji grumbled, "But a lot of our cousins did." 

"Taigan no Kaji...?" Kiba wondered. "Never heard of it. I mean, I've heard people say something is someone else's problem, but..." 

"Calling it a custom is slightly... off," Rock Lee said. "It is more an un-Youthful social norm that many who study such things call attention to. It is not taught directly so much as picked up by osmosis." 

"There's a little girl getting beaten in your town?" Neji said coolly. "That's fine. She's Taigan no Kaji." 

Lee's usual good humour left his face. "Until her screams rake you and you can't ignore your conscience and you call a Konoha team in because the local constable also considers it Taigan no Kaji." 

Tenten sighed. "Rough mission, that one." 

"The fact your neighbour's family is tearing itself apart?" Hinata added quietly. "Taigan no Kaji." 

"...oh." Kiba realized. "Or... a puppy gets loose of the kennels and gets caught in a trap on the edge of town..." He petted the dog in his lap. 

"Taigan no Kaji," Ino nodded. "Or you don't want to deal with the orphan in your child's academy class because they have an inconvenient birthday? Taigan no Kaji. And if he's playing pranks to get any attention he can-- that just proves he's not something you want as your problem. Once it's been pointed out to you, you realize how often we urge each other to ignore something because someone else should deal with it. Do you see the problem with this attitude, though?" 

"Besides being a bad habit for a nin? It's the 'who' of it." Sakura said, looking at Naruto with embarrassed realization. Naruto avoided her eyes. 

Ino smiled. "Exactly. If it's not my problem, or my kids, or anyone's we want to associate with... Whose Problem is it?"

* * *

0830 h 

"Now that I have your attention..." 

Kakashi allowed himself the smallest of smiles. Even Akane, the "A Real Jounin" girl, was silent. He finally had the class' undivided focus. 

Mind, there was the problem that he had no idea what to do with it. After using Minato-sensei's bell test to fail so many... Leaf, would he have been _ready_ to teach Naruto's team had they been given to him? Could he have coaxed the team work out of them...? 

A small realization hit him. 

"Sit," he commanded, and in moments the chaos was gone. The only evidence of the rowdiness was a crooked picture of Sarutobi-sama. Pointing to it he said, "Straighten that up," and one of the girls closest to it managed to rise and fix it quickly. He nodded thanks to her, then gave the whole class a long, careful look. 

"As you know, I am Hatake Kakashi. As of that fun little class we had the other day, I am in charge of this academy. Your instructors are being evaluated over the next week, and I am meeting every single class to get a feel for where we are. You, however, are different. You are the pilot class. Any changes I make to how the whole school works... will be tested on you. 

"My first impression of you all..." he said slowly, "is that you need work." His let his eye run over the class, keeping a bit of his intent up. "Akane!" 

"Ka-Kakashi-sensei!" the girl managed, all her gimlet cuteness now hidden as she stood upon being called on. 

"Assume for a moment that I am a 'real jounin', and my first days here I was watching you all to learn as much as I can. Even then, as a 'real jounin'... I could probably kill this entire class in moments despite the fact I was holding back. Agreed?" 

The girl swallowed. "Yes, sensei." 

"Yes," he said. "So how did you, a class of cadets, take me out?" 

If the Hokage was going to stick him here on the basis of his track record with ANBU training, he would train them as he did ANBU. 

"You-- you let us?" Akane managed. 

"Ma. Give yourself some credit, Akane-chan," he said, waving a hand dismissively. He idly noted none of the class saw Mako slip in, nor did they see her silent nod in response to his signal for silence. Another thing to work on. "Saying I 'let you' implies I somehow gave permission. No. You did catch a real jounin off guard. Sit. Anyone else?" 

Silence. Then, someone cleared their throat. He found them easily, a young man with the sort of pudginess you knew would give way to a splendid bit of muscle with a bit of work. 

"Yes...? Name, Answer." 

The young man stood. "Nakahara Haruo, Sensei. Was it-- we came at you all at once and worked together?" 

Kakashi gave him a pleased nod, and he let his intent fall away. "Team work. In Konoha, we value it so very highly. And yet..." He looked the class over and shook his head. "Somewhere between today and when you graduate, most of you will forget this fact. I have sent eight prospective genin teams back here to the Academy after they failed the same test my Jounin sensei gave me-- one I squeaked by as a supposed prodigy, I'll add." His eye narrowed to emphasize the point. "My sensei was Namikaze Minato." 

He let the gasps and other expressions of shock fade. 

"I nearly failed because I did not look underneath the underneath. I did not see, at first, the three lessons the Bell Test-- and feel free to look it up on your own time-- was supposed to test and teach. Yami, I didn't really get it until a dear friend died in the field. " 

"Kakashi-sensei?" 

He turned to the voice. "Yes. Name, question." 

The young women stood. By her auburn hair and hazel eyes, he could guess her clan, and she confirmed it: "Nomura Riina," she said in introduction, and her manner was the perfect composure that marked a true member of the Berserkers of the Hearth Flame. "I... understand the team work part of the test, and to look underneath the underneath, but what is the third lesson?" 

Kakashi smiled, and made sure it carried in his voice. "Why don't you give the class some context, Riina? Just the highlights. History first." 

She nodded, calm even with all eyes on her. The clan heir Goto wasn't so composed. "The bell test is a matter of public record, but it's also a registered and reserved teaching method passed down through those taught by the Shodai and his brother. As such, only six jounin have the right to use it. You are one because you were taught by the Yondaime, who was taught by Jiraiya the Gama Sennin, and he was taught by the Sandaime, who was taught by both of the Senju Hokage." 

"Very good," Kakashi said, beginning to pace the front of the room. "Although I'll note the total is nine-- the oyabun of Ame and his closest allies are as much Jiraiya's students as the Fourth was. The set up?" 

"Remarkably simple, sensei. Many people miss this in their registration papers-- itself a sort of test-- but passing the academy merely makes you a genin candidate." 

"What?" someone exclaimed, then moaned in fear as Kakashi focused a good blast of intent on him. 

"Riina is speaking. Shut it." 

"Y-yes, Kakashi-sensei." 

Kakashi dropped his ki and nodded to Riina even as the loudmouth slumped back in his seat. 

Riina nodded back and pressed on. "The prospective genin teams each are tested by their sensei to be. In the case of the bell test, they are presented with a timer, and two bells attached to their possible jounin-sensei. They are told they have until the time elapsed to get a bell from their sensei to pass." 

"At which point," Kakashi offered, "someone asks, 'Why only two bells, Riina-sensei?'" 

Riina smiled slightly, "'Because, my little genin-- whoever doesn't have a bell when the timer goes off is getting sent back to the academy.'" 

"'But sensei!'" Kakashi mock whined. "'Aren't genin supposed to work in teams of three?'" 

"'Bah, my test, my rules. For all you know, I've already passed your third team mate. Start. And come at me seriously, as if this was a mission!'" 

"Thank you, Riina," Kakashi said, gesturing for Riina to sit. "Now. Can anyone tell me how this shows me if you know how to see underneath the underneath?" 

There was a moment of silence, and then an Inuzuka stood, the Sheppard's hound pup at his side rising from a reclined position to sitting at attention. "Inuzuka Kanenaga, Kakashi-sensei. It's there in what you and Rii-chan said, isn't it? Genin work in teams of three assigned by the Hokage on recommendations from the chuunin-sensei. You... have to see past what the sensei is suggesting and understand you all pass or fail as a team... the second bit." 

"Go on," Kakashi said, letting the slightest hint of approval enter his voice. 

"Well, I get that you're supposed to be willing to give you team mates the bells, but..." 

"Konoha means more than our lives," a quiet voice said. 

Kakashi nodded at Kane to sit. It was easy to locate the speaker-- she was the girl with vivid red hair trying desperately not to be noticed. Kakashi gently gestured for her to stand. "Yes?" 

"H- Hiranuma Omitsu, sensei." 

Hiranuma. The clan name tickled the back of Kakashi's mind. He resolved to jog his memory later. "You raise an interesting point, Omitsu. Please, elaborate." 

The girl bit her lip. "Well. Say it was a real mission. Instead of 'one of you might not get a bell' it might be 'one of you has a high chance of... dying'. To do the mission, you have to stop thinking just of 'me'. You can't just think of the others either-- there's a chance the two bells are a trick. There's a chance all of you could survive. But... the mission is what's important. I guess." 

Kakashi did not make her wait. "You are the first person to see that even in the abstract when faced with my bell test." 

The girl's blush was pretty rather than embarrassed. "T-thank you, Sensei." 

"Sit." After Omitsu did, Kakashi took the class in. "In the heat of battle, so many genin forget everything Riina, Kane, and Omitsu have just related. The Hokage has sent me here to change that. My goal is to see at least three-quarters of you on genin teams within the next three years, and see at least half of those make chuunin within a year after that." 

There was a murmur, and he brought a bit of intent to bear to quell it, using a carefully pitched laugh to moderate his presence. "Mako, are they doubting me or themselves?" 

"A bit of both, Kakashi-san." 

Several of the students startled at Mako's dry answer, finally noticing the chuunin's return. 

"Ma. Like I said, you need work." Kakashi smiled to himself as the ghost of a plan began to form in his mind.

* * *

0915 h 

Gai's hand was heavy on both their shoulders. "Neji. Naruto. No." 

Naruto winced at Gai's grip. "But Gai-sensei--" 

Neji held back his own wince as Gai's hold on Naruto tightened ever so slightly. He'd received Gai's "Guiding Hand" jutsu once or twice himself early in his time as the Green Beast's student. 

"You had a point yesterday, and proved it most Youthfully. Today, you are merely trying to inflame your own Youth by picking an Un-Awesome and unneeded fight. You are still recovering from your un-Youthful folly." He turned Naruto around. "Go join Chouji and Kiba with Asuma honing your thrown weapon skills." 

Naruto stood there a moment after Gai let go. "I don't see why we can't--" 

"You know, Anko mentioned Kageko has grown fond of your Youthful attitude--" 

"Gah! Ne, ne, Gai-sensei! I'm going!" 

Neji frowned as Gai loosened the grip on Neji's own shoulder. "His... fight with me was not especially arduous for him, I thought. Was I mistaken, Sensei?" 

Gai frowned thoughtfully. "Neji, do you recall your mother coming home from a mission from Kumo when you were younger and needing a stay in hospital?" 

"Yes. It was... surprising. Ka-san rarely stays sick or injured long. I do recall a poisoning, but that was during a skirmish with Mizu nin to break a blockade attempt." He swallowed. "The mission to Kumo. Was... it to take care of those men?" _The ones that lead to my uncle sending my father to die._

"One of them, yes," Gai agreed. At Neji's blink, Gai just smiled. "Did she tell you why she needed the hospital stay?" 

"She's taken pills as long as I've been alive. She ran out on the mission--" Neji stopped. "I... she's said she's glad I don't need them. It's..." 

"All pure blooded Uzumaki and many of their first generation descendants share the need for such medicine. Their unique vitality has its drawbacks," Gai said, and sighed. "Naruto... has been stubborn about not needing it himself." 

Neji looked at Naruto having his stance adjusted by Asuma. "... he knows some of what it is to be Uzumaki, but not all." He turned and nodded to Anko-sensei. She'd not hidden her approach. 

"Your grandfather had to talk your parents out of adopting him, you know," Anko said, frowning. "Said it was bad enough his namesake had to bear the Caged Bird seal, he'd not have the other Bunke insist Naruto get it too." 

"My parents?" Neji said, brow furrowed. "Why-- was it just the Uzumaki ties--" 

"Can't say," Anko said bluntly. "I'm treading the edge of the laws the Professor set up to protect Naruto telling you that." 

"There are laws. Expressly to protect..." Neji frowned. "He's an Uzumaki. As is my mother." 

"Indeed. That we can say," Gai agreed. 

Neji closed his eyes. _As am I,_ he thought.

* * *

1045 h 

"Taicho?" 

Kakashi nodded to Mako and inclined his head toward the woman with him. "Mako. I believe you're met my dear wife, Rindou." 

"Tani-sensei," Rindou said with a just so bow and a demure tone. Kakashi held back his smile as he noted where the chuunin's eyes were going. It wasn't as... liberal as her Kaju garb, and Rindou wasn't especially busty, but his wife wore a yukata well. 

"Hatake-sama," Mako said with a bow and a bit of a blush. 

"My snake, Lilly," Rindou said, indicating the boa next to her. 

"Charmed," the snake said. Mako, bless her, merely bowed back. That was something in a town that lived through Orochimaru. 

"My wife felt the need to ensure I was adequately fed," Kakashi said, lifting a rather large bento. 

"My husband can get lost in his musings, and vending machines are no replacement for the proper care of one's wife," Rindou countered politely. 

"Indeed, and bribing her husband into making the Keltic fare in his own repertoire is only a pleasant side effect," Kakashi offered. 

"My husband lies, he'd do that to dote on me without bribery. I must thank you, however, Tani-sensei. You got him home safe after he... vented his concerns about his new position that first day." 

Mako couldn't hold back a giggle. "I was concerned said venting would lead him to shunshining into a wall. Still, I was... slightly surprised at your reaction to me bringing him home, Rindou-sama." 

"Oh?" Rindou asked, raising an eyebrow. Kakashi pursed his lips to hold back a giggle. This promised to be fun. 

"Well... I intend no offence, Rindou-sama. But from what I have heard, the ladies of Amazon Lilly are very... possessive when they take partners." 

Rindou nodded. "That is somewhat exaggerated, even more so as we have decided to have more contact with the outside world. As for my husband... I trust him." 

Mako smiled, relieved. "I see. My apologies for my assumptions, my lady." 

Kakashi looked over at Lilly. Here it comes. 

"What would I suspect he do-- oh. Oh, I see," Rindou said, nodding gravely. 

"As I said, My apologies." 

Rindou shook her head, smiling. "Indeed. Kakashi always asks before doing _that_ with another girl." 

Mako's blush was much deeper this time. "I... I see." 

"After all, I might want to join in." 

Mako's hands flew up to cover her mouth, even as she left no doubt who Naruto had produced that amusing 'eep!' out of earlier. 

"Why? Are you offering? Because, honestly, I think it would take both of us to satisfy--" 

The gush of blood did not knock Mako over. The amount lost did lead to one last "eep!" and the academy-sensei passing out. 

"Hm. I've still got it," Rindou noted. "Fresh mask, dear?" 

"Thank you, darling. Help me get your victim back to work?" 

"Darling, a Kaju cleans up after her fun."

* * *

1136 h 

"You couldn't have suggested this modified genin pool thing back when I was teaching you?" 

Shikaku sighed and looked up at the vendor. "Get my sensei some yogurt. EI-JA!" 

Said sensei smiled at the vendor in her most grandmotherly like way. "Soumen with your umeboshi sauce please, Jo." 

"Hai, Utatane-sama!" the chef called, even as she finished another patron's soba. 

"I keep forgetting Inoichi's father taught you the Mayaku Hirateuchi no Jutsu," Shikaku grumbled, rubbing the back of his head. 

"And it looks like such a gentle slap," Koharu noted pleasantly. Then, her face grew stern. 

Shikaku smirked at her. "Problem, sensei?" 

"No, seriously. Why didn't you come up with this pseudo-genin pool thing when I was teaching you?" 

Shikaku blinked at her. "Sensei. The last thing on our minds as genin is making your life easier. Especially since 'I've taught oh so many genin teams, you brats are nothing'." He chuckled, and coughed lightly. "Excuse me." 

Koharu's right eyebrow cocked. "Getting a cold?" 

"No. Too much time around the Smoke Stack setting the damn pool up," Shikaku said, giving a _snork_ as he cleared his sinuses and turned to spit. "Sorry. Tobacco and I..." 

"Never got along near as well as you and alcohol," she agreed, smiling and nodding at Jo as her noodles were set before her. "... It is a good idea. And a good crop to start it with." 

Shikaku smiled this time. "Time seemed right. Wish Yondaime-sama was here to see it." 

"Mm. He was keen on emulating his new clan's old home land-- in the best ways possible." Koharu sighed. "He died far too soon. But then, if Hiruzen were to pass on today, I'd think it too soon." 

"Heh. I think everyone feels that way about Jii-sama, Sensei. Try the yogurt sauce, it's good." 

Koharu's near eternal squint got even more narrow. "I've told you. I'll try yogurt again when you give up the drink for a month." 

"... so, never?" 

Koharu sighed. "At least I can say I taught an Ino-Shika-Cho..."

* * *

1210 h 

"Perhaps most important, though, is understanding when you need to acknowledge you need the inin," Kurenai continued. "That dogging leg pain may be a bit of shrapnel in your leg. The tingle in your arm may be a tumour. Am I boring you, Naruto?" 

The blond boy shrugged. "I'll tune back in when it applies to me." 

Anko counted to five-- _must not maim Kushi-hime's kid, must not maim Kushi-hime's kid... tie him outside the Hokage's window for a nice long lecture, but no maiming..._ \-- and elbowed him. Due to their relative heights, the nudge clunked the side of his head. 

"Oi!" 

"Next dose at 1330, Orange-minion," she said, firmly. 

And that pout she was pretty sure Naruto thought was a scowl re-appeared. "Why do you jerks keep trying to dose me? I'm gonna be Hokage, I don't need no stinkin' pills--" 

"Dad told me he's taken his stinkin' pills since he was six," Asuma noted, toying with a toothpick as he often did when he couldn't light up. 

Naruto's broad grin met his glance. Oh, great, he was in stubborn ass mode. "Yeah, but Jii-jii's diabetic _Asuma-nii_ , he needs it or his pancra-- pancake--panacotta-- insulin making thing won't work. I don't--" 

"Inin say different," Anko said firmly. 

"Then they're stupid. I can take anything, like a good Hokage should!" 

"Oh, Six Paths, Naruto!" Kurenai said. "Hiruzen-sama would never try and take on the whole rotting Sphere on his own! If he could, he wouldn't need Konoha to back him up! Even the Fourth--" 

Anko winced. Everyone's voice was raising, like some of the 'discussions' Bastard-sensei, Tsunade-ba-sama and Jiraiya-jii-sama had back in the day. Her eyes fell on Shino, and she caught his cocked eyebrow and the agitated hum of his hives. She nodded to him. 

"The Yondaime took out entire armies on his own--" Naruto declared. 

"Actually Naruto," Gai said firmly, "he at the very least had the logistics of the Leaf Intelligence wing--" 

"Well maybe I don't _need_ logistics!" 

"Do you even know what logistics is?" Shikamaru said, and he was as close to shouting as a Nara got. 

"I know it's stupid, and I won't need it!" 

"Naruto, did you ever pay attention to Iruka-sensei?" Sakura growled. 

"Please," Hinata pleaded, "let's not fight... and Kiba, please don't help..." 

Kiba mimed zipping his lips shut, but the grin that tipped Hina off remained. 

"So you take pills," Chouji murmured. "My clan likely made them." 

"Wasted time," Naruto growled. 

"Oi!" Chouji grunted, his face crestfallen. 

"Youthful genin," Gai tried. 

"Has anyone told him _why_ he needs the pills?" Neji asked. 

Anko spun toward him, as did most of the rest of the group. 

"What's it to you, Neji?" Naruto sneered. 

Neji sighed. "Because my mother does, too, cousin." 

Naruto blinked at him. "...who the hell you calling--" 

"That seal you spoke of with pride yesterday? The mark of the Uzumaki on your back that stops you from harming kin? If you had honestly wanted to kill me, it would have stopped you. I have the same Peace Seal on my back, Naruto. My mother, the woman Hinata is named for, was born Uzumaki Hina. She gave it to me." 

The blond blinked, shocked out of his ire. "U...zu...maki?" 

Anko found herself tensing. Neji was close to-- 

Wait. No. No he wasn't breaking the Sandaime's law. There was nothing that said that Naruto could know nothing of his clan. It just-- the others of Uzumaki blood had always been distant, and the rest of Konoha that knew had picked up on it, and... 

Oh. 

Oh. 

As one of Minato's old friends would say... oh, balls. 

Gai and Neji were both looking at her-- _Well, duh,_ Anko realized, holding back a blush. _I am his sensei._

"Go on," Anko said, smiling. 

The Bunke Hyuuga pressed on. "She has been on a pill regimen as long as I've been alive. I've been told all other pure-blooded Uzumaki are on such a regimen. Much as my Byakugan requires special care when injured, and training to understand its workings. These pills indicates to me a kekkei genkai." 

"I thought that was... something else," Naruto managed. 

"No," Shikamaru said, and Anko noticed his hands fall from his reflexive 'thinking seal'. "Neji? Your mother heals rapidly?" 

"Not quite as fast as the paragon-- excellent example," he clarified at Naruto's narrowing eyes, "of an Uzumaki you went to academy with, but much faster than any of the rest of you here. I dare say, our collective sensei included." 

"It is barely a dare," Gai affirmed. "I can add I have seen this healing at work in all other Uzumaki nin I've served with." 

Shino stepped forward slightly. "As your father was Hyuuga and mother Uzumaki... do you display any... hybrid traits, Neji?" 

"Comparing me to your bugs, Aburame?" Neji asked with a smirk. 

"Genetics is genetics, Hyuuga," Shino rejoined, a hint of humour in his voice. 

Neji nodded. "Agreed. There are a few. The range of my Byakugan is significantly further than average at my age. For example, that new billboard they were putting up this morning on the sign at the edge of the Aki-Nara-Ya district? It's done. It's an ad for the latest edition of the Monkey Nami Atlas. 'This new edition now includes over 30 updated local maps, including Sphere's End and All Blue!' The fine print warns that 4th of Saru is the tentative release date pending Monkey-sama's final revisions." 

"She is a perfectionist," Sakura noted with a bit of glee. "But oh..." 

"Those maps," Gai agreed. 

"Impressive," Asuma noted, "Almost all the way back to the Tower." 

Sakura came back from Happy Brainy land and considered Neji. "Your healing?" 

"I have... echoes of her ability. Not as impressive as Ka-san, but... for example, one of my clan mates informed me a blow like the one Naruto gave me yesterday-- he struck the veins that feed the chakra and blood to my eyes for the doujutsu to work," he explained, "and the blow should have hampered my Byakugan for days. I was fine by this morning-- though it still hurts. My compliments, Naruto. Only Rock Lee has managed such a blow on me." 

"Uh, thanks," Naruto managed even as Lee flashed him a thumbs up. Well, he was thinking hard, if no grandstanding followed that, Anko noted. 

"Mm. I would agree with Shikamaru and Neji," Shino said. "All evidence points to not a rarely manifesting or hard to tap kekkei touta, but a common inheritance." 

"Something all pure blooded Uzumaki share," Shikamaru agreed. 

"A recognized blood line," Sakura added. "One that has at least a few holders in town, neh?" 

"A Youthful assessment," Lee noted, scribbling on his notepad. Anko nudged Gai. This elbow hit well muscled abs. Rock hard, wondrous, powerful abs. Yummy-- 

Sensei time, Anko reminded herself. 

"And it would be most un-Awesome to, say randomly attack one's Youthful comrades to try and locate said holders, would it not Lee?" 

Lee paused, and scratched out a line on his pad. "Indeed, Gai-sensei." 

Ino's eyes narrowed. "This does kind of get back to Neji's original question..." 

"Why is it no one has explained this to him?" Neji prompted, turning to Anko. 

Anko frowned. "Honestly... the rest of us took our cues from the other Uzumaki in town." 

"There are more of my clan in Konoha? Not just Neji and his mom?" Naruto said, reaching for something, anything. 

"Yes. And it's been their policy to be... subtle in helping you," Asuma said carefully. "I have no doubt they care for you, and I do know that you've been helped in so many ways." 

"And it's all been quiet, which is... not a trait I'd usually connect with the Uzumaki and their clan life," Anko admitted. "In fact, the lot of them are a bit... subdued since you were orphaned." _Since Kushi-hime died._ "I don't know why, but it has the air of clan custom to it." 

"Which means we can't easily violate it to introduce them without putting them and ourselves on the spot," Kurenai sighed. At Naruto's hurt look, she gave him a sad smile. "It's more than rude, it's like saying 'I know how your family should work better than you." 

"Taigan no Kaji," Naruto said sadly. 

"No, silly," Ino chided. "Just-- the immediate solution may do more harm than good." 

Neji frowned slightly. He looked at Naruto. "But I, being part Uzumaki, have already broached the subject." 

Naruto's face lit up. "You brought it up first. Does that mean--" 

"If I ask my mother to talk to you, to help you understand why she takes her pills... will you at least let her try to explain?" 

Naruto's face was dancing between joy, confusion, and wariness. Anko was suddenly reminded of Minato-bakage's face whenever Kushi-hime got serious. "... Alright. I'll listen to her. Maybe... maybe you could ask her to tell me a bit about my clan? I know some, from things Jii-jii's told me and books and scrolls he's given me..." 

"I'll ask," Neji assured him. "Will you stay on your pills until then?" 

Naruto's eyes narrowed. "Why does it matter so much to you, now?" 

Neji-- Hyuuga Neji, who tried so hard to be serious-- smiled a small smile. Anko's heart ached, as she remembered one of Kushi-hime and her Bakage's best friends, a man that patted her head and gave her dango and drove cold steal through the hand of one of the few that forgot she was not her sensei. 

"Because I'm hoping you prove me wrong about something," Neji said quietly. "Gai-sensei, if I may...?" 

"Of course, Neji," Gai said, and his smile wasn't a broad grin. It was that small, victorious smile Anko knew told his students he was proud of them. 

Neji actually blushed. 

"Kurenai-sensei--" 

Kurenai nodded. "Please, go help Neji tell your Aunt what has transpired here, Hinata. We will all continue training until you return." 

_Translation-- no one in the other Hyuuga no Bunke will fuck with Neji if the clan heiress is there,_ Anko thought. 

"Now," Kurenai said, clapping her hands to draw the attention of the remaining young nin. "Where was I?" 

Naruto was still less than attentive. But the way he was still looking after where Hinata and Neji had left sight with that same look that would be at home on his father's face... this time, her friend did not call attention to it. 

Not that Anko didn't notice Asuma create a Kage Bunshin and a familiar ANBU break from the tree cover at the edge of the training ground to head to the village proper.

* * *

tsudzuku


	6. Hell Week 3b: It's in the Blood! Family and Gifts, the Total Package!

1214 h 

"Asuma," his father greeted lightly.

"Hokage. Shikaku. Sorry to interrupt but... are we flashing insane?" Asuma demanded.

The Kage smiled and gestured to his son. "Pray, continue."

"Did it occur to no one that Naruto should know he has a Kekkei Genkai?" Asuma wondered, lighting up a cigarette and taking a long draw as he settled in the chair Chiaki produced and set beside Shikaku. "I swear, the brat thinks it's the Fox! I mean, isn't the Totapaku one reason the Uzumaki make good jinchuuriki? He's grown up likely thinking his healing was just freakish and then started blaming anything 'abnormal' on the Nine-Tail! I know the Uzumaki have been hands off and we've respected that, but in retrospect... yeah, all I can ask is are we flashing insane?"

The Hokage favoured his son with a wan smile. "I'm beginning to think we have been."

Asuma blinked.

Hiruzen sighed, setting down his pipe and rubbing his eyes. When he met his son's eyes again, Asuma found the naked sadness there painful.

"I had a mob at my door the day news leaked what Naruto was. Point of fact, I had to summarily execute five chuunin, six jounin and an ANBU--- an ANBU, by Konoha's Heart!-- for leaking what Naruto was. I had to act quickly, and the Uzumaki already seemed to be playing distant benefactors. So I made a law that made sense at the time, and even Jiraiya agreed-- though it meant that he himself could not openly fill his duty as Naruto's godfather! In our hurry to protect Kushina and Minato's son, we've all held too much too close to the vest." The Kage of Konoha managed a smile. "Luckily, if there is a 'last possible moment' to reveal our secrets without sabotaging him further, it is now that he is genin."

"Pretty much what you said in that note you sent with Kageko back to Anko in reply to her concerns as Naruto's sensei, Hokage-sama," Shikaku noted drolly. "Reminding her that in fact you trusted her with such information, and when to tell Naruto."

"Indeed. And why I do believe Red Cat asked to be excused from patrol to attend to clan matters..." Hiruzen noted.

"...Ah." Asuma said. He gave a weak chuckle. "Late to the party, then."

"Although," Shikaku mused, waving away the smoke from Asuma's cigarette, "One could wonder if your own team has any issues of that calibre, Asuma-sama. Wherever they are, far from here. Seeing as how they are your direct responsibility. As Anko's team is hers."

Asuma has the grace to look bashful.

"Gee, the smoke is kind of problematic with both of you here. Especially with how your cigarettes stink," Shikaku said, clearing his throat. "Hint, hint. Am I being too subtle, Hokage-sama?"

"Actually, I'm a Kage Bunshin--"

"You're making me choke on a clone's smoke--?"

Shikaku's pointed statement was interrupted as Enma swung out, popping Asuma's proxy--

* * *

1218 h

In the training field currently in use by eleven of Konoha's most promising genin, Asuma himself stiffened a moment.

"Kage Bunshin pop?" Kurenai asked from where she stood beside him, then caught his eyes narrow as he took in his team.

Ino was once again trying to brow beat Shikamaru into action, Shikamaru was once again referring to her as a troublesome woman, and Chouji was once again slowly giving up on being peace maker.

"Gai?"

As was the way of Maito Gai, you had but say his name...

"Dynamic Shunshin Entry!"

"... Nice."

Gai smiled wide, draping an arm over each of his colleges. "Thank you. In what manner may I assist you, oh Suave and Debonair Reaper in the Wind?"

Asuma gestured to his genin. "Occupy Chouji for a bit. Maybe his Kakudaiken against Naruto's Rasenken would be instructive for them both?"

Gai assumed his thoughtful pose. "Indeed, Expanding Fist and Spiral Fist. A good sparring match. But... what of the Youthful genius and Shikaku's son?"

Asuma started to respond, then smirked at Gai. "I see what you did there. Kurenai and I are going to attempt to temper Ino and introduce Shika to the element of easy does it he's missing to be a true genius."

"Ah, the Nara creed," Gai noted.

"'Easy does it...'" Kurenai said, rolling the thought around. "Ah. I get it. He's got 'easy' down, in that he wants to put only as much effort as needed in, but he seems to have gotten it into his head that unless it comes easy he shouldn't attempt it."

"Indeed," Gai agreed. "And there is that worrying trend toward unYouthful chauvinism..."

"Okay. So how do we help both?" Kurenai wondered.

"That's easy," Asuma said. "We're gonna introduce 'em to their fathers' sensei."

Kurenai suddenly grabbed his face. "You're exposing those two to her and letting me watch...?"

"Uh... yes?"

Kurenai's public displays of affection were rather rare. From Gai's comments on this one's Youth and the fact it caught Anko's attention from across the field (judging by the wolf whistles)... this one was extraordinary.

Not that he needed outside affirmation.

* * *

1216 h

“As they say on the East Blue... Stay. The. Flash. Out. Of. My. Business."

The citizens standing before the last loyal Uchiha seemed to collectively blink. Gathered here to be addressed in the courtyard of the Hyuuga by the de facto clan head of the Sharingan clan, the fools had naturally assumed the news was good.

Hiashi supposed he could excuse the naivete of the civilians, but there were several genin, quite a few more chuunin and a jounin among the crowd.

Really. Hiashi wanted to track down whoever taught those nin.

"Seriously," Sasuke said in the same flat voice. Hiashi had come to understand the more rage Sasuke felt the less he showed. So like his mother that way.

"Uchiha-sama--" someone ventured, and Hiashi wanted to face palm.

"You, all of you here?" Sasuke said. "Officially not only not helping, but your help is not wanted. I can send the ANBU after you for what you're doing, it's that wrong. It counts as military treason. The Hokage could have you killed on sight for it. And it fucking annoys me."

"Sasuke-kun--" the jounin-- oh, dear, one of Enji's kids. He'd have to send word to the head of Intelligence. It was a sad day indeed when one of the Laughing Phoenix's students was seen utterly lacking any basic situationual awareness.

"Stop," Sasuke almost pleaded. "All offers of help should be submitted to my regent's secretary so she can laugh in your face or have you beaten and save us time."

"If I may," a merchant began.

"You may not," Sasuke assured him, turning to go. "There will be no questions. The next person to attempt to speak to me will be taken off by ANBU. After that... well, they might find the ANBU eager to use the leeway the Hokage gave them."

"Surely," the merchant persisted- and honestly, any man with that much unhealthy body fat had no place counselling a ninja. "Surely you exaggerate--"

"No," Wasp said, as she appeared to the merchant's left.

"He doesn't," Otter added, appearing to his right.

The fact the two slight women came to take the fat ass away was probably calculated-- they did not look like the civilian's often quite romantic vision of the elite of elite. Which was usually male as well. Idiots.

"Ah--" another merchant began.

She stopped at "--" as Parrot appeared before her.

"Yes?" the bird masked ANBU said, eagerly.

"Eep," the woman managed, with all the composure of a fruit buyer facing a shinobi eager to indulge in some sadism. Not surprising, as that's what she was.

Hiashi followed the Uchiha away. It was only once they reached the compound gate Hiashi allowed himself a small grin.

"Five ryou say the idiots keep coming."

Sasuke sighed. "No bet."

"Shame, you'd clean up the Chuunin Station pool."

"... the sad part is I know you're not joking."

* * *

1245 h

"Damn it, Sensei, you know he won't tell me!" Sakura growled. They sat on the log that was oh so perfect for sitting on alongside the training ground. 

Anko drew a deep sip off a themos of tea, smacked her lips, then turned to Sakura. "You know, work on a purr, you'll make someone very--"

"Sensei," Sakura said, her voice suddenly getting very hiss like. Her clenched teeth likely aided the effect. "You are aware I am readying myself for the inin program. I've already started studying. I have the control for it, and it will help me be more than 'the civilian on the Uchiha's team'. Maybe it will stop my aunts and uncles from suggesting I passed only to be breeding stock."

Her sensei's eyes narrowed. "Your mom do that too?"

"My mom wanted to talk to you about manners! She doesn't ask after my teammates; it's simply a 'good luck' as I leave in the morning. She seems wilfully ignorant of what her blossom being a nin means," Sakura managed, jaw relaxing slightly. "Others in the family don't seem to think there's any other way I could have passed than because the Uchiha needs to go to stud someday."

"This the reason why you've laid off the Uchiha-love?" her sensei asked, smirking.

"One of," Sakura admitted. "Back on topic, and nice try sensei--"

"At what?"

Sakura would admit it to herself later. She lost it, then, and that inner voice took over.

"Look, if I'm going to be our damn inin, I need to know what the rot is ailing my team mates! So cut the deer dung and gimmie some Log damned information!"

"Okay," Anko agreed.

* * *

1250 h

"So you're a borderline misogynist," the squinting old woman said, jerking her thumb at Shikamaru, and then at Ino, "and you're the Hime wannabe."

"Troublesome," Shikamaru said.

"Oi!" Ino said, hands on hips. "I'll have you--"

"Be silent, please," the old woman said quietly.

The two genin shut up.

The ki was not like when Iruka had exposed them to it in class. It was as subtle and deadly as a sebon.

"Your sensei," the old woman said, her tone even, "have asked me for help in addressing these matters. You may call me Oba-sensei. Any other characterizations, I ask you keep to yourself. As your parents have asked for my help, you will be spending at least an hour a day with me, and perhaps a day a week. To start, Ino-chan?"

"Uh, yes, Oba-sensei...?"

"Please stand silently for the next hour."

"Wha--What-- Why would--"

"You are failing already. It's rather disappointing," the old woman mused.

Ino swallowed and nodded.

"Better. Shikamaru-kun."

Shikamaru swallowed, and tried to muster some of his cool. "Hai, Baa-sensei?"

The woman slowly grinned. "I was going to go easy on you... but no, not shogi today. Today... we play go."

"Go?" Shikamaru said, disbelief in his tone. "I can play go?"

"That remains to be seen," the woman reflected thoughtfully.

Asuma sighed. "Nice knowing you, kid."

* * *

1250 h. Elsewhere.

"'Since it's common to all Uzumaki, a good inin would look up what conditions the Uzumaki typically have,'" Sakura mimicked to herself. "'In fact, it's a suitable TASK!' And off she shunshins after dropping me off at the shinobi library."

"Mistress Anko was fufu-ing the whole way," Kageko noted.

Sakura turned to the python. "She's. Always. Fufu-ing. My sensei is... GAH!" The Pinkette waved her hands in frustration.

"Kageko knows, Mistress is exasperating."

Sakura paused in her righteous (oh, so righteous!) anger to to fix her gaze on the python. "When did--"

"Kageko returning to Mistress with message from Big Shadow. Next thing Kageko knows, she is snagged mid transport, thanked for the message, and plopped here with you. Kageko assumes the implied order is to keep an eye on Pinkie."

"Joy."

"Oh so deep joy," the python agreed.

* * *

1300 h

"Really?" Sasuke asked, blinking at her with some surprise. "I've only started talking with you..."

Yamanaka Sumika sighed. "I'm going out on a limb by saying this, Sasuke-kun. And understand, continued counselling will be a condition of you serving as a Konoha nin. Wish we could force you all in here once a year..." The mind inin sighed. "Today, you displayed one of the gifts of your clan-- even without the Sharingan, the Uchiha recall is astonishing. And yet, even with that gift-- there's a part you just cannot recall. The worrying thing? It is just before your brother departed."

Sasuke nodded. "I'm... almost certain it was Tsukuyomi, but the memory is still very hazy. Tsukuyomi is-- "

"As with most abilities of the Sharingan, it's not the deep mystery that your clan's disinformation would have had it be, and most nin who have been around enough know it. The Copy Wheel may be reputed to be many things but... let's just say I was a friend to a very open Uchiha with glasses who told me exactly how much of those legendary abilities were a given."

Sasuke met the psychologist's wry grin with a sad smile. "I'm finding my clan has often written scrolls empty of true jutsu. Obito."

"Indeed. And he leads me to my point," Sumika said. "There are records of victims of the 'Moon Reader' genjutsu. The mental damage is great, and requires much work to heal... but rumours you need Tsunade-sama or someone of her ilk to do it are grossly inflated. And the purpose of the Tsukuyomi is a factor as well; your very brother used it once to give the Sandaime a detailed report in a glance, allowing us to shut down a pirate fleet off Chai's coast acting without Monkey-sama's sanction. I understand you can use other mind based disciplines within it as well. Tell me, before Miritashi-san gave you that conditional fail, what was your inclination to get help?"

"Next to none, until she blocked my advancement."

"Now, why is that? Surely getting help is a valid way to get stronger?"

"I must get strong on my own--" the Uchiha began in his most flat tone, then his eyes went wide. "Oh, fuck a seaking," Sasuke winced.

"With work, a Uchiha can be a notable hypnotist," Sumika noted.

"And we also have the bullshit shortcut of stealing the eye of someone who's already gained the skill," Sasuke growled.

Sumika blinked. "I didn't know that one. Wait, Itachi was not a noted hypnotist. The last one of your clan to be known for the skill was..."

Sasuke nodded. "Even if our favourite cousin did kill himself, my brother more than likely was already planning whatever he did to me, and saw a possible tool." Sasuke shook his head. "But why? Before then, my brother was my inspiration, everything a brother should be."

Sumika sighed. "Sasuke, I think something happened during the massacre of your clan that your brother absolutely does not want you to remember. I also think he was adamant you live."

Sasuke frowned. "So he got Shisui's eyes so he could control me--"

"No," Sumika corrected. "Strong as Sharingan hypnotism is, it is not like our hijutsu. Yamanaka techniques provide true mind control at our highest levels. Hypnotism is a matter of suggestion, requiring part of you to agree to it. The Sharingan's strength in this area comes from it's predictive powers."

"Knowing what to say when," Sasuke said. "But... Shi-nii-san was reputed to be able to give one absolute command--"

"Shusui always did have had a silver tongue," Sumika noted with a wry smirk. "And, well... perhaps you should look up who he was courting before his death. Your brother likely took advantage of knowing you your whole life. So he planted in your head some suggestions. One obviously was to make you desire strength. Another was to isolate yourself. When two such suggestions clash they both start to buckle; the same as when you act against them."

"... so... you want me to socialize?"

* * *

1313 h

"Nii-sama!"

"What do you want, Anko?"

Anko pouted. "Can't I come see my favourite almost brother just to see him?"

Kakashi looked over his book at her. "You could. Experience tells me you have not. Especially when you call me 'nii-sama'."

"Ah, you know me well," Anko agreed with a sigh. She looked around. "Why are we standing on the side of the Tower of Heaven and Earth...?"

Kakashi's gaze returned to his book, but Anko caught the tell tale narrowing of his exposed eye. "Because we're in the centre of the Forest of Death, Anko. Why, do you find remaining perpendicular to the ground difficult?"

Anko opened her mouth to rejoin that implied slight, but then realization of Kakashi's current assignment stopped her. She looked toward the ground.

"... how long have you had the chuunin-sensei walking up the side of the tower, Kakashi-nii?" she wondered, looking at the straining nin below them.

"Oh, since just after lunch," Kakashi said in that off handed tone that made Gai dub him 'cool and hip'.

"... it's drop bear season, isn't it?"

Kakashi barely shrugged. "We imported them from Sphere's End. They're good motivators."

Anko smiled. "Indeed."

Kakashi cast a glance at her. "My brilliant sadism confirmed, you needed something?"

"Welllll..."

"Yes...?"

"Can I borrow Pakkun, Nii-sama?"

Kakashi's exposed eyebrow rose. "You have your own messenger."

"Yeah, but Kageko's sitting one of my baby-nin. Besides, she's not as fast at tracking on the go. Nee-chan's already on the way here, right?"

Kakashi turned back to his book. "Why do you need to message her, then? You can talk when she gets here around 1430, or at dinner tonight."

"Aw. I wanted her to help me teach one of the minions..."

"Will it fuck with their head?" Kakashi asked.

"Oh, yes. Until it gives birth to wonderful, life-changing ideas."

"Well, I dunno," Kakashi said. "I was gonna give Pakkun the day off--"

Anko's face fell and she nodded.

"Did have him out all day yesterday helping me with administration and less lethal things--"

Anko nodded again.

"Ma, he likes ya any way, here ya go, summon slam, Pakkun!"

"Kakashi. Whatdoya-- ANKO!"

"DOGGIE!"

"The glomping... can we skip--"

Anko's head snapped up from where Pakkun's head rested on her bosom, even as the pug growled.

"NO!" they answered in chorus.

Kakashi shook his head, eyebrow raised high in mirth. "Just asking."

* * *

1333 h

"He... was not aware of his kekkei genkai?" Neji's grandfather murmured. Any other moment, Neji might have been a bit more pleased at making the man he was named for startle. Even a non-Hyuuga could see the naked surprise on Chourou-sama's face.

Most addressed him as Chourou, with -sama added as needed when simply addressing him as "Elder" wasn't enough. Chourou was how Neji thought of his grandfather. It was a cold comfort, but amusing to be better known by a name than the man you were named for. The matching surprise on his mother and uncle's face offset any joy at seeing Chourou off base. 

"You thought perhaps another Uzumaki had told him?" Neji asked, meeting his mother's eyes.

"Or Sarutobi-hokage," Hina admitted. "We have been distant for various reasons, but..."

Hinata reached over and laid a hand on her aunt's shoulder. It suddenly occurred to Neji-- even in the most informal setting, only he and his mother got to sit this close to the raised platform the Souke sat on in the audience chamber.

"If family were easy, it would mean nothing," Hiashi reflected.

A more loaded statement Neji could not recall hearing.

There was a tapping on the sliding door. Hiashi's Byakugan flashed active a moment. "Enter, Kazushi-san."

The door slid open to reveal the Hyuuga in question in a kneeling bow. "Apologies, Hiashi-sama, but Uzuki Yuugao is requesting the presence of Hina-san, Neiji-kun, myself and... others at the gate. Some of those called have been... advised they are too busy by others."

Chourou grunted in displeasure. "Sit tall, Kazu-kun. They do not think. I thank you for bringing their offence to our attention." He turned to his namesake. "Neji, never forget. Uzumaki is a noble clan of Konoha as much as we are."

"Forgive me, Neji," Kazushi said. "I was unsure how much of your heritage your mother had shared. I mean no--"

"Kazu. Thank you," Neji said simply. Kazushi's small smile showed the chuunin understood their shared gaze, that to Kazushi he was not to merely be Hiashi's nephew but Kazushi's own cousin. Another Uzumaki of Hyuuga blood.

Chourou smiled briefly himself, and then grew serious. "Point of fact, diminished though they seem... the Uzumaki are our betters. Understand. should anyone interfere in any Hyuuga's business as a member of the Uzumaki, I hope those of better manners are not slow to inform myself or Hiashi as soon as possible. Doubly so if they are your fellow Bunke."

Kazushi nodded solemnly. "Those that need to be reminded shall be, Chourou-sama."

Neji nodded slowly. "Yes, Chourou-sama."

"Hiashi?" Chourou asked. As was clan custom, he could and was expected to step in to teach the younger Hyuuga-- but actually dealing with the situation was up to the clan head.

Hiashi considered a moment. "Hinata. Paper, brush, ink, and my stamp... as well as the clan's."

Hinata reached behind the dais and retrieved the requested items, as well as a small portable writing desk. "Tou-san."

There was silence as Hiashi wrote. He stamped the clan chop and his own on the order. "Hinata. Accompany Kazushi. This order should clarify that barring life and death situations, your cousins are in fact free to attend to Uzumaki matters. Hina, Neji, you are excused to do so yourselves."

Hinata took the offered paper and bowed. "Yes, Otou-san." She rose. With a blush, she nodded to Kazushi and the other smiled and bowed back.

Hiashi and his father rose from their position on the main house dais, as did Hina. But Neji's mother closed the small distance between herself and the Souke. 

Again, something few Bunke would do.

"Hiashi-sama. I will go with Hinata and Kazushi. However, I would request we make our feeling on this matter even more explicit. Besides, there are Hyuuga matters at least one of us should attend to with you."

Hiashi raised an eyebrow. Neji saw his mother's eyes fall on the clan head's left sleeve. Hiashi... his uncle bowed his head...?

Hina smiled. "Tou-sama...?"

Chourou smirked. "... yes. These old legs need a stretch--"

He turned to see Hina offering his cane.

"A stretch. Not a torturous attempt to keep up with you, Daughter."

"Bah. Like you weren't sparring with Saru-hokage and the Monkey King last week."

"I suppose I have my moments," her father in law reflected. "Hiashi...?"

Son looked to father, and Chourou nodded sternly. Then, the older Hyuuga turned, gestured for Hinata and Kazushi to precede them, and linked arms with his daughter in law.

"Help your doddering old father, Hina."

"Doddering my arse."

"Hina. You are family, I would never dodder your arse."

Their voices faded after Hina closed the door, but Neji had to smirk at his mother's rejoinder: "Why, what's wrong with it?"

Neji turned to his uncle and felt that same tension that had tainted things between them since the death of his father.

Hiashi descended the low height of the dais, stood before him... then knelt seiza.

His uncle, head of the clan, in the clan audience chamber, sat before him on the same level.

"Your concern for your cousin... fills me with a pride I feel I have no right to, Neji."

"I... thank you, Hiashi-sama," Neji managed. "I hope... Naruto has expressed great pride, given the history of the Uzumaki. I hope he can learn more of what he's taking such pride in as time goes by. And," he added, and knew the worry appeared in his voice, "that he learns to not let that pride get in the way of what is needed to keep him healthy enough to express it."

Hiashi nodded. "Well said. In some ways, Naruto has been quite sheltered. In others, ignored. Perhaps your mother can help get through to him, and convince the other Uzumaki that their current policy toward him is flawed."

"One hopes," Neji agreed.

They sat in silence for a stretch. Then Hiashi rubbed his forehead and sighed.

"I keep making excuses, but your actions as of late make it clear they are just that."

"...Hiashi-sama?" Neji prompted. Seeing his uncle this vexed was rather... stunning.

The clan leader met his eyes, even as Hiashi reached into his right sleeve. "I carry this with me some days. I suppose in hope I'll stop torturing myself and you. Your... Hizashi wrote this, for you, on that day."

Neji looked down at the carefully folded letter being offered. He took it. The release was simple enough, and Neji made to unfold it, but paused. Hiashi made to rise. "I'll..."

"Uncle Hiashi. Have you read it?"

"... no. I've been tempted. But--"

"Read it with me."

* * *

1400 h

"Three mice says she's here all afternoon."

"Kageko will take that bet, Cat."

The dark haired nin in a chuunin vest and blue shirt and trousers sighed. "Sakura, if you'd give me a moment, I'm sure I can find the index scroll--"

"Bastards should put the rotting thing back!" Sakura growled. She grabbed another book, thumbed through the introduction, growled again, and re-shelved it. "Hirohi-san, I need a file detailing medical concerns for an Uzumaki. This is the Tsunade Medical Collection, and it is filed by name of condition. Which would be fine, if anyone would tell me what the name of the Log damned condition is!"

"If the complaint is specific to a clan or blood line," a soft voice said, "you want the section where the Tsunade Collection and the Hizashi Kekkei Genkai Registry meet."

Sakura slowly turned. The woman speaking had just past shoulder-length brown hair and large, bright, brown eyes. She also had two purple rectangular markings on each of her cheeks-- clan markings, most likely. She wore a black tank top in an athletic style tailored for support in combat, a high waist light purple apron skirt, a pair of shorts, a blue-banded Konoha forehead protector, sandals, and stockings that stopped at her thighs. She had a back pack with a number of scroll slots on it.

"I'm Rin," the woman said with a smile. "I'm an inin and I specialize in Kekkei Genkai and other hereditary factors. You said Uzumaki? I may be able to help."

Sakura gave a tired smile back. "Haruno Sakura. Please. My jounin-sensei, Miratashi Anko, decided to make me dig instead of telling me. Training."

Rin slowly nodded. "That's our Anko, alright," she murmured. "This way."

Sakura barely heard one of the library cats concede the bet of three mice to her sensei's snake as she followed the inin.

"My starting place when dealing with inherited issues is this," the woman said, gesturing to a huge reference book on a reading stand. "Uchiha Yusuke, a contemporary of Tsunade-sama, started the Kekkei Genkai no I-Hakkajiten, as a reference for inin treating things like his clan's Sharingan." She started quickly paging through the book as Sakura stood beside her. "It's rather sad his clan never allowed the access needed to give the Sharingan the article it deserves-- especially when Tsunade-sama's own grandmother Mito-sama helped him with the seal work to make this main copy of the Encyclopedia and the records used to compile print editions tied together-- something is added to the records, the book updates."

"Amazing," Sakura said, touching the book reverently. "Living books are so hard to set up-- I've seen the living history Horekishi..." She shook her head and refocused. "So, by clan?"

"Yes, or bloodline. For example, here's details on how the Inuzuka's unique relationship with dogs increases their chances for some illnesses and decreases it for others."

Sakura reached over, paging through with the same care the senior nin had. "Uzumaki..." she murmured. "Ah. Here you are-- ah, Awesome! That healing thing is a kekkei genkai. Towa Baitaru Shinpaku."

"Mm," the woman agreed. "The Perpetual Vital Heart Beat. Totapaku. Often nick named 'Total Package' in East Blue. May I ask why this particular assignment--"

"The pills are for his Chi-Shinshoku," Sakura said. "It's like any over active immune system... he isn't taking his pills, and doesn't know why he needs them, and so the Erosion eats away at his own body..."

"Friend of yours an Uzumaki?" Rin prompted.

Sakura nodded "An orphan. And somethings, it's like everyone expected someone else to tell him."

Rin gave her a puzzled look. "So he did not know about the Blood Erosion, only that pills were being foisted on him? That is odd. An Uzumaki orphan should be among the best cared for in town."

Sakura sighed. "I have to admit, Naruto's turning out to be the exception to a lot of cases. He didn't know he had a kekkei genkai. One of his cousins noticed and told him that much but... it may take a while to tell him the details."

Rin's face grew serious-- like a doctor, Sakura realized. Like one looking for a cure. "Uzumaki Naruto? I see. I know several of the Uzumaki in town, perhaps I can help... redress this wrong. Meanwhile... are you training to become an inin?"

"Planning to."

"Then I will simply tell you, part of our oath is to inform our allies of what ails them when appropriate. Believe you me. It took ... quite awhile for a team mate to accept he'd need anti-rejection drugs and daily i-chakra infusions until his body accepted a battlefield transplant. And just in case..." she reached into one of her scroll holders and pulled one out. "Here. It's a simple jutsu, the element-less variant of the Restraint jutsu. It's practically an camping jutsu among inin."

"Oh?" Sakura wondered.

"Well... in case he gets too rambunctious-- like Uzumaki do..."

That statement brought a shared long suffering look.

"And look me up when you are registered to train," Rin said, smiling.

"Thank you, Sempai. I will!" Sakura said, smiling.

 _An experienced inin has noticed me!_ Inner Sakura said, doing a little dance.

"You'll excuse me, I still must check in at the tower, and then I'm meeting some friends."

"Of course, please don't let me keep you, Sempai."

Sakura was still smiling when the woman disappeared from sight. "Well! Thank you, Hiroshi-san, for your help... and putting up with my--" she paused at the thoughtful look he was giving her. "Hiroshi-san?"

"Forgive me, Sakura-chan," the shishonin explained. "It's just...it is remarkable Shiraishi-sama had that much time to spare, as she values her time at home between... where ever she was last needed and where ever she is heading."

Sakura knew shock made her wide-eyed. "That was... the Leaf's Balm? The Yondaime's student, Shiraishi Rin?"

"Indeed."

"Well, Log bless my sweet little soul," Sakura managed, and fainted.

* * *

1429 h

"Yuugao," Rin greeted the ANBU.

"Rin-sempai, Kakashi-sama," the ANBU returned.

"Again with the sama," Kakashi grumbled.

"This is a clan meeting--" a portly man said, rising.

He was forced back down with a gulp by Shiraishi Rin and Hatake Kakashi's twin glares.

"Uzumaki Shogo," Kakashi noted. "Tries to coast on his father's admirable service record. Washed out of the academy himself. Runs this bar. Shogo, given you have already allowed Neji-sama in and we have a vested interest in matters at hand... shut up."

"We are here to deliver a message," Rin said, her voice the best clinical tone. There were some gulps.

"We have respected the Uzumaki's wishes regarding our sensei's son until now." Hatake sounded bored, which made many an attendee shudder.

"However, now we find that only the Hyuuga Uzumaki and a few others actually seem to give a damn about Naruto-kun," Shiraishi said.

"Understanding the restrictions of the Peace seal," Hatake sighed, "Hina? Yuugao?"

"Yes, Hatake-san?" Hyuuga Hina prompted.

"As Kushina-hime's closest relatives, you're the registered regents."

"And have also actually taken actions to aid Naruto when you can," Rin noted.

"That too," Kakashi agreed. "Based on that... point, and tell us what must be done."

"What...?" a slender woman, hair classic Uzu Auburn, murmured.

"They will kill on our word," Hina growled. "I am tempted."

"I would help," the eldest Hyuuga Souke said.

"How..." Shogo said with forced calm. "How bad--"

"He doesn't know about the Totapaku, or the Erosion," Yuugao supplied.

The portly bar keeper's eyes widened. "Does not-- what? What?" He turned to the other Uzumaki. "I have never been an active nin and I was taught of our gifts and the drawbacks from birth! No one? Did we all think it was someone else's job?"

"Or Yuugao and I were being counselled we'd be too obvious if we talked to him," Hina grumbled.

Shogo sighed. "At this rate, I half expect some of you would justify not serving him in your--" His head snapped around as even he could spot flinches.

Neji the Elder stood, eyes full of fury. "You. Are. Kidding. Me. Minato's son? Kushina's little one?"

The slender woman stood, moving closer to Shogo. "They are not. They-- yes, the clan head must be able to stand for us all, and yes he must be kept secure, but-- we did _not_ do that to Kushina-sama!"

"Indeed, Megumi," Yuugao said. "I wonder how many others have used circumstance to justify shaming clan and kin..."

"Hiashi was just making clear to our clan that you are our betters," Neji-chourou said. "It is a shame I find you failing to live up to that."

"The situation is different--" a short, brown haired man in a chuunin vest began.

Hyuuga Kazushi stood, slamming the table. His fellow Uzumaki-blooded Bunke Hyuuga instantly moved to stand behind he and Hina. Several other unseated Uzumaki joined them, as well as the Hyuuga Elder. The implication was obvious, as were the way many a seated clan member did not look at Kazushi, but at who he was addressing.

He spoke for the clan.

"Only in that a law meant to protect Naruto-kun from those idiots who choose not to recall our Princess allows you to feel you can get away with it, Subaru! Neji-chourou-sama and Hiashi-sama sent Hinata around with a rather pointed reminder to our kin today that they consider Uzumaki business to have priority over any Hyuuga matters. Chourou-sama just said that they consider the Uzumaki the Hyuuga's better. And yet you, Subaru, hide like a cowardly dog when it comes to helping--"

"Kazushi-kun," Hina said gently, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Let us not be hasty. Let us show our kin how to properly handle such things." She turned with a benevolent smile to her gathered clan. "I give you a chance to explain now with full honestly. Anyone who has completely ignored Naruto-kun, who honestly felt they were doing what was best and shunned him, raise your hands. Come now, don't be shy. We are simply giving you a chance to explain."

She nodded slowly as hands went up. It took a good five minutes, but eventually a quarter of those present-- a quarter of the Uzumaki of age in town-- had hands raised.

"Very good. Hatake-san, if you would kindly have these ones escorted to Ibiki's colleagues to have their explanations recorded--"

"What?" Subaru cried.

"Now, now," Hina said kindly. "The Morino clan have long, long been our allies. Why, I have it on good authority Ibiki and his brother have both shown a fondness for Naruto-kun. We can trust him to aid us in this, as we have let our own discipline structure go slack. As long as he does not feel you have lied or overstepped yourselves, you will be free in the day, yes?"

There were several fearful looks exchanged as Hatake waved some ANBU in. In the end, those who fessed up were lead out with minimal fuss. Shiraishi nodded to the Uzumaki regents, and she and Hatake followed.

Once they were clear. Hina promptly slumped in her chair. "So now what?"

Her father in law gently laid a hand on her shoulder. "You start making your clan reflect its reputation."

* * *

1504 h

"Neji! Welcome back, my Youthful team mate!"

Neji gave Rock Lee a small smile and a nod. "Lee. Have we broken off for the day? As a large group, I mean?"

"Not at all," Lee assured him, returning to punching the training post before him. It never failed to amaze him how Lee could just accept whatever face Neji put on. "Merely our sensei received word from the Hokage, and decided to allow free training while they reported to the tower. We reconvene at 1530. Ino and Shikamaru still looked rather... put out from whatever happened during their youthful lunchtime meeting; they were directed to meditate at a shrine the Hana Fuda Three share. Though Ino seemed to be invoking the Shodai for protection and Shika..."

Neji raised an eyebrow.

"... Shika looked... beaten. Mentally."

"'Beaten'?"

"Like a taiko drum essemble calling in the harvest."

Neji blinked. "I see. And... Hinata's team...?"

"Kurenai gave Team Eight an most Sly orienteering challenge. Naruto and Chouji -"

There was a rumble and the ground shook. It was followed by a scream of "Naruto!"

"- I believe they have agreed to free spar, with Sakura providing a Youthful observer as she finishes a report for their sensei."

"Ah. To keep him from going too far," Neji deduced.

"Indeed," Lee agreed. "Tenten is off at the nearby target range."

"Still trying to master her Dragons?"

"She has managed a consistent release on the seals," Lee noted happily.

"Yeah," came Tenten's voice, "but delivering the pay load sequentially is a bit of a drop bear. I may have to alter the sealing matrices, which are a weasel wind as is..."

Neji nodded as the missile weapons specialist entered. "I would assume the bulk of the weapons takes care of that, but..."

"Mm? Oh, yeah," Tenten said as her mind refocused. "Yeah, no, I do have a strip for that, my Subekinoukuchou no Jutsu."

Neji thought a moment. "Kinoukuchou..." he mused.

Rock Lee stroked his chin. "Meaning Subete, Kinou no Tokuchou...?"

"Ah," Neji agreed. "'Everything, and Yesterday's Feature.' Whatever you can cram in the order-- the seal."

"Exactly," Tenten nodded. "And that _is_ one seal. The point of the Soushouryuu Shurikenjutsu is a sustained assault. But each seal in one strip, let alone two, is its own targeting position..."

Neji frowned. "Well, what if the strips just held the weapons, and you threw them? Even moving, you're good at a sustained barrage."

Lee raised a finger, smiling. "Ah! The strips can merely be the Awesome method the Youthful mass payload is held!"

"... that might work," Tenten said thoughtfully. She looked up at Neji and gave him a smirk. "Lack of injury and your mood seems to say the meeting with your uncle went well."

Neji's smile was melancholy. "My father was a hero, and my uncle and I can both torture ourselves." At Tenten's blink and Lee's "Oh...?" he sighed. "My uncle was willing to risk war and not send my father, let alone anything to placate Kumo. My father... wrote me a letter. My uncle's been holding on to it... we read it together today. It's funny. I... did not think my uncle cried. As it turns out, the Raikage placed most of the blame on his shinobigashira and a subversive group. This... 'head ninja'... died by my uncle's hand, and I know at least some of the identified members of his supposed conspiracy are dead..."

"Indeed."

Neji blinked. When his sensei wasn't pulling a Dynamic entry, Maito Gai could be damn ghost-like.

The green-clad jounin held a red book-- a "bingo book" of bounties issued by Konoha, Neji realized. "Of the nine the Raikage used as scapegoats, Ei-sama killed one himself as 'fully aware of the conspiracy'."

"For show?" Lee offered.

"Most likely," Gai agreed. "Of the eight left, three fell in... questionable incidents involving Kumo's own forces before Sarutobi-sama could even update our books. Coincidentally, a member of the Yotsuki clan was involved in each of these."

"That is significant...?" Neji asked. "I know they are known to be loyal, but what loyalty do they owe the Hyuuga?"

"None," Gai allowed. "But... when the attack on Uzushio started all those years ago, the Raikage of the day specifically ordered that no Yotsuki who refused to attack the Uzumaki was to be considered a traitor."

"The Yotsuki... and the Uzumaki..?" Neji wondered.

"To the point that those that pressed Ei to try to get your uncle's head have also faced... interesting luck," Gai noted. "Of the other five... well, accidents happen."

Neji smiled. "Nothing Konoha would be connected to."

"We'd do that?" Tenten said with a gasp that was all show.

"Of course not," Lee assured her with far too much naivete, the kind he was faking. "We are the tree huggers, we are far too Youthful for untraceable revenge."

"Of course," Gai agreed, and he held out the bingo book. "One remains. He rarely leaves Kumo."

The picture of Nishihara Eikichi was thereafter blazed into Neji's memory.

* * *

1515 h

Anko blinked at the neat report her genin handed her.

"Next time it's this vital to his health," Sakura said far too evenly. "Just tell me. Although, I do thank you for arranging that meeting.”

“What Meeting?” Anko said with faux innocence and an grin.

Sakura shrugged. "Okay."

And she turned away to walk toward where Hinata and Shino were deep in discussion.

Anko studied her genin (she'd filed the papers for all three already, not that she'd tell them) and frowned.

That was not simple impatience. That had reminded her of Kakashi. Acknowledging the game, and then clearly saying he wasn't playing, and didn't care.

Not a skill a genin could pick up overnight.

* * *

1516 h

 _Hachiman, Izanagi, Izanami..._ Suiri-Sakura recited.

 _See?_ Chokkan-Sakura said. _We went with me, and I got by fine!_

_Raiden, Susano-o, Kishimoto, Oda..._

_Sensei didn't kill us, or try and force us to keep playing, or--_

_Kazuokoike, Gosekikojima..._

_Leaf, how many kami are you going to list?_

_As many as it takes to stop from wanting to puke!_

* * *

1521 h

"Hello. I am Hiruko Ebisu. You may address me as Ebisu-sensei. I am here to formally induct nine of you into the First Genin Corps, and promise that if the other two aren't ready by the time their sensei is done with them, I will track them down so I may laugh. Long and hard."

"Love you too, Ero-Ebi," Naruto shot back.

"I find my wife prefers me that way, Naruto," the tokujou shot back cleanly, adjusting his shades. Naruto blinked at him.

"That's Awesome!"

Kiba frowned. "He goes super serious on you and you call it awesome?"

"No, I call it Awesome," Naruto corrected.

Ebisu smirked. "Perhaps, Kiba-kun, it is because he sees how I went 'super serious'." The teacher inclined his head, ever so slightly.

Ino blinked. "Your shades. You're adjusting how the light hits them!"

"Yeah, he made them all mirrory to make him look serious," Naruto agreed.

Ebisu nodded. "Well done. It is this area... the little details we sometimes lose focusing on flashy jutsu and kill style and the other 'set pieces' of nindo-- that I specialize in."

"Is it true you killed someone with the Lamplight jutsu?" Sakura asked, smiling at the reaction this brought from the other genin.

"That and the target's own camping knife," Ebisu confirmed. "Now, details. We are adopting, with this class, something Uzumaki-kun's relatives did before Uzushio fell. As I said, all those who pass your sensei's test shall be inducted into the First Genin Corps. You will still have one on one training with your assigned sensei, but we shall also train as a group and in other combinations. The people around you now are as much your team as the two you were assigned with on graduating. You will go on missions in various combinations, we will regularly interact as a group, and so on. Now, today, we're going to tell you why the next few weeks are going to be review of things that you should have learnt in Academy. Ah, excellent, our guest speaker is here."

Sakura scowled at the woman being accompanied by two ANBU. "Well, hello, Mio-sensei."

And then frowned thoughtfully as the woman bowed far too low for her supposed standing. "Genin."

Ebisu seemed to find the by-play amusing. "She's going to talk about politics a bit, and why a group of eight fucking idiots from various clans are on the Hokage's shit list."

Naruto blinked. "Do you talk like that around Konohamaru?"

"Maybe if I had, I'd still be teaching him, Uzumaki-kun. Though thank you for helping us both get some clarity on that count."

"I'm Awesome like that."

"Mm. Continue to be so by taking your pills-- in about two and three quarter hour's time, yes, Anko?"

Naruto scowled. "Alright, alright. Neji and Nee-sensei are in charge of nagging Naruto about his pills today, alright?"

Shikamaru snorted. "Medication is Trouble--"

Sakura stepped in front of the lazy genius. "Naruto's death would be more so."

"Troublesome wo--" Shikamaru began, and then gasped.

"There will be no declarations of such ridiculous biases among the company of the Genin Gundan," Ebisu said. His voice was gentle, cultured, even polite... but his shades were now black holes that seemed to allow no avoidance. "Especially since Sakura-san is entirely correct. Shikamaru. Punishment detail. One lap, as directed by Maito-sensei. Immediately after the presentation. And I will be informing your Obaa-sensei."

Shikamaru gulped.

"Shikamaru!" Asuma barked. "Acknowledge Ebisu-sensei!"

"Yes, Ebisu-sensei!" the Nara managed.

Ebisu nodded. "Good, good. If one of us is unavailable, Shiranui Genma will be here to oversee punishments. I will warn you-- I am very good at making the punishment fit the crime and the criminal." He gestured to Mio. "If you would...?"

* * *

1548 h

"My word. I swear, the boy is giving me a show," Hiruzen was murmuring.

Danzou held back a snort. Kakashi may well be giving his Hokage a sort of show, but Saru and Danzou were doing no less. To those without clearance or wit to understand how the Leaf really worked, Danzou was going through Hiruzen's paper work while Hiruzen was 'distracted' watching Kakashi lead the chuunin instructors around the Academy/ Hokage office complex.

If this was the truth of the matter, the Bears would have had Danzou's head on a platter for their Hokage in seconds, and a psychologist inin in the office to check their leader's competence.

"I don't think there'll be any complaints about shouldering those sand bags."

"Oh?" Danzou said absently, scanning the training regimen submitted by Ebisu. It was brilliant, and he penned but a few comments in the memo Hiruzen was sending back-- mainly to do with what he understood Asuma planned to treat the Nara and Yamanaka heirs to. Ebisu would figure out how to... accent the unique shock of dealing with Utatane Koharu. These were of course done in his near perfect imitation of Sarutobi's calligraphy.

Ebisu knew the subtle differences, had spotted them years ago in fact, but one must keep up appearances.

"Indeed. Kakashi is shouldering the same weight... and his wife."

Danzou let the smallest bit of amusement seep into his voice. "Is he angling his book so she can read it?"

"Mm, just like when they were heading off on their honey moon. How _do_ they act so poised and disinterested?"

"I suppose some of us manage it, Hokage-sama," Danzou murmured, knowing Hiruzen would hear the compliment behind the apparent hidden barb-- and really, if most idiots could spot the supposed barb was it even hidden, let alone a barb?

Danzou shuffled past a couple more memos before coming across one particular list in neat calligraphy... and froze.

Sabotage. At the academy. Clan members blackmailing teachers.

Twenty pages of this rot.

Threatening to send refugees back into the _Bloody Mist_.

Saru met his sideways glance with one of his own. The Bears did nothing as he folded the list four times and slipped it in the pocket in his left sleeve. Hiruzen looked away and Danzou slipped over to join him at the window.

"... are those the traditional Kaju robes she's wearing?"

"Mm. And look who's helping her snake chase around the poor bastards."

"... that tank top of little Rin-chan's has become rather well fitting."

"It suits her just so. Tissue?"

"Oh, thank you."

And then they were just two old honourable perverts enjoying the view.

Nothing odd in Konoha.

* * *

1613 h

"Here," Sakura said after Naruto had swallowed his pills.

Naruto scowled. "A handout? We're not in Academy anymore, Sakura!"

Sakura sighed. "Just read."

Naruto growled, but started to do so... and then blinked.

"This is about my kekkei genkai?"

Sakura nodded. "I kept it brief, and as simple as I could. There's articles and books about your clan's amazing vitality, Naruto. I know Neji said his mother would explain--"

"Rin-nee-chan helped you get this?" Naruto interrupted, pointing to a note in the margins.

"Yes," Sakura said. "Another 'old friend'?"

Naruto gave her a foxy grin in return for her smirk. "Eh-heh. Kinda have a few of those."

"How'd you meet her?" Sakura asked gently.

Naruto looked away, sobering a bit. "I haven't had much luck with inin," he said quietly, "but Rin-nee is one of the good ones. Kakashi used to take me to her when I was little. She's... out of town too much to be my regular inin now. And most of the good ones... others get in the way, or... y'know. Stuff."

Sakura frowned and took out a piece of paper and a pencil. "Tell me the other good ones."

* * *

1615 h

Shikamaru sat, and starred at the small altar in the shrine his family shared with their closest allies.

He did not sit crosslegged. He sat seiza. Even if he had not been ordered so, he would have.

This deserved serious meditation. His second session of the day.

It was not that... o-baa-sensei... had beaten him in go. His father beat him in several games of stategy regularly. But there, he put on a good show.

O-Baa-sensei had destroyed him. In go, she reduced him to amateur status. Him! The one that chuunin and jounin alike asked to play, even before he left academy!

Ino was silent beside him. Ino, often chided for humming while meditating, was now _silent_ beside him.

He knew it was his father who entered the room, and who settled in beside him.

Once his father broke the silence, Shikamaru thought. Once his dad broke the ice, he could get his real sensei's mad plans derailed. Get back to playing shogi and doing the bare minimum on missions.

After a moment, his father spoke.

"I heard you played someone in go today who far out stripped your skill."

"...yes," Shikamaru admitted.

"She is someone I have often played," Shikaku admitted, then stopped to clear his throat. "Though I admit, to this day, she must ask me. After the first year or so, I stopped challenging her to shogi, go... any of it."

"... I see," Shikamaru said.

"Every time I've beaten her, it's been hard fought," the older Nara noted quietly. "She was our sensei, son. Do you understand? My sensei is teaching you."

Any hope of parental help went out the window. With a swallow, Shikamaru managed a, "Yes, tou-san."

"Very good. You and Ino best rejoin your group, you're doing something major with the rest of the First Genin Corps this evening."

"Yes, sir."

He knew a dismissal when he heard one. He rose, and met Ino's eyes briefly.

His suffering saw an echo in hers.

* * *

1625 h

"So, Sakura-chan," the Hokage said in his grandfatherly manner, "How can we help you today?"

The girl before him-- it took him a second to understand why she surprised him-- but the way she was looking at him, this was a kunoichi. In defiance of the opinion of most of the Academy, bar Iruka and a few others, this was a kunoichi.

Excellent.

"I have a list here," Sakura said. "of doctors my team mate trusts. This other, shorter list? Are those that even his forgiving nature remembered as wronging him." Hiruzen looked at both lists and nodded gravely. He began to add his own annotations with the office pen at his side. "Our head inin will be given it. He has already decreed that Naruto shall not be treated-- or even seen-- without his presence for the next half year. Your sempai Rin was rather quick to expose the lapse in Naruto's treatment. He has not told them, but he will extend this on a whim if he is unsatisfied. Coupled with your lists..."

Sakura bowed. "Thank you, Hokage-sama."

"And you would be within your rights as his team mate to remind them of this, if they forget."

"I shall, Hokage-sama."

The Hokage held out the lists. Chiaki appeared at his side with a third piece of paper in one hand and a small pile in the other.

"Cover letter. To make it official," Chiaki noted, expertly folding the trio. "Your timing is excellent, by the way."

"Moon Bear," Hiruzen murmured.

"Oh?" Sakura asked.

"Ebisu wanted to get your yearly medical assessment done this very evening," the Hokage explained. The girl controlled her surprise at the ANBU's appearance better than some chuunin.

"Will this include a mental check up?" Sakura asked after a moment.

Hiruzen raised an eyebrow. "Should it?" he said, taking the paper and brush Chiaki offered. He raised the brush, glanced at the tip, passed it back to to Chiaki, accepted a replacement as Chiaki 'tsked' at the first one, and sat ready to write out the official order.

"For myself... I've stumbled across a... trick, of sorts that may become a jutsu. As it involves... mental gymnastics... I'd wish to make sure I'm not... well, fucking myself up."

Hiruzen grinned. "My team mate lacked your foresight, and nearly blinded herself early in her career. As for the others...?"

Sakura gave a small grin. "Wouldn't hurt. They all have... quirks, but some are worrying or at least a bit attention drawing."

The Hokage's hands flew into writing. "Done. I've been hoping to start phasing in yearly mental evaluations as the Yondaime was contemplating. My sensei, bless him, was not an inin and perhaps underestimated pyschology's ability to help nin."

"If my concern for the others in the Genin Corps helps you do so... it is my pleasure to help the village," Sakura managed.

The Hokage offered the paper to Chiaki, who used a quick drying jutsu on it before stacking it with the other three and quickly cast a jutsu. The blank sheets he'd brought out smoked slightly, and he pased them to Sakura. "Your copy." He took another set of blanks. "Hospital's copy," he said with another pass of the printing jutsu. "I'll file the originals in the archives. " He took the copy to be sent to the Hospital, and folding it officially before laying out the mojikara, the special characters that sealed them in a fifth paper. That was rolled into a scroll, and then stamped with the Kage's chop and wax sealed shut.

"With all speed, Moon Bear," the Hokage commanded as the ANBU took the scroll and vanished. "If there is nothing else, perhaps you should rejoin your team and the other genin?"

Sakura bowed to him. "Thank you, Hokage-sama. I shall."

He felt but did not comment on Ice Bear leaving his post. The Mice were arriving anyways.

It was a good bit later the ANBU returned.

"All the way to the Academy gate before she started to get knock knees," Ice Bear said, impressed.

"Huh," Hiruzen grunted. "Interesting."

* * *

1630 h

"Excellent," Anko said, and he smiled at the sight of his prospective sensei rubbing her hands together as she sat in one of Souma Tea House's private rooms. She turned to the girl on her left. "Thank you for getting the Professor that, Sakura, and telling me. It'll give me so many oppurtunities to be a sadistic bitch to those that deserve it... Fufufufu."

"As opposed to your dear students?" Sakura prompted with a wry look.

"Sadism is occationally needed, dear Pinkie-minion," Anko assured her. "Though... I will admit I am still learning the when of such things myself, and may push it a bit."

"As long as you don't remind me of my father or certain aunts and uncles and cousins too much, you should be fine."

Anko raised an eyebrow as Sasuke made his presence known. He had no doubt she'd known he was there from his entrance, no matter how quitely he opened the sliding door. She was a jounin, she had likely let him sweat out the full eight minutes he had needed to decide to use his only chance now. And now, he toe-walked in, not fully rising from seiza, closed the door, and knelt a short distance from the table.

Anko let him sweat another five minutes.

"I thought I told you a week?" she said coolly.

Uzumaki was across the table from the jounin, sprawled against a pile of the cushions offered by the tea house-- one only sat seiza without one for prolonged periods as a punishment, after all. The orange clad nin was way less formal than even that. His... rival? classmate? friend? Naruto had that same look of wary hope in his eyes that seemed to start all their meetings. There was a time, a long time ago-- an encouraging nod from his mother when he had joined the other boy on the tire swing outside the academy. Sasuke would allow they had _> almost_ been friends. 

Haruno had a look of composed interest that put her so far out of 'fangirl' he wondered where the kunoichi had hidden herself. Had that eager look from the academy, chasing the shadow others had built up around him, been an act? Was the shift Sensei's doing? Maybe.

Mitarashi herself was giving him a flat, unreadable look-- no. He could read it. It just... suggested something he needed to ignore for now.

"Uchiha Sasuke. I like tomatoes. I like getting up just as night gives way to dawn." Sasuke licked his top lip, hating how pathetic he sounded. "I like hawks, too. I used to love my brother. I think I still might, and I hate that I can't hate him more. And I hate feeling that way. I think... no, I really do hate my father. And a good many of the serving nin I grew up around. But Father... he was an asshole who only paid attention to me when he thought my fucking brother was slipping away. I hate the fact I only get three hours' sleeps most nights because of the nightmares. And I hate feeling weak. My dreams and goals... I never want another child in Konoha to go through what I did. I want to rebuild the Uchiha and make them worthy of being known as founders of Leaf. And yes, I **do** want to kill my brother."

He trailed off, bowed his head.

"Sit to my right," Anko said, as the tea was brought in.

He toe-walked foreward, and settled in the indicated place.

Anko-sensei's preparation of the tea... it was full on ritual, even if they were not fully clad for it. The woman had noted loving the tea ceremony that first day, he recalled. Her cleansing of the pot and cups and bowl and selection from the assortment of leaves delivered spoke of one who loved tea, and even Naruto had risen to seiza as she worked. She poured them a cup each, and they all sat in silence, sipping. Taking his cue from his (hopefully) sensei's demeanour, he did not offer comment on the tea, but sat in silence. He closed his eyes and composed himself.

A hand touched on his shoulder. 

"What did he say to you, that night?"

He met Mitarashi's eyes, and took a breath. "'You've always wanted to surpass me. That's why I'm going to let you live... Foolish little brother,'" he recited easily. "'If you wish to kill me, hate me, detest me. And yet survive in an unsightly way. Run, run and cling to life, and when you have the same eyes as mine, come to me.'" 

"Your clan was planning a coup."

Sasuke blinked. He might have heard Sakura or Naruto gasp. It might have been him. 

"A coup. I... there was... something was going on. I remember... Mother and Father were fighting, and the grown-ups all seemed to be angry about something... a coup?"

"It's not in the public records," Anko noted. "The Hokage told me I could tell you what I know. I'm not sure how much beyond my official briefing that I know, that he knows I know... Your Sensei is an ANBU who ferrets out secrets, but Sarutobi-sama is Hokage again for a reason."

"I've... gotten odd looks..." Sasuke mused, as something seemed to blessedly lighten for once inside him. _His_ sensei, she'd said.

"Most of the town knew something fucked was happening with your clan. It got really tense. Danzou-- that creepy fuck with an arm in a sling and an eyepatch you see round the tower?"

"He's... tried to talk to me once or twice," Sasuke admitted.

"He used to run ANBU. Some say he wanted your whole clan killed. I'm not so sure he'd go that far-- it'd be a waste in his eyes."

Naruto broke the silence. "Anko-nee-sensei... I think--"

"He's been watching you too, yes. But that was never the official plan, killing you all off," she said to Sasuke. "One or both of the Hokage's old team mates-- they form his immediate advisory council-- insisted that only the traitors had to die. Hiruzen-sama didn't want anyone to die, but your father was treating the attempts for a diplomatic solution as a farce."

"He always called the Sarutobi clan a bunch of fools..." Sasuke whispered, and yes, despite his earlier elation, there was a sudden weight joining all the others in his chest.

"Itachi was the Hokage's man inside. He reported directly to the old man. I'm not sure how he thought he could get away with this, but Danzou went over the Hokage's head. He tried to use the fact he had brow-beat the council into agreeing into a mandate and ordered the blood bath-- though grant him this, the official order only indicates that traitors had to die. Like I said, a full clan kill that took out six percent of our jounin forces..." Anko paused, and sipped her tea. "I think Danzou would find that wasteful, even excluding your clan's kekkei genkai. Itachi went to Hiruzen-sama... you'll have to ask the Hokage what they talked about. Everything gets hazy after that, detail wise."

"That night..." Sasuke closed his eyes. 

"Doesn't change what he did. No--"

"No, Sensei. That night he told me where a secret is... about the Sharingan. I-- he told me it, and told me how to confirm it once I get mine."

Anko caught his wary look at the others. "If it's hijutsu..." 

Sasuke swallowed. "No. No. I get it now..." He swallowed. "The highest level of the Uchiha dojutsu... you have kill the person you're closest to. And there's something about stealing your brother's eyes--"

"Oi," Naruto said. "That's sick."

"It's how it works, you thin hammer--" Sasuke began.

"No, I mean your brother setting you up to be powerful by killing him and taking his eyes. That's the idea, right?"

"Not so useless a tool, eh, Uchiha-san...?" Anko murmured as Sasuke stared at Naruto.

The blond saw him staring. "Oi, what's that look for? What? What?"

"You... get what he did...?"

"Some, yeah. If he figured he had to kill most of your clan, an' could only save you-- why not set you up to be the big hero that kills him? Then, you get the super Sharingan to start a new super-awesome-with-nori Uchiha clan! But..." Naruto frowned.

Sasuke leaned in. "What?"

"... Naw, like I know--"

"Orange-minion! Speak before I let Pinky and Broody-minion beat it out of you with sai while I eat ramen in front of you," Anko said with a glare. Glare of Awesome, Sasuke thought idly as Naruto squawked.

"Okay, okay, okay! I'll talk! (would you really eat--)"

"(Miso ramen, with the extra spring onion you like.)"

"(Crap, fine!) It's just-- no one outside your clan was ever told the super secret way to get the ultimate magic eyes by killing friends and family, right?"

Sasuke nodded. "The details are impossible to see unless you are Uchiha. I... can only see parts right now. I need the dojutsu active to see more."

"So, so-- no one's been able to help you guys figure out if there's another way, right?" Naruto said.

Sakura looked at Naruto, and her eyes went wide. "That is the smartest thing you've ever said."

"In your hearing," the blond shot back.

"Tradition, right?" Sakura said, still awed. "'We've always done it this way, so we'll keep doing it this way.' Never thinking about what the things you do are causing inside you, and maybe there's a way to get your body to do that without all the... gore."

"And the brain storm makes lightning," Anko said, grinning.

Naruto nodded, hyped up again. "Believe it! And if the bastard didn't have to go all kill crazy to turn his eyes into mega mode, he's pretty much proven the Uchiha can be super awesome." He turned back to Sasuke. "I mean, won't that be awesome to say to your kids someday, y'know, you're ready for level two, and then be all like kupokupokupo, in my day we had to kill family to get this or see people die, and they'll be like, daaaaaad, and you'll be all--"

"Eye doctors," Sasuke said, as their words all clicked in his head.

"Yeah! What?" Naruto said.

"I've only been to the optic inin's twice," Sasuke said. "Just before I entered the academy, because the laws require it. And when I got these glases a few days ago. All other eye issues were handled in clan. Always, no exceptions. And we had no inin in clan. The one cousin I know of who bucked this did it covertly..."

"Almost like even looking too hard at it yourself is a bad thing," Sakura mused.

"I hope you do find another way," Anko said in that serious manner she took at times.

Sasuke turned his head to her. "... I worry you."

Anko sighed. "Broody, my old teacher was a lot like you. He could be remarkably pleasant to be around, and he was like the father I never got-- but looking back, you can see where he started selling his spirit, piece by piece, and becoming a monster for power. If I see you go that way, I will fucking turn you into a puddle of grease and blood on the ground."

"Hey, sensei, sensei," Naruto blurted. "Who was he, anyway? Your sensei?"

Anko gave them all a level look. "Orochimaru."

Sakura's eyes went wide. "The Hokage's traitor student."

Everyone got lost in their own world a moment. Naruto was the one to break the silence, of course.

"And you turned out so normal!"

There was some chuckles and giggles, and even Sasuke allowed himself a smirk.

Tea was sipped almost automatically, until Sasuke realized he had finished his cup and Anko was looking at him.

"I still want to kill my brother. No matter why he did it, he killed our whole family. Even if it's part of some grand plan to redeem the clan..." Sasuke turned in his spot and looked at Anko, and then bowed low. "Tell me how to stop your worry, O-Sensei-sama. Tell me how to put you at ease."

"Oh, sit up," Anko grumbled. "Never bow that low to me." She met his eyes when he did. "You're getting treated by the mind inin, a session a week or more if they say you need it. You are going to shove aside that god damn Uchiha pride and be human with us. As of now, we are your family. Not some idiot brother whose elaborate redemption plan risks your sanity."

"Family...?" Sasuke managed.

Sakura moved closer-- and she was looking at him differently. Her eyes were harder. It was a good kind of sharpness. "Family. You decide you still want Itachi dead-- we'll be right there with you."

"Hell, we'll make sure the yomi damn pyre's ready for his ass! Believe it!" Naruto said.

Sakura took his hand, and her grip-- girl actually had a pretty good grip on her. "But we'll do it on our terms, as a team."

"Yeah! Team Seven!" Naruto crowed, draping an arm over each of them. The blond looked happier than ever-- an honest, pure happiness that startled Sasuke as he realized just how many of the boy's smiles were fake.

He smiled at them. A small, honest smile. Like the rare ones seen on That Man -- his brother, before that night. An Uchiha smile he would make his.

"I... guess I can put up you guys. If I have to."

"*So* much love!" Anko squeed, wrapping her arms around the lot of them. "Can I do the top of the head kiss thing? Is that going to be awkward?"

"If you must," Sasuke said, but his frown missed his eyes.

"Mwah!"

* * *

1715 h

The cobalt haired inin smiled professionally at the gathered genin lined up before him, nodding to each sensei who stood behind their students-- though Anko had expected this particular bit of officiousness to bow fully to Asuma. He seemed like the type. "Greeting, and welcome to Konoha Hospital! My name is Hatagami Hiroki--"

"You are banned from contact with my team mate," Sakura all but growled. "I was there when the Hokage signed the order. And besides, no one is allowed to treat Naruto without the head inin here."

The man smirked. "Well, then I guess Uzumaki-kun will be waiting--"

"As will I," Neji said. "If the God of Shinobi says you are not to be trusted with my cousin's health, then I do not trust you with mine."

Anko smiled. If what she'd learned about group psychology from Enji-sama and ol' Scar Scalp was anything to go by, Hatagami was about to face a mutiny.

"I am sorry, Hatagami-sensei," Hinata said quietly, "but I would be remiss in my duties if I did not follow suit with my cousin-- not just to him, but to the Uzumaki that have accepted the Hyuuga name. And if I did not object--"

"It would be my duty to do so, yes," Neji said with a smirk.

"And I do so hate stressing Neji-nii-san," Hinata admitted earnestly.

Hatagami blinked. "Hyuuga-sama, surely--"

"And if Hinata doesn't want you touching her, neither do me or Shino, right Shino?" Kiba said, as Akamaru huffed and turned up his nose at the inin.

"Quite honestly," Shino said, "I was going to refuse his service when I heard he was not fit to treat the Hokage's own charge. Why? Because if he lacks the sense to do even that, I do not trust him to treat myself."

"They do tend to forget that the Hokage is Naruto's official guardian," Neji mused.

"That's just because-- well, there are--" Hatagami stumbled. He didn't seem to notice Kurenai slowly circling behind him, and Anko had no doubt her friend was plying her art.

"And that Naruto can practically barge in any time, has ramen with the Professor near weekly-- I'd be tempted to get my personal optic inin here, just to make sure my eyes survive," Sasuke said in his most even tone. "Sakura?"

"You need to ask?" his team mate drawled.

"Actually yes, manners dictate I do," Sasuke admitted.

"Ah. Then no, he's not fucking touching me. Him or anyone else on that list."

"Most unYouthful," Rock Lee agreed. "Tenten?"

"Oh, we are so waiting for the head inin," Tenten declared.

"And we'll just make it the whole group," Ino said flatly.

Chouji merely gave the inin a dark look.

"I'll have to mention how troublesome I find you to my father," Shikamaru said.

At the mention of the Jounin Honchou, Hatagami developed a full on sweat. "Uzumaki-kun... perhaps we have not interacted under the best conditions--"

"Once Jii-jii has to say something," Naruto said with a sigh, "well... shit's hit the fan and you're getting a face full. Little too late for damage control."

"Surely--"

"Did my student stutter?" Anko growled.

Hatagami Hiroki took a step back, as if seeing her for the first time. "You-- yours? He's-- I-- I assure you Miratashi-san, my only concern is the efficient service of --"

"Efficiency would require working in the rules," Kurenai said, mouth now right by his left ear. Hatagami shrieked at that-- perhaps because he could have sworn she was in front of him a second ago, Anko guessed. "And just maybe pronouncing my friend's name right."

"Sakura-kun? May I see that list?" Asuma asked.

"Sarutobi-sama!" Hatagami realized suddenly. Anko had to choke back a chortle-- Kurenai had been surppressing the inin's realization of who exactly was standing before him! And people thought _she_ could be sadistic!

Asuma took the offered paper. A rather mean grin appeared on the Sarutobi's face. "Well, interesting. Not only are you not on the list of people the Hokage trusts with Naruto's care, you're on the 'please, by all Kami, do not let this fuck treat Naruto', list."

"Really? I'm glad you were sensible, Hinata-sama," Neji said.

"Indeed, I hate driving you to Jyuken," Hinata agreed with obvious relief.

Gai looked at the inin in training manning the desk. "Tsukioka-kun, has the head inin even been contacted?"

The man at the desk pointedly did not meet Hatagami's eyes. "Hatagami-sempai," and oh, was he making a point of not calling Hatagami sensei! "insisted that Yakushi-o-sensei not be bothered, as he is meeting with Shiraishi-sensei, Maito-san."

Gai turned and narrowed his eyes at Hatagami. And wow, did those eyebrows make a glower something scary.

Her lover turned her on in so many ways, Anko had lost count.

Hatagami's smile and laugh in reply to Gai's look were both on the weak side.

Gai nicked his thumb against one of his canines, and slammed the ground. "Mikee!"

"Hazah! Gai summoned me, Tortoise of Youth's Spring!" the small tortoise that appeared said. Then looked around. "Oh. Did Rock Lee try to take on a drop bear alone again?"

At his fellows' looks, Lee sighed. "I didn't realize it was a cub."

"Oh, ouch," said Kiba.

"The mother was not pleased," Tenten observed drily.

"No," Lee agreed. "It did make zoology something of a Youthful hobby!"

"Mikee," Gai said, indicating Hatagami, "This one was most unYouthfully violating an order of Sarutobi-sama."

The tortoise glanced at the inin. "And he wants to die why?"

"Indeed, that is the source of much Youthful rumination right now. Please, find the Inin Honchou and Shiraishi Rin who should be with him."

"Gai-sensei, if I may suggest that Rin-sempai would want to know why she is being called?" Sakura offered.

"Ah! Indeed. Thank you for your Youthful remembrance, Sakura-chan. Inform Rin-sensei that it is regarding the conduct toward one Uzumaki Naruto, Mikee."

"Hai, Gai!" the tortoise agreed, and sped off.

The genin blinked. Gai noted this.

"Mikee is ahead of my eternal rival's messenger Pakkun by two races!"

* * *

1730

"Greetings, Genin. Sakura, Naruto. Kiba," Shiraishi Rin said, nodding to those she'd singled out.

Sakura and Naruto looked at the Inuzuka. Kiba attempted an innocent whistle.

"It was that time you inhaled one of your sister's pepper bombs, wasn't it?" Naruto asked.

"Oh, I remember that," Hinata said, wincing. "You were recovering for months."

Kiba bowed his head. "Yeah."

"Saved his nose, though," Rin said kindly. That perked the boy up. "Okay then, I've got fifteen inin personally approved by Taichi-san and Hokage-sama ready to see you, and a follow up visit to a psychologist after for most of you. Ino-chan, Sasuke-kun, Shino-kun, you all have recent psyche evals on record. Naruto, come with me."

* * *

"Kusurishinyorai," the inin treating Chouji half swore, half laughed, invoking one of the Exalted Sages the Monks of Hi followed. "They honestly get at you for being... fat?"

Chouji sighed as she continued studying the display genjutsu in the medical seal he was linked to. "Among other things..."

"If anything, you're underweight for your clan," Kani-sensei said, shaking her head. "Not dangerously so, but I'm going to recommend you up your fat and protein intake. What do you use to feed your metabolism between meals?"

"Mostly crisps. Potato, wheat, that sort of thing."

"Mm. If you prefer salty snacks, I'm going to recommend switching to cashews and almonds, packed East Blue style-- unless there's a tree nut allergy I'm not seeing here in your file, in which case I need to talk to your family inin..."

* * *

Shino was rocking back and forth slightly when the door opened. He looked up, and slowly smiled.

"Hello, Kiriyama-sensei."

The composed man before him smiled slightly. "If we were not going to subject Naruto to that which would trouble him, we would not do the same to you, Shino."

"It is appreciated," Shino said, the slightest of smiles on his face as he removed his jacket. Surprisingly few of his 'friends' seemed to lurk underneath.

They, of course, lurked deeper.

* * *

"If you're following Tsunade-sama's book, you should be fine. Just be sure to reference any training that Anko-kun, Ebisu-san, or the others give you on the charts in Appendix Three and adjust your diet accordingly."

Sakura nodded to Takiguchi-sensei's advice. "I will. I... don't want to let people down."

"No one feels let down with you, Sakura," Takiguchi assured her.

"I came close--"

"Such a grounded young nin could never disappoint us."

Sakura's head snapped up. She met the inin's eyes. The mop headed inin simply gave a small nod of his head, and the genin slowly smiled.

"Thank you for that," Sakura said, wiping her eyes.

* * *

The scarred inin glared at Rock Lee. "Don't make me ask twice, Lee."

Lee sighed. "I may have... occasionally... have skipped a rest day--"

"So I should tell Gai to drop you from Team 13?" the doctor interrupted.

The look of utter heartbreak Lee gave him, full puppy dog eye jutsu in effect, accompanying an exclamation of "Kawada-sensei!" didn't phase the physician.

"Lee-kun. Using the gates is one of the most intensive activities a ninja can undertake. There's a reason Konoha's the only village with a formal method in place to train in their use-- because we're the only one with the inin and the fucking patience to do it right. Resting two out of every fifteen days is part of your damn training, kiddo. You're on the high end, too-- most people, your Sage damned, beloved, insane sensei included-- need to rest three days out of the week when they start."

Lee grew thoughtful. "Would-- resting more often than twice in fifteen be better...?"

Kawada's grin was of the bowel loosening variety. "Listening to the fucking inin that can open all but the last gate himself might be the best. Just maybe. There's a chance. Like a kunai has a chance of going through a rotting trunk."

Lee gulped. "Hai, Kawada-sensei."

* * *

"So... tomatoes or potatoes?" Chigusa-sensei asked, and she had that earnest airhead thing going. Sasuke figured it for bullshit, but played along for the sake of getting along.

"I'm quite fond of tomatoes," he admitted.

"I can tell, you've got ...interesting levels of solanine according to your bloodwork."

Sasuke blinked. "And here I thought tomatoes were the nice nightshade. For the record, never touch the leaves or unripe ones."

"And for the record," Chigusa replied gently, "a lethal dose is unlikely. But it does make me think you've perhaps over done it lately. So. A little more variety in the diet, Uchiha-kun?"

Sasuke gave a small amused grunt. "Right. Kuri-o-ba-san will be disappointed I can't eat there so often."

Chigusa looked offended. "I would never suggest you give up Maehata-san's cooking. Try the cream sauces-- surprisingly few use heavy cream."

* * *

"No, I'm not shooting water into my urethra to inflate my bladder!" Kiba growled. "That's gross!"

Kannai-sensei sighed, waving her hand gently. "Have to ask. Lots of Inuzuka your age do it to get more capacity for the marking aspects of your jutsus."

Kiba's face screwed up as Akamaru whined. "Sounds like a one way pass to a urinary infection."

"Urinary tract infection," the inin corrected. "One they often do not get treated properly until it's progressed too far, and then they've crippled their ability to do the jutsu."

* * *

"So, quick and easy?" Tenten said happily.

"Motobuchi-sensei was glad I didn't show some of the worrying trends in my class," Ino agreed. "You?"

"Matsui made sure I knew how draining seal work can be, even when it doesn't feel that way. Other than that..."

Ino smiled. "Good. Neji-sempai?"

Tenten nudged her team mate. "Oi, Neji!"

Neji blinked. "I'm sorry, I was... thinking. Minami-sensei said I was in excellent health."

Tenten looked down the hall to the examination rooms. "Resisting the urge to check in on her?"

Neji smirked. "The rooms are actually sealed to prevent such. My great-grandfather's insistence after he learned members of our Godai branch were spying on the other branches and our allies during checkups."

"Ah, so cursing that he can't check on her..." Ino said, smirking.

"Ino-chan, would you want to see a first degree cousin of age naked?" Neji asked, a small smile on his face.

Ino blinked. "Oh. Oh, yuck."

* * *

"Neji has apparently inherited the other side of our ancestor's quirk," Hinata said quietly. "Though he was not the first Hyuuga with that gift."

Sato looked at the splinters before the girl. "Hinata-sama, in all my years... if anything, you are stronger than his--"

"Sato-sensei, if you would kindly consider my eyes when used to their fullest, you will see that is not so."

The elderly inin looked up and met the girl's gaze.

"Ah," he said. "Yes, I understand. It is a great burden, for one so young. Does your sister--"

"It seems more likely she is developing the Tensai Byaken," Hinata said, deactivating her dojutsu's full expression. "Alone, either of my gifts are... notable. A branch of my clan who consistently bore my eyes stood with the Uzumaki, and held one of Uzushio's Seals. My great-grandfather's chakra was so composed as to make a tap like a hammer blow. Combined, though... well, you understand my reluctance to spar is not as counter-intuitive to my taijutsu grade as some of my peers thought."

"Steel under silk," the inin mused.

"And I pray the silk never need be unwrapped," Hinata said sadly. "As they say--"

"Hyuuga would rather be in the garden," the inin agreed.

* * *

"Your baa-sensei sent us a list of maladies, mental and physical, you might attempt to fake," Mimura-sensei said cheerfully, toying with the earring in his left ear. "We are to quadruple check any diagnosis, and if there are honest signs, we will be pulling you from the ninja program until such time as you are ready. This will of course set back your friends as that... pool thing that Ebisu is setting up requires all of you. We'll have to explain to your fellows why--"

"Just do the damn check up," Shikamaru grumbled.

"Ma. Utatane-sama thought you'd say that."

Shikamaru's eyes went wide. "We've been dealing with Utatane Koharu...?"

* * *

"Did my parents do something wrong, Rin-nee?"

The question brought both the i-obayun and the Yondaime's student up short. In a way, it shouldn't have; despite his reputation, Naruto was a clever young nin and she could see all the pieces coming together in his head.

The woman known as Hananko didn't delay. She was the Leaf's Balm, she would sooth this wound before it festered.

"I'm going out front for a moment to send my messenger to get some people. You saw Kakashi today, right?" At the boy's nod, she smiled. "We're going to get him, and the Hokage, and a few others if I can. You can watch me from the window there."

Sure enough, when she looked up to the second floor window, she saw Naruto with his face pressed to the glass. She waved, and smiled at him.

The smile was gone when she turned away. The pierce of a ijutsu cutting scalpel and a slam of her hand was accompanied by a name. "Akaruime!"

"Rin-nee!" the filly in question cried. Rin couldn't help a smile-- Aka-chan was quite frankly _adorkable_ ; there was an endearing combonation of traits many would consider slightly uncool to the horse before her. Rin reached out and stroked her friend's snout as her face fell again.

"That's not a Happy-Rin face," Akaruime observed, her own face falling.

"Naruto needs us, Bright Eyes," Rin said simply. "All of us."

The look of seriousness on Akaruime's face at that was earnest and pure. "The Hokage, his daughter, Barley-nii, Shadey-nii, Blinky-nii. Maybe Barley-nii's mate."

"Ebisu's already here," Rin noted. "And Akane-chan is in Kusa."

"So an extra five minutes to call Nijicheisa to get her," the horse said, and she reared up and galloped off with a determined look and a whinny.

"Rin?"

"Stay there, Fisherman," Rin told Ebisu. "We're having a little pow-wow about Naruto tonight."

* * *

1840 h

Kakashi looked put upon. Naruto felt bad for his old ANBU caretaker, he really did.

No he didn't. A put upon Hound-nii usually meant something fucking hilarious was about to go down.

He thought he recognized the Hyuuga that used to take Hinata to academy, and the marks under the eyes of the lady Rin was talking to marked her as a Sarutobi summoner, partnered with an ape. He recognized her, vaguely.

"Are you Konohamaru's mom?" Naruto asked, sliding over to them.

"Akane," the woman said, nodding. "We've met. Although the first time you met Konohamaru, he looked like a pillbug with giant ears."

"And she named him Konohamaru," Rin deadpanned.

"A full picture of why the poor boy is so fucked up emerges," Naruto agreed.

"Don't make me summon Wei Chen Sun," Sarutobi's daughter growled.

"Ahem," Kakashi said. In that he did not clear his throat, but said the word.

"You say something, Sempai?" Naruto asked innocently.

Kakashi narrowed his one exposed eye at him. "I taught you too well." He turned to address the group as a whole. "Now, for those of you who I did not have a hand in raising... I am Hatake Kakashi. I am the... this is official?" he said, asking the Hokage with a sigh.

"Yes," Sarutobi said, amused. Naruto liked it when Jii-jii was amused. It meant something funny was going to happen. Or someone was going to get exactly what they deserved.

"I am the Hosensei, Oyabun of the academy. Yes, yes. Get the laughs in, Naruto. Anko. Laugh it up. Ahem. I am now in charge of teaching here in the Leaf, meaning your sensei report to me. I am currently conceiving of tortures to suggest to them masquerading as training."

"Time honoured tradition," Ebisu noted.

"Indeed," Kakashi concured. "I would also like to take this chance to start a new tradition. I will be taking all graduates of the academy where we are now." He gestured to the stone monument behind him. "On this stone are etched the names of some of Konoha's greatest heroes. They are all notable. My sensei is on here, as is Ebisu's. Rin and I have a team mate on here."

"My... mom's dad. My grandpa, I mean. He's on here." Kiba managed, pointing to a name.

"Indeed," Kakashi agreed. "Mind telling the group how Inuzuka Shinrei ended up here in the company of heroes, Kiba-kun?"

Kiba swallowed. "I can barely remember him, but Mom's told me the story. It was during Sora's last attempt to destroy us, before we broke them. They were using their flying machines to bomb us. Grandpa... he and his partner jumped off a building and started travelling from machine to machine with our jutsu. He ended up three kilometres from the town wall and a good klick and a half up. Gravity brought him down. He and his partner... died quick, I'm told."

"It's for those that died heroes," Sakura realized. "So... your sensei is on here, Hatake-sensei? Wait-- your sensei was--"

"Our sensei was the Yondaime," Rin said. "Yes. Everyone on this stone gave the ultimate sacrifice for the Leaf."

"And as Kakashi-sempai said, my... sensei is there too," Ebisu said, fiddling with his shades. "Mine, Akane, and Kou's."

"The Shodai and Nidaime are here, the sixth and fifty-seventh names," Hiruzen said. "This is a memorial to every nin who died with their duty to and love of the Leaf singing in their hearts."

Sasuke gently pushed between the Hokage and Naruto and looked near the bottom. Slowly, he smiled. "My mother and Obito get singled out in recent history, I notice. And my cousin, Shu-nii."

Kakashi sighed. "Obito was my team mate. He died on the mission his Sharingan activated, saving my life and Rin's. He died, and after honouring his last request," Naruto saw Kakashi tap his covered eye when Sasuke looked at him, and vowed to ask about the shared look of understanding later, "we gave him an Uchiha field funeral."

"What about his mom?" Naruto asked.

"Mikoto-san would never have condoned the coup," Anko hissed. She kneeled next to Sasuke. "The fact she died that night is yet another mark against your brother. All signs say she was fighting your father--physically fighting him-- and that Itachi took advantage of that to kill her."

Naruto looked at his sensei. "You-- knew Sasuke's mom, Anko-nee-sensei? Did you know mine too? What was she like? Why isn't she here? How..."

His voice trailed off as Anko looked at the Hokage. A strange sense of joy filled him as his Jii-jii nodded.

Anko walked up to the monument and gestured for him to come close. When he stood beside her, she draped an arm around her student's shoulder. "Your mother came here after the camp she was in was attacked by Kumo-nin who wanted the credit for stamping out the last of Uzushiogakure's legacy."

"Not while Konoha stands," Rin said, coming close. She smiled as Naruto reached up and fingered one of the Uzushio Spirals that graced the inin's scroll holsters.

"That spiral that some nin wear-- I've seen two versions... and the way Konoha's symbol is formed..." Shikamaru mused.

"Some are Uzumaki, like Naruto," Asuma explained. "But... the spiral on our chuunin and jounin is Uzu's symbol. It was added to the Leaf's symbol in memory of them."

Naruto blinked. "My... mom was a refugee? From when Uzu fell in the Second Shinobi War?"

"Not quite that old," Hiruzen said with a smirk. "Mito-sama's generation lived through that. But as your sensei said, some people just don't want to let go of a good grudge."

Hyuuga Kou shrugged. "So she came to Konoha. Her cousin was here, married to our Shodai."

"I'm related to the Wellspring? Mito? I mean, like, not just as an Uzumaki?" Naruto blinked.

Ebisu sighed. "Indeed. And that relationship is vital, as you bear her responsiblity. One that only you can speak of." Ebisu lowered his shades to meet Naruto's eyes. "So... do you wish to entrust this secret to your comrades, or shall we ask them to leave?"

Naruto bit his lip, and stealed himself. There would come a time when his prisoner became an issue.

"Not even the Yondaime was able to figure out how to kill a tailed beast. So--"

"You are jinchuuriki," Shino said, stepping foreward. "You are-- the Kyuubi is sealed inside you."

Naruto blinked.

Shino actually gave a light laugh. "Because of our unique clan techniques, we study symbiosis. Why would jinchuuriki come up in such matters? Because in the best cases, nin and beast become partners. " Naruto blinked again, this time holding tears as Shino laid a hand on his shoulder. " _What_ you are is almost holy to my clan. _Who_ I see is my friend who bore this burden well."

Naruto rubbed at his eyes and looked at his friend. "Who are you again?"

Shino gave him a light smack to the side of his head.

"Wait-- so... we can't kill it, so we seal it inside someone?" Kiba wondered.

"You were born the day the Kyuubi attacked," Sakura blurted.

"Y-You've had it in you your whole life." Hinata said, awe in her expression.

"And I didn't know until I graduated," Naruto sighed. "But... why does this tie in to my mom?"

"She held the Kyuubi before you," Sarutobi Akane said, sighing. "She met your father here, gained chuunin and tokujou rank here... and took over for her cousin's duty. "

"From one clan member to another," Neji mused. "Well... given the Uzumaki reputation for sealing arts..."

"That, and Naruto's mother had her own gift that aided in restraining the Kyuubi," the Hokage noted.

"...my mother was a jinchuuriki too?" Naruto said. He only barely registered a startled gasp behind him. His focus was on the stone. He scanned it, and saw several Uzumaki-- his mother's clan! Which one was--

A finger settled next to a name on the stone. "That's her," Kakashi's voice said. Naruto didn't look up at him, though. His focus was on the precious name before him. "Mikoto-san's team mate. My father's student."

"Akane, Ebisu, and my sensei," Hyuuga Kou said. "I've... taught Hinata-sama some of the chakra control techniques she taught me."

Naruto ran his hand over the carved kanji. "Uzumaki Kushina," he said slowly, tasting each syllable individually as they settled as one of his most precious memories. "My Mom..."

Sasuke came closer. "My family has scrolls on this. Jinchuuriki, I mean. I remember because when I saw the term... Itachi told me to wait to learn of it. I will get them for you."

Sakura laid a hand on his shoulder. "And... and the library, threre's a wing named after your mother and--"

And Sakura's eyes went wide.

"What?" Naruto asked.

Ebisu actually took his shades off and polished them with a cloth from one of his vest pockets. "She has realized the signifigance of something she has often seen. That wing of the library is named after your mother _and_ father, as they both did remarkable things with seals."

"One thing you must know," Kakashi said. "Your mother and father didn't agree to have the Fox placed in you because they didn't want anyone else to sacrifice their child, or because you were the only one who could do it. They did it because you were the only one they trusted to do this. The only one they knew would do it right."

Naruto finally looked at the white haired nin. "Oi... Sempai... how do you know so much about my parents? How does Sensei?"

"When Anko's sensei betrayed us, your parents took her in. Had they lived... I have no doubt they would have raised you to know her as your sister."

Naruto smiled as he caught Anko-nee-sensei's blush and embarrassed smile. "And you?"

Rin gave him a sad smile. "We knew your father quite well."

Naruto swallowed. Dare he hope? To know his mother and father in the same day?

Kakashi must have seen the longing in his eyes. "Your father's name," he said quietly-- when had he put away his book?-- "is right above your mother's."

Naruto eagerly looked at the name above his mom's-- and felt his body lock up.

Namikaze Minato.

"Kakashi, Obito, myself... we were your father's students," Rin said sadly. "Though Kushina-nee was practically a second sensei to us."

"She was my father's student," Kakash said. "Truth? They wanted to adopt me after my father died. I was too proud to allow it."

"... Naruto is the Yondaime's..." Ino shook her head, and Naruto saw not denial but struggle, an attempt to clear her head and understand. All his fellow genin looked shocked, though he saw other emotions begin as well-- Kiba looked like he wanted to walk through the market district, clan in tow, beating arseholes up. Loyal bastard. The rage on Chouji's face was such that Ino laid a hand on his shoulder-- _Boar steadies butterfly,_ Naruto thought, remembering a snatch of an old nursery rhyme. Shikamaru had that look he got when he was carefully using his mind to keep his heart from overriding his logic. Shino's hive buzzed and the Aburame clenched and unclenched his fists. Hinata's gaze met his... and she nodded, once. _I am with you,_ he heard. Rock Lee blinked as Tenten brought his own hand before his face-- and he winced at the blood he had drawn from his own palm. Neji... looked like he would be right beside the Inuzuka.

He felt Sakura's arm tighten around him. Vaguely. Sasuke's hand on his shoulder was also vague. All this was vague except for the names resounding, thundering in his head.

Uzumaki Kushina and Namikaze Minato.

"He planned to take Kushina's clan name," Hiruzen said. "Which is why Naruto's birth certificate... the real one, the one I've sealed away... reads the name he bears now. Truth be told, Minato would have rather been listed as a Uzumaki--"

"Naruto!" Sakura cried.

Naruto didn't realize he was running until he found himself standing on top of the Hokage monument, looking over his hometown. He felt more than saw or heard the people arriving behind him.

After a moment, he sensed someone come closer.

"Well," he finally said as the person was right behind him, things settling in his mind. His path was obvious. "Now I have to become Hokage. Not because I want you all to know me. Not because it means I'll become a Super Awesome Ninja." He scanned the town, picking out land marks. Ichiraku's. The Yamada's warehouse. The Uchiha, Hyuuga, and Inuzuka clan lands. His apartment building. Nee-sensei's home. The Academy. The Tower. Jii-jii's mansion. The field near the Forest of Death where his team met.

"I'm going to become Hokage because my parents trusted me to protect you all. It doesn't matter if you accept me or not. It doesn't matter if you acknowledge me the way I do you, my treasure hidden in the leaves. Do you hear me?" He didn't know if the tears were happy or sad or just... the overflowing of every emotion he had as his voice rose. " **I'm going to protect you all!** "

He felt an arm around his shoulder, and suddenly smell and touch were added to vague feeling and he knew who was hugging him. His sensei. His might-have-been big sister.

"My parents trusted me to," Naruto murmured as Anko held him. And despite the tears and the tiredness, everything seemed right for the moment.

* * *

2108 h

He asked for his mask back for this duty. Asked for it, after leaving it behind when Naruto hit the academy he now headed.

Naruto looked up and grinned as the darts on his window trap were deflected by Hound's tanto. "Even the ones I've added since you helped me move in."

"Meh. Around you, it's best to trust situational awareness over memory. Ocelot still can't eat pork."

Naruto sighed. "Thanks. I... took my 1900 pills."

"Good. I'll wake you up at 2200 for the next dose," Kakashi said, paging through his current reading.

Naruto frowned at the cover. "Yutaka did that plot better."

Kakashi gave a rueful chuckle. "True. I'll admit a... sentimental attachment to Ero-Sennin's work. But Yutaka has a certain... heartfelt aspect I enjoy as well.Yamatogawa?"

"Once you get past Erogenjutsu, he gets too focused on being pervy. No feeling of playfulness," Naruto said.

"Agreed. You are a man of taste. You've had a rough day; Rin was going to bring you to dinner at my house. We'll have breakfast instead. Think you can get some rest?"

"Brain's on fire, but getting back on my pills always saps me a bit," Naruto admitted.

"It will. Your... mother was dead set I understand how it worked. Glad she did. Rin says your Totapaku is especially strong. That means the effects of getting back on it is especially draining as your metabolism adapts."

"And Jii-jii figured I'd listen to you if I got stuborn again?" Naruto snarked.

"I asked for the job because I'm worried," Kakashi said. He sighed and violated every rule of being an on duty ANBU to remove his mask and follow rule one of dealing with Naruto-- be straight with him. Even removed his normal half mask too. "And I feel like nothing I do is enough because I can't bring Sensei or Habenaro-sama back."

Naruto laughed-- a bitter, enduring thing that was far too old for the twelve-almost thirteen he was. He laughed even as he pulled on that ridiculous night cap that Shotaro had given him-- Boar's humour had always been a little out there. "Mom was named after a hot pepper?"

"She earned it," Kakashi assured him. "Go on. Sleep. Rin's going to check, but she thinks we can cut you down to every six tomorrow."

"... okay. I'm going to try to remember. Easier, now that I know why. Just sucks."

"Hell, I still need monthly check ups, like I told you before we got you in the orphanage."

"Yeah," Naruto grumbled, and Kakashi knew it was more tiredness than anything else. Just before finally settling in, Naruto sat up.

"Doggie-nii?"

The old nickname made him smile. "Yes?"

"Can I call you Kakashi-nii? In public, I mean? I know I can't call you Hound-sempai or Doggie-nii..."

Kakashi made a show of deep thought. "... you know what, seeing as you're one of the few and proud besides the wife to see me without either mask..."

"Awesome. I get to meet her tomorrow, right?"

"You already have. She's from Amazon Lilly and keeps the company that implies, if that helps."

"...Boa-nee? Kashi-nii, you're one lucky dog!"

Kakashi laughed, even as he put both his masks in place. "I suppose I am at that. Now, go to sleep or I'll use a technique your mother taught me to put children of your clan to sleep."

"Really?" Naruto said with raised eyebrows.

"Ma. I even brought the tools. Hammer, vice grip, clamps--"

Naruto instantly went prone. "Whistle, snore, whistle, snore."

Kakashi chuckled again. "Good night. Brat."

He pulled out a copy of the book that gave Naruto his name, and settled in on the window sill to sit vigil, giving an off handed "safe" signal that was caught in the reflective windows across the way. Shotaro would see it from his apartment below and call his brother over the radio about ramen.

From there the news that Naruto's troubling day was over would spread and Konha's ANBU would breathe a little easier.

That done, Kakashi settled in. He sensed-- heard, felt, even saw to a degree-- Naruto drift off. Jiraiya's work would pass the time until Naruto needed him.

"Rest well, little brother."

GOOD NIGHT


	7. Hellweek 4a: Awakenings! A Growing Awareness of Others!

Mizu-bi, 5 Neko, 12 Year of the Second Reign of the Sandaime, 3043 Post Shattering.

0345 h

Anko sneered at the man in the black raccoon mask. "Haruno Jinya."

"Is dead," he answered, carefully not moving under the point of her kunai.

"And yet Yomi has a set of passages right to my student's room."

"Partially correct," Ne Raccoon countered. "Haruno Mebuki and Haruno Kizashi had those built into their house, I merely take advantage."

"Built in...?" Anko asked.

"They needed them," the Ne replied with a shrug.

Anko sighed. "Am I training her just to hand her off to Yomi, Ne?"

"Haruno Sakura is not suited to Danzou-sama's methods, Mitarashi-san," Raccoon said firmly. "Her personality does not suit what we do, and Yomi-sama is not one to try to forge a block of wood. It is the same reason Naruto was never considered for us. You can not tame a maelstrom with a hammer, and you do not expose roots to that much sunshine."

"So Sakura's not bound for Ne?" Anko pressed.

"Emphatically, no," Raccoon assured. "She will be a great inin under your guidance, especially with Shiraishi-san lending a hand. She will be the perfect field medic and a dangerous operative in our general forces."

"Unlike her brother?"

The masked nin sighed. "Her brother was never Ne... but he was my friend," Raccoon said, removing his mask. "I am Shin. Your concern is... reassuring, Mitarashi-san."

"She didn't mention a brother," Anko pressed, not lowering her blade.

"Because it still hurts, Mitarashi-san. You do not discuss your sensei or the Yondaime and his wife with just anyone, do you?"

Anko slowly lowered her blade. "Her parents are Ne?"

"Yes. She is aware, and as a dutiful child would never divulge the fact. She is well aware how those not in the dark see her parent's commander. Their call signs are Moth Lure Cactus and Night Jasmine, should you need us to get a message to them."

"... she really did just come up through the Academy," Anko noted, frowning. 

"Her roots are here in Konoha, but she will never be a Ne," Shin affirmed. "Not a lick of our training, but... we were around as she grew up. Danzou-sama slipped her sweets as a kid while inspecting the Haruno import business. He also attends the orphanage Naruto was in... Sarutobi-sama's attempt to socialize him with people other than ANBU. Danzou goes there to read to the children every week-- has since certain irregularities were brought to Hound's attention by Naruto. Sometimes, his darkness is there to bring solace. Many of us in Ne are orphans, with no willing sponsor or lineage. My adoptive brother played with her when they were kids .”

”And Pinkie is...?”

”My dead friend's little sister. It's fair to say she's like the cousin I'd wished I'd had, much as I consider some of the younger Ne my little brothers and sisters." 

"And his interest in Naruto and Sasuke?" Anko pressed. "You said Naruto was no Ne-- I agree, by the way--"

"Naruto is even less a Ne than Sakura!" Shin said, chuckling. Then he grew sober. "He's also Minato-sama and Kushina-sama's son, and the Kyuubi no Jinchuuriki. Any one of those would be plenty reason to watch. As for Sasuke...we watch because we must, and not purely because of Sasuke himself. More... I cannot speak on without the right questions."

Anko frowned. "Can you at least confirm that Danzou did not condone the Familicide of the Uchiha?"

"Yes. Though, again--"

"Questions matter," Anko murmured. She stowed her blade. "I'm getting my minion for a nice breakfast at the Hatake house."

”I envy her," Shin agreed.

"If I admit my knowing to them--" Anko began.

"They'd probably appreciate the ability to be straight with you," Shin allowed. "And Sakura may talk to you about it-- but not in front of anyone. Not without her initiating it; her control on need to know is like Naruto's, and she has always handled it well."

Anko smiled slightly. "She's got all the makings of a proper kunoichi, under the hang ups," she said.

"Given her sensei, I'd expect no less," Shin noted.

* * *

0400h

Naruto glared at his pills where they sat by his bed. His hated, hated, needed pills.

Well, at least he could admit needing them now.

He heard water running and something being filled. He glanced at the window as he sat up and nodded to the fresh ANBU there. ”Grasshopper.”

”You look at that the way I used to look at the absence of a bottle in front of me,” the ANBU said in a familiar voice. Same 'Hopper he grew up with, then. Boar's brother. Didn't know his real name, though to be fair he only knew his downstairs neighbor Shoutarou was Boar because they'd been introduced when Shou had moved in. And he didn't pry, anymore than he pried when Ocelot had grown adult trees in a damaged park that one time in seconds.

Naruto always figured manners were best figured out on a case by case basis.

”Sake?” Naruto wondered as he shook two pills out, closed the bottle and gave the entering Kakashi a weak smile. His nii-san offered him a glass of water, and Naruto took it with a muttered 'thanks'.

The ANBU shook his head. ”Beer. Took my dear brother to beat some sense into to me. There's drinking to relax, and then there's self-medication instead of getting what you need. But something they told me in rehab... you'll have at least one moment where you brain will foolishly try to cling to the reward it associates with the habit you're trying to break. With me, it was the numbness of the alcohol.”

”And I'll want not to be a pill head,” Naruto muttered, before doing the dreaded ritual that was almost one motion to him: pill in mouth water chaser head back swallow.

”They call it 'the last gasp effect',” Grasshopper said, sighing. ”And then there's the 'resurrection call'-- for a moment, your brain recalls the old habit's reward. If you indulge in answer, you can relapse.”

Naruto finished gulping down the water. ”How'd you get past the last gasp, Hopper-san?”

”Friends helped,” Kakashi noted dryly.

Grasshopper grunted. ”I maintain you set Gai on me for your own amusement.”

”You have to admit, a full shoulder lock did keep you out of the bar. As effective as Anko sitting on you.”

”That was no where near as fun as it should have been,” Grasshopper grumbled.

Naruto snorted as he got out of bed and took off his night cap. ”Could have been worse. She could have set Kageko on you.”

Grasshopper stiffened, then shuddered. ”Point taken. Your 'little sis' went easy on me, Hound, why didn't you?”

Kakashi already had his book out. ”You say something, Raito?”

”Who is this 'Hound', Kakashi-nii?” Naruto wondered, then blinked as he pulled a clean set of his nin-uniform from his dresser. ”Wait... well, why the heck didn't they just call you Migi? ”

”Dad was from Cocoyasi,” sighed Grasshopper. ”Shoutarou gets his love of puns from him. Mum went along with it, so we're 'Lefty' and 'Righty'. Which would be fine, except I'm left handed and Nii-san's right.”

Naruto hissed with supressed laughter.

”You enjoyed ordering us to attack far too much,” Grasshopper said, with what had to be a glare at Kakashi as Naruto headed to the washroom.

”What? 'Shou, right. Raito, left.' It makes sense.”

Naruto chortled, closing the door. He glanced longingly at the tub.

No time for a proper bath. Hose down, lather up, hose down, go.

* * *

0405 h

"So when you heard Naruto say his mom was a jinchuuriki too, was that when it sunk in why Danzou was watching the 'Dead Last'...?"

Sakura blinked. Her sensei's invite to early morning tea had been a bit unsettling given the look in Anko's eyes, but at least they got to the point once tea was served in Anko's small, neat apartment. They sat side by side on her sensei's couch.

"Shin and I had words," Anko admitted. "I won't pry, but--"

"More realizing just how much I underestimated him," Sakura admitted with a sigh. "You have to understand, even as Yomi-ji was giving me only the most reluctant of tips, Ne became what shinobi were in my mind. Especially with the Keibu gone; before that, I wanted to work forensics in the police. I guess part of my issue in Academy was part of me screaming that..."

"Your parents and the others had decided you weren't a real shinobi?" Anko offered.

Sakura nodded. "Or that my only outlet to be one was gone. Looking at it now, at the other members of the First Corps... my perspective was a bit skewed."

There was a comfortable silence a moment, and then:

"Can you see Naruto as a Ne?" Sakura mused.

"... yes, and it's hilarious," Anko allowed.

It was true, Sakura thought as a smile made its way to her face. Naruto had skill-- she was having to admit that more and more lately-- but he was as much a creature of sunshine as his trademark jacket and pants suggested. 

"Your parents?" Anko said, looking at her. 

"Are my parents," Sakura said simply. 

Anko met her student's eyes, a small smirk developing. "But you will not deny that Raccoon's visits are not exactly... irregular?" 

"Of course not, Sensei. I'm not going to insult your intelligence."

Anko smiled. "In that spirit, then... Shin is not visiting you on a whim, is he?"

Sakura returned the smile, honestly. "His concern is indeed personal, yes."

"Roots nurturing the cherry blossom..." Anko mused.

"And the blossom belongs in the sun as much as the roots belong in the ground," Sakura assured her. "I'm finally understanding that, Sensei. I really am a cherry blossom. Different purposes, different placement. That, and... Shin and Nii-san were friends. Nii-san was one of the few non-Uchiha in the Keibu near the end, and Shin served as his Ne contact after a... rough case. "

"Mm. I'm just glad Ne acknowledges you're /my/ minion," Anko said with a grin.

"If anything, you will be gaining someone from Ne, Anko-sensei."

"Oh?"

"The Sucker's attention turns to the Leaf again," Sakura said. 

Anko blinked, then grinned. "Dinner conversations at your house must be fun," she chuckled, nudging her student.

"Well, I hear things between Dad's merchant work, Mom's seat on the Civic Council, and their missions-- the fact that the grandson of the head of the Tani branch of the Senju serves as the Hokage's adjutant says a lot. Especially as they are based in Tetsu. And I hear his letters to his head of clan grow more frequent. As do the replies."

Anko slowly nodded. "And if she does come back, she'll push for four man teams with medics. If we go four man... Danzou will push for a Ne with at least some of the teams."

"Only where a Ne would fit," Sakura said, after a moment's thought. "Teams in Yomi-ji's mind must be seamless in the field, or you risk each member when you send them out. "

"Kakashi-nii could tell you how well mingling root and flower together works," said Anko.

Sakura's eyes went wide. "Of course. The White Fang was one of Danzou's few open... and he wasn't Ne in any capacity... well, that's rather like realizing what that branch in the library means about Naruto's family. Or that his power over need to know was like mine."

"It is up to you," Anko noted. "Whether they know your background or not. The boys, I mean."

Sakura sighed. "I know. That's what's so scary."

* * *

0415 h

First day training. With his team.

Since Mitarashi Anko-- 

Since Sensei had made clear his placement on a team was not a simple rubber stamp granted to him as an Uchiha-- as _The_ Uchiha-- Sasuke felt it behooved him to apply himself to that team. 

To that end, he entered Training Ground 43 to meet his team before heading to the Hatake household at the Hosensei's invite for breakfast. Part of this was tactics, and he had done it even Before-- arrive early so that he could understand the dynamics at play. To a degree, the Sharingan encouraged his clan to be reactive, and to act based on facts observed first hand. Part of it was to get the edge on actually /getting/ there, given what he knew of the people involved.

He was only mildly shocked to find Naruto there, with Hatake beside him. While he'd heard Hatake Kakashi could be chronically late to even meetings with the Hokage, the man did not always indulge the quirk. Naruto, however, seemed to exult and exalt in being first, in being early. If they arrived together, the bond the two shared from Hatake being the Yondaime's all-but-adopted student as well as one of Naruto's early caretakers could lead to either convincing the other to go along with their habits.

It being dark and early, a camping jutsu's sphere of light illuminated the two. Both were immersed in their own books. "Hey, Bastard," Naruto greeted amicably, paging through Handsome Anki Asuhiro's /Lots of Love, Boobs, and Sex/. Which Sasuke had to admit reflected a bit of honesty on the manga-ka's part-- the book was stuffed to the brim with buxom women in loving relationships having great sex. It had confused and fascinated him at nine when he'd stumbled across his mother's collection. Now... he had a greater appreciation for the whole of it.

Puberty had its good points. Almost balanced out the kilos of acne cream he had to use to keep his skin clear. 

He greeted his teammate with a "Hn," a small smile, and a nod. "I like that one," he admitted.

"It's fun stuff," Naruto agreed.

Citizens of other nations would find it odd that Naruto was reading something so explicit, let alone openly. But Hi had its own culture, and the Leaf a subculture within it. Konoha from its founding had been more open about sexuality as a whole. Many places would treat sex as taboo-- sacred but profane. Some opted only for it being profane. 

To someone growing up in Konoha, the sacredness of it was embedded at a young age. But in Konoha most of all and in Hi in general, almost no one would consider sex profane. 

Questions were answered as asked, and getting into a parent's erotica collection was almost a rite of passage. His mother had not made Sasuke feel dirty for his interest in her book collection-- only a bit upset he had later tried to hide looking at them.

So at twelve, (nearly thirteen, Sasuke thought-- even with a leap year that gave Neko its tail and time on the zodiac, the month of the Kyuubi's attack and Naruto's birthday was coming up fast) Naruto's choice of reading would only prompt ire if he shoved it in someone else's face or showed some other lack of maturity dealing with it.

Hatake was reading Nanairo Karen-- volume seven of Tamaki Nozomu's ongoing epic about a Kusa nin who was a master of disguise, her samurai husband, and their adventures as "diplomats without portfolio." Tamaki had deftly guided the series so that Karen and Tencho's sex life was less centre stage and more the spice to truly stunning stories of intrigue and danger. It helped that the light novels were spot-illustrated by Tamaki's just cute enough style, and that Tamaki himself was a nin who conveyed the minute of that life in a way his fellow nin appreciated.

"That only got better when the ero-scenes got less frequent," he noted, nodding to Hatake's book.

"I liked the story from the start," Hatake murmured, "but it really got better after Karen and Tencho got married in Volume 3."

"Hopeless romantic," Naruto muttered.

Kakashi made to grab Naruto's book, sending the blond tumbling off the log they were sitting on. "Takes one to know one, brat." 

"You are damned lucky I landed on my back," Naruto growled, checking his book for damage.

"Oh?" Kakashi said, peering over his book.

"One: Your wife likes this book too. Two: You gave said wife a sub-contract of yours for your ninken. Three: Bisuke and Lilly both /like/ me."

Kakashi's eye widened for just a moment in the face of Naruto's fox grin, then he regained his elan. "Point taken."

"Thought so," Naruto said.

"What hurts is I taught you the 'change the battlefield ' trick."

"If you don't want a fire, don't teach Katon."

"In the name of all that is decent, do you two have to read that trash in public?"

Sasuke blinked. Sakura approached, hands on hips. Their sensei followed in the pinkette's wake, shaking her head, amused and a bit annoyed. 

In Konoha, such a value judgement was actually rather rude; what right did Sakura have to police Naruto and Kakashi's reading? Naruto was even being so thoughtful as to carry the edition of /Lots of Love, Boobs, and Sex/ that featured two of the leads fully clothed in wedding kimonos, rather than with their breasts exposed. And the Nanairo Karen series had /never/ had anything more racy than Karen in one of her many guises on the cover.

"What is Haruno referring to?" Sasuke murmured.

"You say something Sasuke?" Hatake said.

Naruto looked at his... foster brother seemed to fit best... from the corner of his eyes, rolled said eyes in a put upon matter, and lowered his book to address the question.

"She's expressed the delusion she's the only decent nin in town because she doesn't admit her perversity," Naruto explained, then pointed to the book. "I always liked how all three of the couples in 'Fireworks' get together, and you have to imagine the other two hooking up."

"Yeah, that's a good one," Sasuke admitted. "Though I like the first story, 'I Love Your Voice', best."

"Wanting your own quiet girl to train for the chorus?" Kakashi murmured. "Oh, Karen. Only you would think 'birthday gift' means cosplaying as a miko for a threesome with your old kohai and the hubby."

Sakura clutched her head. "And how would you feel if I trotted out some yaoi, huh?" she growled.

"I'd offer you some bara, so you'd at least be reading something based on how gay men actually have sex," Naruto said, standing and stowing his book in a pocket on the inside of his orange jacket. "And if that wasn't to your taste I'd leave you to it. As long as you didn't try to get me and the Bastard to act it out or allow it to be exploited as a weakness, it's not bugging us. And if anyone in Konoha or outside of it tried to treat you as less than the great person you are because of it, I'd pound them. Geez, Sakura, you laughed along with Sensei when I called her bust Marshmellow Hell--"

"Apt," Sasuke noted.

"Thank you," Anko and Naruto said, before Naruto continued, "-- so this prude thing... not sure I'm buying it. C'mon, horny dog," he continued, grabbing Kakashi's hand and pulling. "I'm not missing out on East Blue Hashbrowns on your account."

Hatake rose so suddenly Naruto was once again knocked prone, until Kakashi pulled him back up and hauled him up on to his back.

"You're so slow, Naruto," Kakashi chided, seemingly not having looked up from his reading the whole time. "Rindou will be upset if we don't get there on time, she's busy later-- Oh, damn, she's good."

"Hit the part where she's got that bastard yakuza against the wall?" Naruto asked eagerly.

"Calling that twit a yakuza is an insult to anyone whose number is 893," Kakashi reflected. "Interrupting a couple and their friend having fun like that lacks class."

"Doesn't it just?"

Sakura's mouth was flapping, but no sound issued. She turned to Sasuke.

"I learned to read at least in part on Tanaka Yutaka," he offered.

Sakura whimpered.

"And I'm the one with a stick up my ass," Sasuke wondered to his sensei.

Anko shrugged. "Got me, Broody." She gestured after Naruto and Kakashi. "Shall we?"

Leaving Sakura sputtering in their wake for a bit was perhaps a bit rude, but Sasuke got the impression that the Cherry Hair girl had to learn.

* * *

0418 h

Between Orochimaru's supposed 'secret' mole Kabuto and Konoha stood Mongoose. And Mongoose was today feeling rather fortunate. Despite the interest that his 'client' had currently shown toward Naruto and Sasuke, there were few places in Konoha more secure than the Hatake household. As a bonus, any time Kabuto had tried to endear himself to either spouse, the duo had met him with the same casual surface disinterest they gave anyone that didn't feel right to them.

Of course, this was aided by the fact that Mongoose had been given permission to brief his sempai on Kabuto by the Sandaime, ANBU Captain, and Yomi. Kakashi was happy for the forewarning.

Mongoose was not Ne, but did not mind working with them. His particular skills put him in the same group as Jiraiya, or the Yamada and their team. Intelligence operatives need not be dark operatives, a distinction lost on many civilians and some nin.

And he got a kick out of blithely holding meetings with his contacts in front of people who weren't in the dark.

The upshot was that Naruto and his team were safe from Kabuto's sudden interest for the moment. Said interest had kept Mongoose very busy and very tired the past few weeks-- though there was of course a bonus to his ongoing assignment leading where it did.

He hadn't had a spot on Ramen Watch in /months/, and he'd missed keeping an eye on Naruto. Naruto-- that surrogate little brother to most of Konoha's higher echelon was a big reason Mongoose loved the village. Such a ray of light, despite the stupidity often thrown the blond's way. How someone so many had stupidly tried to exclude from his hometown's community-minded, protective ways had come to embody them so well was just another miracle of the Leaf.

Naruto was excitedly chattering to Kakashi as the ANBU turned academy head carried him, seemingly ignoring the blond-- but his old ANBU trainer's exposed eyebrow threatened to clear Man-Down's forehead if he was enjoying it anymore. The duo lead the rest of Anko's team to the house Kakashi and his wife had established.

Mongoose had asked Hound once, why dismantle the old Hatake clan compound and turn the land into a new training ground rather than start his family there?

Kakashi had met his eyes briefly over a copy of the Infinitely Gutsy Shinobi and the Summoner's Seal and said, "My father haunts me enough as is, Tube Rat."

He'd had to give the Copy Nin that one.

Kakashi stopped suddenly, a scant door from the Hatake home. With a slight sense of not unpleasant fatalism, Mongoose waited-- and had to chuckle to himself as his old trainer's eyes met his, and Kakashi cocked his one exposed eyebrow. Naruto's face was now such that Mongoose could clearly read the boy's lips as he started to question his 'ride', until the boy followed the older Nin's gaze. It took a moment, but once he knew where to look Naruto spotted the bandana wearing ANBU and that fox grin of mischief appeared.

"Someone got made~" he heard Robin chide.

"Oh, like you haven't been spotted yourself," Mongoose shot back. "Besides, it's Man Down. He could likely diagram every nin currently tailing them. Hang on." Mongoose saw Kakashi's hands flow with a surety that could out race an enemy nin in hand seals, but this was Konoha hand signs.

/Meet team for clearance in medical--/ 

Ah. 

"Tube Rat," Kakashi greeted him as he descended from his perch on the high gate of the Rock clan's compound.

"Sempai," Mongoose said as Naruto slid down from Hatake's back (few years, he'd be too big to carry that way... if he took after his father heightwise, anyway). Kakashi gestured Anko, Sakura and Sasuke over.

"This is Mongoose," Kakashi said. "His mask is his. It will always be the same voice with it. If he comes to treat any of you-- let him. Rin helped train him."

"Mongoose," Sakura greeted him.

Sasuke simply nodded, which was a change-- there was none of the haughtiness and arrogance that had been creeping into the poor boy. That was a welcome sight.

"You're new," Naruto said, a little warily.

"Heh. Yeah, I'd just joined the forces when you were being taken care of. But to tell you the truth, I prefer watching you over my usual work," Mongoose assured him. 

”And your usual work is...?” Sasuke asked.

"Tending to things," Mongoose answered.

”I'm guessing that's the more polite 'if I told you I'd have to kill you',” Sakura murmured.

”Or when killing who you're talking to isn't an option,” Mongoose countered.

Sakura gave a thoughtful frown.

"I hope our being on the same team isn't taxing you too much," Sasuke noted, and for a moment Mongoose heard an echo of the Uchiha matriarch decimating a Kusa nukenin that had taken a contract on Uzumaki-sama. She'd had the man's employer in an hour, without a single direct question asked and not a single question answered on her part. Man joined Konoha, too. It'd been a glorious treat to watch.

"You do not have clan and kin to watch you; it is an honour to act in their stead. Naruto-- I'm given to understand you know why we watch him."

"Because it is amusing," Kakashi murmured, seemingly absently (bullshite).

"Yes, Sensei. Thank you," Mongoose shot back. 

"Sensei?" Sakura wondered. "I'd heard Hatake-san has never taken a genin team..."

"Half our active ANBU were inducted in some way by Man Down here," Mongoose admitted quietly. "Speaking of, a meal made by either Kakashi-sensei or his dear Rindou is not to be missed, so I shouldn't hinder you."

With a quick bow, he left them, retreating to watch.

"Half surprised the brat didn't invite you along for breakfast," Robin murmured over the radio.

"He's not that ill-mannered," Mongoose shot back. "Mask means on duty. I'd have to say no, and Naruto would never put me on the spot like that. Besides, he doesn't 'know' me."

"He's got a point there, Robin," Boar noted.

"Don't encourage him, Boar."

Mongoose thought a moment. "I've needed encouragement... when?"

* * *

0420 h.

"... Rindou-nee-chan, this spread is a little much even with me here."

"Call it the mothering instinct. I've only got so much time to spoil you today before I have to do the diplomat thing. Besides, we invited Rin as well."

"... right. Forgot about that."

"Forgot about what?"

Naruto smiled guilelessly at Rin as she landed in the Hatake back yard and Rindou retreated to the house. "That you can eat five times your weight too."

He really should have expected the headlock and severe head rubbing, Kakashi reflected.

"Oi! Rin-nee!"

"I'll remind you, it is four point nine times my bodyweight," Rin said sweetly.

"And a tenth your bodyweight is all so much a difference...? Oi! Not the ears!" He then groaned as she shifted to a hug. "Gah! Pick /tsun/ or /dere/ already, Rin-nee!"

Rin paused in bathing his forehead in kisses. "Mm... seem to be able to indulge both sides, thus being truly tsundere, so... nope!"

"Augh! Nee-sensei! Kakashi-nii! Save me!"

Kakashi allowed himself a smirk under his mask as his sensei's son slipped free and started running from the inin. "You say something, Naruto?" he called. "Ah. Anko, I think Naruto is being... accosted or something." He gestured sloppily with his free hand. "You should... maybe, I don't know... do something about it."

"Well, gee, I would, Kashi-nii," Anko said sadly, "but I have to keep Sakura and Sasuke apart."

Kakashi raised an eyebrow at this. 

"Sasuke-kun," Sakura deadpanned between sips of miso, "go on a date with me."

"Hn," Sasuke grunted and swallowed some of the scrambled egg with tomato from his nandemo don... his tone not really changing much. "No."

"But Sasuke-kun."

"You're annoying me."

"Ah, I see," Kakashi agreed. 

"Powderkeg waiting to go off," Pakkun snorted from the nearby run where he and the other members of Kakashi's pack were eating. Then he swatted Bull away from his bowl.

"Mmm hmm," Anko said, diving into some mochii. The pounded rice cakes were of course filled with the red bean paste that shared her name.

"I hate you all!" Naruto shouted as he passed the table on the back patio again, Rin in hot pursuit. "Especially Bull!" 

Bull looked up, gave a snort, then growled Bisuke back to the smaller dog's own bowl.

”Oh, I was going to ask, ” Sakura said, a bit more perky. ”Hatake-san--”

”Kakashi, san only if you insist,” he interrupted.

”Kakashi, then. My mother said to address as a person wishes.”

”And such a well mannered girl she's raised. Your question?”

”Yes. You made a great deal of the fact that Mongoose was... well, the only Mongoose.”

"Ah, Naru-kun~, I just wanna make up for lost time-- EEP!" Rin turned and ran from the sudden gang of ten Naruto that seemed bent on retribution. "What leaf-blight ridden fool taught the brat Kage Bunshin? Kashi! Help!"

"Well I would Rin, but I need to keep reminding Anko the difference between training and torturing," Kakashi said.

Anko gleefully held a forefinger out toward each of her seated students. "Not touching you! Not touching you! Not touching you~"

"Uwah. Sensei. Stop being so immature," Sakura said between bites of smoked herring, still deadpan.

Sasuke swallowed his tea. "Oi. No. My stuck up Uchiha nature and dignity cannot simply ignore this childish torment."

Without looking up from his book, Kakashi shook his finger at the three. "Anko. No. Tsk tsk. How shameful. You stop. Right now. How unbecoming. No, no, no. Oh my, that's wrong."

"Damn it, this is about those pictures of you and the pudding, isn't it? Naruto, back off!"

"Aw, Rin-nee!"

"I just wanted to help you catch up quicker!"

"Yeah, it's just practical!"

Sakura perked up again. ”Is it unusual for an ANBU to own their mask?”

”Mm, no, it just depends on their role. Newly minted ANBU take whatever mask is free. More senior ANBU might have one or two masks for different operations. Or they might share masks with a pool of fellows. The Hokage's guards- the Three Bears and Three Mice- rotate between a roster of twelve. You can end up owning a mask if you do something notable in it. I understand you've met the Pottery? They earned their masks and group name protecting some of our allies across Hi and our neighbors.”

"Hah! Not so tough when I come back with my own Kage-- AH! NO GENIN SHOULD BE ABLE TO PULL THE TAJUU VARIATION!"

"WHO'S USING TAJUU?" 150 Naruto countered.

"Wreck my garden and die," Rindou said sweetly, returning with a platter and a boa constrictor in tow. "And if you two aren't too busy doing the manzai, I would like to spend some time with you both before work today. I have hashbrowns~"

Suddenly two places were occupied, and a cloud of smoke from dispelling Kage Bunshin fell over the garden.

"Manzai?" Naruto wondered.

"Us?" Rin queried.

"We're both clearly boke, who's the straight man?" Naruto noted sadly.

"Yes, you simply can't do a manzai duo without a tsukkomi," Rin noted. "And of course, we want to spend time with Rindou-nee."

"Of course," Naruto agreed.

"Hashbrowns, please?" both asked.

"Fascinating," Lilly said, tasting the air with her tongue. The snake swatted Akino's paw with her tail and pushed Shiba's bowl back to him. "It seems food rewards are near universal."

"Worked on us," Pakkun muttered. "Speaking of, you eating?"

"Nah, good for another week."

"Those must be good hashbrowns," Sasuke muttered, "if they're both freely claiming the idiot's role."

Kakashi reached out, snagged one, and offered it to the Uchiha as his wife settled beside him.

"Mm," Sasuke allowed, chewing and swallowing. "They are good."

Naruto and Rin were too busy nomming to agree-- not just the hashbrowns, but miso, smoked fish, rice. Rice with nato, in Naruto's case. Oddly, Sakura asked for some of the fermented soy beans. Kakashi figured her for the type to dislike it.

Team Seven ate, and all the while he observed Team Seven. And he knew the trio knew it. 

Naruto and Sasuke, he expected. He'd helped to raise Naruto, so the brat knew damn well that Kakashi's eye line did not necessarily dictate where his attention lie. Sasuke had enough of the Uchiha upbringing to back up the Uchiha nature-- always watching.

The pinkette surprised him though. A single raised eyebrow, a roll of her eyes... almost like Kushina-sama or Tsunade-(not ba)-sama or Tsume-san humouring him in their motherly/ big sisterly way.

Naruto had been streaming chatter near endlessly (of course), and he'd kept half an ear on it. When he heard the words "explosive", "Kage Bunshin", and "fuuton", he spoke.

"Naruto," Kakashi said. "Before you even think of asking Sarutobi-sama to learn the Bunshin Daibakuha, let alone seek to add wind to it-- you are to request the full description of Kage Bunshin.”

”Aw, Nii-san--” 

”You only just had time to learn it when you last saw it, and there are certain things your clones do that will hurt you if you attempt to do such jutsu without understanding them. As well, you should master a few Fuuton jutsu." 

"Aw, root rot."

Kakashi sighed. "It's like when I taught you storage seals. And you do remember what happened when you didn't listen to me then, mm?"

Naruto paused in eating, and shuddered. "Hai, nii-san," came the earnest reply.

"What happened--" Sasuke began to ask.

"We swore a blood oath to never speak in detail of the dark day of The Great Seal Mishap," Kakashi said, his gaze intent upon the Uchiha. "The Hokage, Naruto, Ocelot and I agreed not to even classify it as a secret of Konoha."

"If any of us wrote anything down about it," Naruto intoned in a damn fine 'drone of intensity' of his own, "we have not told the others or submitted it to the official record."

"It is not spoken of," Ocelot said, poking his head from the tree shading their table. Kakashi raised the hashbrown platter for the ANBU to take one. "Oh, thank you, Sempai."

"Ever," Naruto said. 

"We do not even speak to ourselves about it," Kakashi said. 

"I know nothing of a Great Seal Mishap," Naruto said. "Ocelot-nii?"

"Doesn't ring a bell," the ANBU agreed. "I'm sure if it happened, I was not allowed to know about it. Even if I was there for it. Sempai?”

"You say something, Ocelot?"

"Nope," Ocelot said, and retreated into the tree's branches.

There was a lull in the conversation and then Rin sighed. "I can't help but wonder how a seal mishap could make Naruto's hands--"

A form vaulted over the Hatake household's fence. Grizzly slapped a folded message in front of Rin, bowed to the Hatake, and leapt away. 

Rin blinked and unfolded it.

"Sarutobi-sama says it was a... a ramen related accident...?" she managed.

"Oh, I guess that answers you question, Rin-nee," Naruto said, grinning. "A ramen related accident did that to my hands."

"Indeed," Kakashi agreed. "It had to be that and not... whatever that thing that didn't happen was. A ramen related accident."

Rin turned to him in disbelief. "Kakashi, his thumbs--"

He leaned toward her, exposing his Sharingan. "Ramen. Related. Accident," he ground out. His transplanted eye may not have granted him hypnotism, but it helped convey points wonderfully. 

Ocelot stuck his head out again. "Nothing. To do. With. Sealing."

As Ocelot disappeared again. Naruto turned to Anko. "Oh, oh, Nee-sensei, speaking of seals, I meant to ask, my self-sealing weapons, they're so awesome, I was wondering, you said an old friend--"

"Your kukri belonged to your mother," Anko said, smiling sadly. "But her second weapon was a weapon originally from the desert lands of North East Near Red Line, Erg Atchane. It's still uncommon outside of wind, but maybe you've heard of it. A chakram?”

”Chakram- oh! It's that throwing ring that looks like a mini version of the buhoiido a lot of the monks like to use."

”Your mother had a particular shaping ability,” Kakashi said, closing his book. ”Most Uzumaki do. Mito-sama could share her chakra so easily, without a transfusion jutsu. You mother could form chains of chakra as if breathing. She'd use it to connect her chakram to her kukri and make a sort of makeshift kurasari gama. ”

"I've heard that the monks did not start taking throwing their buhoiido into account in making them until they saw a Suna nin use a chakram in battle," Sasuke noted.

"So, so where's Mom's chakram?" Naruto almost plead. Kakashi held back a sigh; the boy was far too starved of knowledge of his parents.

"We aren't sure," Anko admitted sadly. "After the Kyuubi got loose... it disappeared."

"How exactly did it get loose?" Sakura wondered. "Uzumaki Kushina-- they still teach of her in the academy's kunoichi course. Some even say Sarutobi-sama considered her for Hokage... and I asked my mother last night. She says a lot of folks said that in truth, Uzumaki and her husband ran the village together."

"It's true," Rin agreed, setting down her rice bowl for the first time since sitting at the table. She sighed. "Habanero-sensei and Senkou-sensei... we were blessed with two Yondaime, and it was a blessing for sure."

"So how'd two of our greatest lose hold of the Kyuubi?" Sakura pressed.

"I'm guessing the timing was not coincidence," Sasuke said in his quiet manner. 

Kakashi allowed a smile to show in his brow. "Someone decided to look up what his brother forbade him."

"'To take advantage, know,'" Sasuke said, and the way he quoted the clan aphorism, Kakashi knew he was on his way to understanding it. "There was an attacker?"

Kakashi simply nodded.

"... wait, me being born made it easier to set the Fox free?" Naruto wondered.

"Do you need the 'you did not kill your parents' lecture?" Rindou asked with one raise eyebrow.

"...No," Naruto said. Lilly and Rindou shared a look that told Kakashi they'd noticed it was in a tone that said 'maybe'. 

Kakashi sighed. "What you have to understand is it's not that you need massive amounts of chakra to seal a tailed beast." 

"Hell, Sensei once told me you can get away with containing a being at the level of the one, two, or three tailed beasts in an object and occasionally feeding chakra into the seal," Rin said. "Maybe four tails or a similarly powerful being if the material is chakra conductive." 

"Indeed," Kakashi agreed. "But once we consider something on the level of the Gobii, that's not an option anymore. You need a living being to actively counter the fluxes of its chakra. The fact that this happens on the same level of function as breathing or sweating does not make it less vital."

"Pregnancy," Sakura breathed. "It's already a balancing act between the mother's needs and the child's..."

"Tsunade-sensei once told me a good pregnancy is a stalemate," Rin said with a sad smile. "If the mother's immune system wins, you have a miscarriage or still birth. If the child's needs win, you have a dead mother. Naruto's father and mother were seal masters, and his mother arguably had a safer pregnancy than any of the three times when Mito-sama was with child that brought the three arms of the Modern Senju into being-- yami, than any of the known female jinchuuriki. The difference is, no one attacked Mito-sama during her pregnancies-- let alone during the most vulnerable point. Labour itself."

Naruto looked to be deep in thought. "So... you're saying some arsehole was watching to see when Mom was ready to pop me out, and attacked then. Take out the Hokage and his co-Kage in all but title, and set the Fox loose. Anything that makes this a perfect combo?"

"Reports indicate the attacker was an Uchiha," Anko said. 

"Oh, fuck a kami and raise the offspring," Naruto grumbled. Sasuke set down his chopsticks and closed his eyes, which Kakashi supposed was the Last Loyal Uchiha's way of screaming his rage.

Kakashi sighed as Bisuke trotted over and then pressed his head under Naruto's hand. As the boy absently petted the ninken, Kakashi leaned back. "Hell of a custody battle," he noted. "It gets lost in the shuffle, but Madara and the Shodai could both control the Tailed Beasts. Mokuton just proved to be more lasting. For what it's worth, the attacker seemed to know things of Konoha but was an outsider-- the Old Man and Tsume-sama got close enough to the battle to get that. "

Anko smirked. "Like that branch of the Hyuuga in the Islands of Octopon that Neji the Elder will ramble about when you get him good and sloshed."

"Of course, the rumours spread that the Uchiha here in town planned it, they were in on killing the Yondaime," Rin said. "Which got used as a political mochii hammer. People outside the clan tried to isolate it, people inside tried to stir up rebellion, and anything Sarutobi did both sides would try to claim as a great victory or a horrible insult. I can't help but think that outsider was hoping for that effect."

That brought a rather heavy silence.

"If he's alive," Sasuke said, his voice cold in a way it'd never manage if he was going for it, "he joins my brother."

"Oi, bastard--" Naruto began.

"An Uchiha who attacks Konoha, who strikes down allies of our clan, who goes after a mother giving birth to create his weapon-- who ever he is, he's dead. Even more... My mother-- when I was going through papers last night-- she was supposed to be your god mother, Naruto. And yours was supposed to be mine," Sasuke said with that same from the soul coldness. "My cousin Shushi and mom would talk about missing a 'mad red head'. Your mom. A ryo will get you the bank, that was your mom."

They returned to eating in silence. No one lacked the tact to force further conversation.

* * *

0445 h

"... let the green spandex fool you, he and Kashi-nii have been sparring since forever."

Sasuke gave Naruto a thoughtful frown. "Hn. I have heard Maito Gai is a bit... eccentric."

Sakura shrugged. "Kakashi-san has his 'you only think I'm ignoring you' thing, Sensei loves dango and tossing the skewers through things to make a pattern... Gai-sensei is just a bit... more boisterous with his quirks."

"Whereas here," Anko said, grinning, as they arrived at Training Ground 87, "Is Mr. Adorkable."

"Oh, hey, Anko. These your kids?"

The man had a few centimeters on Sensei, maybe a head of height. Naruto thought he had the air of someone raised if not as a nin, then at least with family who'd seen combat. He seemed to be around Kashi-nii's weight, maybe a little more body fat. Wire-rim glasses framed forest green eyes under messy brown hair. His face was... subtly different, in some way. Not East Blue blood, but something undefinably not Elemental. Little things that might get the man lynched in Mizu.

”They're getting there,” Anko said breezily, and Naruto scowled at her.

”We're too young for scowls, Hammer,” Sasuke murmured. ”It looks like a pout no matter how hard we try. Least, my mother always said.”

The tiny note of sadness in Sasuke's voice earned a smile. ”I'm practicing.”

”You're not equipped for it, with that baby face,” Sakura noted.

”Oi, Sakura...” Naruto grumbled. 

”That was low,” Sasuke agreed.

”A point for me,” Sakura said, smirking.

”Ahem. Introducing someone to you, minions...?”

”Sorry, Nee-sensei.”

”Yes, Sensei.”

”Does my point still count?”

”Sakura.”

”Yes, Anko-sensei.”

”Minions, this is my dear friend and fellow in the Fucked Up Sensei club, Tsume Andoryu of Team 38 better known as Team I&E. Andoryu, the Minions.”

”Hey, Minions. Excuse me a moment,” the jounin said, and turned and caught the tanto blade being swung at his head.

"Sloppy, Rei,” Andoryu chided.

The attacker grinned, eyebrows rising over fine looking sunglasses. ”Was it, Sensei?” He was trying to get every bit of advantage out of his height-- the dark brown haired man wasn't the tallest fucker Naruto had ever seen, but he was well above the Hi average. 

This height didn't seem to be affording him much advantage. Andoryu was barely showing any effort, maybe a slight pressure allowing his chakra reinforced hands to hold off the blade. ”I'd say so, wouldn't you Anko?”

Rei tilted his head slightly and his body relaxed slightly. ”Anko-sempai? Oh, hi, Anko~-”

”Oh, and Gumo-chan's here too.”

Three voices squealed as a dog sized spider... glomped was the word that came to Naruto's mind. The spider glomped the face of the tall fucker called Rei and his sensei effortlessly disarmed him.

”Yes,” Anko noted dryly, ”It was sloppy, for a tokujou. Especially falling to the spider ambush.”

Rei sighed. ”Hey, Ringumo.”

”Oh, Rei-kun! I've told you, call me Gumo-chan!”

”Right. I'm going to sing you a little song now, Gumo-chan. I just came up with it..”

”Really, just for me?”

”Oh, yes. It goes like this:

”Doh! Get her off me! Get her off me! Oh, no, get her off, get her off! Oh, oh Oda, oh Kite! Oh, get her off me! Oh, oh Log! Aaaaaaaaaaah!”

”Wee!” the spider summon said, as Rei ran screaming around the training ground. His just-below-the-waist brown black ponytail swung wildly and his gloved hands tried to yank the spider loose without actually touching her with his uncovered fingers. His black trench coat was cast off early in his hysterics.

”They love each other, really,” Andoryu noted as he and Team Minion looked on. He turned to the forest at the edge of the training ground-- because, hey, Konoha. ”You two gonna try and salvage this?”

There was some just audible whispering--

”Should we?”

”I can see 999 ways he could humiliate us with his wit alone.”

”... and in combat?”

”Are you in need of a proctologist?”

”What's that got to... oh.”

”Yeah. Yield?”

”Yield.”

\-- and two figures emerged from the tree line. 

”Damn,” the young man sighed. ”I saw 99 problems but Anko wasn't one..”

”Not even your eyes can see Anko coming, Uzushiomaru-kun," the woman answered.

Naruto looked at the two. "How's a Hyuuga get auburn hair? Why's your Byakugan all funny? How come she looks like an older female Shikamaru?”

The man gave Naruto a smirk. ”Why are you carrying the last Uchiha bridal style?”

”Same reason Sakura's clinging to Nee-sensei's head--”

”Yeah, any chance you could get down, Pinky?”

”Spider. Big, big, spider.”

”--because a giant freaking spider spooked us out!” Naruto continued unabated. 

”Oh, that's nothing,” Andoryu said. ”Gumo-chan's mum is the size of a house.”

”There are bigger ones?” Sakura squealed, seeming to try to climb higher up Anko.

”Not helping, Ando-kun,” Anko groaned.

”I was supposed to help?”

”I'm actually good to get down now,” Sasuke said calmly. ”And if anyone asks, Hammer--”

”Ramen related mania, Bastard,” Naruto assured him as the Uchiha got down, then turned back to the auburn haired Hyuuga. ”You gonna answer my questions now, or do I need to bribe you with hair dye?”

”This is my natural hair colour,” the Hyuuga growled back.

”... shake the other branch, there's apples,” Naruto said.

”No, really--”

Sasuke frowned. ”Sure, and every second Inuzuka has neatly combed hair and a formal kimono.”

”It is true, that is in fact his natural hair colour,” the Nara noted.

”Hah!” the Hyuuga crowed.

”At least, it was before he started greying, ” the dark-haired woman added.

”I am not going grey!”

The woman smiled. ”I'm Nara Shikako, and yes. It has been noted my cousin and I could pass as twins if I were younger. Uzushiomaru-kun has the Enkaku Byakugan, which... well, views time and certain aspects of space the way most of his clan see chakra.”

”Uh...” Naruto said as he struggled to grasp the concept.

”It's like being on a boat in the river, and knowing that the river's going to split up ahead before it's in plain sight,” Uzushiomaru said. ”And I see how it could travel, almost like I'm seeing the worlds where it takes every possible course and way of travelling it. From that, I can make a good deduction of which split the boat is most likely going to go down if we stay the course. And I can do that to any boat I see.”

”Oh. So, like Jii-Jii gives you the position of, like the Stone patrols we know about, and a map, and you can tell what patrol routes are most likely?”

”I'm working on getting that good,” Uzushiomaru sighed. ”Right now, I need to see the actual person or group before I get enough info. It's rather the rare variant.”

”Cool!” Naruto judged, then blinked. ”Wait, you've got auburn hair and your name's Uzushiomaru--Cousin!”

Uzushiomaru grinned down at the suddenly affectionate Naruto now latched to his waist. ”Brilliant deduction, kid. Taking your pills?”

”Yes. And you get to ask once, Neji-nii and Nee-sensei are the official pill botherers.”

Uzushiomaru nodded. ”It's good to formalise these things.”

It was at that point Rei rejoined them, Ringumo perched on one shoulder.

”I liked that song better than 'The Demon Spider is Eating My Brain' Rei-kun!”

”Really?” the shaded nin asked. ”Invoking Kite wasn't a little overboard?” 

”Oh, no. It was awesomely melodramatic,” Ringumo assured him.

”Glad to hear it. Er, Uzu?”

”Yeah, Rei?”

”Why for you have a blond Genin latched to you?”

Uzushiomaru gave a mischievous grin. ”Naruto, this is Rei. He was going by Oogakari, but that's his family name.”

”Hey, wait, is that--”

”The Oogakari are a Bunke of our shared clan--”

”Cousin!”

Ringumo leapt to Andoryu's shoulder as Rei went toppling from a Naruto supplied Jutsu: Glomp. The fact that Rei had stood arms open to catch the other Uzumaki while echoing him perhaps explained why this one knocked Naruto's target down.

”Yes!” Rei declared, extending one arm to flash a victory sign. ”Not only do I get to herald in actually using our clan name, I get to tell Warutsu-jii that I didn't break our cousin's brain on contact!”

”Yay!” Naruto said. He turned slowly to the third member of the team.

”Sorry. Not a blood relation,” Shikako said.

Naruto pouted.

Rei opened his mouth, and froze.

Naruto blinked, waved his hand before his clan mate's eyes, and frowned. Then he looked down.

"Oh. Shikako's doing that shadow thing-- hey, Shikako--"

"Cousin!" the Nara said, grabbing Naruto and spinning around as she hugged him.

Rei shook his body out as his team mate's shadow retreated and Uzushiomaru chortled. "Yeah, was going to say, she /is/ my half-sister Shinobou's cousin on the Nara side." 

"What, did all the females in the village decide to glomp me today?" Naruto muttered.

"The memo went out last night," Shikako snarked. 

Rei frowned. "Hey, how are we related, any way? Jii-san just said it was yours to tell.”

”Really?” Naruto mused. ”I thought maybe it was just like me being a jinchuuriki, and past a certain age most people knew.”

”Jinchuuriki?” Shikako wondered.

Naruto looked at his two newly found blood relatives as Shikako set him down.

"She's family," Rei said, suddenly dead serious, ”and we trust her with our lives.”

* * *

0450 h

”Why are Shikamaru's clan mate, an incredibly tall man, Naruto, and the resident Spider Sennin sitting there staring into space?” Shino asked as the rest of the First Genin Corps arrived.

”Well,” said Sakura, nibbling on some bristling from a can, ”First Shikako wanted to know what a jinchuuriki was, and that got her all blankity.” she chewed thoughtfully on one of the edible boned fish and gestured for her team mate to take over.

Sasuke sighed. ”Then Anko-sensei here noted that he was just taking on his mom's role, and when Naruto said his mom's name Andoryu-sensei went all leaf rot.”

The auburn haired Hyuuga standing with them pointed to the tall man. ”Then Rei-nii-san put two and two together and remembered who his crazy cousin Kushina had been seeing... and as he went bye-bye, he managed to say, 'the son of the Flash and our clan head.'”

”That got the Thin Hammer to check out,” Sasuke finished.

The Aburame considered the four before him, nodded, reached under his jacket, dropped something on the ground, and stepped on it.

The catatonic quartet (as well almost every nin present besides Ebisu) all startled as the blasting seal released its small bang.

”It is training time,” Shino said simply.

"Well done," Ebisu noted.

”Damn it, Shino, I just got Sakura off my shoulders! And now I have fish in my hair!”

”Bang. Big, big, bang.”

Naruto blinked from the tall man's arms. ”Rei-nii...?”

”Ramen related incident,” the older Uzumaki assured him. ”Damn, kid's the last one I'd expect to steal from my play book.”

* * *

0501 h

"Youthful Genin!"

"Gai-sensei!" four voices cried enthusiastically.

"Gai-sensei," a fifth said at the same time, with the barest note of fondness.

"Gai-sensei," Sasuke said gamely.

Gai grinned at the Uchiha. "Sasuke-kun. Before Shikamaru can come up with... what did Uta-sama call it?"

"A bullshite rationalization masquerading as logic," Ebisu supplied helpfully.

"Ah, yes indeed dear Fisherman, that. Would you please explain, in Awesomely simple terms, what is happening?"

Sasuke smirked. "The First Genin Corps were invited to greet their Taijutsu master. Those with a similar personality who where not either leering at Anko-sensei--"

"Hey!" Kiba growled.

"-- or the memory of Rei-sempai--"

"Hey!" Ino said, then her eyes went wide. "I mean what. I mean... damn, Oba-sensei's right, my mouth gets away on me sometimes..."

"-- greeted him in kind," Sasuke continued. "Those of us with more reserve followed suite with respectful greetings of our own."

Gai flashed him a thumbs up. "Well said, Steadfast Sasuke-kun!" Then Gai grew serious-- making a point serious as opposed to making a kill serious. "When starting a session with any one of your sensei, we greet each other in this manner to get ourselves in the proper Youthful mindset. So, again... Youthful Genin!"

"Gai-sensei," came the reply in various forms.

"Very good!" Gai said with a grin, then his face set in a stern mask. "Shikamaru, rather than waste time with your attempts to either stall or slack off, I am simply assigning you extra laps and will note your lack of respect to your Oba-sensei. It was even made note that you did not need to show my degree of zeal-- I do not expect you all to be me-- but this is just politeness!"

Shikamaru blinked, then grumbled. Sasuke glared at him.

"You are lucky Gai-sensei is so kind. When I was young, my father and relatives would sometimes answer such insubordination with fire."

"Attend," Ebisu said, though he gave Sasuke a slight nod even as the Corps were treated to Shikamaru honestly caught off guard. "Here is your daily schedule, until such time as you are cleared for C-Ranks. You will have Sennin-bi to yourselves, barring your Jounin-sensei's orders or a long term mission. All other days will follow a set schedule. 

"Any time before 0430 hours is yours, unless your Jounin-sensei says otherwise. By 0430 hours, it is expected you be awake, and that any personal tasks be done by 0500 hours. You should be here with your immediate cell by then. Understood?"

"Yes, Ebisu-sensei," came the general reply. 

Ebisu smiled slightly. "At that point, you're Gai's for an hour."

"That hour," Gai said, grinning, "will be spent indulging in Youthful exercise-- calisthenics, running, and so on. This will help you maintain the basic fitness level all nin aspire too. In fact, both the Hokage and Hosensei have told me that given who is in the Corps you are expected to exceed that. Today, we shall focus on establishing where Team Eight and Ten are in this Youthful pursuit."

"Following that, we shall have breakfast together," Ebisu said, circling the group. "If you have already eaten, you are expected to sit with the others, and you might find yourself inclined to snack. At 0630, we will begin a group training session with the whole Corps. This will have a different focus each day. Hi-bi... you are mine for Basics." Ebisu smiled ever so slightly, and Sasuke knew he wasn't the only one touched by dread. "On Kaze-bi we will have Henka and Elemental Jutsu training with Asuma-sensei. Kaminari-bi will be Taijutsu and Kenjutsu focused with Gai-sensei leading. Tsuchi-bi will go to Kurenai-sensei and genjutsu training. Mizu-bi... today... shall be focused on Chakra Control, co-ordinated by Anko-sensei. Note that several guests have offered to help in each section, but any concerns shall be addressed to the Jounin in charge of that section. Clear?"

"Yes, Ebisu-sensei."

"This will continue until 1200 hours. We will have lunch as a group. Following lunch, at 1230 hours, you will be expected to be in individual training. You may have an additional sensei for such issues, as Ino and Shikamaru do. If you have a clan, turn to them for help-- they have been alerted you are expected to be asking around that time each day. If you do not, I will be notified to encourage you otherwise."

"Yes, Ebisu-sensei," the genin answered, more to get him to stop smiling that way than anything alert 

Rei startled Naruto and Neji both by putting an arm around each. 

"Gah!" Naruto went.

"Log!" was Neji's well thought out reply.

"Note, that includes us. Uzumaki being Uzumaki, we wanna help you be Uzumaki," Rei said. "Because Uzumaki is a thing an Uzumaki oughta be."

"That's one subtle Shunshin," Asuma muttered. Sasuke had to agree; the Uzumaki had left the training area not five minutes ago.

"Ahem," Ebisu said, looking at Rei. "Aren't you supposed to be with your team getting an assignment right now?"

"Er, sorry Ebisu-sempai-- Please don't hit me with the tent-cooling jutsu again!" Rei bowed as low as possible without kneeling, trembling and creeping off on hands and toes.

Ebisu just smiled. "By 1500 hours, you are expected to be right back here so we can commence training in smaller teams. On Hi-bi and Mizu-bi you will be in your assigned three-nin cells with your assigned sensei. The other three days... will vary. You will train, you will take D-ranks, you will learn to be nin of the leaf. This will end at 1700 hours. At which point, we will spend an hour addressing any issues in training-- either as a group or one on one. And after that... we send you home. I recommend being in bed by 2000 hours. Any questions?" 

"No, Ebisu-sensei!"

"Good. Gai. All yours."

* * *

0630 h

"Okay, kids," Anko said, grinning. "Really simple. Top of this tree is a flag. You're going to grab it and take them to my building, where a friend of mine is waiting. Deliver the flag to them, and you're done."

"Who is your friend? So we can deliver it to the right person," Sakura said. 

"Good girl. You'll know him as Parrot. Though I should note, Boar and Lucky Cat want it too and might come for it."

"ANBU," Naruto murmured with a grin. "Oi, Nee-sensei! The Pottery are helping train us...?"

"No," Anko said slyly, "They're helping //test// you. And you get there first, you'll get more than bragging rights over the other cells."

"Awesome!" Naruto barked, hugging her.

"Hn. So we should expect Boar and Lucky Cat... and whatever ANBU they could muster... to try and stop us," Sasuke added.

"I didn't say that," Anko said innocently, ruffling the honourable little pervert's hair as he looked up at her with adoration from "marshmallow hell".

"She also didn't dispute it," Sakura noted to the others.

Naruto grinned-- then started trying to scale the smooth barked tree.

"Naruto, there's no branches or anything," Sasuke said, and it was a good natured note rather than a declaration of stupidity.

"Yeah, yeah," Naruto grumbled. "Thought there might be hand holds, like on some of the buildings down town? Wish I'd brought my rope and hook... we could use kunai--"

"Might get stuck," Sakura muttered, now in scholar mode.

"Hold on," Anko said. "I didn't say you couldn't use tree climbing."

"That's what I just tried, Nee-sensei!" Naruto protested.

"No, no, I mean the chakra control exercise. I mean, today is chakra control day and... what?"

The three looked at her blankly.

"Tree climbing... with chakra?" Sakura said, as if the idea was foreign.

"What, you stopped at leaf manipulation...?"

"I-- I can make leaves crinkle and burn," Sasuke offered. "But that was clan training."

"We did Leaf Sticking and Spinning in the Academy," Sakura noted, which earned a Naruto raspberry.

"Leaf spinning," Anko said flatly. "They only taught you..." She tapped the radio earpiece. "Guys, we may need to cancel the exercise."

"Roger, Anko, can I ask why...?"

"Sensei...?" Naruto began to ask, but she gestured him to be silent.

"Parrot... I apparently need to teach them the tree climbing exercise."

"... Anko-sempai, this is Boar. Come again?"

"The Academy," Anko said, keeping her voice even, "in its infinite wisdom, stopped them at leaf spinning."

There was a long pause before Lucky Cat offered his deeply considered opinion. "... what."

"Mm-hm," Anko said.

"Leaf Spinning?" Asuma's voice cut in.

"What?" Lucky Cat repeated.

"... Yeah, Shino knows of it, Kiba's giving me a blank look and..." Kurenai cut out a moment, then came back "Hinata says an aunt taught her before Academy,and she's been wondering why it wasn't covered there."

"Leaf Spinning," Asuma said, this time sounding offended. "Kids, I say tree walking--" He cut out.

"I find myself rather un-Youthfully noticing only now that I thought Neji, TenTen and Lee merely caught on to it quickly, rather than my tree walking review being the introduction to the skill it was for two of them," Gai said sadly over the comm.

"What the fuck are they teaching there?" Lucky Cat finally managed.

"You said Kakashi was at our old school?" Parrot finally chimed in again.

"Roger, Parrot."

"We'll go convey your surprise, you take care of our genin."

"Roger, Parrot. Hound should know what he's up against. Ebi, you copy?"

"Yes, I do, Anko," Ebisu said. And from his tone...

"Meeting us at the Academy, Fisherman-san?" Boar asked.

"Indeed. To work, all. Meet up with Anko and let us play catch up. Again."

Then after a pause, "Leaf spinning?" Asuma broke in again.

"Gah!" Lucky Cat growled. 

"I know!" Anko agreed. "Anko out, thanks gang."

Anko quietly counted to ten. "Right! Minions! Fufufufufu! Attend. We're going to get the rest of the Corps here, and Mistress Anko will explain to you all the basics of how to climb trees without using your hands!"

Three eager faces met this declaration. Did those idiots at the Academy know how much they'd screwed up?

* * *

0640 h

"Leaf spinning," Kakashi said.

"It's... standards have shifted in my time here," Mako said. She glanced at Parrot, whose head was inclined in... anticipation?

"I see," the Copy-nin said flatly. And he seemed... underlit for a moment, the way the shadows fell on his face. "Please excuse me a moment."

And Hatake Kakashi stepped into a nearby cleaning supply closet.

Two minutes of very rude Elemental Common followed, accompanied by-- well, they'd need new brooms. And mops. And mop buckets.

"He's reacting better than I thought," Ebisu reflected.

"Hate to see him take it badly," Mako mused, noting that they'd better add a sink to that order.

* * *

0650 h

The other genin arrived to see Anko standing upside down on a tree branch with her three students looking on. Naruto was bouncing from foot to foot, Sasuke seemed to think staring at Anko long enough would reveal the secrets to this trick.

Sakura just smiled. Her parents wall walked to do the dusting. And now she was finally going to learn how! 

"Okay, okay, Nee-sensei!" Naruto said impatiently as the others arrived. "Now, show us how you did that!"

"Actually, before you do that," Ebisu said, emerging from the trees holding three buckets and a tea cup. "We need to address something more fundamental. Naruto... you have never managed the standard Bunshin, correct?"

Naruto groaned. "No. What's that got to do with Tree Walking?"

"Ah. Allow me these visual aides," Ebisu said, setting down the buckets and the cup. He made two seals and water filled the largest of the vessels. "Now. Let's use a fair example. This large bucket--"

"Almost a barrel," Chouji noted. "Er, sorry, Ebisu-sensei."

"No, you are correct. It is barely a bucket. And it is standing in for a typical Uzumaki's Chakra reserves. For a comparison, this fire bucket from the Academy is the average adult nin's chakra reserves"

Naruto blinked at the fire bucket. "That's barely a sixth the size of the big one! I have that much more than average?" 

The Corps' sensei nodded. "You; your cousins Rei and Uzu-kun; and your mother-- all can be compared to this large bucket. Neji is about at the fire bucket. For further perspective, this children's sandbox bucket is about where most of you are now. It can also represent the amount of chakra to make one of Naruto's Kage Bunshin."

There was a moment's silence. "So," Ino finally said. "Everyone but maybe Neji is waiting a bit to learn that one."

There was good natured laughter and Ebisu gave one of his nicer smiles. "Indeed, Ino-chan. Sixty eight percent never manage it, and a small percentage are at risk of death if they attempt it repeatedly. That is why it is restricted. Now this smaller bucket can also represent an attack jutsu or other jutsu that can take a lot of chakra, and the fire bucket the most extreme cases, or even collaboration jutsu. The tea cup can be seen as a camping or low level ijutsu. This is what happens when Uzu-kun-- or even Neji, for those in his capability-- needs to fuel each."

With a few seals, Ebisu guided enough water to perfectly fill each vessel to an acceptable "carrying volume" to its target. "As you see," Ebisu said, gesturing to refill the biggest bucket, "the Hyuuga arts that so value chakra control serve them both well. They use exactly what they need to use the jutsu, mm? Now, your cousin Rei-- who will not appear out of nowhere unless he wants several Thousand Years of Pain..."

"I'll be good!" Rei cried from somewhere in the distance. 

Ebisu rolled his eyes. 

"Stop that, I will!"

"Ahem. Your tall cousin will be the first to admit his control is slightly below average. Here's what him performing the same jutsu is like."

This time, the fire bucket was perfectly filled, the children's bucket was filled to the brim, and the teacup overflowed, splash back actually making it a little less full this time.

Naruto blinked. "Er, Ero-Ebi..."

"Yes...?" Ebisu asked with a grin. 

"What am I doing?"

Ebisu smiled, refilled the big bucket, and gestured.

The resulting trio of gushes managed to mostly fill the second largest bucket, half fill the toy bucket, knock over the tea cup and thoroughly wet the ground.

The genin blinked. Sakura slowly closed on the largest bucket.

"Ebi-sensei..."

"Yes, Sakura-chan?"

"That was... about half the 'Uzumaki' bucket."

"A-yep."

She looked at Naruto (who was in his classic hand at back of neck bashful pose), then at the bucket. 

Hinata frowned. "Ano, Ebisu-senei... You're saying not only does Nar-Naruto tend to use too much... all of it isn't even feeding the jutsu? It's... wasted?"

"Indeed."

Sakura swallowed. "Would... the tea cup... be the Academy Bunshin, then?"

"Oh, Kami and Log, no, my dear sweet girl," Ebisu said, reaching into his pocket. He pulled out a water balloon. "Genjutsu is even more fun. They require a certain... finesse, as they are lacking the physical component. Hold this open for me?"

Sakura pouted. "First, promise to teach me a drying jutsu right after."

"Once I've had my fun, yes," Ebisu agreed.

Sakura dutifully held the balloon open.

"And just to avoid being over dramatic, let's say the second biggest bucket... this standard firebucket... is the chakra he's gathered for the Bunshin."

The balloon burst even with only half the water entering it, the rest splashing Sakura and the ground around her.

”See me after training for that drying jutsu,” Ebisu said with a smirk. Sakura glared at him.

”Because training's always fun, right?” she shot back.

”Exactly, my my. I thought only Naruto shared that feeling with me.” Ebisu turned his head to the blond boy in question.

Naruto pouted. "I gather too much, and don't even use it all right. Does this mean I can't tree walk?"

Ebisu patted his head, and handed him a scroll. "Your Nii-san gave me this. Read it, and then join your team. Neji, Tenten, Lee-- assist the Jounin sensei with their students. Neji, be ready to guide Naruto through tree walking when he's ready."

* * *

700 h

"This wasn't what I was expecting," Kakashi said, sitting at his new desk in what had been the second Chuunin Sensei Break Room.

When he found out the bastards had transformed a classroom too small for current class sizes to another place to lay about, he'd killed two birds with one stone. And broken three noses.

Being Hosensei was proving to be more fun than he expected. Almost enough that he didn't miss the extended cuddle time with his wife. 

Almost.

Then again, there were surprises. Like a memo, signed by his own sensei and his advisors of the day-- Minato's own team mates. One of whom sat with him now.

"Your sensei, Kushina, Tsume, and I talked about it a lot," Hiashi noted. "I think what nailed it for Minato was that Danzou the ever vigilant was for it. We found the pattern obvious once Mikoto noticed it, which is probably why it eluded Minato and Hiruzen-sama's predecessors. But after catching four in a row like that... "

"You have to do something," Kakashi sighed.

"So we move the timing of the tree exercise introduction, since we don't want to lock the gate so tight a talented civilian without clan backing can't get in," Hiashi said. "I'm guessing communicating the why fully... or getting it into the Jounin-sensei briefing pack at least... got lost in the shuffle when Minato died." 

Kakashi sat up straight. "A point I shall remedy at once."

"I noticed you called Pakkun before our meeting."

"Actually, I came in with him. Kashi's writing a lot of messages. One for Ebisu?" Pakkun asked as his summoner latched a message tube around his neck. 

"Yes. Copy of the file sealed in a brief note," Kakashi said, finishing the note. "Thank you, Hyuuga-sama."

"So formal, Kashi-kun," Hiashi chided.

"Only so you know I mean it, Hi-oyabun," Kakashi countered with a grin as he loaded the message into the tube.

* * *

0710 h

"Huh. So Mikoto-nee noticed a pattern in robberies in upper floors across Hi... and it turned out wash outs were using chakra adhesion to do a little second story work..." Anko said, patting Pakkun where he rested a moment on her lap.

Pakkun grunted. "And the word didn't get around all because some ass killed ol' Ozone and his Habanero Princess."

The jounin in charge of the First Genin Corps sat perched in the boughs of various trees near where their charges were tackling their current task. 

Some fared better than others, and one or two-- like Hinata, who had already been taught at home-- were helping their colleges. Most tackled tree climbing gamely.

"As I said," Ebisu sighed, "Not at all what I was expecting."

"So some of the changes are reasonable," Asuma said. "Good to know we'll find some sanity in that mess-- oops, hang on. Here comes the future Kage."

And indeed, Naruto was rushing up to the group. The scroll Kakashi had prepared for him was clutched tightly in his hands, and he nearly ran into Neji in his zeal to join the others. He glanced at the rest of the Corps, and then his face scrunched up. Neji frowned.

"What is wrong, Naruto?" Anko said, echoing what she read on Neji's lips.

"... something on the scroll Kashi-nii sent me..." Asuma supplied on Naruto's behalf, as the boy opened the scroll.

"Mm?" Neji prompted via Anko.

"Here, read... yeah, yeah! This bit here," Naruto said. Asuma had the boy's diction down. 

Neji frowned as he read. Then he made a seal and activated his Byakugan. 

"Ah. I see," Neji (Anko) said. "Not a mark on it..."

"Yo, homes, what up?" Pakkun said as Sasuke walked over and spoke. Anko stopped petting and the pug whimpered.

"He does not sound like a Kumo hoodlum. Sasuke reads Nii-san's notes-- oh, he's pissed."

"So, he's holding us back...?" Kurenai supplied, imitating Sasuke's "dead tones" rather well.

Neji looked at the other two boys, frowned, turned, and marched over to the tree Shikamaru was 'learning' on. Neji gestured Shikamaru off the tree. As the Nara heir landed, Neji turned to Naruto.

"Cousin. Please show Sasuke the handy trick your nii-san noted in his scroll. It will be a wonderful incentive to build your Chakra reserves, Sasuke," Anko dubbed.

As Neji led Shikamaru into the trees, Naruto grinned and made a cross seal with his forefingers.

"Down to one seal already," Kurenai murmured.

"Likely using the very trick that Kakashi-sempai outlined in his annotations without realizing it," Ebisu said.

"His Kage Bunshin can make 'em?" Pakkun prompted, and sighed as Anko resumed petting. 

Ebisu nodded. "One Kage Bunshin with sufficiently stocked Chakra can make a few more before bursting, or even several more if it risks itself..."

* * *

"... so I was practicing getting it down to one seal without even realizing it anytime I had a Ka-Bun make more until it popped!" Naruto said, grinning as his clones gamely tried to tree climb.

"The memories return to you and the other Bunshin," Sasuke wondered, a slight smirk on his face. "And I notice each time one makes it five feet or so above your last top height a few dozen times, it bursts...?"

"Kashi-nii suggested that," Naruto said with great solemnity. "He said if I wanted to avoid a new take on that... ramen related accident, I don't wanna burst too many at once. And, and this way I 'get it' faster, because when the advanced clones pop we all catch up."

"Mm," Sasuke nodded. "Has its limits, though."

"Well, yeah. I get muscle memory and observations, but conditioning and physical growth... I have to do that. But there's more then that. It's like-- right now, having this many clones out is helping me channel the water from the barrel better because I have less of it so I'm more aware of each bit I have. My technique's getting better. But to really tame my chakra, _I_ have to tree walk and do the other exercises. Not that I'm complaining!" the Uzumaki finished with a grin, then frowned. ”Though apparently that applies to book learning, too...”

Sasuke looked at his own tree. "Well. I'll never be able to use it to the degree you do, but once I do have enough of a reserve--"

"'Course I'll show you how," Naruto said, patting his back. "We're team mates!"

* * *

0715 h

Shikamaru scowled at the Hyuuga. "And what do you mean by that, Hyuuga-sempai?" The honorific dripped with sarcasm.

Neji withheld a sigh. He had no right to it, given how recently he was reminded that his own head could be thicker than the Hokage Monument.

"That every time you slack off in a team setting, you are telling the rest of us you do not care for us or consider us worth the effort," Neji said bluntly. "You are saying that we are a troublesome encumbrance, not worth developing the synergy with that could save our lives. You are saying that you don't care if Naruto dies because he chose another option over one of your well thought out plans--"

"Naruto knows better," Shikamaru said, slightly smugly.

"-- not because he doubts your intelligence," Neji pressed, "But because that nagging doubt in the back of his head that says he's never seen you practice your part, and isn't sure you've got doing it down. The theory, sure. But can you _do_ it? Or _will_ you? Will you decide it's troublesome and not do it? Or that if you don't do it the first time, will _you_ decide you can't and give up?"

"The Nara Creed--" Shikamaru began.

"Right now, Rock Lee better embodies your clan's creed than you," Neji said flatly.

He had to admit, making the Nara Heir gape was its own reward.

"Have you had your Intelligence ranked?" Neji prompted.

The Nara shook himself. "What has that got to do--"

"Have you?"

Shikamaru sighed. "SS."

"Ah," Neji said, nodding. "Scale breaker."

"Yes," Shikamaru said. "But you don't understand--"

"My official rank is C," Neji interrupted. "2.5 if we split hairs and use the number grade. But in my clan file, and my full file in the Hokage's office, I'm ranked SS."

Shikamaru blinked. "I... wait, what?"

"Because thanks to some advice from my mother, I held back in smarter ways than you did. So every second teacher wouldn't be assuming because I'm intelligent, that things are easy for me."

Shikamaru frowned. "If we're that smart--" 

"That's not how it works, Shikamaru," Neji said with a sigh. "My mother is herself S ranked in intelligence. And she works her arse off. I think perhaps you take the wrong lesson from your clan's creed. Will you allow me to walk you through it?"

Shikamaru's frown deepened.

"I promise not to assume 'troublesome' means 'I'm not listening'," Neji noted with a small smirk that Shikamaru slowly joined him in.

"Well, if you put it that way..."

"Okay, Inuzuka creed?"

Shikamaru closed his eyes a moment. "For the pack, dare."

"Yes. Now, among younger Inuzuka... including, regrettably, Kiba--"

"Family can be troublesome," Shikamaru noted, and got another smirk.

"Almost as bad as my uncle and Tsume-nee-sama not just marrying already. But Kiba and others his age, they'll act all brash, and boast, and bite off more than they can chew in an attempt to look daring. They miss the point. _For the pack_ , dare."

Shikamaru thought a moment, hands reflexively falling into a familiar 'seal'. "It's... an admonishment that to protect what matters, you might have to take risks."

"Exactly. People are fond of quoting half of one of my own clan's sayings to us, and their tone tells whether they truly understand the whole of it."

"'Hyuuga would rather be in the garden'?" Shikamaru noted, and at Neji's nod wondered, "What's the rest of it?"

"'And will fight tooth and nail to get back there.' Wanting to enjoy a quiet life does not mean any of us get to slack off on learning the clan arts. I've seen clan elders drag people nearly the same age into clan training by their ears. My mother-- who is an Uzumaki without our dojutsu-- is there practicing her forms."

Shikamaru sighed. "You think I'm missing the point of 'Easy does it'?"

Neji shrugged. "I told you Rock Lee seems to see it better than you. Because of a fluke of genetics, he can not project or mold chakra out of his body. He does not waste time trying. Instead, he hones his body and masters the ways one can use chakra to enhance one's self. It may be an area he has a great deal of talent in, but it has by no means been easy. That is what he and Gai-sensei mean when they appeal to the Genius of Hard Work."

Shikamaru frowned. "But, surely our minds--"

"I've already said our intelligence doesn't make things easy. Have you heard of the Hakkeshou Kaiten?"

"The Hyuuga no Souke's perfect defense," Shikamaru said easily.

"Well, Tsume-nii-sama has disproven the 'perfect' part," Neji admitted.

Shikamaru frowned, then his eyes went wide. "Her clan's attack rotating the opposite way...?"

Neji just smirked before going on. "I have learned it. It is only taught one on one to members of the Souke, and any scrolls describing it are keep in our clan's most secure havens... but I managed. It took me three years."

Shikamaru slowly nodded. "It was not easy."

"But if it means I can save myself, my cousins, Kiba, you-- it is worth it. How well do you know the culture of East Blue?"

Shikamaru shook his head. "Not well. "

"Out on those islands, they have this concept I believe your clan's creed expresses. _Slaku_."

" _Slaku_ ," Shikamaru repeated.

Neji nodded. "Now, literally, it means 'slack'. A lack of tension. A looseness. But as a concept-- once, on an C-rank aiding some Peacemain Pirates flying the Strawhat Roger alongside their own flag to get medicine past a Gatou Corporation blockade I heard it explained as 'minimum effort, maximum effect.' You see? Do it. Do it smart, and don't waste energy. But do it."

Shikamaru slowly bowed his head. His voice was a touch sad. "Do easy. Easy does it."

* * *

"... and I know I'm not his mom, but sometimes he just pushes me and I lose my temper--"

Naruto groaned and leaned his forehead on Shino's shoulder. "Should we tell her?”

”Might help,” the other boy agreed.

”Tell me what?”

”Geez, Ino!” Naruto half growled. ”You think he doesn't know that? It's his box for you."

"Box...?"

Kiba snorted. "It's why Shika won't play shogi or any of the rest of that shite with Naruto."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow as he looked at his team mate. Ino didn't blame him. Naruto was full of surprises. "You play shogi?"

"I... actually prefer go," Naruto said, hand at the back of his neck.

"Indeed. Naruto tends to thrive when a game, whether of strategy or a game of chance with an aspect of strategy, is more abstract," Shino said.

Sasuke nodded slowly. "I... can actually see that. But if you're friends--"

"Because Shikamaru-kun is a thinker," Sakura said, descending from her tree, "and Naruto is an intuit."

Naruto blinked. "Into what now?" 

Shino smirked. "She means that Shikamaru could tell you the logic behind his moves, and usually make a guess as to the logic behind your moves. Which is great, even against most intuition based players. Why? Because he sees the patterns and exploits them."

"Oh, right, I knew that. He plays me, he goes wood rot trying to figure out the why of every move," Naruto said, a fox-smile on his face.

Ino grinned. "When you couldn't explain it beyond 'it feels right at the time,'" Ino said. She laughed as another realization hit her. "And that's why it's less 'troublesome'--"

"Trademark Nara Shikamaru," Naruto shot out, to much chuckling. 

"-- to be on Naruto's side during a prank. It's better than trying to figure out why you did each bit of it!"

"Ino m'lady, no one wants to be on the wrong side of one of my pranks."

Sasuke frowned thoughtfully. "Granted. So... this need to see the logic extends outside of his games...?"

Chouji sighed and pulled out a tin of East Blue pecans. He began to offer it around, but at Naruto's wave off and Ino's pointed nudge, the boy began to eat with a relieved smile. He chewed a handful, swallowed, and frowned. "Ino... Shika wants you acting bossy. And he doesn't talk to Hinata much, you notice?"

Ino looked to the Hyuuga heiress, who was blushing rather cutely. "Because he... can't drive her to acting like he wants?"

"Not like Yoshino-nee-san is actually acting that way all the time either," Naruto grumbled.

"He... wants every girl to treat him the way his mom does when she's angry," Tenten said. "Or, even more like a caricature of that. Forgive me, but where's the sense in that?"

"The same sense in how the silver general moves in a youthful game of shogi," Lee said, closing his notepad. When had he gotten it out? Ino wondered.

Tenten frowned, then her eyes went wide. "Imposing order on the environment. It's like what you and Sakura said about Mokuton, Shino."

"Oh, so you know this guy, Tenten?"

The budding weapon master swatted Naruto. 

"Ow. Right, right, am serious ninja now."

"What did you say about Mokuton?" Sasuke looked between his team mate and the Aburame.

"That the idea of it just being a 'mix' of Suiton and Doton is bull," Sakura offered.

"Hn. I understand the contrast of the common assumption and the truth..." Sasuke thought a moment, then nodded. "It's bull, but it sounds nice and makes you think you understand it."

Shino nodded. "That would be the comparison I believe Tenten-sempai wished to draw. Why? Because we can now begin to see how Shikamaru imposes such assumptions on his daily life in an effort to see the rules."

"Mom's bossy." Choujii offered, after swallowing his current mouthful. "Rule: All women are bossy, and I just have to annoy them enough to prove it."

Ino suddenly found herself tearing up. "One of my best friends since childhood would rather have me be a bitch to him just so I fit his rules of the Sphere?" 

Naruto's hand on her shoulder nearly pulled away when she met his eye, but her teary smile seemed to mollify the other blond. "Well, Ino-chan... I mean, it's not like Izumi-nee-chan or Inoichi-oyabun... yeah, they can be blunt... but they don't harangue anyone like you can when Shika's got you on your last nerve. "

Ino sighed. "And even Yoshino-nee isn't that bad... she likely sees it and holds back, I bet. I mean, you've seen how she and Shikaku-nii act..."

"It's shameless the way they flirt," Kiba muttered.

"Yeah!" Naruto said with a chuckle. 

"Almost a bad as your mom and Hiashi-sama," Shino said.

"Yeah!" Naruto said with a chuckle. "Wait, Tsume-nee and Hiashi-jii?"

"Later," Kiba promised. 

"And when you d-do not fit his... um, notions?" Hinata said quietly, and at Lee's encouraging thumbs up, went on. "He tries to avoid you. Like in ac- c-cademy."

"Oh, yeah!" Naruto said, pointing at her (and not seeming to notice the triple magnitude increase of Hinata's blush, Ino noted drily to herself). "He was always pissed when Iruka-nii assigned you as his opponent in spars."

"Or me," Sasuke noted drily. "The one who would never be 'one of the guys'."

Ino sighed. "So... but, he's our team mate. Our friend! How do we fix this?"

The silence she got in answer was rather disheartening.

Just as the silence got a bit too thick, Shino blinked. "The Hokage."

"What about Jii-jii?" Naruto said.

Shino just pointed, and Ino knew her eyes went wide as she followed the Aburame's finger.

* * *

0735 h

"Jii-jii!" Naruto exclaimed. Then he turned to the group travelling with his esteemed adoptive grandfather. There was Kakashi's wife. By her side was a cloaked figure a great deal shorter than Rindou-nee-- and while many people were not as tall as the Amazon, this person was barely taller than most of his fellow genin. 

There was also a woman with her dark hair in a practical bun held by chopsticks, clad in a simple but elegant white Tetsou style yukuta on top with a dull yellow haori vest and a pair of golden rod hakama for pants. The haori had a strangely familiar clan symbol on it. She accompanied by a boy who looked about Neji's age, in similar dress save that his vest and pants were navy blue and had two clan symbols-- the one that mirrored the woman's accompanied by one of another about half the first one's size. Maybe a Bunke, like Neji's? 

All this was caught in a glance, as a pair stood out among the group. A man only a head or so taller than Naruto himself in the simple but proud 'rest uniform' of the East Blue Marine Corps, whose hair was a pink only a touch whiter with age than Sakura's. The other marine with the long blond hair in a green vest standing beside the first smirked as Naruto ran up to them.

"Major! Helmeppo-san! Sakura, Sasuke--"

He had to grin as a group of his clones escorted his fellow nin-- his _Team Mates_ forward. 

”I am Naruto's team mate, Uchiha Sasuke,” the dark haired bastard said, bowing with hands clasped in a wai. ”It is an honour to meet another ally of the Uzumaki.”

The Major nodded back. ”Your mother helped us track down some deserters once. Stunning investigator.”

Sasuke gave him a small tight smile and a nod.

”And my Helmeppo, can this be Haruno Mebuki and Kazashi's little blossom?”

Helmeppo raised his odd black visor, then smiled. ”I do believe so, Major. It's been a while since she sat colouring in the corner while you arranged protection for ships carrying her parent's goods...”

”Haruno Sakura, yes,” Sakura said with her own wai-accented bow and a blush. ”I'm... honoured you both remember.”

Naruto grinned, then suddenly remembered that he and his cell weren't the only ones here. "Oh, oh. And you likely know Hinata...”

”Lady Hyuuga,” the Major greeted. ”Hiruzen-sama has informed me that you will be lunching with your fellows. While we shall miss your company when taking the meal with your father, your dedication to your duties and Konoha's recognition of your value as a nin are heartening."

The Hyuuga heiress blushed and returned his bow. ”Thank you, Colby-sama.”

”And, and you know her team mates Kiba and Shino, especially after that time with the mule, and-”- Shika wasn't there. "--cool, and here's Ino and Chouji--"

"Maija Colbee-sama!" Ino managed. 

”Major or sama, please,” the pink-haired man requested.

”Sir,” Chouji greeted, bowing.

"-- and these are Neji's team-- Rock Lee with eyebrows, Tenten with va-va-voom of death--"

"He's sweet, really, so we put up with him," Tenten said drily.

"--love you too, Panda-- and... OI, Neji!" He barely made the cross sign and the two Kage Bunshin he summoned darted over to where Neji was emerging from the tree line.

His Hyuuga cousin arrived with narrowed eyes, dusting off his fine kimono in an exaggerated response to the handling of Naruto's bunshin .

Taking the hand of his older Corps mate, he pulled the boy over. "Neji," Naruto said, and he couldn't help but feel a rush of pride at what was happening. He was introducing _Family_ to two of the most Awesome men on the Sphere. "Neji-nii, this is Major Colby and his second, Lieutenant Commander Morgan Helmeppo. Colby-jii, Helm-san-- this is my cousin Neji. He's Hiashi-jii's nephew. He said he's seen you come to visit, but..."

Neji blinked, then clasped his hands in a wai and bowed. ”Major Colby. It is an honour, sir.”

The Major smiled a little sadly as he nodded in return, then clasped Neji's hand firmly and shook it. "You would be Hizashi's son, then. He was one of the finest men I have ever met. ”

Neji's eyes widened ever so slightly. ”Thank you, sir. ”

Helmeppo grunted, adjusting his visor. ”Ei was rather shocked at how all Line Navy ships refused to use Kaminari no Kuni ports after that... distasteful incident. Major, we should visit Hyuuga Hina when we attend to our business with the clan."

”I... am sure she would appreciate it, sir,” Neji said.

The Major nodded. ”Then we will do so.”

Naruto looked at the final member of the corps who was very tentatively joining them. "And you've met Shikamaru," he sighed.

"Yes," the Major said, adjusting his glasses and frowning even as Shikamaru bowed.

”Major,” Shika managed.

Noticing the look his fellows gave them, Naruto shrugged. ”Shika was with his dad when the Major was around once. He was his usual charming self to the lady that was with him. She's a major in her own right.”

Tenten groaned. ”Naruto, said Lady of the Sea wouldn't happen to be famed for use of the blade...?”

”A-yup. They call her and Major Colby the _Merry Married Majors_ , if you understand that.”

Tenten turned to Shikamaru. ”You pulled your shit with Bladesinger Tashigi.” She gave him a long look, then shook her head. ”You poor, brilliant, genius of an idiot.”

Tenten's tone seemed to convince Shika to keep his mouth shut-- thank goodness.

”Forgive me, Hyuuga-sama,” the lady in the samurai garb, ”but how are you and Uzumaki-sama related?”

Neji looked at Jii-jii for some reason, and the old man nodded. ”I am sorry, Samurai-sama, but even with the Hokage's say I am wary to introduce any of my family to a stranger...?”

The woman gave a small smile. ”An admirable trait, Neji-sama. I would do the same, and take no offense. I am Shiba Runa, and this is my son Takera.”

Naruto couldn't help grinning. The leader of the Samurai Nation! That's where he knew the crest from!

Kami, he met the most Awesome people knowing Jii-jii!

Neji stood ramrod straight a moment. ”Tetshogun-sama,” he finally offered with a wai and a bow. ”I thank you for your understanding. My mother is his mother's first cousin, Uzumaki Hina.”

”Indeed?” the ruler of Iron said, smiling slightly. ”I fought alongside your parents many times, and your mother more than once since that hotblooded fool Ei thought it a coup to kill your father. Her cousins often joined her. Which of these was your mother, Uzumaki Naruto?”

The hooded figure suddenly gave a small sharp chuckle, and even Jii-jii seemed a little stunned. It was kind of like when Tsume-nee's old wolf caught them retreating from a prank and gave Naruto and his friends that lightly chiding growl of a laugh, as if to say 'really? that's what you're trying?'-- only more so. 

”When a custom and law prove to out live their use, they can often persist,” a woman's voice issued from the hood, its lilt musical and somehow seeming more mature than fit the speaker. ”But they only have the life we give them, existing through our lip service. Tell me, Saru-kun... are there truly some here that require such circumspection...?”

Naruto blinked. Only the Hokage's old team mates laid the _kun_ on him, and only in the most relaxed of settings, with few others allowed to witness. And from what Naruto could make out of this lady's face, she was at most Anko-nee-sensei's age. But he noticed Sakura suddenly grow ramrod straight at her voice, and Kiba and his pup both bowed their heads but kept their eyes on her.

Naruto watched as his jii-jii's face slowly settled into an almost insolent smirk. ”Your words hold wisdom, _Honored Lady_. But allow me to let Naruto to broach the topic of his parents and related matters. He has only recently gained the knowledge to exercise the right, after all. It would be a great cruelty to take it from him.”

The woman outright laughed, and said something in a language not of the Elementals that seemed to please the Hokage before continuing, ”Very well reasoned, young Hiruzen.” She reached out and pushed Kiba's chin until his head was righted, then reached down and petted Akumaru. ”None of that, pups. And you, young Uzumaki? Will you give this old woman the honour of your name and line?”

Naruto held his head high. If these were Jii-jii's allies, like the major... he would trust them.

”I'm Uzumaki Naruto, Nee-san!”

”Er, Naruto... you should perhaps--” Helmeppo began.

”Sergeant Morgan,” the woman said, her voice suddenly stern. ”While I appreciate that it is the Elemental way to... _hem and haw_ over manners and that you are trying to respect that, I can assure you that I would speak up on my own if the young Uzumaki had offended.”

Helmeppo gulped. ” _Yes, ma'am._ ” he said, in what the smattering of East Blue's main language Naruto knew told him was a contrite manner.

The woman nodded once-- the way Jii-jii did after an objection was dealt with or a contentious order accepted.

Naruto frowned thoughtfully. ”You a Peacemain?” Free pirates often held little stock in over-refined manners.

The woman chuckled again. She turned back to Naruto, smiling. ”No, dear child. Just old enough to care more about what I find personally offensive over society's changing whims. I'm a merchant by trade, based out of an inn in Aysburg. I am Hourou, owner of Okami to Koushinryou.”

Naruto grinned at her. "Nice to meet you, Hourou-nee!

"And you as well," she said, patting his head. ”Now, as if that particular fine face could belong to anyone but their child,” she continued, and Naruto could just catch a sardonic narrowing of the lady's eyes, ”would you mind also telling us who your parents were?”

Naruto let himself grow a little sober. ”If you know, then you know I never really knew Dad and Mom. They were Namikaze Minato and Uzumaki Kushina. The Lightning King of the Leaf and his Spicy Queen.” His face squinched up. ”Did the history folks make that one up, or did people really call Dad and Mom that?”

”Child, that is one of the saner and less ostentatious set of appellations given to your parents. That one, I believe, originated on the Demon Isles between the Elementals and Kells. Delightful places. Oh, _Little Blossom_ , do relax.”

Sakura actually smiled slightly. ”Sorry, Hourou-baa-san.”

Naruto blinked. The teasing glimpses one could see under the lady's hood didn't make her seem like a grandmother...

”So... you prefer baa-san...?” Naruto ventured.

”You may certainly call me that if you wish. In the Elementals, I usually go by Waizu Hourou. Being called Waizu is pleasing. It's based on the Elemental pronunciation of one of my titles back home in Aysberg. For some reason, the name my dearly departed husband gave me is difficult to transliterate to your dialects, and as I had no real maiden name.... Waizu will do.”

Naruto nodded through this. ”So... is your family related to Sakura's or the Inuzuka...?”

The woman laughed. ”I've often had business with Sakura's parents. I have much business in Konoha. When establishing our offices on the Elemental Continent, we first traded with the Inuzuka, Bungi, Ko, and Uzumaki. That brought us to Konoha and Uzushio. Now, may an old woman ask what is happening here...?”

Naruto grinned, turned, paced up a tree, and transffered to one of the low branches. "Tada-- GAH!"

There was a moment of spinning, and for a second he thought he has falling like that time he tried to jump out of Jii-jii's office after Red Cat. Then he realized he was spinning but not falling, and that his left foot was still on the branch. So he put his right foot down and stopped spinning.

He blinked, noting that everything was now upside down. Hourou was holding a hand to her mouth, trying in vain to hold in her rapid chuckles. Jiijii was laughing outright, as was the general.

"Nice catch," Helmeppo said dryly.

From where he now hung from the underside of his branch, Naruto's hand went to the back of his neck.

"Heh. Tada!"

* * *

>

_tsudzuku_

**Author's Note:**

> End Notes:
> 
> My thanks to Blot, and all the others on Caer Azkaban for their help.
> 
> Special thanks to the crack beta team on the Core. Without Nielen, David Ford, David Meier and everyone else that piped up, this would suck. Spectrum even spell checked the names here!
> 
> Discuss this fic and get snippets as they come on my [beta list](http://betaclub.thegovernance.com/mailman/listinfo/core_betaclub.thegovernance.com).


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